I texted Kori after the gym and getting mimosas with Griffin, feeling like it was only right to end things clearly and quickly. It wasn't fair to leave Kori hanging—I knew exactly how that felt with Cayden and I didn't want to put anyone through that. I wanted to turn over a new leaf.

I felt a little nervous about it, but mostly because I knew I was about to pass on hard news. It was hard to be dumped, but it was also hard to be the person who had to say they were no longer interested. Kori did seem like someone who was really nice and I did like her. But even without Cayden, I wasn't sure Kori would have that spark. We got along fine enough, but I wasn't drawn to her. There wasn't that kind of intensity that I found in Cayden.

I bit my lip as I pressed send, trying to think of what I would say. Mostly, I was just relieved that things with Cayden seemed... good. Fighting for Cayden felt right in a way, though. After our conversation last night, talking so openly about her ex, and still managing to have a good night after it all—I was getting a glimpse into what it could be like for us. I didn't understand the idea of being married to your best friend, or being in love with your best friend. But with her, I could see glimpses. I could imagine us hanging out. I could see us wanting to spend Saturday nights and Sunday mornings together and having it feel as easy as breathing. We just had to get through the worst parts of it first, which it seemed like we had.

I just had to cross my fingers.

But my stomach sank the more I thought about it. It was fine that Cayden and I were fine, but how long were we going to last if we had to keep being a secret? If we decided to not tell Sebastian, what would happen to us over the rest of winter break, over the summer, after graduation? If we decided to stay together long-term, how would we eventually tell Sebastian? Would we ever? Would Cayden even keep him in her life or would it always be a sore spot? And then, if they ended their friendship, would Cayden harbor some resentment that I blew up one of her longest relationships?

It was all too much. The longer I thought about it, the more I started to doubt the actual foundation of me and Cayden. I wanted to believe that we could get through anything and that all we needed was each other—that was what all of the romance novels and romantic dramas taught me. But maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe it would just be too much for both of us in one way or another. There were too many people who were unaware of our situation, too many people who could either take it in stride or completely cut it off. It felt like waiting for a bomb to go off.

My phone vibrated in my hand, Kori's name on the screen. I'm free. Let's talk, she wrote. Above that were texts from yesterday with Kori asking if I was free and if I wanted to hang out with her again. My stomach was completely knotted up with guilt.

Was I making the wrong choice going with Cayden over her? Kori was someone I could see myself maybe really falling for. She was nice, she was sweet. She was someone who my friends would mostly like. There would be no real shock or drama outside of me simply coming out. If anything, there was a chance Sebastian and I could still be at events together without it being bad if Kori was the girl in my life.

Maybe the appeal of Cayden was that she was off-limits. She was, realistically, one of only a few girls I couldn't have because of loyalty to friendship.

But no. I knew deep down that she was special. She was someone different. She was so kind from the beginning—offering to drive me back to New York. She'd stepped in so quickly to help me, not even really knowing who I was. She'd essentially picked me over Sebastian at that point and she'd just met me.

And then the sex we have... she was so hot. And beyond that, she was beautiful. I loved looking at her. There were times when I physically ached because I wanted to touch her so badly. I'd never in my entire life met someone who made me feel that way. I knew we weren't really in love yet, I had to keep my head on straight, but I had a feeling that I loved Cayden regardless. I knew that if we kept on the same path, we could really make it work. And that was something really special.

I arrived at Central park at the exact time she said in our texts, feeling like I really might vomit. I hope this doesn't escalate into a tense situation—Sebastian always would raise his voice during any serious conversation, so I'm a little worried about how this is all going to go.

"Vina, hi," Kori greeted me. She scooted down on the long concrete bench, making room for me. We kept our bodies an appropriate distance, looking like two girls who were just hangout out to discuss a group project rather than people who were romantically interested in each other. "So, you texted?"

"Yeah," I said, looking at the floor. "So. Just being honest... I—"

"I think I know where this is going," Kori said and I looked at her.

My face broke out in a hot blush as I watched people run by along the trail. "I'm sorry. I should've been honest with you from the start.

"That's fine, we're not committed. I just... I don't really understand why you'd see me if you were wrapped up in something? As far as I knew, things had ended between you guys and you were fully moving on. It didn't sound like she'd been treating you that well."

"Well—"

"I know it's not really any of my business," she said. "But I just... it was something we'd bonded over a little bit. So, I don't know. I wished you'd just told me straight out that you were with someone else and you'd been basically still seeing each other on and off. If I'd known it was like that, you were so deeply involved with an ex or whatever, I honestly would've stayed away."

This wasn't the direction I was expecting the conversations to go—at all. I felt like I was going through whiplash. I knew none of what Kori was saying was wrong, but it was also jarring to have it so bluntly laid out like that. Everything I'd done was for Cayden. I'd been telling myself it was for my sake—to be free of her, to move on, to prove that I didn't want her anymore. But it'd all been with Cayden in mind. Even involving Kori in my own personal life had been for the sake of proving some kind of point to Cayden, who didn't even care and didn't even know about Kori. It was so stupid.

And it hadn't even crossed my mind that Kori would be hurt if she found out about it. That was the worst part. It was mean of me to do it, but it was even meaner to think it wouldn't suck to realize you were just a filler. I'd never made it clear this was just a rebound thing—in fact, the connection we'd first formed upon meeting was strong. So I understood completely why she was upset.

"I hate to say it like this," Kori said. "I don't mean to overstep, but you also were the one who involved me in your own romantic drama. And I just don't really have the time for that. I'm kind of over being in high school, to be honest. I'm really looking for a relationship and whatever it is you're looking for doesn't seem to align with that. At the very least, it's clear you don't want a relationship with me."

"I'm really sorry, Kori," I said.

Kori was quiet for a second and smiled a bit at me, although it somehow seemed forced. "I think It's best if I lea—"

"Kori...? Vi?"