Waiting for Cole made me feel like a suicide bomber waiting for their bomb to go off. It's a bomb, so you're afraid and scared, and dying is just something you haven't tried yet but you know that you're ready for it.

I am extremely ready for Cole to come and get me, but it's worrying not knowing if he is going to be the good cop or bad cop. But anything would be better than having to be here with Kris for any longer. She hasn't moved an inch away yet and I was starting to get annoyed with the way she thinks that she can just touch me for as long as she has. I agreed to hugs, not cuddling.

"You should stop worrying Adri. He's already said that he's not mad at you." I'm not worried, I never said anything about being worried. I'm just shaking because you won't let go of me.

I'm personally shaking from happiness. I will never be able to understand why you like her so much. She's beautiful, funny, and so many other things. Maybe you're right, but she's also crazy. So are you, and I still stick around. An hour ago you completely disappeared and did not mention coming back. I don't want to talk about that. Why not? Goodbye.

"Why don't I just walk down the street until I see him?" I have reached my breaking point and am now demanding immediate release.

Kris looked down at me with an amused smirk and shook her head at me. It was worth a shot.

Kris shifted so that she was laying on her side like I was, and her arm was draped across my waist. I have already asked for her to stop touching me, but she isn't having it. Maybe if I glare at her arm long enough then it will go away. Maybe even fall off.

"Why are you always running?" Kris asked gently.

I snorted in response and rolled my eyes. I don't "run". That takes exercise and effort. Two things that I'm not a fan of, especially the second one.

My response didn't falter Kris. If anything it made her even more expression even more solemn. I hate whenever she gets like this; she's no fun to be around in the first place, but when she flips from fun to serious, she's even more miserable to be around.

"You never want to talk about anything," She pushed, making me fidget. That isn't completely true. I like talking about board games and, recently, how much I love Sebastio's.

"Do you even talk to your therapist?" Why does everyone keep bringing her up?

I shot out of Kris's arms and instantly climbed out of her bed. I can feel my shaking getting worse, but I couldn't bring myself to care anymore. This place is no longer safe and I need to go somewhere safe to get oxygen. I need to get out of this room, out of this house and as far away from Kris as possible.

I need to run.

"Adri, what are you doing?" What does it look like I'm doing Kristina?

I shoved my shoes onto my feet and quickly headed for the door. I'm not going to let Kris see me have another panic attack.

The convulsions running throughout my body got worse and worse as I walked down the stairs. I didn't hear Kristina following behind me, but then again I can't hear anything except for the really loud thumping noise that surrounded me. Even when I began to scream and slam my hands over my ears, it still wouldn't go away.

The noise made me want to slam my head against the concrete until I either went deaf or the thumping stopped. I don't care if I end up in a pool of blood with a million people surrounding me. You could give me three doses of my sedative and make me stay in the hospital for months. As long as you make the thumping stop.

An arm caught my shoulder when my hand met the doorknob and I immediately tore it away. This is not the time for me to engage in human contact. If there was ever a worst time to do that, it would be right now. Right now the only things that should be touching me is an airplane seat or my razor.

I managed to open the front door, but when I saw a worried expression making it's way up the walkway, I decided that a back exit was a better option.

That, or the obvious, slam my head against the concrete.

I tried to turn around and head towards the back of the house, but when a stronger pair of arms wrapped around my thrashing arms and waist, I knew I wasn't going anywhere. I began to care less and less about the amount of oxygen that I was inhaling, and more and more about everything just ending.

I don't mind how light-headed I feel. It doesn't matter to me about the amount of bile rising my throat. I definitely don't care if Kris or Cole go deaf or if I ruin their shirts with my tears. They deserve it for not letting me leave. Is it really too much to ask? To be free and forget about everything? I don't even care how I get there; kill me, push me off of a bridge, send me away, I don't care. Just

Let. Me. Go.

I fought against the pairs of arms, for a little while longer before spots clouded over my vision and I fell slump in their hold.

My medication finally kicked in.

Δ

"Thank you for helping me get her in the car and then up here."

"Yeah, of course. Can I ask you something?"

The bed dipped next to me. "Sure."

"Why didn't she want you to know that she was coming over to mine?"

