Apparently, Cole is very disappointed with how the session with Tabitha went down earlier. That's not very shocking though. Me threatening to kill somebody and an absence of a reprimand from Kristina was bound not to go over well. However, what is surprising is that Cole isn't disappointed in Kristina or I. He's disappointed with Tabitha.

The moment the sedative came out I went into a dissociative state, so I don't actually remember a lot. Kris has been doing me the courtesy of catching me up though.

As soon as I could walk, Kris took me straight home and told Cole everything. How I was genuinely opening up to Tabitha and was (for the most part) behaving until the Tabitha threatened me with the sedative. Kris didn't and still doesn't know that it was a sedative, but from her description of how bad my breakdown was, it wasn't hard for Cole to figure it out.

Though Cole complies with our parents' wishes and orders the sedative every month, he hates it just as much as I do. He thinks that it's excessive and should only be used when I'm in the middle of a freakout, never as something to intimidate me. When he found out that Tabitha pulled it out because of an empty threat that I've made millions of times, he was livid.

Kris explained to me how he called Tabitha and lectured her over how her job is to make me better, not worse and how she has to have more patience with me. However, I couldn't care less about what he was yelling at her about. The fact that someone other than me was angry with Tabitha, was thrilling. It was nice to have someone on my side, no matter how short-lived the feeling is going to be.

Because at the end of the day, they're still not going to get rid of her.

Cole was so upset that he left a little while ago to go yell at Tabitha in person. And even though I'm still a little out of it, I'm pretty sure the thumping in my chest is excitement and not residual anxiety. Despite the major panic attack I had earlier, today is one of the best days of my life.

Now Kris and I were laying in my bed, watching one of the millions of random movies that I have, gifted from past doctors who felt guilty for prescribing me house arrest so many times. Kris seemed to be really into them, whereas for me they were just background noise. I was more focused on Kris's heartbeat than anything; the way that it sped up and slowed down as the movie progressed was much more entertaining than anything I had seen a thousand times.

When the movie we were watching ended, I sat up so that Kris could go and change the movie out. When she didn't move from her spot, I turned towards her with a confused look.

"Adri, we need to talk," Kris began slowly and cautiously, gentleness heavy in her tone. However, no speed nor amount of kindness could change how much I hated that phrase. Any phrase that implied a conversation immediately made it to my dislike lists.

"I agree. We need to figure out what we're eating for dinner. I'm starving." I attempted to redirect, which was unsuccessful by the look on Kris's face.

"We can talk about that too, but first there's something else we need to talk about." She spoke in an almost pleading voice as she sat up.

"About what Kris?" I sighed while sitting up to face her and crossing my legs. She mirrored my position and took my hands in hers, setting them in between us.

"I need to know what's in that syringe."

My muscles tensed and I shot her the dirtiest look that I could muster. Did she not see what just the sight of that thing did to me earlier? That syringe is the very last thing I want to talk about today.

"Don't look at me like that Adri. It almost killed me to let it go the first time, I won't do that again. You don't know how hard it is for me to watch you get so terrified and not be able to protect you from it because I have no idea what it is. So tell me."

And this time around Kris really was pleading. Paired with the way her voice broke towards the end, a sharp pain made its way through my chest, even though my body is a numb lump of skin right now.

You know that Kris won't care. She doesn't care right now. Adri, Kris hasn't done us wrong yet; she even protected us from Tabitha. She protected me from Tabitha; what happens when she finds out about you and leaves us? We'll figure that out when we get there.

I sighed, hanging my head down as the shame spread over me before I could even speak.

"It's a strong sedative. It puts me to sleep for 24 hours, sometimes longer. It's for extreme breakdowns and psycho moments." I explained in a barely audible whisper.

The silence was near deafening, so I braved a glance at Kris's face. I immediately regretted the decision when I saw how her face was screwed into disgust. I tried to pull away from her, but Kris wasn't having it. She forcibly pulled me into her lap, cradling me against her chest.

"How could they even consider that?! You don't even like sleeping for the regular eight hours. Why would they put you to sleep for that long?"

I continued to thrash against Kris until my brain actually processed what she had said, and realized that she is on our side. Kris thinks that they are wrong and that I am right. She even understands how bad sleeping is for me and she understands.

The realization halted my fighting and fell limp against Kris, my head laying on her chest so I could listen to the slow, rhythmic beat of her heart. Kris rocked me back and forth in her lap, gripping my waist tight in her arms and suddenly everything fell into place.

"I love you," I whispered, the confession falling out as easy as my own name.

