Waking up from a sleep that was induced by my body not being able to keep up with my brain, is harsh. My body systems are still in recovery mode and my head is throbbing. I should be thankful though; this is probably as close as I'll get to being a kid with a hangover after a big party. Except my party was with a bunch of nonexistent voices and instead of alcohol, I got sleep deprivation and instead of a hangover, I have a minute loss in organ function.

My ears are working just fine though.

"If you think I'm taking her back to your house, you're sadly mistaken."

"Cole. She tried to kill somebody. That's crazy even for Adrianna."

"No, I don't want to send her to the psych ward. I just think she needs some time away from you."

"You're not coming to get her right now. That's final."

The next thing that I heard was a dejected sigh from Kris and the thump of her phone falling onto her bed. Her back was to me, but I think that it's best to assume that her facial expression isn't very happy at the moment.

Say something to her. Like what; I'm sorry that I stress you out so much? No, just tell her everything is going to be okay. But everything isn't going to be okay. You don't know that. Nothing is ever okay; things definitely aren't going to start changing after me trying to kill somebody.

"You can send me to the psych ward Kristina. I won't be upset." I whispered quietly, sitting up slightly.

Me from three months ago would've never volunteered to go to the psych ward. Me from three months ago would've tried to burn the psych ward down.

But things are so much different now because I have Kristina in my life and I love Kristina, so I want her to be happy. So if sending me off to the psych ward will make me better for her and will make her stay with me, I'll go.

Kristina turned towards me with a small glare. "You're not going to that place."

Her voice was so determined and sure, but I know better. I know that when I start to be too much for people, they give up. They give me to the "professionals" and tell themselves that they're doing the right thing. They're really the only people who end up feeling better in the situation.

"What are we going to do then?" I asked her and she smiled at me.

"You are going to take your medicine. And then you're going to take a shower. And then we are going to school."

Δ

Walking through the hallways of school after committing attempted murder makes me feel more subconscious than ever. I've always felt like a danger to the general public, but now I've actually done something to endanger the general public. I guess that Tabitha can't really be considered the general public because I don't hate the general public nearly as much as I hate Tabitha, but everything is so jumbled together at the moment that it's hard to differentiate.

"You're doing great Adrianna," Kris whispered in my ear, before stopping at her locker.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Of course I'm great. I'm Adri. Great is my middle name."

Kris threw me a knowing look. "Didn't you tell me that your middle name is Diana?"

"Shut up." I immediately shot back. My middle name is whatever I say my middle name is. Birth certificates are only there to make stuff look official.

Kris chuckled before throwing an arm around my shoulder and walking me down the hallways. People threw a few glances our way, but I think my facial expression expressed my dissatisfaction with the attention. If it didn't, me literally mouthing 'I will kill you' to everyone is probably doing the trick too.

Adrianna, you've got to relax; no one knows what happened yesterday. My face is all types of cut-up; they know that something happened. They probably just think that you got into another fight. Another fight? I'm pretty sure they all have always thought that you're a part of an underground fight club. Why haven't I thought about joining one before; I could be rich.

"I would like to have my girlfriend today." Kristina suddenly whispered in my ear.

I turned my attention back to her and shook my head. "They weren't saying anything bad. We were just talking." I defended as we walked into the classroom.

Kristina pulled out my chair for me while giving me a look. "It's never just talking with them. They'll say something mean today eventually."

I rolled my eyes. "Probably, but don't encourage them."

This is another reason why I'm volunteering to go to the psych ward. Kristina wouldn't be sending me there to get rid of the voices, because she's come to understand that they aren't really the problem and that even if they are, I can't live without them. Everyone else sends me in there to dissect my head and try to get rid of them which only succeeds in pissing me off, not making me better.

Kristina and I made it to lunch with no problems, which is beautifully unusual. Usually, I would've threatened somebody by now or at the very least, tried to skip school. But even in the classes that I didn't share with Kristina, I sat down and paid attention to my teachers. I never pay attention to my teachers.

I've changed my mind. Committing attempted murder is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've got a level of focus that I've never seen before. This probably confirms my parents' theory about me being a mild psychopath, but they aren't here so who cares.

Before Kristina and I headed to lunch, we, of course, had to stop to get my medicine from Ms. Lauren. I'm in a good mood, but I still need my medicine so that we can continue this trend of me not threatening to stab annoying people.

