"I'm a French Maid" Ant repeated as he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

"You are" Dec giggled drunkenly.

A broad grin then spread across Ants face as he swished the bottom of the very short black dress and white apron around,causing a slight draught around his nether regions that he hadn't anticipated.

"I'm pretty" he laughed,before slumping back down heavily onto his seat.

"Yous beautiful Anthony" Dec muttered playfully,attempting to kiss Ant on the cheek,but he totally missed his target and ended up planting a very loud smacker in Ants ear.

"Eeeewwww" Ant grimaced "yukky,slurpy in my ear holes"

This caused Dec to almost fall off the seat laughing,but thankfully,Franks lightening reflexes managed to catch him just in time.

"Just as well someone stayed sober isn't it?" Frank laughed.He had planned all along to pace himself and only have a few alcoholic drinks throughout the day,partly because he had to travel back to Newcastle the next day and didn't really want to do that with a hangover,but also because he wanted to keep a protective eye on the boys,ensuring they came to no harm.

Frank and a couple of Ants other guests weren't big drinkers anyway,so chose to have soft drinks in most of the bars they visited,so Franks plan worked out quite well.

"Feel sick" Ant suddenly announced,looking visibly paler than he had done just a few minutes ago.

"Ok" Frank smiled "let's get you to the toilet shall we?can't have you getting barred from Macdonalds for puking everywhere,can just imagine the headlines tomorrow if that happens"

"Has gone now" Ant mumbled.

"You sure about that?" Frank asked concerned "I will be very surprised if everything you've drank today doesn't reappear at some point"

"Shleep" Ant groaned and rested his head on his folded arms on the table in front of him.

"Ooh,shleep" Dec laughed "me too" and proceeded to rest his head on Ants back.

"Ok" Frank shook his head affectionately at the duos antics "time to get you two back home I think"

Frank and a couple of his pals had a hell of a job getting Ant and Dec out of the fast food restaurant as the dining room area was down two flights of stairs,but they managed it eventually.

Some of the group made their own way home or to their hotels by public transport or in cabs,which left just Ant,Dec,Frank and one other friend,Greg,waiting for a taxi outside a local cab office,ready to be taken back to chiswick.

"Didn't really think this through properly did we?" Frank frowned to Greg as they attempted to prop the drunken friends up on a nearby bench.

"What's that?" Greg enquired.

"Well,wouldn't it have made more sense to finish this epic pub crawl in chiswick?you know?somewhere as close to Decs place as possible?we're quite far away"

"Yeah,that would have made more sense" Greg laughed "you helped arrange it though"

"Yeah,I know" Frank shrugged "I'm an idiot"

"Chiswick isn't on the monopoly board anyway" Greg pointed out.

"Good point" Frank nodded.

"Ah,don't worry" Greg replied kindly "it's still only a taxi ride away and look at those guys,they've had the best time"

"Yeah" Frank laughed,as he observed his close friends leaning against each other,propping each other up,eyes tightly shut "I dread to think how they're gonna be feeling tomorrow"

"Yeah,that's not gonna be good" Greg laughed "just hope they can remember some of today"

"I guess they'll know they had a wicked time if they can't" Frank replied.

It was a busy night,so they had a bit of a wait for a taxi.They had been warned by the cab office yet again that they would be charged for the cost of cleaning up if anyone vomited in the car.

Suddenly Ant sat up and started retching and burping violently.

"Oh God,he's really gonna blow this time" Frank stated cautiously,quickly helping Ant to his feet and guiding him to a nearby alley "you stay with Dec"

"That's it" Frank soothed as he rubbed Ants back while he brought up a hell of a lot of his stomachs contents "get it all out"

"Ugh" Ant mumbled in between bouts of throwing up "never drinking again"

"Of course you're not" Frank laughed,knowing probably just about everyone made that promise when in a particularly extreme drunken state "until next time"

"Don't feel good" Ant muttered "got sick on my shoes"

"Don't worry about that now" Frank smiled "we'll get you cleaned up when we get home,I just hope there aren't any bloody CCTV cameras around here"

Frank glanced around the alleyway cautiously,he couldn't see any but it was dark so he couldn't guarantee it,he just hoped and prayed that none of this had been caught on film anywhere.

"Are you done?" Frank asked,peering down at the large pile of vomit that Ant had produced,feeling very sorry for the poor bugger who would have to clean that up in the morning.He just hoped it might rain heavily overnight so the job was done,but that was unlikely after such a hot summers day.

