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Not once have you been in the position to choose whether if it's for someone else's well-being or yours, and Tooru's question only made it that much harder for you.

You can tell that he is fearful, slightly frustrated, and confused - anticipating for your answer. Until finally, you bravely stood your ground and eyed him.

"I need space," you muttered as you rubbed your arm nervously and looked at another direction. His face became unreadable after you avoided eye contact with him. "Until we're both in the right mindset to decide what's good for us or not."

Tooru couldn't argue, more like he was awestruck by your suggestion and then he watched you strode back to the elevators and tapped on the button. The elevator ascended. As soon as the doors opened, you trudged through them and turned around to face the tall man which you soon to regret.

The last expression you saw from him looked crestfallen and absolute frozen. The moment was short yet long like time have stopped before the doors enclosed as it cut the string of eye contact between you two. At last, you were alone with your thoughts processing the whole mishap that took a whole turn, leaving you devastated.

Tooru stood a moment longer. It didn't feel real that you were gone before him. Standing there felt like hours until he realized he had to go back and attend to Tetsu who must be swimming with questions.

He returned as quickly as he could, sauntering through the door with deadpanned eyes and a distinctive frown. He looked over at his son after shutting the front door and noticed that he left Tetsu where he last saw him.

It was easy for the little boy to see his father's distraught expression but he was more curious about where you have gone to.

"Where did Mommy go?"

Should he tell him the truth? But the truth is; there isn't an answer to give. Perhaps, he doesn't need to know about the matter.

So he sighed.

"She's going to be gone for awhile," he stated normally, uplifting a small smile to ease Tetsu's concern, "but she'll be back."

I hope.

The boy uttered a small 'oh' and gazed down at his feet. When he wasn't looking at his dad, Tooru's sad expression returned. He thought he could do it but there was no way he can be able to hide the pain away from his son.

>>>

Days have gone by and you were somehow managing to do your normal routine but emotionally, your anxiety level went up the roof. At random times, Naomi noticed whenever she visits you at the bakery during her lunch, you became unsocial. In fact, you were purposely overworking yourself to distract yourself from your thoughts and time to go by faster.

You only informed her that you and Tooru are on a break and it is hard to tell when the two of you will make amends. Space is what you asked for and you can only expect that from him.

"He must be a piece of shit for not considering your feelings," your best friend angrily announced as she took a sip of her teacup. The faint smell of camomile wafted the space between you two at the miniature table once she poured more hot water from a pot.

"Don't say that about him," you lectured with a pout, although you wanted to make the same comment. Your finger traced the rim of your coffee cup that is barely untouched. "He might be in the wrong for that, but he's not wrong for thinking about Tetsu's words. He's being a good dad."

But Naomi shook her head, staring at you with wide eyes. "But aren't you his wife?!"

"You mean girlfriend?" You corrected with a quirked brow.

"Whatever, same thing," she dismissed. "Crap, if you're married to him right now, this will be a shittier situation."

"It already is," you added with a roll of your eyes, resting your head on top of your hands.

Naomi gave a sympathetic look while staring at you. "Well, I give props to you for leaving. I think that'll make him think about his actions and you're not going to stand for this."

"Yeah but... this is not the time for us to be arguing," you trailed sadly.

"Do you think you're going back?" She suddenly asked, but she corrected herself. "Do you want to?"

It didn't take much for you to conjure an answer, but you were hesitant due to the judgement by Naomi. Instead, you spoke honestly and muttered slowly, "Yeah, I do. They're my everything."

She can see that you aren't ashamed as you leaned forward with elbows propped on top of the table so you can hesitantly play with your coffee with a silver spoon. Letting your lips touch the rim, you devoured the last ounce of it and let out a brief sigh.

"How are you and Ushijima?" You suddenly asked and her shoulders tensed.

You watched her thin lips tightened at the question as she stared solely into your eyes. Her finger that is hooked at the handle of her teacup gripped tighter.

"We broke up."

Then your face froze in shock.

"What?!" You exclaimed, not expecting such awful news, "Are you okay? What happened?"

Telling by her expression, she didn't seem excited about the topic knowing that there is no pleasure or entertainment for her to share. Despite her poker face, you knew that she was hurting.

"He's not... committed in the idea of a relationship yet," Naomi sighed while her eyes wandered to a different direction in solemn and with a lazy expression. "After I saw how you and Tooru are so happy with each other, I guess I wanted the same thing. But I knew Toshi wouldn't be able to give his full effort and he told me that he isn't ready for that type of lifestyle."

You just frowned at her, although it is strange to hear someone like Naomi who is very whimsical and free-spirited could think about settling down. Considering her dating history and the amount of men she had, she must've been frustrated with the lack of commitment from them. Although, you are somewhat proud of her for setting her standards by the examples she seen through you. Weirdly, it touched you.

"I'm sorry. I thought you two would last," you watched her roll her eyes in attempt to hide the tears that were swelling.

