No matter how much I wanted Julong to stay, and no matter how much I wanted us to be together, something always got in the way and prevented us from being together. It is as if the world had a grudge against us and would not let this love happen. 

We were plucked from each other as the night ate away in turmoil. The news of a fallen stronghold followed prince Julong all the way to the palace hours after his arrival. His men suffered defeat after a surprise attack from the rebels. 

He rode immediately back to the south deploying more imperial soldiers with him. The ceremonial bedding would not happen since prince Julong placed the priority of his men over impregnating wangfei Yu Yan. 

The heir to the throne will have to wait. I will have to wait.

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months. After the second month, I fell sick. Not enough to concern everyone, but enough to grab Bailing's attention.

It was just Bailing and I again these days, I no longer have the luxury of having guardsmen following me around everywhere. I took it as a blessing, I never liked being followed everywhere by guardsmen anyway and their presence only brought stress rather than the feeling of being safe. 

"I never thought I'll ever hear these words come out of my mouth again, but here we are again." Bailing exhaled sharply, she gave me an empathetic look of concern with an air of disbelief. "But you are playing a dangerous game. You are a concubine to the emperor. You should've known better."

I walked out of the washroom after hurling my guts out for the last twenty minutes. My cheeks sticky and wet from my saliva, wiping my mouth with a washcloth in my hand. I had done nothing but throw up for the last week that it began affecting my weight.

I looked at her nervously, and I didn't have to say anything for her to know what I'm thinking.

She didn't have to say anything for me to know what's on her mind either. We were in quiet understanding. With as many years as Bailing had been my personal handmaiden, we became an expert in communication. I can read her thoughts without her even saying anything and she could do the same with me.

We were both scared. Bailing scared for me, and I was scared for my life.

My hand instinctively touched my hot belly and rubbed it, rubbed the life growing inside it. "What do you suggest I should do? I don't know what to do."

Her eyes surveyed the slight raise of my stomach, letting out another exaggerated lungful of air. "I know a healer, I could take you to her and she can get rid of it."

My answer was instant. "No," grasping my arms protectively around my stomach as to protect the unborn child inside me. "I will die first before I kill my own baby."

Her eyes lifted to my face, seeing the exhaustion for the first time. "You will die if the emperor finds out."

"Then so be it."

"Does the third prince know?"

I shook my head, drifting my gaze away. I was overwhelmed with embarrassment and guilt. I should've known better, and it was appalling for me to even drag prince Julong into this. But when I felt that magic between us, I decided to live in that moment and captured it. I had yearned and longed for him for years while he did the same. We took it for what it was and rode with it. It was wrong, but it was also right because it was love that happened between us.

"I don't know how to even contact him at this rate. I don't know which part of the south his encampment is."

I'm not inclined in military matters but I think his camp moved every couple weeks or so depended on his progress.

"This is bad," said Bailing. "What happens when it your stomach started to grow? You can't hide your belly forever."

I loosened an anxious breath. "I guess we'll find out when we get there."

*****

More months came and passed, the fighting persisted that held prince Julong away longer than I imagined. I worried more as the volume in my stomach began to grow. Even as my clothes were able to hide it, I was no longer able to hide it from the emperor.

Yuan came to visit me in my chamber. His visits had always been sporadic, his schedule only included his wives and me as a concubine were never a part of it. He came when he wanted, whenever he wanted, and tonight he showed up as a surprise.

He found me covered in layers of clothes that seemed to get thicker and thicker even as the weather became muggy and hot.

I dreaded the days of his visits lately since I never know when he's going to pay attention, when he's going to notice. 

The emperor would notice these things eventually just as he noticed my escalating anxiety.

He noticed the changed in the shape of my body, and it didn't take long for him to push me back against the wall until I could no longer go anywhere. My heart leaped out of my chest as I trembled at his touch. There's more than many times when I suffered under the terror of his quick and abusive hands. 

My eyes closed as I tried to calm down, slow down my racing heartbeats. I expected for the worst when Yuan began to unravel the layers of my clothing. He knew I was hiding something from him.

I held on to his hands as my last attempt for him to stop but Yuan had simply slapped my hands out of the way.

"Yuan..." My voice unsteadied.

"What're you hiding, Jasmine?" He asked coolly, "what're you so terrified about that you would wrap yourself under all these clothes and expect me not to take notice. I don't like when any of my wives or concubines are being secretive. I don't like secrets."

His eyes lifted and surveyed my flushed face. Sweat pooled at the temples of my head. Yuan's lips made an upturn curl, the sort of malicious smile I've grown familiar with. 

He wiped my sweat with his knuckles and I flinched at the proximity of his bare hand so close to my face. His smile stretched further. "There's nothing to be scared about, Jasmine. The last thing I want is to damage that beautiful face."

"Yuan, please stop." I made another attempt to stop his hands, but he kept going disregarding my plea. My breath hitched as he unraveled the final layer of my clothing. 

He paused, and his eyes widened, soaking the sight of my raised belly obvious with pregnancy.

His eyebrows clashed with each other, Yuan's jaws dropped while my heart stopped as I feared for the safety of me and the safety of my unborn baby. 

Then his reaction came and it was not the reaction I had anticipated. Yuan's lips stretched into a surprised delight. He smiled, not just a smile, Yuan grinned out of excitement and happiness. This was the first time I ever saw the emperor showed any real emotion. Yuan seemed genuinely happy as he saw and admired the bump in my belly.

His wide palm pressed cradling it, careful as he felt for that life inside me. "I'm going to be a father!"

My stomach made a flip. My untimely death wouldn't be as soon as I imagined.