《Stranded》part 7
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"It's what?" Dec asked in disbelief.
"It's vomit fruit" Ant repeated.
Dec took a closer look at the tree in front of him.
"Oh God" he sighed "it is isn't it?"
"Yep" Ant nodded.
"So what do we do now?" Dec frowned "keep looking for other trees?"
"Not sure we should do that" Ant replied "not today anyway"
"What then?" Dec enquired.
"We need to take some of this back with us" Ant stated.
"But Ant" Dec protested "it's hideous,there's a reason why it's called vomit fruit,how many times have we watched celebs retch their way through eating one?"
"I know all that" Ant sighed "but we don't really have much choice,would you rather starve to death?"
"Seems preferable at the moment" Dec moaned.
"Come on Decs" Ant laughed "we'll get used to the taste,help us pick some"
"What are we gonna carry them in?" Dec asked,as he gazed up at the tree "and more to the point,how are we gonna get them down?"
"Should have brought the bag or something with us" Ant frowned.
"I know" Dec smiled as he removed his red,black and white checked shirt "let's carry them in this"
"Good thinking Declan" Ant grinned,as thoughts whirled around his mind about how to actually reach the fruit.
"Oh" he grinned "I'll give you a leg up,then you should be able to get to them,they're not that high up"
"Ok" Dec agreed as Ant immediately cupped his hands together for Dec to place a foot in.
Ant soon had doubts about the idea as Decs feet wobbled in his hands as Ant was faced with Decs crotch directly in front of him.
"Maybe you should get on my shoulders?" Ant winced under Decs weight.
He may be little,but Dec certainly weighed enough at that precise moment.
So,Dec made a careful ascent up to Ants shoulders,where he could then reach the fruit quite comfortably.
"Better not pick too many" Ant said,as he held onto Decs legs securely.
"Why not?" Dec frowned.
"Cos I can't imagine we'll be able to stomach eating too many of them at once" Ant stated "and they'll just go off"
"Fair point" Dec nodded.
"Anyway" Ant smiled "we can always come back for more"
"Will you remember the way?" Dec asked curiously.
"Yeah,I think so" Ant replied "I think we're going to get to know our little island very well"
After Dec had thrown a substantial amount of fruit towards the ground,he climbed down from Ants shoulders and scooped up the shirt and wrapped it around the fruit so they wouldn't drop any on the journey back.
"When are we going to eat one?" Dec asked nervously as Ant tipped the contents of their haul out onto the sand and passed Decs shirt back to him.
"No time like the present" Ant replied.
"How are we going to open it?" Dec asked.
"Dunno" Ant frowned "the shell doesn't seem to be too hard,we could just smash it on a stone or something"
"Yeah" Dec replied "smash it's face in for being so gross"
"Well" Ant smiled "I'm gonna go for a quick dip to freshen up in the sea,then we can try one,you coming?"
"Yeah" Dec nodded "I feel pretty disgusting,haven't really been in the sea since we arrived have we?"
"No" Ant agreed,as he stripped down to his underpants "need to wash these clothes too"
"Good idea" Dec smiled.
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So the two men,wearing nothing but their boxer shorts,were soon in the sea,cleaning themselves and their clothes the best way they could under the circumstances.
"Wish we had some soap or shower gel" Dec stated,as he dunked himself into the warm ocean.
"Yeah,that would be nice" Ant laughed "and some washing powder for our clothes"
"And a washing machine" Dec grinned.
"Water is just going to have to do I'm afraid" Ant replied.
"Shame" Dec mumbled.
"Ok" Ant smiled "I feel a bit fresher now,are you ready to try this vomit fruit then?"
"I'm actually totally full up from breakfast" Dec grinned.
"Yeah,cos those few crisps really were filling" Ant laughed "come on,I'm not being the only food taster around here"
"Ok" Dec sighed as they got out of the water and hung their clothes on a tree to dry.
Ant picked up one of the offending fruits from their stash and stared at it accusingly.
"Ok,you little bastard" he stated "you're up"
He picked up a nearby stone and cut into the fruit a few times,until it was in two halves.
"Ugh,the smell" Dec screwed his nose up in disgust "are we really gonna put that in our mouths?"
"I'm afraid so" Ant nodded,as he passed one half to Dec "wish we had some spoons or something though"
"Good point" Dec nodded "how are we gonna eat it?"
"Scoop it out with our fingers I guess" Ant mused "unless you've got a better idea"
"No,none" Dec frowned "you go first"
"No,you" Ant pleaded.
"No way" Dec laughed "you're the one who insisted we should eat them,you go first"
"Ok" Ant smiled "how about we do it together?"
"Ok" Dec agreed,as he raised the fruit to his face and took a small sniff "oh my God,that's rank"
"Yeah,I wouldn't recommend smelling it Decs" Ant laughed "ok together"
The two men both scooped a piece of flesh out from the middle of their pieces of fruit.