I didn't actually mean for Kris to hear it. I said it because I needed to get it off my chest and because it needed to be said. I know that she heard me though because her body stilled, and her heartbeat was racing tenfold then what it was before. However, she didn't actually respond, so I took that as an opportunity to keep talking.

"Today is the day I'm supposed to decide right? I'm supposed to tell you whether or not to I want to give you a chance?" I asked, already knowing the answer as I tilted my head towards at her.

"Adri..." Kris breathed, voice heavy with disbelief, but I just ignored her.

"Well, I've decided I'm going to give you a chance and you can't back out of it because you've been bothering me about it for the past week." If Kris dared to back out of her proposition now, my empty threat of killing someone wouldn't be so empty anymore.

Kris looked down at me with glossy eyes and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. My eyes fluttered at the contact and when she pulled away, I found myself staring at her blue eyes that I have found myself growing quite fond of getting lost into.

"You know I'm not going to hurt you right? I promise." Kris whispered, leaning her forehead against mine. I shrugged in response, relaxing in her arms.

If Kris ever does hurt me, and I mean hurt me, nothing remotely good will happen. Either Kris or myself will be seriously injured in some sort of way. I might end up stabbing or poisoning her, and she might end up making me kill myself. Either way, I am too emotionally numb to worry about any of that right now, so shrugging is the best response I can give her.

Kris lazily rolled her eyes at me and slowly got out of the bed, finally going to switch out the movie. I watched her with a dreamy smile, feeling strangely content. My body is exhausted now, having ridden the longest rollercoaster of emotions today this world has to offer. I was running on the residuals of my earlier adrenaline high at this point.

"Having a serious conversation with you right now is a little pointless. We'll talk more about this tomorrow." She spoke, facing the tv.

I pouted, sitting up on the bed. "I'll have you know that I am 17 years old and," I paused to let a yawn escape past my lips and rub my eyes tiredly, "I can make my own decisions anytime that I want."

She turned around and glanced at me, a small smile on her face.

"You're a tired 17 year old recovering from a panic attack." She corrected before putting the next movie in and walking back towards the bed.

I shrugged, moving over so that she could lay back down. "Not my fault," I said, defending myself. Kris nodded in agreement, taking me back into her arms and leaning against the headboard.

"I would order you pizza right now, but I think that you'll be asleep before it even gets here," Kris whispered, playing with the ends of my hair. I looked up at her with a small glare. I deserved pizza and then some after going through this terrible, awful day.

"Order the pizza Kris or I will slit your throat," I commented in a devilishly sweet tone.

She chuckled and pulled out her phone. I was out before she even finished the call.

Δ

"You still want to send her back there?! What's it going to take for you guys to find her a new therapist?!"

"She's never hurt Tabitha before and at least she knows Tabitha! You really want to introduce her to a stranger?!"

"So you're waiting for her to stab Tabitha?! Great idea Cole."

Waking up to people yelling downstairs is something that I am unfortunately used to. Waking up to people yelling downstairs about me is something that I'm even more used to. This time though, instead of my parents and Cole screaming, it's Cole and Kristina.

As I sat up, I pulled along the small body that I didn't realize was laying in my arms with their arms around my neck.

"Ellie, what are you doing?" I asked her, my voice groggy.

She rolled her eyes, sitting in my lap. "Your girlfriend and Cole are arguing downstairs, so I can't watch TV." She complained.

This time it was my turn to roll my eyes. "Kris isn't my girlfriend Ellie." I corrected, with a lot less heat than I would've used a few days ago.

She shrugged. "Either way they're extremely loud and I can't get my pizza because there's too much negative energy down there, and I really want my pizza though." She muttered the last part bitterly and a small smile made its way onto my face.

Sometimes we're a little worried that Ellie hangs out with me too much, but then we realize how normal she's turning out to be, so everything is okay. But every now and then, little traces of me pop up and it's great.

I stood up from my bed, holding Ellie close to me. "Come on El, let's go get our pizza," I spoke and she clutched her arms tighter around my neck so that I could carry her down the stairs.

"Kris you don't understand. Our parents don't want her to switch." 'Don't want' is the understatement of the year Cole.

"You obviously don't understand how much she doesn't like Tabitha. She's reluctant to tell her anything." 'Reluctant' is also another water-downed word, but we'll roll with that.

"That's only because Tabitha-"

"Alrighty then! That's enough talking about me without me present for the day don't you think?!" I exclaimed, making my presence known as I took the last few steps. Cole and Kristina's heads whipped around to look at me with record speeds. They both shared guilty expressions, but I ignored them and headed towards the smell of Sebastio's.

I don't like to think about what Tabitha did to me. It hurts and it is a memory that I don't like to relive. She took away something beautiful from me and I will never forgive her for that.

Ever.