chapter thirty one

"why wouldn't i be?" lydia asked with a soft frown.

tatums demeanor changed rather quickly as he took notice to the girls hurt expression. he wanted to tell her everything, he really did, but he needed her. she would run if she knew. it's not like he was an axe murderer or anything of the sort, but mental illness is heavily frowned upon. well, in the household that he grew up in, atleast. he never wanted lydia to know about his struggles until way further down the line, but he also never wanted to see her hurt as she thought he was keeping things from her. she was right though, he was.

"i don't want you to be afraid of me," he began. lydia looked to him in curiosity as she awaited the rest of his speech, but nothing followed.

this confused the girl. he didn't want her to be afraid of him? what about all the times where she told him that he was beginning to scare her, and what about the excited expression he held on his face when she was scared? it had never seemed to bother him before.

in tatums mind, he wondered the same thing. he longed so desperately for her to be afraid of him, cowering at the sound of his voice, trembling beneath him as he lay down set rules upon her. but for some reason, he didn't want that right now. he wanted her to love him. and girls don't love men that they're scared of, right?

"are you sad, tate?" the girl softly asked as she held the hand that was wrapped around her.

"no." tatum replied in a monotone pitch.

"then can you please tell me what's wr-"

"enough, lydia." he stated firmly as he tightened his grip around her.

the two stayed like this for awhile, followed up by lydias occasional gasp at something she was excited about. tatum had always had a soft spot for the little cliff that they sat upon, but as of now he wanted nothing more than to get off of it. he felt angered with himself, caused simply by the fact that he thought he had shown too much emotion to the girl in which he held. he didn't want her to see him vulnerable, so he simply decided that he would never allow her the chance to see him like that again.

without any words, tatum lifted the small girl off of him with ease, followed by him standing up as well. lydia shot him a confused expression as she was enjoying watching the sunset before he had suddenly interrupted her. tatum however, held no expression. he simply grabbed her hand and started walking back towards the car. he was rough and quick with his movements, causing lydia to stumble a bit every few seconds. and with this, she whined.

"you're hurting me," she softly said, trying desperately to separate their hands.

tatum wasn't having this, though. the whole walk back to the car was almost upsetting for lydia as she didn't understand why he was suddenly upset with her again. maybe she pushed him too hard? she may have lacked social skills but she knew that some people didn't like sharing things about themselves with others.

tatum placed his little in the passenger seat of his vehicle, which was then shortly followed by his own entrance into the car. he started it with force, and they began the drive back down the hill and towards his home. in his own weird way, tatum was upset with himself for even being upset in the first place. he wasn't necessarily upset with lydia, but just with himself. she couldn't know yet, absolutely not.

"tatum," the innocent girl whined. he didn't answer her, of course.

"tatu-"

"what lydia?" he snapped in which caused her to frown.

"you're driving recklessly," she began.

"now you're scared?" he roughly mocked in reply.

"now i'm scared" she softly confirmed.

the two shared no further words until they reached home, but even then, not many words were exchanged. tatum didn't open the door for his little as he usually did, which resulted in confusion within her. she wasn't sad, no. but she also wasn't angry either. it was much rather more of confusion in her small fragile mind. she couldn't grasp an answer as to why tatum was suddenly acting the way that he was towards her, but that was nothing new.

"what're you doing?" the boy asked as he watched the girl walk in front of him. and when she didn't answer, he became more angry.

"lydia!" he shouted, forcefully grabbing her by the hair as she walked away.

lydia was taken aback to say the least, causing her to gasp loudly as she endured the tight grip he possessed on her. she was also a bit concerned with the use of her name, as he never chose to call her by simply just her name. still confused with the situation, she sent him a confused look as well as a frightened one.

"when i speak to you, you answer me. do you understand?" he growled down to her, causing her to quickly agree.

"i understand," she began.

