A/N - Yep, it's another update! Now I know why I felt like I should try to finish writing the entire story before publishing any part of it! 😂 And yes, it's after 4AM here, but I fell asleep while doing the final proofread....🤦‍♀️ Enjoy!

It was 8:30pm, and Dec was waiting in line to check in at Newcastle International Airport. He'd managed to blag his way into getting an extremely expensive last-minute ticket for a direct flight to London leaving about an hour from now, and had hurriedly re-packed his belongings, letting Ali know he would be home later that night. Anne had been so disappointed when he told her he needed to go back to London, but had insisted on cooking him a full 3-course meal before he left. He'd managed two-thirds of the generous portion on his plate before claiming fullness – a feat Anne classed as a win, given that he hadn't eaten anything all day other than a few bites of his eggs and bacon that morning. Sending him off with many hugs and kisses, and a promise that he would keep her in the loop on everything – himself included – Anne had left him with a few final words of wisdom: "Talk to him."

Dec had nodded, an odd look coming over his face for a moment, before stepping through the threshold and back out into the dark, unwelcoming world. Now, standing in line with multitudinous other weary travelers, Dec had his cap pulled down tightly over his eyes and the collar of his coat turned up, feeling the need to hide from the curious eyes of the public. He was in no mood to speak with anyone, not even their fans, and was willing the line to speed up. All he wanted was to get back to London to take care of his ailing wife and their unborn child. Well, there was one other thing he wanted, but that wasn't really an option right now, at least to his mind.

Over the past few months, Dec had met with various members of Ant's rehab team, both over the phone and in person, in an attempt to keep himself educated in the best ways to help Ant as he kicked his alcohol addiction. They had stressed that it was important Dec didn't try to fight Ant's battles for him – that Ant needed to form new habits and resist temptations himself. If he came to rely too much on any one person for strength while recovering, it could be detrimental in future. Which Dec had essentially interpreted to mean, "don't force yourself on him; be there for him, but mainly support him from afar." Thus, he had made an effort to be a constant underlying presence in Ant's life in small ways, checking up on him daily through Christine, and Anne-Marie via Ali (they'd known each other for years and were good friends), and being incredibly supportive whenever he was with Ant. But he felt like he shouldn't be bothering Ant all the time with texts as was their previous norm, thinking Ant might come to rely on him too much, or would perhaps think Dec was checking up on him because he didn't trust him to stay sober. So he kept casual contact to a minimum unless Ant initiated it, instead focusing on passing on support from the public. Whatever it took for Ant to get better, that's what Dec was going to do. Even if it meant hurting himself in the process.

And he was fine with it, he understood why the team wanted Ant to find his own moral strength to fight his demons, and he accepted that this – hopefully temporary – "support from afar" arrangement would benefit Ant in the long run. He knew they had grown to rely on each other greatly over the years, and could definitely see why the team thought it best for him to not be such an overbearing presence in Ant's life right now. So he carried on as he had been, staying strong for Ant and being massively supportive of him, but keeping his distance, allowing Ant to find himself again and conquer the devils trying to bring him down.

Keep Calm and Carry On. That famed British adage had become Dec's mantra in the three months since his world fell apart, yet he'd done anything but "kept calm," instead being plagued by anxiety and insecurity, the pressures of performing solo and having to solely carry all of the responsibilities of their TV empire doing immeasurable damage to his own mental stability. And he needed Ant, more than ever, but starved himself of Ant's love and support in favor of being his strong shoulder to cry on whenever his friend needed it.

True, Ant knew of Dec's struggles, but Dec basically refused to let them talk about that in their limited time together – insisting that Ant was the important one here, and that he was "fine," the therapy was helping, and it was all good. He needed to be strong for Ant. Of course, Ant didn't believe a word of it and was secretly worried about his friend, but guilt over his own starring role in causing his friend to suffer kept him mute on the subject. He wasn't sure he could deal with the knowledge of all what his friend was going through because of him.

