"Adrianna are you sure that your brother is okay with this?" Kris asked, slightly nervous as she drove.

I rolled my eyes in response, but didn't actually answer her because I haven't had time to figure out what I wanted to tell her yet. I couldn't lie because lying is bad for you, so I had to find a stretched truth somewhere.

Really, I shouldn't even have to be spending brain power on this. When has Kris ever worried about doing the right thing? Never. So why should she start now?

When I left the house, I ran to the park in Olympic record time; I wanted to be as far away from the house as fast as possible. I didn't want Cole to be able to look out of my open window and see me running down the street. Me jumping out of my window would have amounted to nothing if I had only gotten 2 seconds of freedom.

The only thing I forgot to do was leave a note; Cole is going to be extremely worried. He's probably going to think that I'm dead or something.

I wonder if wanting to be dead counts for anything.

"He's fine with it Kris. Stop worrying." He's fine. Breathing constitutes as fine.

Kris nodded, and I watched her expression relax and a smile break onto her face. I rolled my eyes and turned back towards the window. Why is she smiling? What do I keep saying that's so amusing? Maybe I should just stop talking. That way maybe Kris will stop smiling so much.

"We're going to have fun Adri." I ran away from home. The least that we better have is fun. This is probably going to be the last thing I'm able to do before I'm locked in my room and never let back out; Cole is going to end up homeschooling me and everything. Actually, thinking about it now, it doesn't seem too bad.

A girl home alone and her razor can never be too bored.

You're not supposed to be thinking about that. Why? Because we're with Kris; we told her that we'd stop. We've told a lot of people a lot of things. I thought that we'd already come to the conclusion that Kris is an exception. The only conclusion that I've come to about Kris is that she has good taste in food and has a knack for defusing a bad situation.

"You didn't hear a word I just said. Did you?" Kris asked, and my head whipped towards her. It's not my fault; I was having a conversation.

"No," I answered sheepishly, shrugging my shoulders slightly.

Kris laughed quietly, and I leaned back against my chair, listening. Her voice may make me want to strangle her, but her laugh has quickly become one of my favorite things. No one nor nothing else has ever really made me feel the same type of warmth and contentment. I'm still trying to figure out whether that's a bad or good thing though.

"Do you do that a lot?" She asked, then elaborated when I tilted my head at her. "Have conversations with yourself. How often does that happen?"

My heart dropped into my stomach, despite my lungs' attempt at shriveling up to try and give it a net. Now my heart is burning in acid and my lungs are probably next. They want to hide so desperately, that a pit of acid looks so appetizing.

"Are you going to ignore me?" What does it look like Kristina?

"Can I ask another question?" I quickly nodded and started getting the excavation crew together for my heart. Time to start breathing again.

"What was the shot that Ms. Lauren was trying to give you?" Never mind, cancel that.

Kris is asking unnecessary and depressing questions; None of the things that she's asking me are pertinent to the fun we're supposed to be having. She probably just wants to blackmail me into doing something, so she's trying to get dirt on me. Well, the jokes on her because I am dirt. So ha.

I win.

"Adrianna I'm just trying to help you. You-" The smell of stupid just hit me, excuse me for a second.

"Trying to help me? Kris, I can't breathe! I don't want to answer these questions. This is supposed to be fun, this isn't fun!" I yelled at her in a hysterical voice. There was something wet on my cheek, but I ignored it. It must be raining outside and Kris's car has a hole in it.

I clutched my chest as I yelled at Kris, pulling roughly at my shirt. I want to rip it open so that she can understand what is going on inside of me, but even then I would be asking for too much. Asking for somebody to understand is always too much to ask.

Kris immediately pulled over, and I looked around frantic and confused. Why aren't we moving? I just want to get out of this car. I need air.

I need a new pair of lungs.

"Adri," Kris started, as she unbuckled her seatbelt and turned towards me. I backed up against the door, but Kris still grabbed my hand. "I don't mean to scare you, you know that." She whispered gently, giving me a sincere look.

The fact is though, that I don't know that. Kris makes me feel things that no one else has ever before; in the best way and absolute worst way. She knows what to do when I am upset, and even though I don't want to admit this, she's team Adri more often than I give her credit for. Kristina is amazing.

But Kristina is human.

And humans love to prove you wrong and are filled with a million surprises. Someone could be the most amazing person to walk the planet, but even they're bound to mess up eventually. Kristina messing up isn't something that my heart will be able to take. It craves consistency and normality, and Kris takes me somewhere very, very far from there.

I had been looking away from Kris this entire time, watching the cars go by and wishing to be with them. When I felt a hand on my cheek, I wasted no time relaxing into it. It was soft, gentle, and smelled of cherry blossoms.

It was practically screaming safety.

"You know that I'm not going to hurt you Adri. I just want to take care of you." Kris had gotten as close as she could, given the amount of obstacles that are in the car.

