A/N - Special early release for ...And, technically, it *is* already tomorrow in the UK, so...😉😂

The following day, after getting a grand total of 4 hours of restless sleep, Dec was taciturn and grumpy, silently picking at his breakfast while his mam tried again and again to bring him out of his shell. Finally giving up on his food, Dec decided to at least drink the strong tea his mam had handed him – he needed something to wake him up, after all – and mumbled that he was going out on the back deck for a bit. Settling down in a deck chair, Dec's mind wandered as he took in the tranquility of the morning. He loved his mam to bits, but she could get a bit smothering at times. And he appreciated her attempts at helping him, counseling him, but in his current exhausted, totally stressed out state, she wasn't really doing him any favors by constantly bringing up everything he'd come here to try to forget.

Hearing a ping on his phone notifying him of a work email arriving in his inbox, Dec pulled his phone out of his trouser pocket, eyeing it suspiciously. It was an email from Georgia, their talent manager. Dec frowned. The management team knew he was on vacation, and they wouldn't normally bother him unless something important was happening. Placing his tea on the wooden slats of the deck, he hesitantly opened the email, a nervous dread pooling in his belly. Only to immediately let out a stressed sigh as he saw a short message from Georgia followed by an attached story from The Sun.

"Hate to bother you while on vacay, but thought you ought to know the tabloids are starting to get hold of rumours. We might not be able to hide this much longer. G x"

Underneath was a link to an article....Although the urge to just smash his phone to the ground was strong, Dec forced himself to open the hyperlink – already knowing what he would find – and was immediately faced with multiple photos of Ant, Anne-Marie, and her two daughters, paired with a headline about Ant looking "happy and relaxed" while out shopping with a "female pal." Laying his phone on his thigh with a trembling hand, Dec rubbed at his eyes for a moment, his anxiety level rising, before lifting his phone again and starting to meticulously study the photos of Ant.

It felt like ages since he'd last seen Ant, while in fact it had only been a week. He just couldn't get used to this whole "not living down the road from each other" concept. He hated being so far away from Ant, and again his heart stung painfully when he remembered how Ant had explained he wanted to be closer to Anne-Marie. They'd always lived close by, he and Ant, and even though it had already been about a month since Ant moved, it was hard to wrap his mind around the fact that there was a half hour's drive separating them. He fully understood Ant's need to get away from the area where he'd built a life with Lisa – it was still quite awkward walking past what used to be Ant and Lisa's home – but still his smarting mind took it the wrong way, telling itself that Ant had moved away because Dec wasn't a good enough friend. That he hadn't been there for Ant, that Ant hated him for not realizing how much he was suffering, for being selfish and continuing on with their TV shows despite Ant's need for extended time away from the spotlight.

Deep down, Dec knew his mind was spewing lies at him, born of a deep-seated insecurity in his own worth. Ant could never hate him, he knew that, but still his mind could torture him with the possibility that Ant might hate him, and just was very good at pretending not to. Still studying the photos of Ant, Dec felt a spark of pride in his heart at how well he was doing. He was far from well, that much was obvious – he was still far too frail-looking for a start – but he already was loads better than he had been a few short months ago. Ant had been working so hard to make himself a better man, to get well, and Dec was extremely proud of him. At the end of the day, he honestly didn't care if they ever made a comeback on telly. That was the least of his worries.

Sighing despairingly, Dec finally closed the article – not having read a word of it – and typed out a brief reply to Georgia.

"Thanks. Just try to keep them off his back as long as possible. We can't have any setbacks. Dx"

Realistically, Dec knew it would be sooner rather than later that the news of Ant's new relationship would hit the headlines. But they had to try at least. He was terrified of the public's response to Ant's new romance, knowing it would not be pretty when everyone – Lisa included – found out about Ant and Anne-Marie. And more than anything, Dec was beyond scared of Ant suffering a major setback in his recovery if a new flood of hate and paparazzi/press attention came raining down on him. After the past year – from when news of Ant's addiction problems first broke in 2017, all the way through to now – Dec harbored a deep hatred of the press for the way they'd treated his best friend. He was also finding it extremely difficult to cope with their constant intrusion on him and Ali, but he hated them for what they'd done to Ant. And he honestly didn't know what he'd do if they caused him to suffer another relapse.