"I thought so too," her voice quivered but she mustered up her throat to mask the hurt in her tone.

"Men, huh?" You added jokingly to ease the air.

"They ain't shit," Naomi joined as you felt the atmosphere lightened up an ounce more. Although she laughed, her expression didn't match her chipper tone. By standing in her seat, she helplessly hooked her denim tote bag over her shoulder and smiled warily. "Anyways, let me know how things are going. If you're having a meltdown, we can make it a girl's night and drink fancy Italian wine at your place."

The suggestion wasn't a bad one. The sound of opening your imported wines from your culinary colleagues who traveled to Europe ignited a craving in your system. It will be a good excuse to finally open them as a breakup indulgence.

You waved weakly behind her as she made her exit, leaving you to do your day's work by attending customers and making seasonal pastries for the next holiday.

The afternoon was pleasantly busy but with your parents' assistance with finances and marketing strategies made your business smooth. All you had to do was execute the plans and lead your workers for the upcoming year.

You can predict the future of your career will only be more intense as the years progress. Competition will be in place and you have to think about expanding your business or knowledge in one way or another. But thinking about it only increases your stress even more besides your concerns with your relationship with Tooru, but at least your worries about your bakery distracts you from it. Oddly, you were getting a sense of relief.

But once you clocked out of work, that was when your exhaustion gotten the best of you and all you felt was pure emptiness.

"Tamago-chan?"

As you were making your way home, you were stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to hear a familiar voice calling out to you from a mile away. When you turned your head, you can distinguish a certain head of gray hair and brown eyes looking at your direction and hurriedly making his way to where you are. His hand waved above his head as he lightly jogged to you with a cheery smile.

"Suga! Hey!" You greeted back happily as you looked curiously behind his head to see a school of kids playfully hanging outside of the Ghibli Museum. "What brings you here?"

He laughed in embarrassment as he shaken his hair at the back of his head. "School trip. We fundraised to plan a day for the kids to visit a famous artist."

"Oh, are you busy then?" You asked with consideration.

He shook his head, "Not at all. We just got done with our tour. There are two other supervisors watching the kids so we're just waiting for all of them to get picked up."

"You've chosen a great spot. It's packed full of tourism," you added teasingly while you glanced at a few groups walking in and out of the museum who looked mostly foreign. Considering that it was a high volume spot, you were almost jealous of the kids to visit a well-known museum at a young age, remembering that you weren't privileged enough to have experiences such as these when you were small.

"You just got off of work?" He trailed his eyes at your clothes that you were wearing your black chef coat underneath your thermal hoodie.

"Did the powdered sugar gave it away?" You asked and looked down at the smudge of white dusted your collar.

He chuckled, "I think it's the smell. You actually smell pretty sweet."

"Is that a bad thing?" Your brow quirked suspiciously.

"Not at all. In fact, I quite like it... a lot."

The last part sounded a bit shy yet confident, maybe you can sense a bit of flirtation but you didn't speculated it deeply for you to know.

Then he studied your face again with searching eyes. "You're looking pale. Are you doing alright?"

Koshi's question abruptly interrupted your thoughts and you only laughed to shield your distressed expression. "Aah, you know, just overworking."

It felt like deja vu from the time you had a similar talk with Hajime which it brought you the attention that your relationship with the Oikawas must be taking its effect on your physical appearance. You were somewhat embarrassed and ashamed for it.

Lucky for you, he doesn't know you well enough and your current life, so he just wavered it like you did.

"They're all so cute," you changed the subject hoping that'll direct him to a different topic. Your eyes fell on the children who are either playing with each other or just lounging around for their family to pick them up. "I don't know how you do it - taking care of all these kids as if they're yours."

"You make it sound like it's easy," he grinned sarcastically, joining you to listen to the kids' delighted laughter and chattering.

"You make it look easy."

Sugawara hummed happily as if it didn't take him long to think about it. "It may seem that way but it took me a lot of time to get these kids to trust me. I'm not a natural, believe me."

A thought occurred to you in the middle of the conversation. Somehow, a certain brunette came to your mind when it comes to handling children.

"You're ready to be a dad, aren't you?" You asked curiously.

He was a bit taken back by the abruption as his brow twitched and a shade of pink dusted his cheeks.

"What a loaded question," he uttered nervously but an appeasing smile stretched on his face the more he thought about it. "Well, I wouldn't say that I'm not ready. It would be nice to see a child who has half of my genes and half of my significant other to exist."

For some odd reason, you didn't give a reply to his explanation - more like you were trying to absorb the information he was giving you. With the tools he learned in his environment and his embedded personality, it was no question that Koshi would make a good parent.

"What about you?" You turned your head at him by the rhetorical question. "Do you want to be a mom some day?"

The way the discussion is perceived is quite comical to you considering you've been acting like a parent for a few months. Compelled, it was only right to say that you are yet something inside of you couldn't grasp onto the statement.