So it was that neither friend had the courage to really talk to the other as they had done in years past – one due to a fear of the unknown, and the other due to a wild misunderstanding of his role in his friend's recovery.

~~~

In a large mansion in Wimbledon, a dark-haired man sat on a couch, reclining back as he vapidly stared at his telly, watching – but not really paying attention to – a cooking program. Next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, was his girlfriend, Anne-Marie. They were sitting in silence, both lost in their own thoughts, tired after a full day of shopping on the town with Anne-Marie's two daughters. The three of them were staying over at Ant's tonight, and both girls had gone to bed about half an hour ago. It was nearly 9:30pm, and stillness reigned in the house. Outside, a vicious thunderstorm was rolling through, rain lashing at the windows and occasional bolts of lightning illuminating the darkened room, the only light coming from the big screen TV hanging over the fireplace.

Despite the storm outside, Ant was beginning to nod off, weariness from their long, but fun, day fogging his mind and lulling him to sleep. Anne-Marie wasn't too far behind him, but remained wakeful as she studied her boyfriend's face, completely ignoring the television. She had known Ant for years, having first come to know him through his and Dec's management company, James Grant, when she was hired as his PA. They'd never been too terribly close, their relationship purely professional, but she had always admired him from afar. Not just his finely chiseled physique, but his personality, too – his kindness, gentleness, his unbelievably soft heart when it came to animals and children. He had doted on her children when they were born, always giving them little gifts and momentos, and just taking the time to listen to their fantastical ideas about the world they lived in as they got older. So Ant had been a constant presence in her life for a while now, and, if she was completely honest with herself, he was her ideal man. Kind-hearted, strong, romantic, and devilishly handsome – all of the qualities she wished for combined into one very special man.

She still couldn't quite believe she was in a relationship with Ant. It hadn't been planned, neither of them had been looking for a new relationship. They'd grown closer after his marriage broke down, but were merely good friends, nothing more. But it had just sort of happened one despairing night when she had found Ant sobbing brokenly over the mess he had caused with his irresponsible actions. She had hugged him and reassured him, had found herself drawn to him and...kissed him. More salty kisses were shared, one thing led to another, and the next day they found themselves with the possibility of starting over together. And that's exactly what they'd done. After that first night, they took things a bit more slowly, neither one quite ready to commit to a full-on relationship after the painful breakdowns of their respective marriages. But the seeds that had been sown gradually grew, and eventually blossomed into the beautiful garden of love they now found themselves in. Anne-Marie counted herself very lucky to have Ant in her life, and she knew he felt the same.

But something was bothering her, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. For as long as she'd known Ant, Dec had been an ever-present constant in his life. If Ant was around, Dec was never far away, and that's just how it had been for as long as she'd been a part of Ant's world. But now things were different, and she wasn't sure why. She had been surprised – but secretly pleased – when Ant had told her he wanted to move closer to her and her girls. She had somehow assumed that he would never move away from Dec, and especially not 8 miles away – they'd been living in each other's pockets for nigh on 30 years, after all – but had happily agreed to his plan, and helped him search for a home in Wimbledon. They had eventually decided upon this house, and it was truly beautiful. Yes, it needed some renovations, but Ant had wanted a home to make his own, so this was the perfect solution.

Yet the absence of Dec puzzled her. Ant had told her just today that he had never been happier in his life than he was now, which of course had made her feel incredibly special and loved. But if Ant was the happiest he'd ever been, why did she sometimes catch him staring sadly at the framed photos of him and Dec that graced the walls of his home? Honestly, she didn't really want to dwell on it too much. Ant's friendship with Dec had always been a bit of a mystery to her, the level of closeness they shared seeming unimaginable and unattainable by anyone other than the two of them. Although she didn't want to admit it to herself, she was afraid – scared that if Dec returned fully to Ant's life, Ant's love for her would diminish. That he couldn't divide his love and attention between her and Dec. Yes, obviously he must have done that with Lisa – in fact, she had seen it firsthand for years, and that three-way relationship seemed to work quite well – but there was a small part of Anne-Marie that was still insecure in Ant's love for her.

Jumping slightly as a text notification pinged on the couch next to her and her boyfriend's lightly slumbering form, Anne-Marie snatched her phone up, turning it to silent, and opened the message. It was from Ali.

"Did you have any severe headaches or double vision with either of your girls?"

At the mention of double vision, Anne-Marie was suddenly wide awake again, bouncing up off of Ant's side as she sat up, causing him to groan and groggily open his eyes. Taking in Anne-Marie's troubled expression, Ant asked, "What's wrong, pet? Something happened?" his voice gravelly from his short nap.

"Ali's got a headache and double vision...." Anne-Marie began, before being interrupted by the ping of another text arriving.

"Dec's coming home. I didn't give him any details, he's stressed enough as it is, just told him I wasn't feeling great."

Anne-Marie could feel Ant's guilty flinch when he got to the middle of that last sentence as he leant over her shoulder to read Ali's latest text. "Thank God he's on his way home. Where the hell was he, anyway?" Ant questioned, his voice somewhat surly. He couldn't believe his friend had been irresponsible enough to leave his pregnant wife home alone.

"He was up in Newcastle, visiting family," Anne-Marie's gentle voice broke in. There was an odd tone to her voice, something Ant couldn't quite place. Was she annoyed at him?

"What?" Ant questioned, his eyes asking the question he wasn't sure he wanted an answer to: What do you know that I don't?

Anne-Marie averted her gaze, swallowing carefully before replying, "Oh, nothing. He just wanted a visit back home, that's all." She had promised not to tell Ant the true reason for Dec's visit home, Ali having made it clear that Dec didn't want Ant to know how much he was hurting.

Deciding to let the issue lie for the moment, Ant groused, "Well, he picked a bloody poor time to go, then." After a moment, he added, "He never was good about timing things right." His voice held a hint of affection now, as was belied by the soft smile playing on his lips as his mind took him back through the years of his and Dec's shared experiences. There was that sad look again, Anne-Marie noted. As much as she was worried about the impact on her own relationship with Ant, she knew in her heart of hearts that whatever it was between the two friends right now, they needed to sort it out. Preferably sooner rather than later, for both their sakes.

But for now, she had a text to answer.

