Summon-er

Because I offered this service through Reddit, I won't charge you for this review. You'll also bypass the severity scale, so my tone will remain neutral yet constructive.

The title is different, but I didn't see the correlation to the plot. The cover is simple, and the eye symbol gave me an idea of the plot. Without looking at the description, I would guess that it's something to do with magic or fortune-telling based on the eye. The font is bland, but it complements the rest of the cover. Though the color scheme is beautiful, it gives off more of an astrology vibe instead of magic and I'm not sure if that's what you're going for. Also, you didn't include your penname on the cover; I would place it at the bottom and reupload it.

5/10

Your description left much to be desired. It's chock full of grammatical and structural errors that can deter someone from even opening the book. There's no one in the world who's loved by everyone and I've yet to see what makes him so special, and scary.

s

Okay, he's physically attractive to some people, but he doesn't come across as intimidating in the slightest. Putting that aside, it needs to be rewritten.

If you want to keep your current style, you could try:

But I still don't like it. I would change it to:

4/10

(Alex's Mom) I know nothing about her aside from her dislike of her mother, that she's physically abusive, and that she coddles her son. I don't know her name, physical description, or whether she has an accent. But with what little information, I'm given, I know for sure that I don't like her character.

(Alex) He's more annoying than his mother and that's saying a lot. How old is he? He moved to LA on a whim which seems pretty adult in my opinion, but he's as lazy and childlike as a middle schooler. By the way, I know that black people come in many shades, but the way you described your character made me only envision a tan, white boy. You did a good job of showing his narcissistic tendencies, but I wouldn't diagnose an original character. Either do so through a doctor or a psychiatrist or allow the reader to guess what personality disorder your character has. Here's a link to an article that would better explain why it's advised not to diagnose your character: His personality feels one-dimensional, to me. Why did he steal the painting, and what makes him so attractive?

I don't know enough about either of them to form an in-depth opinion, but I hope he matures and develops a life outside of his looks and his mother. As for her, I hope she heals from whatever trauma she endured from her mother so she can at least stop passing it on to her son.

The story starts with something completely unrelated to what ensues immediately after and it's not until I get to the second page that I understand what you were trying to do.

I can barely visualize this because you're trying too hard.

Respectfully, this book gave me a headache. Your MC's mom is abusive, and I was happy to see that I wasn't the only one who noticed. His interaction with his mom was uncomfortable to read not just because of the way it was written, but because of how fast it transitioned from anxiety-inducing to calm. She was about to kill him for reasons unknown as soon as he woke up then when she finally choked him, she decided to hug him. Unless he has issues, we don't know about because of her, this glorifies domestic violence.

We find out he stole a painting but why though, and why did she just brush it off? He stole something and she brushed it off.

Your spelling and grammar weren't bad enough for me to not understand but it didn't help the already awkward state of the first page. As if I wasn't immersed, to begin with, this definitely pulled me out of your story.

You have wrong punctuation before dialogue tags and sometimes dialogue tags are absent altogether.

should be changed to:

Should be changed to:

No one talks like this. I agree with one of your commenters: this should simply state that he wanted to take it. Also, knowing how violent and distraught she is, why would he tell her that?

When you spent a good portion of the remainder of the page discussing his morning routine, I began skimming and I hate doing that. It also makes me wonder if others have done the same. Cut that part out because it doesn't add anything to the story.

The first page is written like a 90s-early 2000s sitcom which is contrary to the second one. The latter reminds me of Night at the Museum and the scene with the ice reminds me of when Harry Potter accidentally removed the glass divider at a snake exhibit. I enjoyed reading that part.

4.5/10

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