I looked up at her through my eyelashes. "You have to take really good care of me if this is going to work Kris." Translation: You're going to have to be really good at dealing with my sadness and me.

Kris hesitated before answering. "What do you mean by "this"?"

I rolled my eyes slightly, before letting them fall to her hand on my cheek. I trailed them up to her arm slowly, as if to gesture to the lack of space in between us.

"This," I responded simply. I like what Kris said earlier; I like just existing with her.

She nodded, smiling, and I didn't mind this time. "I'll take really good care of you." She whispered gently.

I nodded and gave her a smile back. I hope that she doesn't take this as a sign of me trusting her, because I don't. This is me accepting her presence. I'll want to stab her less is all. Maybe I'll even want to hug her every now and then.

"Okay Kris, but no more questions," I warned, leaning back into my seat. I don't particularly like passing out. Oxygen is also really hard to breathe without lungs. I need oxygen to continue trying to do this little thing called "living". It's really boring but apparently, it gets better.

"No more questions." She agreed, then settled back into her seat, beginning to drive again.

∆

Kris drove us to her house, where we just watched a few movies and ate Chinese takeout. It wasn't Sebastio's, but it was still good food. Kris had done the nice thing and sat on the floor while I sat on the bed. I told her that she really didn't need to do that because I really didn't want to be on this bed, but she said that she couldn't have me on the floor. Eventually, I was okay with it because it was a really comfy mattress. I was comfortable and well-fed, everything was good.

Of course, until Kris talked.

"Adri it's 11. Do you want to call your brother?" Actually, that is the last thing that I want to do.

"Nah, I'll just spend the night," I answered nonchalantly, not letting my eyes leave the TV. I'm a decent liar if I'm not looking at the person who I'm lying to.

"I think that Cole would like to know that. I'll call him." If by call him you mean not tell him, then sure. Knock yourself out. And by knock yourself out, I mean literally, knock yourself out.

"No Kristina. It's fine." I reassured her, this time turning to face her. Her skeptical eyes met mine, and that's when I knew that I had lost. Sadly, Kristina isn't stupid. I call her stupid, but she's far from it.

"Did you tell Cole that you were coming over here?" She spoke slowly, beginning to sit up.

I fidgeted in my seat for a few seconds, before looking away and shaking my head. There is no point in lying to Kristina. For one, lying is bad and two, she's probably just going to call Cole and ask him anyway. They're basically best friends now.

Kris sighed and stood up from the floor. I didn't look at her because she would probably have this really disappointed look on her face. That will probably kill me inside; I'd rather die on the outside.

"Adri, I need your phone." She doesn't sound angry. She doesn't sound happy either. I swear that she's more like Cole than I am.

I took my phone out of my back pocket and outstretched my arm towards her. She took it from me, and I laid back on the bed. I couldn't have a panic attack because I just took my medicine, so the emotional part of my brain is sedated right now. I know what emotions I want to feel, it's actually feeling them in this moment is the problem. Later on, they'll come back. That's when we'll have a problem.

I heard Kris power on my phone, and I cringed when I heard the barrage of notifications. Cole probably noticed that I was gone 10 minutes after I left. He probably started off with bad cop in his texts, and then got even more worried when I didn't answer and started playing the good cop. Then after that, he probably threatened with the police, and then the State police, and then the National Guard. The President probably knows that I'm not at home right now.

"Cole?" Here we go.

"She's fine. She's with me at my house." Not for long.

"She told me that she asked for your permission." I can feel the playful glare Kris; I'm not stupid either.

"Of course. She just took her meds, so she might be asleep when you get here." Or dead. Because I'm about two seconds from jumping out of Kris's window. Let's not tell him that part though.

"Okay, see you soon." Kris ended the call, and I felt the bed dip next to me. Here comes the talk.

"You had your brother extremely worried Adri." She said softly.

"I know." I don't care right now, but I know. I know that I am supposed to feel bad and that I should say sorry. I know that I should probably apologize to Cole, and never do it again. My mind is supposed to be racing with excuses to tell him about why I left, and how I'm going to make up for it. My heart should probably be racing and my hands should be shaking. I should be losing my mind right now.

But I'm not. And I feel nothing.

I know that that is really depressing and I'll probably cut later for it.

I felt a hand come over mine, and I initially tensed, but then relaxed because it is just a hand.

"He's not mad, just worried." That doesn't make anything any better.

"Okay." Adjective. Something I am not.

"He's coming over to get you." And take me home, then lecture me, and then ground me.

"Alright." Another thing I am 500 miles away from.

Kris sighed and then the bed dipped again, the next thing I know she is lying next to me. My heartbeat picked up, but it fell again just as fast. It is just Kris.

"It'll be okay Adrianna."

It was when Kris wrapped her arm around me that my heart and hands lost it, and didn't let my mind find them. However, Kris found them for me and pulled me against her, ignoring the voices that were shouting at her in my head. I don't know how she is ignoring them though because they are screaming extremely loud.

I guess she likes the chaos too.