Dear diary...

A few days ago, I got drunk. For the first time in forever!

Should I be proud or ashamed of myself?

Well, it was Jungkook's idea and since I didn't want to spoil the fun, I tried it but eventually, I ended up drinking way more than him.

Oh, and one thing I realized: I'm probably a lightweight.

And here comes the bad news: I did so many embarrassing things! I may have straight up flirted with him and I even cuddled with him!

I even remember waking up on his chest with his arms around me, what if he thinks I like him now?!

I mean, I do (understatement, I'm in love with him!), but for our friendship's sake, he can't know, but I already told you this a million times, didn't I?

It's been a few days, I've played dumb and asked him if I did anything weird that night and he said no.

Either he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable or he wants to erase these moments from his memories or something.

And the last few days it's been so awkward! As if it wasn't enough that I am constantly thinking about my stupidity and being embarrassed, Jungkook is being so... I don't know... Careful around me!

Honestly, the awkwardness is unbearable. Thank god we don't have much opportunities to talk right now since Jungkook has a lot of football training going on and, well, I'm hanging out with Jimin a lot. And Mark.

Who, by the way, still flirts with me, a lot. It's not like I mind that much, I kind of got used to it.

I kind of feel bad for trying to use him as a distraction (which is still not working!) but oh well...

This is too complicating to think about, argh!

So, dear diary, before my head explodes into a million pieces because of overthinking, I think I'm going to stop.

Have a nice day!

-Taehyungie ♡

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"B minus."

A loud slam! could be heard, the exam papers being whacked onto the dining table.

The blonde boy flinched, keeping his eyes trained on the wooden table beneath him.

"I'm sorry, father. It won't happen again."

"It won't happen again?! It shouldn't have happened in the first place! Do you know what this means for your grades? And, by all matters, it's maths, the most important subject!" Mr. Kim's enraged voice boomed through the whole room, his wife not saying anything and just staring at the floor, similar to Taehyung.

Taehyung lowered his head even more. "I'm sorry, I couldn't concentrate on studying--"

"You couldn't CONCENTRATE?! More like you were being a LAZY, SPOILED BRAT who doesn't know how to take care of responsibilities!

You already failed at being a proper man, the least you could do is get good grades, you fool!

Do you really want to embarrass your mother and I like that?!," Taehyung's father shouted, making him feel even more miserable.

"You know what I think? It's that boy you're always hanging around with, he's distracting you! At least he isn't a little wimp like you, no matter how small his brains are!

"You probably think he's your friend, he's a bad influence is what I think! If I see you with him one more time, you're out of this house," he spat.

Taehyung could feel anger boiling up inside of him.

"You can't do this to me! Jungkook has been my... f-friend for ages and he is certainly not dumb! And he has nothing to do with this in the first place!," Taehyung snapped back and regretted it immediately.

Everything was silent.

"You have the audacity to talk back to me? Stand up, you deserve a punishment."

Mentally cursing himself, Taehyung stood up hesitatingly.

When his father beckoned him over, he started moving his feet, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest out of anxiety.

What would happen? Would he get slapped? Punched? Maybe even whipped?

Mr. Kim wasn't one to be generous on him.

Taehyung had never been physically harmed and he wanted it to stay this way. Did he really deserve this?

This was injustice, he could not forbid him contact to Jungkook!

Jungkook not loving him back was already enough of a pain to Taehyung, but not being allowed to talk to him? He couldn't even imagine.

A million thoughts of anticipation ran through his head as Taehyung stood right before his father, his head still lowered.

And as he expected, the middle-aged man slowly rose his hand.

Taehyung forced his eyes shut and mentally prepared himself for the pain that was yet to come, trying not to cry.

Except it never came.

When Taehyung opened his eyes, he could see his mother bending over the table in order to hold his father's wrist, preventing him from touching him.

"Honey, this is enough. Taehyung, you a-agree to never see this friend again, right?" His mother's voice was shaking, it sounded so broken that it made Taehyung's heart clench. No matter how much he wanted to protest, he couldn't ignore the pain and desperation in his mother's voice.

"Yes, of course," he muttered, trying to stay calm.

And much to his relief, he could see his father lower his hand again.

"Friendship does not exist, it's an illusion that only fools like you believe in. Now is the time you should be looking for a future wife to bear you heirs.

And, of course, your grades. You want a good college degree, don't you?"

When Mr. Kim saw Taehyung hesitantly nodding his head, he continued.

"So stop thinking about blasphemous distractions like that. To succeed in life, you need three things: A wife, a job and a child. Now go up to your room and study."

Without sparing him a single glance, Taehyung padded up to his room.

As soon as he closed the door behind him, he felt tears running down his cheeks as the other's words sank through him.

So, my life is useless. Being in love with a man is not right and definetely not normal.

Why did god make me like this? Why can't I just be normal with a future, like everyone else?

And Jungkook...

He pulled out his phone and dialled a number with shaky hands, a number he had memorized for many, many years by now.

After the third ring, he could hear someone picking up on the other line.

"J-Jungkook?"

"Taehyung? Are you okay? You sound like you're crying. You aren't, right?"

Hearing the younger's voice, Taehyung's body visibly relaxed, but the tears were still streaming down his cheeks.

"I-I-- honestly don't know. I'm sorry, I need to t-tell you something."

He grabbed his phone tightly.

"Okay, you're starting to scare me. Calm down please, I can't stand hearing you cry," he heard from the other line. By the thought of what he was about to say, he wanted to cry even more.

"J-Jungkook... my grades dropped, and my father thinks you're responsible because you're a d-distraction. Of course, you're not, b-but now he's furious and he wants me to stop t-talking to you." Taehyung gripped his phone even tighter, his knuckles turning white.

The other line was silent.

After a while, Jungkook spoke up again, his voice shaky: "Please tell me you're joking, Taehyung. He can't do this to you, to us. You know I can't live without you."

Taehyung's voice now barely came out as a squeak. "It's serious, I accidentally talked b-back to him and now he's furious. He told me terrible things. He even almost raised his hand at m-me."

"What?! You can't stay in that house, Taehyung, he can't keep treating you like this!," Jungkook hissed, now definetely upset.

Taehyung laughed humorlessly. "A-And do what exactly? It won't work, Jungkook. My father will probably call all the t-teachers at school for them to keep an eye out for u-us. We just need to give it some t-time."

Now, Jungkook was the one to laugh.

"So, what? This is the end of our... friendship?"

Taehyung inhaled sharply.

"D-Don't say that, let's just give it some time, maybe father will change his m-mind someday."

"Taehyung, he won't and you know it. But if you insist... Let's stay away from each other, yeah? At least for a few weeks. And hope for the best."

How does he sound so relaxed about this? Does he even care?

"F-Fine. Goodbye, Jungkook." Without even waiting for a response, the blonde hung up the phone and sat down on his bed, sobbing.

And little did he know, Jungkook was doing the exact same.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

also, happy pride month!🏳️‍🌈💜