vasaloloa

Because I offered this service through Reddit, I won't charge you for this review. You'll also bypass the severity scale, so my tone will remain neutral yet constructive.

The title is original but sadly I still don't know what it means. You mentioned the MC having a dream about someone or something called Lycros, and you used a pronoun that makes it unclear. The cover is brilliant. I didn't notice the fish or the plant until I finally put the book down and the artistic approach leaves no room for criticism. Well done!

9.5/10

I'm pretty sure I read the description before I started reading it, but I'll be honest, most people don't. You did an okay job of giving just enough information for us to guess what the story's about. I didn't find anything wrong with your spelling, but the structure and weak words stood out the most.

You mentioned twice that she's not truly living, and I think leaving that out, or at least opting for it to be in the middle, would be better. You put a capital u in until when it should be a lowercase since you chose to put an ellipsis before it.

Very strict: Lauren Greene habitually follows an unorthodox schedule.

Obsessively: She goes to work, comes home, and routinely ensures that all windows and doors are locked.

Sickly: When her young coworker suggests housing and nursing a feeble goldfish, she accepts the challenge...

Actually Wildly Intelligent: ...Lycros is anthropomorphic, a fact that aids in their budding friendship.

5/10

(Lauren) She comes across as altruistic. To some, taking in a random pet - sick or healthy - holds the same level of responsibility as fostering or adopting a child. Also, her reaction to him being intelligent seems too calm. I know she was excited to know she has a friend and the idea felt too good to be true, but I would imagine someone being in a state of disbelief/denial; like going through the stages of grief.

(Sage) Not much is known about them. You didn't really describe them at the beginning, which made me assume something that's not true. In the beginning, while they're talking about the fish, use the dialogue tags as a way to describe their character. Also, are they nonbinary?

(Lycros) He reminds me of an aquatic version of Martha from Martha Speaks, and I love that. I visualized his appearance, but the size was almost impossible considering how small fishbowls usually are. I'm curious about where he comes from, or if he speaks at all. I say that because with her ritually checking her locks, it makes me wonder if she's mentally ill.

N/A

The first paragraph was amazing. It hooked me and though I was stressed before opening this book, your summary and this paragraph relaxed me:

Though this was good, there are a few grammatical and structural errors.

After Lauren takes the fish, the story drags. Instead of listing everything she did, I would use the silence in the car to vaguely explain why she's connected enough to the fish to bother trying to save it; knowing it could die regardless.

Writing out And like that looks unprofessional.

—

Should be changed to:

Who's Lycros, and did you mean she?

I don't even know what you were trying to convey here. Everything else was simple, then it's like you overcompensated, and because I don't understand, I can't critique this any further.

The first page was nice. It was adorable, had minimal spelling mistakes if any, and the structure was just as good. Despite the positives, it dragged in certain places that could be shortened and there were plenty of instances where a backstory would be beneficial.

Should be changed to: 

You told us her fish hesitated, but I have a hard time visualizing that moment. Describe your vision. Did he appear to shrink within himself at the idea of performing in front of Sage? Did his gaze lower or did he swim an inch backward or downward?

Dialogue tags are either nonexistent or misused.

Should be changed to:

Instead of jested, use joked or teased.

This needs a tag.

You use weak words like warmly, hesitantly, etc. Unless this story is aimed at children, -ly suffix words lower the overall quality.

5/10

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