"Decs,I'm so sorry" Ant whispered as he held his distraught best friend in his arms.

"He can't die Ant" Dec sobbed "he just can't"

"I wish there was something we could do" Ant sighed desperately.

"There is something we can do" Dec stated as he suddenly sprung up from the sofa and out of Ants embrace.

"I'm going to get him the best doctors in the world" Dec vowed "I don't care how much they cost or where he has to go,even if he has to travel to the other side of the world for treatment,then so be it,I'll pay for it all"

"Declan" Ant replied kindly "I think he already has the best doctors"

"No,he can't have" Dec retorted "if he did,they would be doing something to save him wouldn't they?"

"Dec" Ant sighed "I'm sure they've done everything possible for him,cancer is just a horrible disease,he put up a hell of a fight,but maybe it's time to let him go"

"NO" Dec shouted "I won't,I can't,I need him,he has to survive,I won't ever let him go"

"I know this is really hard" Ant replied sympathetically as he watched Dec pace up and down his living room "but if the cancer is terminal,there really is nothing else the doctors can do except make him as comfortable as possible,I'm so sorry Declan"

Ant got to his feet and held out his arms once again,gesturing for Dec to accept his offer of comfort.

Ant was surprised when he was ignored.

"There's got to be something they can do?" Dec whispered as the endless tears continued to flow down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry kidda" Ant repeated "I really am"

"NO" Dec shouted again as he angrily knocked everything from Ants mantelpiece with one long swoop of his arm.

Ant winced as Lisas favourite framed picture of her and Ant on their wedding day fell to the floor and smashed to pieces.

"Declan,stop it" Ant ordered.

Dec ignored him and carried on throwing things to the ground in anger,anything that was in near reach and that he could easily get his hands on.

Candles,mugs,photo frames,magazines,anything was fair game to Dec,but he wasn't really aware of what he was doing.

He was upset,angry and devastated.Ant knew this as he desperately tried to stop his friends meltdown causing anymore chaos in his home.

After Ant had begged Dec to stop after what seemed like a hundred times,he had no option left but to try and physically restrain him.

Ant really didn't want to do this,but he didn't know what else to do,so he quickly grabbed Dec from behind as he was about to grab a full ashtray from the coffee table and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

"Get off me" Dec screamed angrily,attempting to release himself from Ants hold.

Ant tightened his grip the more Dec struggled,he never said a word,just concentrated on holding Dec tightly until he calmed down,he knew Dec and knew it wouldn't be too long before exhaustion from being so upset and angry took over.

"Get off me" Dec repeated,with not quite as much gusto as before "let me go"

Dec continued to try and release himself from Ants embrace,but it was no good,Ant was just so much stronger than him.

"Get off me" Dec pleaded again in a much weaker voice.

Eventually he stopped struggling and felt his legs buckle helplessly underneath him.Ant lowered him gently to the floor,still holding him safely in his arms until they were both sitting quietly with Dec enveloped in Ants arms as he wept quietly.

"I'm so sorry Declan" Ant whispered softly into his ear "I'm so sorry"

Dec didn't respond,he didn't need to,Ant knew exactly how he would have been feeling,all Ant could do was be there for him in whatever way possible.

Dec composed himself after a few minutes and they both got up off of the floor and sat back on the sofa.

Dec glanced around the room and hung his head in shame as he observed the damage he'd done to Ants home.

"Oh Ant,I'm so sorry" he cried "your beautiful home,look what I've done"

"Don't worry about that Dec,it's not important" Ant smiled.

"But your wedding picture" Dec replied tearfully "it's smashed to smithereens"

"It's fine honestly,it's only a photo frame" Ant said,picking up the picture from inside "see?the photo is absolutely fine and the frame is easily replaced,so please don't worry about it ok?"

Ant didn't have the heart to tell Dec that it was actually a special wedding day present from Lisas parents and not just some cheap frame from any tacky old shop.

He wasn't sure how he was going to explain this to Lisa,but knowing how much she loved Dec,Ant was pretty sure she would understand.

Ant quickly scanned over the frame,hoping it wasn't damaged and only the broken glass would need replacing,luckily that was exactly the case.