"Ready?" Ant glanced at Dec.
"Ready" Dec reluctantly stated.
Ant and Dec both quickly popped the fruit into their mouths and chewed desperately,wanting to get their own version of a bushtucker trial over and done with.
Dec started retching the minute it touched the back of his throat.
"Hold on to it Decs" Ant urged "imagine it tastes like pizza,or steak,or ice cream"
"Tastes worse than anchovies" Dec grimaced as he battled to hold the unusual meal down "and that's saying something"
"I've swallowed mine" Ant soon announced proudly,before taking another piece.
"So have I" Dec eventually added "I really don't want anymore though"
"You have to Decs" Ant encouraged "it's the only way to get used to it,at least finish your half,it's not that big"
"Ok" Dec sighed "I swear,I'm never gonna make anyone in camp eat anything like this ever again"
"I will" Ant laughed,trying to keep the mood light.
Ant and Dec then decided to finish the rest of the fruit as quickly as possible,to get the gruelling task over and done with.
"I think we should give it a new name" Ant announced suddenly.
"What?" Dec asked surprised "why?"
"Well" Ant continued "vomit fruit is a pretty gross name"
"Yeah,there's a reason for that" Dec pointed out.
"Well,we should give it a more positive name" Ant smiled "then we might start feeling more positive towards it"
"That won't change the foul taste" Dec laughed.
"I know" Ant replied "but it's worth a try and I know it will already have some proper,really long,fancy name,but I don't know what it is"
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"What do you want to call it then?" Dec asked.
"How about bubbly fruit?" Ant grinned "you know,cos it looks bubbly on the outside"
"You knock yourself out" Dec laughed.
"Bubbly fruit it is then" Ant smiled proudly "would you like another one?"
"Definitely not" Dec quickly replied "that was more than enough,wish I could clean my teeth though"
"Yeah,me too" Ant sighed.
"So,we've collected fruit" Dec smiled "washed our smelly bodies and clothes,what's next on the list?"
"Build a shelter?" Ant suggested.
"Sounds good" Dec smiled "where?"
"Over there" Ant replied "in that clearing,but I...um...I..."
"What?" Dec asked curiously.
"I need to go and dig a hole in the ground first" Ant whispered,feeling slightly embarrassed.
"Wow" Dec laughed "that vom...that bubbly fruit worked fast"
"Yeah" Ant nodded sheepishly and made his way into the forest,armed with a piece of wood to dig the hole with.
"Don't forget to collect some leaves to wipe your bum with" Dec called out playfully.
"I won't" came a now distant voice.
Once Ant returned to the clearing,they both stood and stared at the area where they planned to make their makeshift home.
"So,how are we gonna do this?" Dec frowned.
"You don't know?" Ant asked.
"Of course I don't know" Dec replied "what about you?were you in the boy scouts?"
"No" Ant frowned "were you?"
"No" Dec shook his head "I was too busy learning Irish dancing"
"That's really useful right now" Ant winked.
"I guess we need to gather materials for it" Dec stated "like wood and something to bind the pieces together with"
"Yeah" Ant agreed "shame we didn't remove Andys clothes before we buried him,could have cut them up to use as ties,never crossed my mind"
"Well,I ain't digging him up" Dec screwed his nose up in disgust.
"I wasn't suggesting that" Ant laughed "come on,let's collect some wood"
"What kind of wood?" Dec replied.
"Dunno really" Ant shrugged as he scanned the island for anything useful "oh,look over there"
Dec looked to where Ant was pointing.
"What?" He asked confused "I don't see anything"
"There" Ant pointed again "washed up on the beach,looks like driftwood,that might work"
"Er...but that's only a couple of pieces" Dec observed.
"True" Ant smiled "so we might have to walk along the beach a fair way to find a decent amount,but it's doable"
"We'd better get collecting then hadn't we?" Dec smiled.
Indeed,the boys were lucky to find a decent amount of driftwood as they scoured the beach for what seemed like miles,it was an exhausting job,collecting the wood and carrying it back and forth to the clearing,but eventually they decided they had enough to build a small shelter.
"Good job Decs" Ant beamed "guess we'd better get started on building it then"
"How?" Dec asked.
"Not sure yet" Ant frowned "need to think about this"
Both men gazed at their surroundings,seeking anything that might give them a clue of where to start.
"Those two trees" Ant nodded towards a nearby area.
"What about them?" Dec asked curiously.
"They're near enough to each other for our longest piece of wood to balance across those thick branches" Ant pointed out "that'll make it almost as tall as us"
"Almost?" Dec frowned.
"Yeah" Ant replied "we'll just have to bend down when we go in"
"Ok" Dec smiled "then what?"