~~~

It was nearing midnight by the time Dec wearily dragged himself through his front door, pulling his luggage behind him. He was really feeling his chronic lack of sleep now, and had been extremely grateful to not have to drive home, instead hailing a taxi once he'd picked up his luggage. He'd tried to doze on the way there, but all attempts had been futile. Worry over Ali's apparent illness, and reminders of the last time he'd ridden in a cab – just the day before – ricocheting through his addled brain. Ali hadn't picked up any of his calls once he was back on solid ground again, so he assumed she was sleeping. Slipping off his Nike trainers – the ones Ant gave him a lifetime ago, his brain painfully reminded him – Dec stole up the stairs towards their bedroom, trying to avoid any creaky floorboards as he went.

The door to their bedroom was slightly ajar. Poking his head through the gap, Dec caught sight of his beautiful wife, lying on her side, her mouth partly open as her chest rose and fell with her even breaths. There was a washcloth draped across her forehead, but other than that, everything seemed completely normal. His worry abetting slightly, Dec made a quick trip to the en suite before changing into his nighttime attire and crawling into bed next to his wife. Being careful not to wake her, Dec slid his arms around her torso, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her cheek and then her lips. Lying face to face with his wife, Dec tried to doze off, but sleep just wouldn't come. He was too jittery, his rushed journey and the long, emotional day preceding it unwilling to give his mind a moment's rest. But at the same time, he didn't want to leave his wife, so just lay there, watching her as she slept and the minutes ticked by.

Dec must have fallen asleep at some point, because he awoke suddenly to the sounds of Ali retching in the bathroom. Rushing into the en suite, Dec crashed to his knees next to his wife, holding her long, blonde hair back as she threw up. Dec could feel queasiness oozing in his own stomach at the sight and sound of his wife's vomit falling into the toilet. He'd never had a strong stomach, and some things just never changed. Forcing his gaze away from the toilet, Dec rubbed Ali's arm soothingly, holding her gently as she finally finished and leaned back into his chest. Pressing a kiss to her temple, Dec helped her up and guided her back to bed, pausing briefly to let her rinse her mouth out at the sink.

Fixing her with a worried gaze, Dec finally dared to ask the question that had been burning in his mind ever since he'd gotten her text the previous afternoon. "What's going on, love?" His quiet words held a hint of fear, and Ali felt awful, knowing her reply would send his worry sky high.

"I've been feeling a bit off the past couple of days, a bit headachey and such. But yesterday my whole head started aching really badly, and it's still going now. I was seeing double for a while, and my feet and ankles are terribly swollen. And now being sick, obviously. I don't know what's going on. Anne-Marie thinks it might be high blood pressure."

At the mention of Ant's girlfriend, a shadow flitted across Dec's face, but it was quickly replaced by anxiety over his wife's condition. "High blood pressure?" he repeated, eyes wide. "Is that dangerous, can it hurt the baby?"

Ali relayed the information she'd gathered through research after Anne-Marie's suggestion – that it could possibly just be pregnancy-induced hypertension, which was more likely in first time mothers under the age of 20 and over 40. Reassuring him that their bairn had been quite active all evening, Ali added that yes, there could be risks to the baby, but there was monitoring that could be done to ensure all was well. Dec still looked scared, though, and refused to hear a single word of argument against his proclamation that Ali would be going to the doctor's today for a check-up.

Agreeing to make an appointment with her doctor as soon as possible, Ali curled up again, pillowing her head on Dec's chest as he held her close. If she was honest, he wasn't the most comfortable pillow right now, his muscles unbearably tense as his imagination whirred with all manner of things that could go wrong.

Close to sleep again, Ali murmured, "Stop thinking. Get some more sleep," before nuzzling into her husband's neck and dozing off, content in his arms despite her pounding headache. Dec, however, couldn't sleep another wink. He needed reassurance right now – his mind jumping to the most horrible worst case scenarios of them losing their child, him losing Ali and the baby....His mind raced on and on, no longer listening to reason. He desperately needed someone right now, but he had no one.