I'll be writing in Jack's POV again! From chapter 31/32 (the party)

Enjoy!

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One cut.

Two cuts.

Three cuts.

It helps me - counting them. There are way more than three though. You know the feeling when you love someone so so much and whatever you do, they'll never love you back? Yeah that's how I feel. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. She doesn't know it - how much I love her and she won't ever find out. I can call myself lucky to just be around her.

I'm getting more and more depressed, you know. I feel happy only when I'm with her. And V knew that. She understood that and tried helping me with Emmy. Now that she's gone, I have no one to talk to about it. So I turned to cutting. I wanted to do it before but V didn't let me. Now that she's dead, no one can forbid me from cutting.

I'm going to a party today. Can't wait to see Emma and that dickhead. I get so angry when I just think about him being all over her. And seeing it, it takes everything in me to not punch him. He makes life harder for everyone. I wish he could just leave.

Every day I fall more and more in love with Emma. Every single time I see her, my heart starts beating even faster than it did the last time. I would give everything to be with her. Hell, to kiss her. Hold her.

I have a picture of her on my phone. I look at it all the fucking time and I feel like I'm a psycho but I just can't help myself. She's just that beautiful. Should I go to her dorm and ask her if she wants to ride with me to work?

Yeah I'll do that.

I get dressed and head towards Emma's dorm. I knock and she quickly opens it, looking surprised. "Hey," she smiles, hugging me. "What are you doing here?" She asks me and I smile at her, "well I'm driving you to work, what else would I be doing here? I'm not here to fuck you. Maybe some other time," I wink and she snorts.

If she only knew..

She grabs her bag and follows me to my car. Then a familiar voice is heard, "Emma what did I tell you about driving with him?"

Oh great. It's mister fuckface.

Emma turns around, looking kind of scared. What kind of a relationship is this? She shouldn't be afraid of him. That's not normal. "It's just a drive to the cafe. It's like 5 minutes," she defends herself but of course, it makes the dickhead even more angry. "I don't like you spending time with him," he growls at her and I've had it. I step in. "She can spend time with anyone she wants, Luke. She's not your property," I snap.

"Actually, she does belong to me," Luke narrows his eyes at me. Who does he think Emma is? More like what does he think she is? A thing that he owns? That's disgusting. Also, is he really trying to fight me with his half dead body? Sure buddy.

"Luke, I really don't like you going all caveman on every guy that even tries to talk to me," Emma intervenes, "besides, It's just a 10 minute drive. Relax. If you think that I'll cheat on you, then I don't know what you're doing, still being with me," she rolls her eyes and gets into my car. I do the same.

The first few minutes were quiet and then Emma speaks, "how can he demand that I don't hang out with you anymore? Who does he think he is? Sure, he's my boyfriend but he has no right to ask that from me. And don't get me started on his caveman attitude!" She rolls her eyes and I make the most bold move ever - I place my hand on her thigh, making her flinch. She didn't move it though. That means she likes it? "Calm down Emmy," I smile, squeezing it.

She lets me keep my hand on her thigh for the entire ride and let me tell you that I've never been happier. Well, maybe that time we slept together was better but I never touched her like that. Anywhere.

We arrive just on time. She gets to being a hot fucking waitress and I'm the lame cashier or whatever I am. Then I remember that Emmy hasn't seen my juggling skills. "Hey Emmy, look at this," I give her my signature smirk and grab three cups, juggling with them. She laughs at me and only when I'm done, I can hear other people clapping and cheering. I bow down, making her laugh even more.

"I think I deserve a kiss for that, Emmy," I smirk and she laughs. People start shouting at her, telling her to do it. I smile, in hopes of her giving in. In the end she rolls her eyes, kissing me on the cheek.

Fuck..

Some of them groan, since they thought she'd kiss me on the lips and others cheer. Honestly, I agree with the disappointed ones. "I have a boyfriend," she says to the ones that were disappointed.

Oh that's right.

Can't believe I forgot about that.

"Well you should be with him," an older man says and she laughs. I almost run to him, hugging him and thanking him. He knows what's up. "We're besties," she smiles, hugging me.

Ouch.

"Yeah.. besties," I say, hugging her back.