"Adrianna, Kristina. It's nice to see you." She greeted us when we walked inside and we both waved in acknowledgment before Kristina helped me to sit on the bed. I noticed that one of the curtains was drawn in the room, which meant that someone was probably sleeping in that bed. I used to be that kid, so I thought it would be polite to be quiet.

"Are you doing okay today Adrianna?" Ms. Lauren spoke in a fairly loud voice from the back room as if someone wasn't trying to sleep right now.

"I'm fine. Don't you think we should keep quiet, somebody is trying to sleep." I spoke in the loudest whisper possible.

Ms. Lauren came back into the room, a nervous smile on her face. "Oh, t-there's no one in that room honey. The curtain is just closed." She responded, her face making a not so convincing smile at the end.

I squinted my eyes in slight confusion at her, but eventually just shrugged and held out my hand to receive my meds. Maybe Ms. Lauren is acting weird because Cole called to tell her what happened yesterday. I'd act weird too if I knew a potential killer was in my midst, so I didn't bother getting upset with her.

Ms. Lauren's hand was shaking as she pressed the meds into my palm hand so a few of my pills ended falling to the ground. I shot her a quick smile before dropping to the floor and picking up the pills. As I craned my head to look for them, I noticed a pair of shoes sticking out from under the curtain.

A pair of shoes identical to the pair of shoes I got for somebody last Christmas.

"Cole?" I called out in disbelief, standing up from the floor.

Even though I was answered with silence, Ms. Lauren's pale face told me everything I needed to know. Kris tilted her head confused at me, but I just snatched my water bottle from her hand and swallowed down my pills.

"You know, sleeping with all of my doctors isn't going to make them like me?" I called out again in a dull voice, and this time I was answered with the sound of a curtain pulling back. I turned around to now see the guilty face of not only Ms. Lauren but also (surprise) my older brother.

"I'm not sleeping with Alexandria. It's just that Kris won't let me see you so I-"

"Because I don't want to see you right now." I interrupted in a calm voice, surprising Cole. The surprise probably not from the fact that interrupted him, but from the fact that I wasn't screaming.

"Adri, I need to explain myself." He pleaded, taking a step forward but I took a step back.

"You love her. You didn't mean to hurt me." I spoke quietly, explaining it for him. I felt Kristina's hand drawing circles on my back, most likely trying to inform me that I'm shaking.

I watched Cole open his mouth, but he just as soon closed it without anything coming out.

"I know what you didn't mean to do, but the fact is that you did. I'll forgive you eventually, but I'm not going back inside of that house without a hazmat suit, at least." I informed him, reaching behind me to grab Kristina's hand for support. I may sound calm, but my insides are doing that weird thing where they self-destruct on each other.

Not fun.

Cole glanced between Kris and me for a while, before eventually bringing himself to nod.

"You'll call if you need something?" He asked quietly and I shrugged.

"Sure, but I think that the only thing that I'll need from you for a while is space," I spoke before walking over to the door to leave. I opened the door and glanced back at Cole.

"I'm going to therapy next week." I paused to glance at Kris. "By myself. I'm going to do my very best to not do anything to her, but if I see a hickey on her skin I will be very compelled to cut it off."

And then I pulled Kris out of the room and closed the door behind us.

"Adri you did such a-" Kris started, but I interrupted her by pulling her down the hallway. Luckily, the further we got from the cafeteria, the fewer people I saw because my breaths became uneven as I searched for an empty classroom.

The moment I found one, I pushed the door open and pulled both of us inside. I locked the door behind us and leaned against the door.

I locked eyes with Kristina, trying to regulate my erratic breaths but no more than thirty seconds later I collapsed onto the floor and there were sobs racking through my chest and tears streaming down my face. Kristina immediately fell next to me and enclosed me tightly into her arms.

"It's okay Adri. You did so well." Kristina whispered on repeat, her fingers combing through my hair.

I want to go home. To my home with my bed and my siblings. I don't want to be mad at my brother and I don't want my house to be tainted. I want to be able to sleep in my bed without worrying about my therapist in the next room sending me away. I want to be able to be myself in my home.

But that's not possible anymore because Tabitha will be there. Tabitha has ruined my life indefinitely and there's nothing I can do about it because my brother is in love with her.

My brother finally has the life that I've hoped for him to have and I now want nothing more than for it to end.

I'm a terrible sister.