"Any sign of our lift yet?" Frank asked Greg as he and Ant rejoined them on the bench.

"Nah" Greg sighed "just popped in and asked them and they said it'll still be another twenty minutes"

"Maybe we should call that guy?whatsisname?" Frank pondered.

"What guy?" Greg asked.

"You know?" Frank replied "that driver guy,John?Joe?their private driver,they're always going on about how great he is and how he'll do anything for them"

"Joe" Greg confirmed "We can't do that Frank,it's gone one o'clock in the morning,he'll probably be asleep"

"Bet he'd come though" Frank pointed out.

"Yeah,he probably would" Greg nodded "but imagine how mortified the lads would be in the morning when they realise,as they no doubt won't remember a thing about how they got home and anyway,waiting twenty minutes for a taxi is hardly going to kill us is it?"

"Yeah,you're right" Frank nodded in agreement "I'm just ready for bed now,it's been a long day"

"A great day though" Greg grinned.

"It really was" Frank smiled "I've had the best time and so have the boys"

"Yeah,they have,that was the most important thing" Greg replied.

"Ooh look,black cab" Frank quickly jumped to his feet and hailed the driver to stop,he bent down once the car pulled up to the kerb side and peered through the window to give Decs address "come on"

He beckoned to Ant,Dec and Greg,before quickly going back to the bench to help Greg with their buddies.

"CANCEL THE TAXI" he shouted through the taxi office's open door,much to the annoyance of the phone operator working there.

"Are they ok?" The black cab driver queried,glancing in his rearview mirror as the four men climbed into the back of the car.

"Yeah,they're fine" Frank smiled "just tired"

As the journey began,the driver couldn't help but voice his observations "that's Ant and Dec isn't it?"

"Er...yeah it is" Frank nodded,not wanting to give too much away.

"Looks like you've all had a great night?" The driver continued.

"Yeah,we have" Frank answered,deliberately keeping his responses short and minimal.

"Umm...is he wearing a dress?" The driver nodded towards Ant.

"Fancy dress party" Frank lied bluntly.

The driver wondered why Ant was the only one of the group who was in fancy dress,but took the hint and made no further attempts to make conversation.

Soon Frank and Greg were back at Decs place,sorting him and Ant out,by stripping their clothes off,attempting to get them into their pyjamas,but that turned out to be a lost cause as the boys just protested and wriggled so much,so they ended up sleeping in just their boxer shorts.

They finally had them in bed with a bowl at both of their bedsides in case of any night time bouts of vomiting.Frank and Greg were extremely surprised that Dec hadn't been ill considering what a lightweight he could be when it came to drinking,although he had disappeared to the toilet a hell of a lot of times in the last few pubs,so they couldn't actually guarantee that.

Greg had also placed a tumbler of water on both of their bedside tables.

"They're gonna feel so rough in the morning" he observed.

"Yep" Frank agreed "they're gonna feel like hell"

That was an understatement if ever there was one.

Dec stirred first the next morning.

His eyes flickered slowly open and he winced in pain as the marching band kept it's very loud,pounding beat in his head.

He groaned to himself as he sat up to take a sip from the glass of water.He had no idea how that water had got there,he didn't remember putting it there,in fact he didn't remember arriving home or getting into bed.

He flopped back down onto the pillow and immediately wished he hadn't as the thumping inside his head got progressively worse.

He certainly felt rotten.As well as the horrendous headache,his mouth was as dry as the Sahara Desert and he felt extremely queasy.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He mumbled to himself.

A very gentle knock was then heard at his bedroom door and Frank quietly opened it ajar and peeped through the gap.

"Dec,are you awake?" He asked.

Dec didn't have the energy to reply,so Frank opened the door further and entered the bedroom,seeing that Dec was awake,but probably not in the greatest shape.

"How are you feeling?" Frank asked concerned.

"Terrible" Dec stated.

"Not surprised" Frank smiled "that was some session we had yesterday"

"Yeah" Dec mumbled "from what I remember of it"

"I'll send you some photos" Frank laughed "we've all got some brilliant ones"

"Oh God" Dec shook his head,which he immediately regretted "ow"

"Listen" Frank said "me and Greg have to leave soon,we've got trains to catch,but I just wanted to check on you and make sure you're ok"

Frank had been surprised that the bowls he had placed on the floor next to Ant and Decs beds hadn't been used.