"go get changed for bed." he spoke firmly as he cut her off.

lydia nodded with a quiet hum as he released her hair from his tight grip. she quickly turned and began towards the bedroom, questioning the situation in her head. she was so over questioning everything with tatum, everything was constantly a big question mark with him. things were never simple, and she began to think that it never would be. she tried her best in every situation to make him happy so he was kind to her like he was on the very few rare occasions. she liked him that way.

lydia hummed quietly to herself as she changed into her favorite oversized t-shirt to sleep in. she chose to ignore the way tatum was treating her today, as she felt as though she wouldn't be able to think of absolutely anything else if she allowed her mind to continue to ponder on it. as for herself, lydia was in a rather giddy mood. she had seen beautiful things today, and she looked forward to being able to shower and go to sleep for the night.

the quiet sounds of tatum doing things in the living room echoed throughout the house, reminding lydia of home. she missed the sounds of her mother making dinner for the night, which brought her to miss the small chatter that pondered throughout the house during bedtime as the three of them settled in. however, no matter how bad lydia wanted to go home, she wouldn't ask tatum anymore. she recognized that it set him off for whatever reason, so she realized that it would get her nowhere except for in trouble.

rather suddenly, lydias head shot up as she heard a sound she recognized more than any other. her car. the sound of the familiar kia unlocking was almost engraved into her memory and she was sure that she would be able to be heard by her from miles away.

rushing to the window, she was met with the sight of tatum popping the trunk for a split second. then as quick as he opened it, he shut it. and with that he simply re-locked it and made his way back into the house. obviously, lydia was very curious as to what the reasoning was for him to do that, and obviously, she was going to ask. she walked out of the bedroom and into the living room with ease, meeting tatum at the door as he entered at the same time.

"why did you do that?" she questioned, fiddling with her fingers as she did so.

"do what, lyd?" he responded in a nonchalant tone.

"go out to my car," she began.

"go to bed, lydia." he mumbled under his breath, causing lydia to slightly drop her face.

she was never pushed away like that by anyone before, which caused her to be very hurt by the annoyance in which rang throughout his tone. and with that thought, lydia did as she was told. she didn't pry, she didn't persist, she simply turned around and walked into the bedroom, placing herself on the bed and under the covers.

tatum on the other hand, was upset with himself. how could he be so mean to her? she was a very curious girl and he knew that, but for some reason he simply couldn't seem to control his tone with her tonight. usually, he would want to be right up next to his little, following her every move, watching her intently, breathing in her scent amongst himself. however, he was distancing himself from her tonight. he knew that she would set him off in some way, and the last thing he felt like doing tonight was hurting her. the day was calm and peaceful as it was and he wanted it to stay that way.

he finished up his last few tasks that he gave himself for the night, which resulted in him finally deciding to go to bed. it had been about two hours since he had last spoken to his little, but he didn't stop thinking about her the entire time. it was almost like she genuinely lived in his head. she wouldn't get out of his thoughts no matter how hard he tried to think of other things. he was okay with it though, as he believed that she did the same for him.

he sighed to himself as he walked into the dark bedroom to be met with lydia, fast asleep on the large bed. he would never get tired of watching her, no matter if she was conscious or not. she was beautiful to him, and he loved looking at beautiful things. he didn't have much energy, so his sleeping attire was deemed to be simply taking his jeans off and wearing boxers, which wasn't unusual to him. he glanced at his phone to see the time, in which read . he was also met with the low battery notification, which reminded him of lydias cell phone that he had forgotten to check for the day.

this being said, tatum swiftly opened the closet door to collect the phone from the locked safe, which followed by him placing it on the charger on the bedside table next to his own. he knew lydia to be a sound sleeper who always woke up after him, so he wasn't worried about her seeing the device next to him as he slept. and with that, he simply went to sleep. not before being as close as he possibly could to his little one, though.

-

lydia tiredly stirred as she was harassed by a very quiet but persistent vibrating sound. and once she came to her senses, she came to her senses. she immediately but slowly and gently checked the boy sleeping next to her, who was indeed asleep with a quiet snore. slowly and quietly, lydia placed herself out of bed and towards the bright shining light in which emitted from the bedside table. after realizing it was her own cell phone, which had been missing for days, she grew confused yet excited at the opportunity. quickly, she grabbed the phone off of the table and read off the texts in which emitted from the phone.

" lydia, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"