We get back to work and the day passes by quickly. Our shift ends and just when I was about to ask her if she's like me to drive her to the party, I see her hugging that dickhead. I feel something heavy on my chest and quickly go to my car. I break down hitting the steering wheel.

I'm so fucking stupid for ever thinking that i might have the slightest chance of being with her. She's too good for me, I know but she's certainly way too fucking good for that shitface. I mean, come on! Look at the way he's treating her! She's literally scared of him.

During my mental breakdown, I hear a knock on the window. My heart starts beating faster.

What if it's Emma? What will I say? She can't see me like this!

I quickly wipe my tears and look at the person standing next to my window. It's the same old guy that was at the cafe. I roll down my window and he looks at me, "you okay?" He asks and I laugh at the question.

I'm just fantastic.

"Dumb question I know," he realizes and then continues, "is it because of..them?" He looks at the way where Emma and Luke are. I chuckle, nodding my head.

"Listen boy. One day, she'll realise how much you love her and she'll want to be with you. First, she needs to see how pain feels like, so she can know with who and when she'll get hurt," he says. "And when she realises that, she'll know that you wouldn't hurt her. Ever," he smiles and with that he leaves.

I smile to myself and drive to the party. As I get out of the car, Josh immediately gets up to me and shows me where the kitchen is so I can get wasted.

There's. So. Much. Alcohol.

This is heaven on earth. I just wish Emmy would be here to drink with me and not that guy.

So I start drinking. Not even from a glass. Straight from the bottle. When Emmy's not here to make me happy, alcohol is. After I'm half done with the bottle, a girl walks up to me. She starts dancing and wrapping her arms all over me.

I just look at her. "A-are you okay?" I lift my eyebrow. She rolls her eyes and leaves. She looked like she was about to have a seizure and was grabbing me to help her.

I giggle to myself and then see Emmy and that dick walk into the house. My eyes don't leave her. She's so beautiful and stunning. The black dress looks so good on her. I mean, everything looks good on her. They talk for a bit and Luke just leaves her alone. What a dick. She starts walking towards the kitchen.

I wait for her with a smile on my face but she doesn't see me.

Ouch.

She's reaching for the glass and I gotta say I like the view. I get to her and grab her by her waist, "boo!" She jumps, dropping the glass. Shit. At least it didn't break.

She turns around, looking all angry and cute. I smirk and her face immediately stops looking all angry. It still looks cute though. "Hi," She smiles.

She eyes me, probably trying to figure out if I'm drunk or not. I try to act sober and stand normally but of course, I almost fall. I catch myself on the counter. She gasps and starts laughing. Ah. That beautiful laugh. It's like music to my ears. In that moment, I get a sudden urge to tell her how I feel about her. Even though everything is telling me not to, I put my arms on her shoulders and start talking. "Listen Emmy, my Emmy," I mumble and she looks at me, letting me know, she's listening to me.

"I have to tell ya sumtin that's been on ma mind," I say. I think I said it perfectly with no mumbling. "I-" "there you are," of couse Luke barges in, flicking my hands from her shoulders. He immediately wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. With that he smirks at me.

What a cunt.

"How come everytime I see you, you're with him?" Luke aks Emma, his grip tightening. He's still looking at me and my eyes are focused on his arms around her. It's taking everything in me, not to walk up to them and yank his arm away. Then, wrap mine around her. She looks at his smirk, rolling her eyes, not responding.

"That means you're always lookin' ma friend. A bit creeeeepy if you ask me," I respond instead of Emmy. He gives me a sharp look and I smirk, taking Emmy's bottle of vodka and take a sip. She takes it away from me.

"Anyways Emmy, I wanna say that I-" "let's go buddy. You're way too drunk," Josh shows up, taking me to the bathroom. I tried stopping him and go back but he didn't let me.

"You'll thank me when you're sober, trust me," Josh says when we're at the bathroom. I look confused, "why 're we here?" I sit on the toilet, because I'm dizzy.

"I'm trying to get you to sober up before you do some stupid shit," Josh rolls his eyes, "just wait here," he adds and leaves the bathroom. After a minute or so, he's back with a bottle of water.

"Drink this," he throws it and of course I don't catch it.. I'm fucking drunk!

