As I leave the courthouse I'm supposed to feel free, but all I feel is lost. How am I supposed to go on and live my life when all I've known for the past two years is Blake.

I think of the past two years and how I've changed. As I think of those years, I know that even if I had a choice to go back and change everything knowing where I am right now, I wouldn't change a thing because our marriage changed me. Blake changed me. I'm not the same girl he married, and he is not the same man I married.

I used to be a smart girl, making the right decisions and thinking about the consequences of the things I do. But Blake changed that side of me, he showed me what it was like to not think all the time and just live in the moment.

I was also innocent and always saw the good in people. I didn't know what real pain was, I lived a sheltered life. I would dream of my Prince charming and how we would meet, fall in love, and live together for the rest of our lives. I only wanted to marry once and live a picture-perfect life. But I learned that never happens because there is always life outside of that picture that no one can see by staring at it.

Blake was everything I wasn't. He was dangerous, funny, and ruthless when it came to business. He was the perfect person for me, the missing piece to my puzzle. He brought out a side of me that I didn't even know existed. He made me feel alive.

I made him better too, well that's what I thought for a while. He was loving and caring towards me during the beginning, but I guess I wasn't worth changing for because he went back to his old ways.

The reason I wouldn't go back to my life before I knew Blake, isn't because I changed. It's because of the life growing inside of me, my baby girl.

********************************

(Flashback)

I was sitting at home reading while I waited for Blake to come home. It was already ten o'clock at night, but I didn't worry too much since he usually came home late. The phone started to ring and I hurried to get it thinking it was Blake calling. I should have known better, Blake would never call me.

"Hello, Blake is everything okay, do you..."I started to say but was interrupted.

"Hello, Mrs. Daniels. I'm John from the bar, you told me to call you if your husband was here again."

"Yes, thank you. Is everything okay, is he okay?"I asked worried that he got into a fight again.

"No, he's fine just drunk. I wanted to know what you wanted me to do with him? I can call a cab for him if you want."

"No. I'll be there to get him. Can you make sure he stays there till I get him?" I asked as I put down my book and got my car keys.

"No problem! I'll see you soon." John said in a rush before hanging up.

I put my phone in my purse and got in my car. After ten minutes I arrived at the bar and found Blake yelling at John to give him another beer. So John did do as I told him and didn't give him another. I called out to Blake and mouthed my thanks to John as Blake turned around.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Blake slurred.

I know he is completely drunk since he is calling me Bella. It was his nickname for me when he loved me. He used to say Bella fit me perfectly because it meant beautiful and I was beautiful, it was also close to my last name Bell.

"Blake come on. I'm taking you home."

"Nnnoooooo! I don't want to. Come here Bella and have fun with me, you're always such a party pooper." He got up and tried to drag me to the bar.

"No! Blake lets go," I exclaimed.

I tried to pull him to the door, but he was too heavy. John saw me struggling and came over to help me. John and I were able to get him to the car and buckled up.

I thanked him, got in the car, and drove Blake home while he was singing to every song on the radio.

We finally got home at eleven and thankfully Blake was still awake because I had no idea how I would have gotten him inside if he wasn't. Blake let me lead him inside without a struggle, and I brought him to his room.

I put him on the bed and took off his shoes and started to undress him, so he wouldn't be uncomfortable while he slept. I was almost done when I felt him grab my hand and pull me towards him.

"I never get to see you anymore. Come here I want you to sleep with me, " he slurred.

I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't resist, it's been a while since he's said he wanted me to stay with him. I was too tired of us fighting and I didn't want to waste this chance to sleep by him.

He looked like my Blake the one who told me I was the best thing that happened to him. I looked at him as I climbed on the bed to see if he was going to change his mind and tell me to get out, but he never did.

So I lay down and he pulled me closer to him and started to kiss me. I tried to push him, but we both knew that I didn't really want him to pull back.

"Please Bella I want you, I love you. Please let me show you how much I love you. Please..." He trailed off as he slowly kissed down my neck.

After hearing his pleading, I stopped trying to push him away. And for the first time in a long time, I stopped feeling alone and that made me scared because I knew that feeling wouldn't last long. I just hoped that Blake was too drunk to remember this tomorrow or he would use this to make my life even more miserable.

In the morning, I woke up before Blake and got ready for the day. I was going through my usual routine, cooking Blake breakfast when Blake walked out of his room dressed for work. I didn't know what to say. I wanted him to remember but I also didn't.

One hand he will be nicer to me and more loving. Or on the other hand, he could bring it up and call me desperate for taking advantage of him.

He did neither he just walked out the door ignoring me like he does every other day. After that, he never brought it up or hinted that he remembered.

A week later, I found out I was pregnant.