《Rat Race》Part 1

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Ant and Dec are always aware that some people are critical of them and their jobs - jobs which, to be fair, they often can't quite believe they've got themselves. They've often said, with perfect honesty, how much they love doing what they do, and how lucky they are to get to go to work with their best pal every day. But sometimes, they do get a little ruffled by the criticisms that they've got an easy job - yes, they love it, but occasionally there are times when their job feels anything but easy.

Take BGT, for example. Yes, they get the bonus of watching loads of fun variety performances, and they hang out with each other and people they really like - but they also get up really early, work very long hours, and go to bed later too, only for the cycle to repeat every day throughout auditions and then again for the live shows. They also do a huge amount of filming, not all of which actually makes it to air: the cameras are on them all day, but their footage gets cut a lot for the audition shows. They also film many links which never see the light of day either - it's the nature of the business. Still, some of those links involve a little more hardship than others, and have worse consequences, such as a link filmed in Edinburgh back in 2012.

It was the first day of the auditions up in Scotland, and the director had decided to take advantage of the creaky theatre they were using to film a link about the number of spooky acts that had turned up in Edinburgh. They were initially going to film the link in one of the city vaults, or down in Edinburgh Dungeons, but then the theatre manager had said they actually had some disused vaults they could access in the theatre itself. She warned the team it would be a bit dusty and cramped - but, for a thirty second link, they thought it would be ideal.

The gag involved Dec leaping into Ant's arms at the glimpse of a ghost, which they rehearsed a couple of times upstairs before descending into the gloom. The vault really was dusty, and both boys coughed as they entered the musty space. Dec shivered at the cold, and Ant frowned in concern. "We won't be long," he assured him. "No chance of you catching a chill in three minutes."

Of course, it wasn't just three minutes, but it wasn't much longer than ten, either. The first take was aborted due to a technical fault. The second take was useless, however, because just as Dec was about to play scared and leap into Ant's arms, Ant let out a genuine high-pitched shriek of his own. "What is it?" Dec asked, worried, only to yelp a little himself when Ant pointed at it - a rat, perched in the corner of the room, looking fairly terrified.

"I see now why you two wouldn't be any good at the I'm A Celeb trials," their cameraman, Guy, mocked them good-naturedly. "Right, if that creature doesn't motivate you to nail this shot, nothing will!"

Sure enough, the next take was perfect, better than, even, thanks to the general twitchiness the two lads were exuding due to their whiskery audience. They hightailed it out of there to get on with the audition process in double time, and soon forgot about the experience.

Five days later, after three days of auditions and then a brief stopover to see their families in Newcastle, they were being driven home to Chiswick, settling down for the evening of travel in the back of their chauffered van. They chatted for a while, then as the sky turned dark they grew quieter. Ant fiddled with his phone for a bit, checking his emails and texts and replying to a few things on Twitter. Dec gave up much earlier than he did and turned to the window, curling up a bit and looking like he might drop off to sleep. Dec always slept better than Ant did - he could nap pretty much anywhere, in any position, while Ant took a while to drop off even in his own bed, let alone sitting upright in their van, comfy though the seats were.

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When he finally put his phone down, though, and his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he frowned to see that Dec wasn't asleep, and was in fact rubbing the bridge of his nose while at the same time pressing his forehead against the cool glass of the window, his face tight and pinched. "Declan?" he said quietly. "What's up?"

Dec turned to him, eyes looking squinty despite the dimness of the back of the van. "Headache," he murmured unhapppily. "Proper pounding."

"How long have you had it?" Ant asked, frowning.

"I took a couple of ibuprofen before we left home," Dec said - and Ant noticed his use of 'home' to describe Newcastle, rather than Chiswick. He sometimes found himself doing the same thing, but Dec had been doing that more often than not, recently.

"But it's no better?"

"Worse, if anything," Dec admitted. "I'll take some more tablets in a bit."

"You'll need something to eat to stop that ibuprofen tearing up your stomach," Ant warned - the last thing Dec needed was to be sick on top of being in pain, he thought.