It falls into the bathtub and I climb in - almost killing myself may I add - seating myself in it and start drinking the water. After I'm done with the first one, he throws me another one.

When I'm finally able to stand up normaln I get to the sink and roll my sleeves up, so they won't get wet. I turn on the water and splash it in my face.

"What the fuck dude?" Josh raises his voice. I turn to him, looking confused as ever. He looks pissed though.

He walks up to me, grabbing my arm and then I realize what's happening. "Fuck is this!?" He looks at my cuts and I chuckle.

"This shit isn't funny man," he snaps and I shrug, yanking my hand away from his grip. The cuts are still fresh, so it hurts a bit. Josh sits on the toilet now, "why?" He asks me, running his hand through his hair.

"I think you know why," I sigh, seating myself into the tub, taking another sip of water. "Dude this shit isn't healthy," is all he says. We stay quiet for a while, until I break the silence, "you won't tell anyone about this, will you?" I ask him.

"Of course not. Now let's get out of here before anyone thinks we're fucking," he responds and helps me get out of the tub. I thank him for everything and head to the living room, where Emmy is. I smile to her and sit next to her, pulling my sleeve down. She looks at me weirdly but I quickly start talking, before she starts asking any questions, "I'm sorry for what happened before. I'm kind of sober now," I chuckle and she nods, smiling.

"Just don't get too touchy, 'ight?" Luke intervenes and I immediately smirk, "Oh, like this?" I kiss her on the cheek and start laughing. "You're lucky," he growls, "she's here."

"Never stopped you before," I murmur more to himself and Luke clears his throat, letting me know he heard me. Like I care. I only smirk at that, "Emmy, I'll be in the kitchen, eating if you need me," I wink, teasing Luke.

I get to the kitchen and when I look at Emmy and Luke, they're already all wrapped up and smiley. I gulp, trying not to cry. I open the freezer and take the ice cream out, stuffing it into my mouth.

Yes, I eat when I'm sad. Sue me.

Right next to me, there's a dude making out with a girl. Like sheesh, get a room. I roll my eyes at the happy couple or whatever they are. Then, another girl walks in, "are you for real?" She raises her voice, pushing the girl from his lap. The dude looks at her, like she just fell from the sky and has three heads with eight eyes. And like she's green!

What am I saying?

She slaps him and runs off somewhere, crying. I sigh and eat some more ice cream.

10 minutes go by and the girl still didn't come back. I decide to go check where she went. I go to all the bathrooms but she's nowhere to be found. I start checking bedrooms and hope that nothing happened to her. Ever since V died, I'm really looking out for everything and everyone. I thought shit like that would never happen to me or someone I know and I was wrong. So so wrong.

Then I hear Emmy and a girl talking about vodka in a room. I walk to the room and knock on the open door. "I heard you wanna drink," I smirk and they laugh.

"Haven't you drunk enough?" Emmy snorts and I glare at her, remembering what I wanted to tell her before.

"Who cares, let's just drink," Eleanor interrupts our glaring. She disappears and then comes in with three bottles of alcohol. She gives Emmy one, me one and keeps one for herself. We clink them together, each taking a sip.

"So you're drinking with him now huh?" Luke says from the other side of the room. We all look at him, a smirk painting on my face.

"I-I," "oh shut up," he growls at Emma. At that very moment I wanted to hit him so bad. I wanted to kill him. No one talks to Emmy like that.

She looks scared. Again. I wonder if he ever hit her. I'd- " Do you know how worried I was? I thought that someone did something to you, for fuck's sake! And here you are, drinking with him. You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you for playing with me," he spits and Emma is still silent and I'm still angry. Eleanor is just confused. "That's what I thought. Guess I'll go drinking with Nicki now huh?" That was the breaking point for Emma. A tear rolls down her face.

"You do that and we're done," she threatens, her voice breaking. "You don't even know why I'm here or what happened," she adds

"All that I need to know is that you're drinking with him. He wants to fucking take you away from me!" Is it that obvious? Well shit. Now I wanted to disappear or just like die on the spot.

"What are you even saying?" She asks him. Okay that's good. She has no idea.