Any peace Dec had gained from the quiet of the morning had now gone, replaced by a feeling of intense dread and anxiety, paired with the ever-present ache in his heart at the absence of his friend from his life. They'd last spoken on Wednesday, five days ago now, and that had been a 5-minute phone conversation because Ant "had to go" but would be "in touch." Well, five days later, and not a word from him. Yet he clearly was out and about, having a fabulous time with Anne-Marie and her daughters. Jealousy and pain stung at Dec's heart, even though he tried hard not to let the green-eyed monster of envy rise within him. He was happy for Ant and Anne-Marie, he really was, but was it so much to ask for to just be able to spend some time with his best friend?

Deciding his current train of thought was getting him nowhere, Dec drained his mug of the rest of his cold tea, and trudged back inside, throwing himself onto the sitting room settee with an enormous sigh. The faint sounds of his mam singing in the shower upstairs brought a small smile to his face. She was such a strong woman, had such an indomitable spirit and giving heart. Was it any wonder everyone in town loved her? Pulling out his phone again, Dec sent a quick text to his brother Dermott, asking if it would be all right if he came over today. Receiving an affirmative reply within minutes, Dec settled back amongst the soft cushions to await his mother. He couldn't leave the house without telling her he was going out – he didn't want her to worry, after all – and figured he also ought to apologize for being so tetchy and uncommunicative at the breakfast table earlier that morning.

Eventually getting her blessing on his plans for the day – spend a quiet day at the church with Dermott, and visit the cemetery where his father was buried – Dec set off, hoping some prayer and quiet reflection might help to ease his tortured mind.

Dermott greeted him with a warm, lingering hug – the kind of hug you never wanted to end, as it spoke of deep love and acceptance – not saying much, just taking in his brother's haggard features, so different from the face of the consummate professional who had just finished a successful solo run on Britain's Got Talent only 8 days ago. Ushering his brother into the sanctuary, Dermott prepared to leave Dec to his own devices, imagining he had come here mainly for some solitude in which to reflect. To his great surprise, Dec grabbed at his arm when he turned to leave, urgently whispering, "Please pray with me?" his voice trembling, unsure.

So it was that Father Dermott and his brother Declan kneeled at the front of the church together, and spent a good half hour there while they prayed. Dermott was startled at one point during his impassioned plea to the Almighty on his brother's behalf to hear stifled sobs coming from his right side, but continued on as if he heard nothing, knowing Dec needed quiet acceptance of his emotions right now rather than worried questioning.

Dermott felt a paternal sort of care for both Dec and his best friend, being senior to them by several years, and it was hard to see them hurting so much right now. He prayed for them daily, asking God to give them strength to get through these troubled times. He knew through the Donnelly grapevine, not having really spoken to Ant or Dec recently, that Ant was getting better every day. But it was more than obvious now, looking at his little brother kneeling next to him – with head bowed and weary eyes closed – that the happenings of the past few months were tearing Dec apart. And Dermott was very concerned, far more than he would ever let on to Dec. This was his little brother, the same one he had given succor to over the years when he had struggled with problems in his personal life, and it was terrifying to see him so broken and lost.

Having ended his prayer a few minutes ago, Dermott finally rose, holding out a hand to Dec, who accepted the proffered help in silence. Dec seemed reluctant to meet his brother's eyes, instead finding the cuff of his own shirt most interesting, picking at it and twisting it in his nervous hand. He obviously wanted to say something, but couldn't quite pluck up the courage to speak up about what was troubling him. Figuring a walk through the cathedral's Hume Gardens wouldn't hurt, Dermott placed an arm around Dec's shoulders and guided him out into the light. A tiny, childlike voice finally broke the stillness between them: "Will it ever get better?"