But it was perhaps too late for that, too, he thought, as Dec immediately made a face at the mention of eating anything. "Ugh." The motorway lights, getting more frequent as they get further south, cast a sickly, yellowish glow on his skin.

"You're not feeling too well at all, are you?" Ant asked sympathetically, reaching out gently to press the back of his hand very carefully against Dec's cheek. Slightly warm, perhaps, though nothing too alarming. "It's been a long tour, eh?"

"Yeah," Dec sighed, leaning into the touch. "Exhausting. How're you doing?"

"Knackered, actually," Ant admitted, smiling at Dec asking after him when he's feeling so rough himself. "But a bit better than you, right now. Here, come on." He shifted in his seat, sliding his arm round Dec's shoulders invitingly.

Dec took him up on his offer, gingerly but eagerly rearranging his seat belt so that he could sink down to rest his body on the seat, head lying on Ant's lap. It was times like this when Ant was very pleased his friend was so small, able to fit into positions other people would only find uncomfortable. Dec breathed out in relief as he settled, some of the pressure in his head apparently easing, as Ant had hoped it might. "Thanks," he mumbled.

"No bother, mate," Ant replied, moving his hand to rest cautiously over Dec's temple. "Let me know if this hurts, okay?" He used his thumb, very softly, to massage a careful circle just above Dec's ear.

Dec groaned, alarming Ant briefly, before he clarified: "That's great. Thank you."

"Any time," Ant promised, keeping up the massage as he rested his own weary head back against the seat. Dec was already starting to drift - not quite fast asleep, but resting properly at least, and if Ant knew he couldn't get to sleep himself, it was at least comforting to know that he could provide his friend with some relief for the rest of the journey.

The rest of the car ride passed quietly and uneventfully, and both men remained in their reclined, relaxed positions even as the traffic, noise, and harsh lighting increased.

Finally, at Chiswick, their driver, Joe, pulled up on the road outside their two houses. Dec sat up, lethargic and a little off-balance, and they released themselves from their belts while thanking him before getting out. Ant, having emerged first, reached a hand out automatically to support Dec as he stepped out, seeming a bit wobbly on his feet for a moment. Ant eyed him critically, looking at his pale face.

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"You want to stay at mine tonight?" he asked, suddenly aware that his friend would otherwise be heading back to an empty house. It wasn't a brand new situation - Dec had split with Georgie last year - but it suddenly seemed brutal, sending Dec back to his darkened home, all alone when he clearly wasn't feeling brilliant.

Dec looked torn for a few seconds, almost leaning towards Ant, before straightening and smiling wanly. "No, mate. You've not seen Lisa for nearly a week - I'll come round tomorrow. Honest, I'll be fine. I just need me bed and a couple of painkillers. Be right as rain."

"You know she loves seeing you," Ant said. "She wouldn't mind."

"Aye, I know. But I'll see her tomorrow. Send her my love, yeah?"

"Yeah, areet. Take care, okay?"

"Okay. Night, Ant. Make sure you sleep well!"

Dec offered him a wave as he headed off, shoulders hunched against the chill. Ant watched him go for a moment, half-wanting to chase after him and drag him back with him despite his protests, but eventually he turned and trudged into his own house. He had a tendency to be a bit over-protective when it came to his friend, especially in the wake of his break-up and the death of his dad in the same year, but he also knew Dec was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Not when it came to cooking, no - but he was a grown man. He'd see him tomorrow.

Lisa was waiting up for him, and gave him a warm hug to welcome him home. She then cupped his cheeks and surveyed his face, a frown forming on her own warm, friendly features. "You look peaky," she announced.

"Do I?" Ant asked, surprised, taking stock of his own condition. He was, he realised, not feeling great himself. "I'm just tired, I think. My head's aching a bit. Dec's worse off than me."

"Is he okay to be on his own?"

"Said he was. I think he thought he might be intruding or something if he stayed over. Dafty. But we should get him over tomorrow - get some of your cooking into him and me and we'll be back to normal." He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Okay. Let's get you to bed, then, love. Up you go."

