My eyes open suddenly. I had not known that I had fallen asleep nor have I any sense of clue just how long I have been asleep or if I have fallen asleep in the first place. Controlling my own breathing is getting harder and harder as the memories from my past are still pouring from the deepest parts of my memory. Some even parts which I had forgotten completely about and never wanted to remember again, yet they keep coming to me like rain that pours outside during a rainy day, but it feels like the rain is pure pain when it hits me.

Every fiber inside my body is begging me to dance, to get rid of the memories which can only happen when I dance but lately I find that there is also something else or rather someone else that gets rid of my bad memories. Steel. I don't know how he does it nor do I know why, but he somehow does and I should not question him. Even in this room, with handcuffs holding me down, all I want is him to be here with me. Holding me and telling me that everything is going to be all right again and that he's here with me.

It is not a secret that I'm falling in love with him and perhaps that is the reason why I desire him so, yet perhaps it is for another reason. I can't explain it, I just feel deep within myself that we were meant to be. He makes me feel things that I've never felt before and in the best way possible and I want to hold onto that, I want to hold onto him. I need him more than I have ever needed anyone before in my life.

The more that I miss him, the faster that the tears are running down my cheeks like waterfalls, even when I try not to cry and try to be strong. I can't be strong now. I'm not strong. I've spent my whole life hiding from the truth, and avoiding my memories, cowering before them. Only proving my point that I'm not strong at all and I don't know if I will ever be strong at all. Tonight I will break in more parts than I have ever done and I can't be sure if I will even be alive after the night.

My heart might beat, and my brain would still be active but my soul would be dead and I would be lost. I don't know if I can suffer any more of this agony that I have already been through. I don't know if I will be alive anymore after it, I don't know anything. But then again I'm not strong enough to handle this. I take a deep breath to attempt to break free from the ever-growing pain inside my chest which won't go away no matter what I do and just keeps growing like a tree but much faster.

Perhaps I will lose myself in the process. It has happened once but something pulled me out of it and I have held tightly against it ever since. Ballet. It makes me sane and makes me the person that I am today. Without it, I don't know if I would still be alive for it can make me forget. Dancing transfers me into another world where the pain doesn't touch me, it can't reach me even and I'm free from all the darkness and I'm safe and alive in that world as there is only happiness and light.

Inside this room, in the silence I have only myself to entertain. My thoughts are the only thing that I have and I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. However, my stomach is complaining every single second that it's hungry. There is no telling for how long I have been without food or when I will get food but I'm not counting that it will be any time soon. Though being without food only adds to the list of the pain that goes through my body and makes me feel like I'm dying with all this agony stacked up against me.

Like I'm stuck in a ditch which is so tall and I have nothing but my own body to get myself out of there. The world doesn't want me to be able to dig myself out as the dirt just crumbles when I try to use my hands. I'm stuck in there and even when I yell at someone or scream for help, no one comes. They can't hear me, or they don't want to hear me nor care that I'm down there. The only thing that I can do is allow the pain to consume me and bring me to the darkness.

As if I were handed to it on a silver platter and perhaps I have been. He is the darkness which is reigning, and he's the one that is trying to destroy me and doing everything that he can to do so. Just as I'm thinking about how he's the darkness the door to the room opens and the fear is the first thing that takes place inside my body. I begin to shake to the point where I can't stop myself and that is when I see him standing there.

Almost identical to the first time that I woke up in this room, whether that was this morning or yesterday or two days ago0, I don't know but the only thing that is different about him is the evil smirk that he has on his face and the list that his eyes carry and doesn't even hide it from me. I gulp when I see it and I can only shiver and shake as I know what is about to take place. "Oh, I ain't about to let this night be a waste" He speaks, his voice so wicked and so cruel that I can barely hear anything else but that.