Feeling his heart break in his chest, Dermott turned to Dec, pinning him with a firm, but gentle, gaze. "It will, Declan. The Lord will never give you more than you can handle. Everything will work out for the best, you'll see." His kindly voiced words of comfort set something off inside of Dec, and he turned suddenly, facing the other direction as he began to weep bitterly.

"But this is more than I can handle, Derm! I don't know what I'm going to do if just one more thing goes wrong in our life" – Dermott couldn't help but notice how Dec still referred to his and Ant's lives as one life, pairing the pronoun "our" with a singular "life" – "I can't lose him, Dermott, I can't lose him." Collapsing onto a nearby bench, Dec covered his face with his hands as tears continued to stream down his face in a never-ending cascade. Feeling the need to tell someone, Dec muttered, "The press are going to expose Ant's girlfriend soon. It's only a matter of time 'til they figure it out. There are already rumours."

Realizing this news could cause public uproar that could potentially be very damaging to Ant's recovery, Dermott felt the need to reassure Dec that he and Ant were not alone in this.

"Deuteronomy 31:6, Declan – 'Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.' I know life is not the way you wish it to be right now, Declan, but you are not alone, and never forget that."

Nodding at his brother's soothing words, Dec cried harder at the words "you are not alone" – the loneliness of his existence swallowed him whole most days. The odd thing was, he wasn't alone, he wasn't truly lonely in the full sense of the word. Ali was there for him constantly, as was his family, but the hole left in his life by the absence of his friend was unlike any loneliness he'd ever experienced before. And he had been no stranger to isolation during those endless years of being single, unable to find a steady girlfriend who loved him for being him rather than loving him for his money. But this was different, and far, far more painful. It was like a piece of him was missing, a very vital piece of him that he couldn't live without, and it was something he couldn't quite reconcile himself to, couldn't figure out how he was meant to live like this.

Tears finally slowing to a trickle, Dec scrubbed at his eyes like a small child, letting out a deep sigh. Dermott saw this as his cue to leave his brother for some private reflection, and with a gentle squeeze of his shoulder, made his way back into the cathedral, leaving his brother in solitude.

Hours later, a puffy-eyed Dec wandered back into the cathedral's sanctuary, but finding no one, headed next door to the Cloister Café, the cathedral's very own cafeteria and restaurant. His suspicions that his brother was visiting with parishioners in the café were proven right when he saw Dermott speaking with an elderly couple at a table near the back of the building. Stepping up to order himself a cuppa, Dec let out an annoyed sigh as he felt a buzz in his trouser pocket. He'd put his phone on vibrate earlier in the day, not wanting to be disturbed but also not daring to put it on silent in case anything happened with Ali or Ant. Digging his phone out wearily, Dec felt a sense of foreboding come over him as he saw a text from Ali.

"Feeling a bit off-colour. Could you come home early? Xx"

Dec had planned on staying in Newcastle until Wednesday at least, needing a couple more days to try to clear his mind....But if Ali needed him – and she wasn't normally one to whinge about not feeling well, so it must be rather serious – he had to go back to London, and as soon as possible. Cancelling his order of tea with an apologetic smile, Dec made his way over to Dermott, explaining the situation tensely, worry evident in his voice.

Dermott's heart sank when he heard the news. He had hoped that Dec could maybe find some peace, would be able to relax a bit if he had another couple of days here at home being spoiled by his mam, but obviously his wife and unborn child came first. And of course this was the last thing Dec needed right now – another thing to worry about. But with a final blessing and firm hug, Dermott sent his little brother on his way back to their mam's house to break the news to her and book the next available flight back to London. That night, Dermott's fervent prayer was that Dec would be given the strength to get through the days, weeks, and months to come. None of them knew how long it would be before Ant could even attempt to come back to work, but for Dec's sake, Dermott's earnest supplication was that his brother's relationship with his best friend would be healed and their bond remain unbroken. It was the only way either of them could survive.