Sloppily brushing his teeth and getting into his pyjamas, Ant was worried he might do what he sometimes did - feel tired, but be unable to drift off - but actually, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out for the count. He didn't even wake when Lisa got in with him, and she kissed his shoulder before going off to sleep herself.

Ant woke up in the morning - full light, so he'd slept a good seven hours, by his estimation, probably more as Lisa was gone - to the horrible awareness that he was going to be very sick.

He was proved correct a minute later, and Lisa found him like that when she returned from the shops, hunched over the toilet fighting with his stomach and shivering against a chill. "Oh, love," she murmured sympathetically, then snapped into practical care-giving mode. She wrapped a blanket around his shoulders to ward off the shivers, then fetched a glass of water to swill round his mouth between bouts of vomiting. She also fetched a thermometer, which she made Ant hold under his tongue when he was feeling slightly less likely to throw up.

She tutted at the result. "102, hon. That's impressive."

"Thanks?" Ant said.

"How are you feeling otherwise?"

"Headache's pretty bad," Ant told her. "Otherwise, just sick and generally rubbish. Ugh."

"Yeah, this is some bug," Lisa said, reaching out to brush her hand over his forehead and then running her fingers through his hair. "Back to bed for you today."

Ant was so exhausted and wrecked by how he was feeling that it wasn't until he was being tucked back in - a washing up bowl by the side of his bed now - that he had a sudden stab of worry. "Declan - Lisa, he was feeling rotten last night in the car, he's probably got this too."

"Shhh, relax. I know, love. Let me get you sorted, then I'm going to pop over and check on him, bring him back here if he wants."

"Oh, thanks, Lise. Don't know what we'd do without you."

"You'd never have survived this long," Lisa said fondly. "Right, back to sleep. It's the best thing for you when you're this rough."

Again, Ant thought he might struggle to do as she said, but this bug was taking it well out of him, and he dropped right off again, only waking when it was afternoon and Lisa was pottering about downstairs. He wobbled to the bathroom, then down to kitchen, holding very tightly to the banister on the stairs as his legs felt very jelly-like. He must have looked a sight, because as soon as Lisa spotted him she rushed to his side and got him reclining on the sofa, muttering about how awful he looked.

"I feel a bit better," Ant promised her, accepting the broth she put him front of him with a faked smile and silently telling his stomach to behave. "How's Dec? Where is he?"

"He's at his own home, feeling miserable," Lisa told him, sitting opposite him and looking pointedly at the broth. "But when I left he was sleeping. He'd been sick most of the night, bless him, so he was really shaky. All the same symptoms as you, so someone up in Edinburgh has given you something pretty horrific. I've given him plenty of paracetamol and I'm going to pop by again tonight to check on him again. I left some soup in his fridge, too - which was empty, by the way. He's useless at taking care of himself."

"Aye, I know. Why did he not come over here?"

"I don't think he'd have made the walk, to be honest," Lisa said, which made Ant's worry spike. "That fever was making him feel like he was freezing even with his heating turned up, so he'd have been awful out there in this weather." She pointed out the window, where the sky was a grey, wintry colour. "And to be honest, I think he was at that stage where he kind of just wanted to be left alone: he said he felt disgusting and didn't want to make us put up with that."

"We wouldn't mind!" Ant cried. "Did you tell him that? Lisa, he should know we've seen him in every bad state imaginable, just like he's seen us - why's he getting all shy now?"

"Hey, shh, calm down," Lisa soothed. "I told him all that, love, of course I did. He was burning up, so I thought it wasn't the time to do too much psychoanalysis on him - we'll talk to him properly once he's better. And once you're better, too - you're still awfully pale. Come on, get some of that broth down you and then you can give Doolittle a text, okay?"

That worked as an incentive, and Ant managed most of the broth, though with some pained moments where he wondered if he really would. He was rewarded, however, by Lisa getting his phone for him from where he'd left it in his jacket the previous night, sprawled on the floor. He texted Dec immediately:

Hiya, u ok? Sorry its taken ages 2 text, sick as a dog!

