Ant and Dec had agreed to make the trip to Newcastle the following weekend.They didn't have any work commitments for that particular time,they had meetings planned regarding the forthcoming series of 'I'm a celebrity,get me out of here' but this weekend away didn't affect any of that.So they decided to go for a long weekend,leaving London on the Friday and returning on the Monday.

Dec had decided it was best to tell Anne he was coming,rather than turning up unannounced.He had also explained to her about wanting to visit his dads grave alone.She totally understood this and assured him she would pass that on to his siblings.With his brothers

and sisters living so much nearer to the cemetery than Dec,they'd all had ample opportunities to make the trip,which they all had done several times.Although none of them knew just how much Dec was struggling with coming to terms with losing Fonsey,they were all aware he hadn't been to the grave since the funeral so respected his wishes.

They decided to fly up to Newcastle that friday morning.After being dropped off at Heathrow airport,they were shown to the VIP lounge by a member of staff!They happily posed for photos with a couple of members of the public who had spotted them,before settling down in the comfortable chairs awaiting their flight.

Before they knew it,they were at Newcastle airport.They were always so happy when they only needed to take short flights without the inevitable boredom and discomfort of long haul flights,not to mention the unbearable jet lag which Dec never dealt with very well.

Dec had been very quiet on the flight,mostly just gazing out of the window but looking deep in thought.Ant decided to just leave him be and not push him about how he was feeling,not yet anyway,he knew this trip was going to be emotional enough for Dec as it was.

Christine had insisted on picking them up from the airport.The boys were both staying at their own mothers houses this time and they'd meet up as and when they wanted and needed to.Christine would drop Dec off at Annes before returning home to spend some quality time with her son.

As they walked through the arrivals gate it didn't take long for Christine to spot them amongst the crowds.

"Anthony" she squealed,running towards Ant and throwing herself into her much taller sons arms.

"Hi Mam" Ant laughed,hugging her tightly.

Dec stood watching for a few moments as they embraced,they soon parted and Christine turned to Dec and pulled him into a much gentler but equally warm embrace.

"How are you Declan?I mean genuinely,how are you doing?" She enquired with feeling.

"I'm ok thanks Christine,how are you?" Dec brushed the question aside.Of course Christine knew he wasn't ok,Ant had told her how much Dec was struggling and what the exact reason for this visit was.But she wasn't going to force him to talk if he didn't want to,especially not in public.She knew Ant would be looking after him and helping him all he could,so left it at that.

"Come on boys,let's get you both home" she suggested.

They both smiled,no matter how long it had been since they moved to London,Newcastle was still home and especially their Mams houses.Home definitely was where the heart is as the old saying goes.

Before long Christine was dropping Dec off at Annes,she and Ant declined to come in for a cuppa,not wanting to take a minute of Decs precious time with his Mam away from him.Anyway,Anne and Christine had also become best friends over the years,thanks to Ant and Dec,the two mothers friendship had naturally blossomed.They had actually seen each other at least twice a week since Fonseys funeral,meeting for coffee or meals out,so this weekend was definitely meant for Dec,he was absolutely the priority.Anyway it also meant she could have some rare quality time with her own son.

After Ant and Christine had left,Dec and Anne sat at the kitchen table and drank their tea.The conversation was unusually strained which both of them hated.It was just like when they spoke on the phone,talking about anything except Fonsey.Neither of them were sure how he had become the elephant in the room,they both found it incredibly strange,but neither of them knew how to change it.They'd always been able to talk about absolutely anything and that's what they did eventually,talked about the weather,talked about Decs work,talked about Ant,talked about the new puppy who he had decided to leave in London so as not to disrupt him too much,a very close friend who Dec had known for years and trusted implicitly agreed to move in and take care of him for the weekend,and no doubt spoil Rocky rotten which Dec didn't mind one little bit as that's exactly what he did.

After the conversation started drying up Anne suggested moving over to the sofa to watch a bit of television.

"What do you want for your tea pet?" She asked.

"Don't mind,chinese?" Dec winked at her.

This automatically sent Anne into stern mother mode.

"Declan,I know you eat way too much of that stuff when you're in London,it's not good for you,you know?do you ever have a healthy meal?do you ever even bother cooking?you'll have some proper homemade meals while you're under my roof young man"

By now Dec was giggling uncontrollably,he knew this was exactly how Anne would react to his request.

"Alright Mam calm down,how about pizza then?"

By now Anne had cottoned on to the fact Dec was teasing her,and slapped him playfully on the shoulder.