"You really don't know?" Luke chuckles, looking at me now. "He's so in love with you and everyone knows except you! He's basically eye fucking you most of the time," he says in a mocking tone. "Too bad you'll never get her," he smirks and Emma steps closer to Luke, looking at him straight in the eyes. Before he knew it, she slapped the shit out of him.

That's embarrassing. A girl had to defend me. What am I becoming?

"Get the fuck out and tell your imaginary stories to Nicki. But leave me and my friends out of it. We're done," she hisses and he laughs, "What friends?" He rolls his eyes and leaves.

I look at Emmy, who's just standing there, tears rolling down her face. Before you know it, I'm already next to her, hugging her. She buries her face into my neck. I feel so bad for her. She shouldn't be hurting like that. My Emmy doesn't deserve the shit she gets.

"And Jack," she looks at me. Shit. She knows, doesn't she? "I know you don't like me like that. It's just Luke that doesn't know what having a best friend means," she smile and I nod in relief. "Let's drink, please," she says and I nod again.

"Actually, I think I'll go home because if I get drunk, no one can take me home," Eleanor smiles and we hug her, saying our goodbyes. I then close the door and lock it, just in case Luke decides to show up again.

"Vodka?" I smirk and she smiles, taking it.

We start drinking and moving to the music. I can't help but notice, how Emmy is getting closer and closer to me. Not that I mind it, but still. I also notice her studying my face and that makes me smile. She almost looks like...I don't disgust her?

Then she does something I never thought she'd do. She wraps her arms around me, stepping closer. And we dance for a while. Then we start talking and laughing.

"Did-did ya see..how his face.. looked like?" I choke out in laughter and Emmy joins me. We're now sitting on the floor, drinking and laughing. I think it's around 2am and I don't mind it at all. She's such nice company.

"He was..so angry!" She yells out and laughs even harder.

"Ma bottle is em'ty," I show Emmy my bottle and stand up so I can take another one. Of course my vision betrays me and I stumble and fall on top of Emmy. We start laughing at my clumsiness. "I-I'm so clumsy," I chuckle, and then look at her. She's so stunning. "Y-yea you 're," she mumbles, looking into my eyes.

I can't help but wonder what would happen if I kissed her right now. I know she's thinking about it. It's really visible that she wants to try it. And so do I. So should I? I wanna taste her lips man.

Fuck it.

I lean closer to her and finally kiss her. It's..it's everything I thought it would be. It's better. She's kissing me back! I can't believe it! She is actually kissing me back! At least I hope she is. Or am I hallucinating from the alcohol?

We keep on kissing, fastening the tempo and deepening the kiss. My tongue asks her for enterance and she lets me in. Our tongues are dancing at a fast tempo. She's pulling my hair making me moan. This is actually the best day of my fucking life. She's enjoying it. I can't believe I actually kissed her.

I should move away. If I don't this will go too far. So I move away

"What was that?" She asks me, panting.

Shit. Did I fuck up? Play it cool Jack.

"I don't know. But I liked it," I smirk, standing up and seating myself on the bed.

She gets up too, standing in front of me, in between ny legs. "I did too," she smiles.

YES!

I then wrap my arms around her, pulling her on my lap. "So..wanna continue?" I smirk and she kisses me again as an answer. I stop and move away for an inch.

Looking at her eyes, I smile widely, "I love you," I murmur and crash my lips into hers.

Thankfully, she didn't hear me.

Soon enough, my hands travel down her back, stopping on her ass. That's a nice ass, I gotta say. She then starts grinding on my lap.

Does she want me to fuck her? Like damn I wanna but I can't do that. Not while she's drunk.

I lay down with Emma still sitting on my lap, kissing me. Her lips start traveling to my neck, sucking it a bit. She moves away and her eyes widen. She probably gave me a hickey. I don't really care about hickies.

The shit I'm feeling right now. I've never felt like this. I never felt this good.

She then starts taking her shirt off. I immediately stop her. I'm not a dick.

"Hey, as much I wanna fuck you, I don't wanna do this while you're drunk," I says and she nods. I kiss her once more, "Let's go to bed, what do you say? Before you get all naked for me, not that I'm complaining," I smirk again, making her punch me. I laugh at her and lay her down.

That night was the best night in my life.

*****

Sosososo sorry for no update! It's just that tests are killing me!

Vote and comment if you liked the chapter! Love ya