Dec tooks maybe fifteen minutes to reply:

Whatever is sicker than a dog, that's me. I'm going to kill whoever gave this to us. Sorry you're sick too. No golf for a couple of days!

Ant was amazed by how relieved he felt at Dec's response, written in full as usual while he always uses text speak.

Havent been so sick in yrs. Totally rank. Y dont u come over here & we can be gross & sick together?

Lisa can pamper both of us! As soon as u can move, get ur arse here.

Fine - don't hold your breath though, I'm just going to rest and probably feel better by tomorrow. Feel better yourself, okay? Going to go, falling asleep here. D xxx

Ant put the phone down, exhausted by the simple act of moving his thumb over the keys. He was a little happier, though, knowing that Dec was okay - but he was still concerned he was so reluctant to come over. It used to be the case that if Dec had even a slight cough, he'd be straight over to be fussed at by Lisa and him - he was not one to tough it out, Declan. He'd seen him get through shows before, feeling rotten, but as soon as it was okay to whine and get coddled, he would be right there, knowing Lisa and Ant are very happy to provide the coddling. He tried to remember when Dec was last unwell, and eventually worked out it must have been when he was still in a relationship. He frowned, thinking about how things had changed since before then - it wasn't as though they weren't as close anymore, because they were, but he couldn't help feeling that the boundaries and rules seemed slightly different now. He wanted Dec to know that even though he had had Georgie for a while to take care of him, he and Lisa never stopped being there, and that they still were. Things were fine to go back to how they had been - he just needed to make Dec realise that too. Still, like Lisa sensibly said earlier, that was probably a conversation for when he and Dec aren't quite so poorly.

Ant managed to keep the broth down, but his temperature stayed up despite paracetamol and he felt too nauseous to try anything else Lisa tried to tempt him with, though he was managing to drink and keep down water. She called their private doctor, concerned, in the early evening, who told her that there was a stomach bug going around and that as long as it didn't last longer than 24 hours and that liquids were being kept down, it should pass by itself. A quick pop to Dec's found him sleeping quietly too, and she made him take more paracetamol before leaving him to sleep some more, catching up on what he'd missed the previous night.

Ant went back to bed at seven, annoyed he was so tired despite realising his body was just making him do what was best for it, and also craving the sleep that would give him relief from his headache. He fumbled for his phone to text Dec before drifting off.

Hope ur on the mend. Gonna sleep for 5000 yrs. C u tomo k?

The reply took a good little while to come through, enough so that when it did Ant could barely pick up his phone or read the message, his eyelids and limbs turned to lead.

Yeah see u, ill join u in that sleep xxx

He blinked, trying desperately to keep himself awake. He was aware of a kind of foreboding feeling, a sense that something was wrong, but his exhausted, fuzzy mind couldn't quite work it out. Before he knew it, he was asleep again.

He woke the following day feeling a little more awake, but very weak. He supposed he hadn't eaten anything more substantial than broth for over 24 hours, nor had he drunk very much. Lisa had left a big glass of water on his bedside table, and he drank it thirstily, pleased when his stomach not only accepted it but actually rumbled in hunger afterwards, too. He gave himself a few minutes to rest and recover before making his way to the bathroom, then gingerly downstairs - noting, with surprise, that it was actually lunchtime, and he'd slept for ages. No wonder he felt so frail and weak, he thought, and hungry - but he was happy to finally be certain he was on the mend.

He found Lisa in the kitchen, talking on the phone. He went to get some orange juice first, craving the sugar hit, and it wasn't until he'd drank a good bit from the bottle without Lisa telling him off for it that he realised he should probably pay a bit more attention to her and her conversation.

Her face was tense and worried, her teeth biting her lip as she listened to the person on the other end, nodding every so often. "So how long do they want to keep him?" she asked after a while. "But he'll be fine? God, Ali, thank you so much."

Ant's stomach, previously settled, churned with growing fear as his suspicions grew as to who she was talking about.

Lisa's eyes, when she caught his, all but confirmed it. "Yeah, I'll let him know. He's up and here, so I'd better go. Yeah, take care, lovely."

"Declan?" Ant demanded as soon as she had hung up the phone.

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