"You love winding me up don't you Declan?" Anne laughed affectionately "well I think I might make you a big plate of sausage,mash and baked beans,how does that sound?"

"Yeah that sounds so much healthier Mam" Dec grinned.

"Oh stop it Declan" Anne got up to make her way to the kitchen to start peeling potatoes.

They were both secretly happy that they'd made the other laugh.

After dinner,they both decided to have an early night,Dec especially was exhausted.He found it hard to drift off to sleep though.His mind was full of what the next day would bring,when he would visit Fonseys grave.How would he feel talking to a grave?would he feel stupid?what would he even say?he definitely had the gift of the gab but this was obviously different,it would be a one way conversation,he wouldn't get any response from the person he was talking to.He had to do it though,that's what he was here for and only hoped he could be as confident as Ant was that it would help him in some way,but he was sceptical.But he'd promised Ant he'd do this and he had nothing to lose so had to at least give it a go.

He smiled to himself as he thought how amazing and supportive Ant had been since Fonseys death.Well Ant had always been amazing and supportive throughout their friendship,but now he'd totally exceeded all expectations.Dec knew how lucky he was to have such an amazing best friend and could only wish that he was as a good a friend to Ant too.

The next morning Ant picked Dec up in a taxi and they made their way to the cemetery.

"How are you feeling Dec?did you have a nice evening with your Mam last night?" Ant asked.

"I'm ok,a bit apprehensive about this,but I'll be ok.Last night was fine,we just chatted and watched tv and ate sausage and mash" Dec smiled.

"Ooh yum,your Mams sausage and mash is good" Ant had decided it best to stick to light conversation on the way to the cemetery,he didn't want Dec getting upset before they'd even got there.

"Yeah it was" Dec agreed.

They were soon being dropped off and Ant paid the taxi driver,before taking a very slow stroll to the area where Fonsey was buried.

"I'll just wait here for you" Ant gently announced,sitting down on a nearby bench.It was the perfect distance Ant thought,near enough to keep an eye on Dec but far away enough to give him his privacy and Ant wouldn't be able to hear what he was saying.

"Ok" Dec whispered.

Ant sensed Decs continuing apprehension.

"Dec,you can do this you know,if you got through the funeral,this should be a walk in the park,or the cemetery" he grinned.

Dec smiled and shook his head at Ants feeble attempt at humour as he started to make his way to Fonseys final resting place.

He had only walked a few steps,when he turned back abruptly to Ant.

"Oh shit,Ant I didn't bring any flowers,I never even thought of it"

Ant immediately sprung up off the bench when he could see that Dec was already getting tearful.He pulled Dec into his arms and rubbed his back soothingly.

"Dec,it's fine,do you really think your Dad would care about a bunch of flowers,it doesn't matter"

"But everyone brings flowers to a grave,that's what you're supposed to do,why didn't Mam remind me?" Dec asked surprised.

"Because she knows it doesn't matter as well" Ant assured him "you being here is what matters and knowing your family like I do,I'd imagine that grave is already pretty much smothered in flowers,they'll have been here regularly remember?"

"Yeah,I guess" Dec sighed.

"Now off you go" Ant advised,patting Decs back "and if you notice I'm not here at any point,don't worry,I'll just have gone for a walk"

Ant watched intently as Dec walked slowly over to Fonseys grave.He sighed to himself,he understood how difficult this was for Dec and it broke his heart that his best friend was still hurting so much,he could only hope this was the breakthrough he thought it would be.

Dec stood at the grave,staring intently at the inscription on the gravestone.

Alphonsus 'Fonsey' Donnelly

Beloved Husband,Father and Grandfather.

Tears were already streaming down Decs cheeks,blurring his vision so much that he didn't even attempt to read the rest of the inscription.

"Hi Dad" he mumbled,glancing around the graveyard,feeling totally self conscious at what he was doing,the last thing he wanted or needed was for anyone to see him.

Ant had been right about the flowers,the grave was a sea of different beautifully coloured flowers.

"I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be saying to you Dad,I feel a bit weird and slightly crazy talking to a headstone"

Ant watched curiously from the bench,quietly urging Dec on.Even from afar he could sense his extreme discomfort.

"Come on Decky,you can do it,talk to him"

He was encouraged when he watched Dec sit down on the grass and cross his legs like a schoolboy in assembly.

"I miss you Dad,so much" Dec sobbed quietly "I want to,no I'll rephrase that,i need to tell you everything"