"It's funny. I want to think that I'm not ready to be one," you answered unsurely.

He hummed in thought while staring at you.

"I find that odd because, when I ran into you at the amusement park, you seemed to be doing well in taking care of Oikawa's son. I was impressed," Sugawara earnestly replied.

The memory gave a brief tenderness to you. It was a beautiful time which led Tetsu to call you his mother. Recently, you haven't felt like one.

"Are things still looking up for you and Oikawa?"

You resisted yourself from answering right away, or making a certain face at the question. Is it be smart to share your relationship problems with someone else?

You refused to. Although there are problems between you two, you have more respect for Tooru and you want to save face. As fragile as it is, your relationship with him is the most precious to you.

"Well, I came into the conclusion of getting married to him one day," you announced which it was shocking news to him.

But Koshi didn't show it, instead he made a poker face.

"Really," he muttered, masking his disappointed tone. "That serious, huh?"

"Well, I never thought about marriage before, not as deeply as this," you admitted honestly. "But there will be a day that I have co-parent with another person other than Tooru, and I don't think I can see myself becoming accustomed to that."

"Oh... I see where it's going," he figured. To his knowledge, he can only assume that Tetsu's biological mother is in the picture. Then everything started to make sense to him as to why you look very stressed. Koshi frowned at you to show sympathy, "I don't think you should be compromising anything to be half-happy. But don't you love Tetsu too?"

"Yeah... Yeah I do." It was the easiest question answer, you didn't hesitate.

"In that case, you should tolerate it."

However, Koshi didn't make sense to you. Instead of pestering him, you just simply asked with a curious brow raised. "Why's that? Wouldn't that be unfair for me?"

"Yes but it's only natural to lose your individuality. That's why it's called a sacrifice," as he said this, Koshi turned his head to aim his calming eyes at the small kids cackling from a far. A little girl ran to her mother and wrapped her fragile arms around her legs. "Whenever I look at parents, they give up so much just to be with their child such as money, friends, social life, personal time, relationships... it's no different, really. Even if Tetsu is yours, you would still want to stick around because you love him, right? Isn't that what parenthood is?"

"Despite how much you don't want somebody to intrude in your family dynamic, that's something you have to get used to because Tetsu will continue to grow whether if that'll be with or without you."

Your eyes watched Koshi carefully dwell into his thoughts as he began to ramble.

"When I see the kids graduate, there were times that I wonder if they'll remember me when they grow up. I'm no longer their teacher - just a mere image or memory. But when I think about it more, they're going to remember me for always being good to them and that will always carry with them as they grow."

You only remained silent as he spoke, listening to each word because they hit home the more he enlightened you about the idea of kids, especially about Tetsu. It was information that you thought you can never conjure up.

Suddenly, your mind freshened with a new perspective.

"[Name], there's no question that you'll be a great mother figure. I'm sure that it'll work out for you in the end," he muttered and for a second, you caught the seriousness in his tone and you knew that those were genuine.

You smiled at him warmly when you two made eye contact with each other. The assurance in his eyes boosted a level of confidence you never had as a surge of energy ignited throughout your body.

The next move you wanted to do is to call Tooru, but you resisted for the sake of your private conversation with Sugawara.

"Thank you, Suga. You have no idea how much I needed that," you replied considerately as he nodded. Looking at the time on your phone, it was almost half an hour since you started this conversation. You looked at him with disappointment, "As much as I wanted to stay and chitchat more, I should be heading home soon."

Of course, he didn't argue. He's too polite to take away time from you, although a part of him wanted you to stay longer to catch up.

"Let me know when you're free to hang out again," he notified with a smile. Just when you about to turn to a different direction, he said lastly, "And... if things aren't working out with you and Oikawa."

"Huh?" You swiveled around. Before you can make a full reaction to his small outburst, the gray headed man grinned as if he didn't declare such a bold yet indirect statement.

"I'll see you later, [Name]!" Then he walked off to meet with his students who are patiently waiting for his return. His attention is fully taken away by them as one of the kids started to tug his hand to drag Koshi and play with him.

Wordless, you stared at his back from a far to process the moment which only led to you dwelling in your head, but dismembering Koshi's sentence was easy to see that it was a confession - that he has an interest in you.

You thought confessions are known to change your perspective and form a alternate reality in your head, however, it did nothing for you. Although Sugawara is standing in front of you, all you can see is Tooru. Despite how adorable and sweet he is with his students playing on the grass in front of a museum, looking at Koshi with kids is not at the same level when you look at Tooru.

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Posted: 11-16-22

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A/N: I don't know why that was so hard to write!! I wanted this chapter to be an educated one and I'm glad I picked the beautiful Sugawara to feed our character some knowledge!

Thank y'all for being patient and understanding with me and these updates. I feel like I can write better without the pressure of scheduling a chapter.