Kris has been smiling way too much. It's been three days since our whole nurse's office fiasco and I had officially decided to give her a chance, meaning I had three more days to give her an answer. Honestly, the odds do not look like they are in her favor right now, so I have no idea why she is smiling.

Probably because you're going to wrongfully turn her down. If I don't want to date her, then I don't want to date her. Here's the thing though; you do want to date her. And how exactly do you know that? Because I am you, and I definitely know what I want. I really wish that you would stop saying that. I really wish that you would just accept it.

"And how are all of my beautiful friends today?" Here comes the crazy lady now.

Bella and Zoё just rolled their eyes in amusement while the twins clung to each other with scared expressions. I on the other hand just continued to eat my beautifully crafted sandwich.

"Fine...?" Jasper answered slowly, and Adam shook his head.

"I think that what he means to ask is, "What are you smoking?". Because you look higher than a kite, and the only thing that can naturally make you that happy is free Sebastio's and I don't see any of that around." Adam corrected for his brother.

Kris glanced over at me with a smirk. "No, I think that there are other things that can make me pretty happy."

I think that this is the reason that I don't want to tell Kris "yes". She is much too confident for me. She's always so sure of everything and way too forward. Someone like me definitely won't go well with someone like her.

I am the most self-doubting, inverted human being that I know and I know a lot of self-doubting, inverted human beings. When I tell her no on Saturday, it will be better for her. She will go back to being her and I will go back to being me.

I find it a bit weird that I've started caring about how Kris ends up or whether she's happy, but after her saving me from that sedative I owed this to her. She's proved herself to be a good friend, someone that I want to be around. But that was all I wanted her to be, a friend.

"Come on Kris," Adam whined, and Jasper nodded his head repeatedly.

"Yeah, we won't tell your drug dealer's secret."

Kris just ignored them and turned her head to look at me. I squirmed in my seat uncomfortably and tried to turn my attention to my food. It didn't help that she was sitting next to me and the cafeteria seats were not designed with personal space in mind. My stomach was starting to flip again, but only a little bit because it was Kris and my subconscious knew there was no need to panic.

I sighed angrily at myself and balled my hands into a fist. I don't want my body to be used to some girl that we just met. As inconvenient as it could be sometimes, my body's self-destruct mechanism is what keeps me safe from other people. Practically dying in front of someone scares them away.

Apparently not everyone though.

"Adri..." I thought that we'd established that talking to me calmly wasn't going to fix anything.

I shook my head agitated, and waved her away. I could already feel a headache creeping up, and I didn't want her to make it worse.

"Look, Adri I'm-"

"Kris just leave me alone." I muttered, turning back to my lunch.

And for once, Kris didn't say anything. In fact, she did what I wanted and switched seats with Bella, who I was previously sitting the furthest from at the table. Bella didn't question it and just started a conversation with me. I didn't mind that, I know that I didn't mind, but my stomach still twisted and turned.

I let out a scream in frustration, then stood up from the table, walking away. The things that Kris is doing to me are driving me crazy and I have no way to cope. I should want to talk to Bella, but I don't. I should want Kris far away from me,

but I don't.

Δ

Cole said that he would be late picking me up, and I was okay with that when he told me. Some time to myself after today was totally needed after today's events.

That was around an hour ago.

Too much time to myself does bad things to my head. I start to think of dying and about how to die.

Like how when Kris came over the other day, she didn't find all of the sharp things in my room. How I still have the razor under my dresser. How that meant that we were meant to be; she wasn't supposed to find it.

I rolled up my sleeves and slowly traced my fingers over the healing scars. I rocked myself gently, trying not to pick at them. Blood in public isn't good. Blood in public gets me sent back to the hospital, under suicide watch. And then they'll ship me to the psych ward.

I don't want to go back there.

I'll wait until I get home and Cole is asleep. I never cry or scream when I reintroduce my blade and my wrist. I fill the bathtub with cold water, and clean my razors beforehand; dying from infected cuts is not how I want to go out. There are always ten for each arm and ten for each leg.

They were never deep, but if I felt like I was dying, there is always a 40 percent chance that I will call Cole. If I ever do, it'll be right before I die. I liked to watch the blood fall, but only because it's my blood. Hearing my heartbeat fade and watching my blood leave, created this beautiful mess that I just couldn't tear my eyes away from.