"Well because-" This conversation is done.

My hand shot out and grabbed Cole's arm, interrupting his conversation. I wasn't going to let him ruin my only safe space. Kris was the only one who didn't know about the sedative. With her, at her house, was the only place that I didn't have to worry about someone putting me into a coma. It's truly unfortunate that no one understands how much I don't like sleeping. No matter how much I explain, they just ended up assuming it was another side effect of being crazy.

"Adri...how do you feel?" How do you think I feel?

"Fine. You can go now." Both of you.

"I don't think that I can. We have to talk, don't you think?"

I haven't looked at Kris yet, and I'm glad that she hasn't spoken because I don't want to have to look at her. I don't want to say that I'm embarrassed, but having two panic attacks in front of the girl who you might consider allowing yourself to be interested in, is not a good thing. And you can trust me on that; I'm the queen of things that are not good.

"I don't see why. I freaked out and tried to run away. This isn't anything new." Sadly.

"Why did you freak out?" Why do you need to ask me all of these questions? The other person that was in the room is standing right next to me. I'm sure she'd be glad to answer all of your questions.

"Kristina brought her up. I don't like her." I more so despised her, but "don't like" was a good enough description for right now.

"When you say her do you mean Tabitha?" Here we go again.

My body immediately began to tremble and the noise of an animal in danger caught itself in my throat, projecting into quiet pleas for help. I couldn't sit up due to the hands and palms, hovering over my body, waiting to grab me. That wasn't very fair of them; you can't scare a wild animal, but give it nowhere to run.

"Adri, Adri. I'm sorry, okay? We won't talk about her anymore."

At the sound of that, my heartbeat slowly began to settle back into its cage, accepting the calm.

My body is like a broken horse; it understands its place and how to act. It knows what to do and when to do it. But now and then it falls back into its old ways, and it'll buck. The learned sanity and calm will fall and what is left is this creature that everyone wants to pretend they've never seen before. Like this isn't the beast that they started with and then molded into the perfect creature that they wanted.

It's one gigantic, sick mess of a freak show if you ask me.

"I don't think that Kris meant to freak you out Adri."

"I know that she didn't." I immediately responded. "Kris doesn't like making me upset, just like you don't like making me upset. You make me take my medicine even though I don't want to sometimes, and that makes me angry, but you don't mean to do that." I glanced up at my ceiling. "Sometimes Kris says the wrong things and it freaks me out, but I don't think that she means to do that."

Kris wants to take care of me, I believe that much now. I know that she likes making me happy and that there isn't a lot that she wouldn't do to achieve that. She's just human so she messes up sometimes.

Which is why we can't be together.

"I'm glad that you understand that. We just have to work on not running on instinct all of the time." That is the understatement of the year.

I nodded in response and closed my eyes when I felt a kiss to my forehead. I am lucky to have such an understanding brother. Even if he did make me want to jump off a cliff sometimes.

"I'll leave you to rest now." He whispered getting up from my bed, but I grabbed his arm.

"Actually, can I watch movies for a little while?" I asked, looking up at him. It was late, but sleep was out of the question. The way that my medicine worked was that it starts out strong for the first hour, but after that, it slowly wore off. This meant that I could wake up anytime after that, but it was pretty unlikely for that to happen unless, like right now, I was being moved around a lot. Watching movies was a good substitute for sleeping though.

"Sure...Would you mind if Kris stayed with you?"

I turned to look at Kris for the first time and gazed at her glossy eyes in a confused manner. Has she been crying? Why was she crying?

"Yeah, she can stay. My bed's big enough for both of us." I answered slowly without leaving Kris's eyes. The weight left my bed and exited out of my door. When I heard it close, I patted the spot next to me as I shifted over on my bed.

"Are you sure you want me to-" Yeah, she has definitely been crying.

"I wouldn't be moving if I wasn't sure Kristina." I interrupted her and grabbed the remote to my tv.

She hesitantly slid in next to me and pulled the covers over us. I laid back against the headboard, looking straight ahead as she was. I flipped through Netflix, with a quiet hum.

"Are you okay Kristina?" It is customary to ask a person who has been crying if they're okay.

"Yeah, I think so. Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

"Not at all." I immediately responded and then the movie began.