"Wouldn't exactly say I'm ok" Dec stated "but thanks for checking on us and thanks for coming,where's Ant?"

"Still snoring his head off in his bedroom" Frank laughed "just checked on him,best he sleeps it off I think"

"Yeah,think I'll go back to sleep too" Dec yawned.

"You do that" Frank replied kindly "I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you before we left,Greg will come in a minute,he's just finishing packing his stuff up"

"Oh,then I need to get up to see you out" Dec stated.

"Don't be daft man" Frank laughed "we can see ourselves out"

"But that's rude" Dec frowned "I should at least see you to the door"

"Seriously Dec,don't worry about it" Frank insisted "we're not royalty,you go back to sleep"

"Ok" Dec nodded sleepily "just don't tell Mam if you run into her,she's big on manners"

"And so are you Dec" Frank laughed "but you can make an exception this time.Seriously,don't worry about it,I'll call you later ok,once I've got back to Newcastle,oh and there's some headache tablets there"

Frank nodded towards the small packet sitting next to the glass of water.

"Thanks" Dec sighed.

Once Dec had said his goodbyes to Frank and Greg and thanked them for coming and all they had done,promising to relay their best wishes and thanks to Ant also once he woke up,Dec drifted back into a restless sleep.

A couple of hours later,Ant and Dec were finally awake and sat at Decs kitchen table nursing cups of coffee,feeling very sorry for themselves.

"Feel like shit" Ant mumbled.

"Me too" Dec replied.

Ants phone suddenly and abruptly made them both jump out of their skins.

"Ah,turn it off" Dec cringed as the shrill noise from Ants ringtone made his headache a million times worse.

"It's Lisa" Ant stated "better answer or she'll worry"

Ant then proceeded to have a slightly dishonest conversation with his fianceè,not wanting to admit quite how much he'd drunk or how ill he'd been,he had a very vague recollection of being in some alley with Frank rubbing his back.

Lisa didn't mind though.She wanted Ant to have had the best time,he deserved it,it was his stag night after all and if you can't get absolutely sozzled then,then when can you?

Lisas night had proven to be almost as wild,maybe a bit more so and Ant grunted along as she recalled every detail down the phone line to him,who by now was just desperate to get her off the phone so he could concentrate on making himself feel better.

"Alright babe" Lisa smiled "I'll see you later,just text me when you know what time you're coming home?"

"Will do" Ant yawned "might go back to bed"

"Ok,love you" Lisa announced cheerily,before hanging up.

"Is she ok?" Dec enquired.

"Yeah" Ant replied "had a great time with the girls,a couple of them are still there"

"Good" Dec smiled "I'm glad she enjoyed herself"

"I'm so jealous of her though" Ant frowned.

"What do you mean?" Dec asked,feeling slightly hurt,hadn't everything they'd done yesterday,everything he'd spent months arranging been enough for Ant?that thought brought a tear to his eye.

"I thought you enjoyed it yesterday?" He continued.

"Oh God,of course I did,you idiot" Ant laughed,attempting to ignore his pounding head "it was brilliant,hilarious,amazing,epic,fantastic,I just can't come up with enough words to describe what a totally awesome time I had,well,what I remember of it"

"Good" Dec replied "why are you jealous of Lisa then?"

"Just because that girl has the ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol without suffering from a hangover the next day,how is that even possible?" Ant mused.

"Oh,right" Dec smiled "yeah she is very lucky,I guess me and you are just gonna have to do her share of the suffering"

"She was just so damn chirpy on the phone" Ant laughed "it's not fair"

"Ah,well" Dec grinned "maybe we should take it a bit easier on the next one"

"Oh God,that's right" Ant cringed "you've arranged another stag night haven't you?"

"Yep" Dec grinned proudly.

"When and where?" Ant asked curiously "and will I be wearing a ridiculous array of costumes again?"

"Not this time" Dec laughed.

"I still don't know why there's a french maids outfit on my bedroom floor?" Ant muttered.

"You'll know when you see the pictures" Dec laughed.

"Dread to think" Ant shuddered "so come on then,tell us what you've got up your sleeve for the next one?"

"That's on a need to know basis only" Dec joked "and there's only one thing you need to know"

"Oh yeah,what's that?" Ant asked suspiciously.

Dec looked him in the eye with a broad grin spreading across his face and uttered one small sentence that had Ant baffled.

"To bring your passport!"