"Adri, what are you still doing here?"

I immediately pulled my sleeve down and cradled it to my chest. The only bad thing about my beautiful mess was that no one else could know. Or else they would take it away from me. They don't see it as beautiful like I do.

"H-he's late. H-he'll be here soon. W-what are y-you still d-doing here?" Great idea Adrianna, let's stutter. Because stuttering totally isn't suspicious.

Kris glanced at my arm slightly confused, then back at me. She sat next to me, and I tried to move away from her, but she immediately grabbed my waist and pulled me closer.

I shut my eyes, waiting for the knots to come, but instead, I got more of a freeing feeling. Butterflies?

What is this girl doing to me?

"GSA meetings are after school. Do you need me to give you a ride?" She whispered and I shrugged, holding my arms close to me. I don't care about that anymore. I just have to make sure that she doesn't take my beauty away from me.

Kris glanced at my arm, and then back at me once again. She stared into my eyes as she slowly took one of her hands from my waist and placed it on my arm. She closed her hand around my elbow and began trying to pull my arm towards her.

"No, no, no." I chanted, shaking my head.

But Kris just nodded and used both hands to pin my arm against her leg. I tried pulling my arm away from her, but Kris is stronger than me, and there is no way that I am getting away from her. There is no way that I am going to be able to keep the only thing beautiful about me anymore. She was going to take that all away from me.

I began to hyperventilate as Kris slowly pulled my sleeve up. This was it. This is where I lose everything. She was going to tell Cole, and they were going to send me back to the psych ward and they were never going to let me back out again. I don't want to go back there. Why can't she just leave me alone? What have I ever done to her?

When I felt the material of my shirt pushed up to my elbow, I decided that I didn't want to look at Kris anymore. No need to watch her ruin my life.

"Adri...look at me." No thanks, I'm good.

"Adri," She placed her hand on my cheek and turned my face towards her. I leaned into the warmth of her hand but said nothing. I know what she is going to say. It's what they all say.

She lifted my arm and gently placed her lips on the first few bright, red marks. I tilted my head confused, but she just kept her eyes locked on mine as she trailed down the length of my arm. What is she doing? Why hasn't she called Cole yet and told him? Is this some kind of sick joke?

I tried to snatch my arm away from her, but she just gripped it tighter and shook her head.

"Adrianna, nothing has changed. I still think you're beautiful." My cheeks erupted into flames, and I ducked my head down. Her hand fell under my chin, and she tilted my head back up. "You're even more beautiful and stronger than I thought before." She whispered, giving me an affectionate smile.

I watched her cautiously. "You think that my scars are beautiful?" I asked her in an unsure voice, and she immediately nodded. My face broke into a smile and I wrapped my arms around her in a hug. I couldn't believe that someone else had thought my scars were beautiful. They actually liked them! They still wanted to be my friend!

"Hey, but listen Adri..." Kris started, and she pulled away to lean her forehead against mine. I nodded, enthusiastic for what she had to say.

"I'm guessing that you don't want me to tell Cole." I immediately shook my head. "Okay, and I won't tell him. As long as you don't hurt yourself anymore."

I pulled away with a hurt expression. "I thought you said that you liked my scars?" I whispered, tears beginning to form in my eyes. Was this all just a joke? Was she just lying to me?

"I do. I do." She quickly got out, taking my face between her hands. "But these are enough scars for right now, don't you think? These will be here for a long time." She spoke with a small smile, and I looked down.

Maybe she's right; we could stop for a while. You're willing to give up our beauty? Adrianna, Kris just said that we have enough beauty for right now. But they might fade soon. Yeah, and so will Kris if we don't stop and if she tells Cole, he'll lock us back up. You're way too into this girl. Where else are you going to find someone who finds you attractive?

"Okay." I agreed, and Kris placed an excited kiss to my forehead.

"Great. Did I get all of the sharp things from your room the other day?"

What she didn't know couldn't hurt her, right? It wasn't like I was going to use it. It was just there for emergencies. Everybody needs an emergency razor. It wasn't even a really nice one. Kris doesn't need to know about it. Right?

I gave her a large smile.

"Yeah."