"I'm still sorry Ant" Dec mumbled "I'll tidy it all up"

"Seriously Decs" Ant smiled "don't worry about it,it's fine,it will only take me a minute to clean it up"

Ant placed an arm around Dec,pulling him in for a sideways hug.

"So what happens now?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" Dec questioned.

"I mean are you going to go up to Newcastle?" Ant enquired.

"I guess I should" Dec sighed "should be with the family I suppose"

"Yeah,that's probably a good idea" Ant nodded "did your mam say...umm...did she say how long?"

"How long he has to live?" Dec winced at the question.

"Yeah" Ant replied sadly.

"No,she didn't" Dec replied "we didn't get that far,but if the cancer is terminal then I guess that means months,maybe only weeks,I just don't know"

"I guess you'll find out when you see everyone" Ant frowned.

"Not sure I want to know" Dec replied while wiping yet more tears away.

"I'm not surprised" Ant nodded "it's going to be hard to hear that"

"Come with me" Dec said unexpectedly.

"What?" Ant asked surprised.

"Come with me" Dec repeated "come with me to Newcastle,I can't do this on my own,I need you there"

"Dec" Ant sighed "I don't think that's appropriate.You need to be with your family at this difficult time,you don't need me tagging along"

"But you are family" Dec insisted "haven't Mam and Dad always told you that?"

"Yeah,they have" Ant nodded "but this is different,this is about blood family,it would be wrong of me to get in the way"

"But I need you" Dec cried sadly.

"I don't think I'll be able to get through this without you"

"I tell you what" Ant smiled "how about I drive you up and stay at me Mams,then if you do need to see me at any point,I won't be too far away,I'm long overdue a visit anyway,as she keeps reminding me"

"Ok" Dec nodded,happy at this compromise.

So just a couple of days later,the boys were heading home to Newcastle once again.They were looking forward to seeing their families although Dec was very apprehensive about how his dad would be,he was kind of dreading seeing him looking even more ill than last time he visited,indeed if that was the case,but he had to go,he wanted to go.

"You're coming in aren't you?" Dec asked as Ant pulled up outside Anne and Fonseys home.

"I'm not sure I should?" Ant frowned.

"Of course you should" Dec smiled "they'll want to see you"

"Ok,maybe I'll just pop in to say hello then" Ant replied "then I'll leave you guys in peace"

Ant followed Dec into the house,Dec had his own key although he very rarely got to use it as usually Anne opened the front door the minute she saw Dec approaching from the window,she always looked out for him once she got his obligatory text to tell her he was almost home.

This time though,she wasn't looking out for him,she was probably just busy with Dad,Dec thought to himself.

"Mam,Dad,I'm home" Dec called out.

"In here love" Anne replied from the living room.

Dec made his way to join them with Ant trailing behind him.

As soon as Dec saw his parents sat side by side on the sofa,he ran up to them and practically threw himself on top of them,all three of them embracing each other as the tears began to fall.

"Oh Dad" Dec sobbed.

"It's ok son" Fonsey replied gently,while rubbing Decs back and Anne attempted to keep her arms around both of them from their sitting position.It was an unusual position for three adults to be in,Dec was kneeling between the slight gap between his parents,with his head buried between their shoulders as they stretched up to hug him.

Ant watched uncomfortably from the doorway.This was the first time he'd felt awkward around Decs family since he first met them as a shy teenager.

He felt like he was intruding on their grief somewhat,like an outsider looking in,Anne and Fonsey hadn't even noticed him,not that they needed to,what was going on in their lives was more than enough without having to worry about Ants feeling.

He decided it would be best if he just quietly slipped away unnoticed,leaving Dec to be with his family.

Ant felt so sad driving to Christines house,sad for Dec obviously as well as his family,but that little scene that had just been played out in front of him made him realise one thing,something that he didn't really want to admit and that was that you are never truly part of someone elses family.

Of course Dec and all of the Donnelly clan had been telling him for years that he was part of the family and Ant loved that,he felt welcomed and cherished by them and he had never had any reason to doubt that that was exactly how they felt.

He wasn't actually doubting it now if he was honest with himself,he knew they loved him,but when it came down to the pain and suffering that Decs family were now faced with,for those few moments stood at Anne and Fonseys living room doorway,he felt invisible and that just got him wondering.

