Pain is the only thing that is running through my body. Each time my heart beats the pain runs through my veins instead of the blood. For hours, I've stared at the same wall in front of me. Just staring at it and allowing the silence to consume me whole. Letting the pain take me closer to death, where I know that I belong. I beg for it to take me, to end tips eternal suffering that I have to endure. Dried tears stain my face but I have no more water to even cry as my body is dehydrated.

My throat is so dry and it's hurting from all the screaming that came from me. Like always it did not matter how much I beg and pleaded and screamed, he did not stop. A thousand knives stabbed me in this stomach, and yet I'm not wounded, at least of the outside. My soul has been plucked from me and ripped from my body, set afire and then let the ashes blow with the wind until they are so gone from me that there are no ways that my soul can ever become the same as it once was, not even all the clue in the wold can keep it together.

Time passes by but it doesn't feel like it has at all, like it doesn't even exist at all. There is no light which comes from the outside in here so there is no way to tell if it's night or day, and neither do I care anything about that or anything at all. Time is only an illusion to help us get through life but when open doesn't have time nothing seems to matter when it comes to life. It ticks by but it does not make any impact on my life and only makes me wish for death to came for sooner.

The door opens, and he walks in there happy as ever. I don't look at him as my eyes remain on the wall which I have been staring at for the entire time. "Don't be so gloomy. Soon, you'll be carrying my child and you will need a smile to care of my child" He speaks and it's only now that I look at him and his face. It breaks me to see someone that I've known for so long do this to me. It makes me realize that no matter where I am or who I befriend, I'm never safe.

The same is about him. I've been around him a couple of times yet never truly knew him, but he does this to me. Why? Perhaps I'm not meant to know the answers. All I'm meant to know is the pain and the agony that I feel inside me. It doesn't leave me. It's like a shadow that haunts me in the night but also during the day and it doesn't leave. It hangs over me and watches my every move and brings me nothing but the suffering which I never asked for but then again I'm not in control of that.

He starts to rant on about children while my eyes have returned to look at the wall and somehow that is the most interesting yet uninteresting thing here. I don't voice3 out my opinions in anything and neither do I think that he would even listen to me. He did not listen when I screamed at him and told him that I was hurting and that he needed to stop. He did not listen when I said that I was dying, and he did not listen when I screamed how much pain he'd made me go through.

I'm sure my voice is already gone by now from all the screaming that I've done and how dry my throat it. Each time I swallow the shock of pain runs through my body but that can be said about everything right now. The constant pain inside me is making me lose my mind, or perhaps I have already lost it. I do not know and I do not care much about that. Everything in my life is floating away from me while I'm chained here to the bottom of the ocean.

While everything else rises to the surface and out of my reach. Even the things that have always remained close to my heart are going away, ballet is the hardest one as that has always been my safe haven. To take away the pain that I felt inside me but now that my soul is gone and I'm nothing but a hollowed shell and everything is gone, I don't care about ballet anymore. It's gone and so am I. Never will my soul become intact again and never will I become whole again.

The wings that I have spent so many years building have been plucked and all the feathers have withered alongside me. And I have no chance on ever being able to fly away or even fly at all. It does not matter if that means going away or just staying. All hope has vanished from me and I wonder why I even held on to it, my whole life I've had this illusion that I was safe but in reality that is now how my life works and I have never been safe, not as a child and not now.

I don't notice that he has left the room and I definitely don't notice right away that a tray of food has been laid on top o my legs, but I don't care about that. The smell fills the room but it never truly makes it to me as I push it away. What good is food when I've nothing to live for? Why eat when starving sounds much more inviting? Why torture myself on this earth when death is waiting for me? Why should I even attempt to stay alive when I've already lost the meaning of being alive?