"Then" Ant stated proudly "we lean all the other wood against it,so it'll be a kind of tent shape,then tie the wood together,before covering it in leaves,branches and stuff"
"What are we going to tie in with?" Dec frowned "I've already said I'm not going anywhere near Andy"
"Neither am I" Ant laughed "I just need to think about this for a moment"
Ant and Dec sat in silence for a few moments,desperately trying to come up with a solution.
"I've got it" Dec shouted suddenly "the boat had cushions attached to some of the seats didn't it?you know,the seats at the back?I'm pretty sure it did,how about we cut those off,then we can cut the covers into strips and use those"
"Declan" Ant beamed "that's absolutely bloody brilliant,well done and you know what else?"
"What?" Dec asked curiously.
"We can actually use the cushion parts as pillows" Ant beamed.
"Oh my God" Dec shook his head in despair "why the hell didn't we think of that before?"
"At least we've thought of it now" Ant smiled "ready for a swim then?"
"Yeah" Dec nodded "what are we going to cut the cushions off with?"
"Didn't you say there were scissors in the first aid kit?" Ant recalled.
"Oh yeah" Dec smiled "of course there are"
Ant and Dec had no idea why,but Andy had placed kitchen scissors in the first aid kit,rather than the usual small pair that would be expected,for once though,they were actually happy with something Andy had done.
"I'm surprised this boat hasn't drifted away yet" Ant stated,as he cut away at the cushions.
"Me too" Dec agreed,as he took a closer look around the boat,just in case they'd missed something during their previous search.
"Look at this" he laughed as he retrieved a flat,green box that they obviously missed before and waved it in the air.
"Travel scrabble" Ant exclaimed excitedly "we're definitely having that"
"Wonder why Andy had this here?" Dec mused.
"Probably brought his mates out sometimes" Ant replied "you know,a nice relaxing day with a few beers and a couple of games of scrabble"
"Yeah,probably" Dec laughed.
Once they returned to the beach,Ant and Dec set about the task of building their new home and were delighted once it was complete.
"Well done Decs" Ant beamed as they both stood back to admire their workmanship "it looks great"
"It really does" Dec agreed "we did a fine job there I think"
"Yeah" Ant nodded,as he took a swig from his now dangerously low water supply "I'm knackered now,we were at it for hours,was a pain tying all that wood together"
"Yeah,but we did it" Dec replied proudly "maybe we should have something to eat now?"
"Yep" Ant replied "bubbly fruit?"
"Absolutely not" Dec laughed "we've still got half a bag of crisps and half a bar of chocolate left haven't we?"
"Yeah,we have" Ant confirmed.
"How about we finish those then?" Dec asked.
"Both of them?" Ant frowned.
"Yeah" Dec nodded "we deserve it after all our hard work today,then we'll just have to eat those disgusting balls from hell until we find something else"
"Ok" Ant laughed "might try my hand at fishing sometime,I'm getting good at this island survival lark"
"You do that" Dec grinned,gazing up at the dark clouds in the sky "looks like it might rain,I guess there's no point in starting a fire then?the rain will only put it out"
"At least we've got shelter now" Ant shrugged,before suddenly being hit with an idea "oh,rain water,we can drink that"
"Yeah" Dec agreed "but how are we gonna catch it?we don't have anything except these water bottles and the necks are way too small to catch much"
"Get me the scissors" Ant demanded.
Dec willingly obliged and quickly passed the useful object to Ant.
"What are you gonna do?" Dec asked inquisitively.
"Watch this" Ant smiled,as he proceeded to cut a hole in the neck of one of the small bottles,before cutting around it completely.
"There" he stated proudly as he held the bottle up "now I've cut the top off,it'll collect more rain"
"Oh Ant" Dec grinned "that's brilliant"
Ant proceeded with the task until the two small and one large water bottles were cut down to his satisfaction.
"Now" he smiled,as he made his way to the beach and started digging into the sand "we bury the base into the sand a bit to stop them falling over,maybe pile a few rocks around them to be extra sure,then just wait for the heavens to open and fill them up"
"That's so amazing Ant" Dec grinned "you sure you didn't go to boy scouts?"
"No,I didn't" Ant laughed "but I remember seeing something similar on a Bear Grylls programme once"
"Ah,so you channelled your inner Bear?" Dec teased.
"I did" Ant giggled.
"Well" Dec smiled "we may need him again at some point,so don't forget him"
"I won't" Ant laughed.
So,after the boys finished their meal of chocolate and crisps,they decided to try out their newly built shelter.
"Hope our humble little abode doesn't leak when it rains" Dec said,as they lay down on the blanket together.
"It won't" Ant announced confidently "we did a great job"
"Yeah" Dec nodded "it's pretty cosy isn't it?and these cushions are perfect"
"They really are" Ant yawned,as his eyes slowly began to close after their busy,exhausting day.
Ant and Dec were now a lot more comfortable and prepared for the rain.
What they weren't prepared for,was a full blown storm!
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