He had no right to be hurt,that's what he told himself anyway,Dec and his family were going through a horrendous ordeal,it just made him sad that their grief actually made Ant feel slightly ostracised,but he knew he had to shake these feelings off for Decs sake and he absolutely would,he'd be a little sad in private for a while,but no way would he tell Dec or anyone else about this,he knew these feelings would soon pass,then he would get back to his usual caring,supportive self.

"Why did you leave?" Dec asked Ant on the phone the next day.

"Oh yeah,sorry" Ant winced at the question "I just thought it was best to give you some privacy with your parents"

"You didn't even say goodbye" Dec pointed out "or even hello to Mam and Dad for that matter"

"Yeah,sorry" Ant mumbled,before quickly changing the subject "how's your dad doing?"

"He seems ok at the moment" Dec replied "he doesn't give much away though,he hates people fussing,always has"

"Yeah,I can understand that" Ant smiled.

"That's cos you're just the same" Dec pointed out.

"Yeah,I guess I am" Ant smiled "can't bear to be fussed over,so what are you up to today?"

"Nothing much" Dec replied "just hanging out with the parents I guess,you gonna come over?"

"If they want me to?" Ant asked cautiously.

"Of course they want you too" Dec sighed "they'd love to see you"

"Ok,I'll come over after lunch then shall I?" Ant enquired.

"Yeah,sounds good" Dec said before saying goodbye.

Ant was soon making his way over to Anne and Fonseys house after he'd cooked lunch for Christine,he vowed he would spoil her during his few days back in Newcastle,so that was a good start.

Anne and Fonsey welcomed Ant with affectionate hugs and his worries from the previous day about not really being part of the family,immediately disappeared.

They all had a nice chat,talking about Ant and Decs work and what they had lined up for the rest of the year,how Lisa was doing as well as what the rest of Decs family had been up to amongst many other things,before Anne asked Dec to come and help her in the garden.

Dec wasn't stupid,he knew this was a plot to leave Ant and Fonsey alone,he wasn't sure what they would be talking about,but it would no doubt be something to do with him.

"I guess Declan told you my news?" Fonsey asked.

"Yeah,he did" Ant nodded sadly "I'm so sorry Fonsey,I wish there was something more they could do"

"Yeah,me too lad,me too" Fonsey smiled "but it just isn't to be and I've made my peace with it now,I'm ready to go and meet my maker"

"It's good that you have faith" Ant replied "it must be a small comfort to you"

"Oh it's a very big comfort Anthony" Fonsey replied "I've tried to lead a good life,be kind,compassionate and selfless,so hopefully the big man upstairs will let me in when I come knocking on those pearly gates"

"I know he will" Ant nodded,trying to stop the tears that were welling up in his eyes from spilling over his long eyelashes.

Fonsey pretended he hadn't noticed Ants slight display of emotion,he knew how much Ant hated showing his feelings,Dec had told Fonsey enough times.So he just placed a reassuring hand on Ants arm.

"How is Dec doing with all this?" Fonsey asked.

"Er...not that great unfortunately" Ant replied "he's really struggling"

"Yeah,I thought he would be" Fonsey nodded "I know he's trying to put on a brave face,but he's always been such an emotional little fella"

"Yeah,he has" Ant agreed.

"Well,I'm glad he's got you to look out for him" Fonsey smiled.

"Always" Ant replied confidently.

"I'm dying Ant" Fonsey stated in a matter of fact fashion.

"Umm...yeah" Ant wasn't sure what to say to that.

"I don't have long left" Fonsey continued "maybe only a few weeks,a couple of months if I'm lucky"

"I'm sorry" Ant whispered while looking down at the floor.

"I've got a strong,close knit family up here" Fonsey smiled "they'll get each other through this"

"Yeah,they will" Ant nodded "your family are amazing"

"Yeah" Fonsey whispered "but I'm really worried about Declan"

Ant didn't reply,just looked Fonsey in the eye and waited for him to continue.

"I'm really worried" Fonsey repeated "I'm not sure how he'll cope when I'm gone,especially as he has to be down south most of the time and not surrounded by his loved ones"

Ant nodded with understanding.

"Please promise me one thing Ant" Fonsey requested.

"What's that?" Ant asked curiously.

Fonsey looked into Ants eyes and asked for the one thing that he already knew Ant would definitely do.

"Please look after our Declan!"