《My First Love..》🌼 Chapter 4
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"So? How was your day?" Jungkook asked before taking a bite of his steak.
"Pretty fine I guess! And yours?"
"It was good yeah.. I had a few meetings otherwise pretty good!"
I stare at Jungkook as his focus is fully on his meal.
'Cute' I thought to myself as I feel my lips move up to a smile.
"Should I order dessert?" he looks up to me as he asks.
"Uh no no I'm fine." I said embarrassingly, knowing that he probably caught me staring at him.
"Sure??"
"Yeah. You can order for you if you want."
"No I'm fine! Let's just ask for the bill then."
"I'll pay."
"I invited you on a date so I should pay-"
"There are no such rules, Jungkook!" I rolled my eyes at him.
"Fine. I'll pay for the dinner. You pay for the ice cream later. How about that??"
"We aren't going home after this?"
"Why? Do you want to?"
"No I mean no, not if you umm planned something I guess." I shrugged.
"I just want to spend some time with you, that if you don't mind."
"No, I'd love to! Yeah no worries." I chuckled awkwardly as he beams at me.
Should I say that the fact that he wants to spend time with me just made my heart flutter?
Being in love with someone isn't easy, specially not when they are so close to you.
Every little things they say or do, just make your heart pumps faster.
🌼🌼🌼
"Here, Kook, uh Jungkook." I say as I give him his ice cream and take a seat next to him on the bench.
"Thank you!" He says in a soft voice making me melt.
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We just stare at the space in front of us without saying anything, and I should be honest that the silence was getting a bit awkward cause I didn't know if I should say something or not.
I watch as Jungkook threw our ice cream cups in the bin and walked back to take his seat next to me.
For a few minutes, we stayed like this.
It's weird. It's weird how we are close, not sitting that close, but yes our presence is close to each other, yet I feel the distance. The distance between me and him. Is that how it's going to be between us even after we get married?
"I-"
"I-"
We both said at the same time.
"You go first." Jungkook said.
"Naa.. You say."
"Y/N! I know as a woman you might have dreams, about your wedding, your love life, how you'll make a small family with your husband and all, but you must know if you're choosing to be with me, I can't give you what you're expecting from me-"
" Jungkook - "
" Please listen to me first!"
I nod and wait for him to continue.
" I have been in love since high school with a girl that I thought I knew, but after years of being together it feels like I didn't know her at all. I'm not going to lie but I'm scared. Scared of settling down with someone, cause I don't know if I can give myself fully to someone or not. I thought she understood me, she respected me, loved me but she didn't. It all seems like a lie now. I'm not ready to love someone, it takes a lot to give your heart to someone and I'm not ready to be the man you'd want me to be. I am not in love with you, I respect you a lot but this is the only thing I can do for now if we get married, just respect you and trust that you'd do the same. I can't give you the intimacy you'd want with your partner. I can't give you the love that you're waiting from me, Y/N and after that I'm not sure if you'd want to spend your life with someone like me, someone who is no one but a stranger to you."
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I stare at him not knowing what to say to him.
Lost at words, cause he doesn't even know how much I love him, how much I want him.
Didn't they say love without expecting? Well that was the kind of relationship I had, and have with Jungkook.
I loved him knowing that he was dating and call me stupid if you want but I still love him even if he can't return my feelings back.
"Say something please.." Jungkook said almost in a whisper.
"I just.." I sigh. "I just don't know what to say to you Jungkook! You already know I've had a crush on you. And yeah as a woman, I have dreams about how I'm going to settle down with a man who'd accept me and love me the way I am just the same as I do."
"Do you still want to marry me knowing that-"
"Yes."
""Y/N-"
"Why did you agree to marry me then Jungkook?"
"I can call it off if you want to-"
"But what do you want?"
"To do as my parents want."
"Your parents' choice don't matter here Jungkook. They'll think of the best for you but then the decision is on you."
"I-"
"Do you want to marry me Jungkook?"
He stares at me in silence.
" I just want to be happy and make my parents happy, Y/N. I don't want to hurt them."
"And will settling down with me make them happy?"
"They love you, they always did. They were happy when I agreed go meet you. They'll be happy to see me settle down with you."
"And you? Will you be happy?"
"I'm happy when I see them happy."
"And I'm happy when I see you happy. I have no problem with this marriage, Jungkook."
"I don't want you to compromise-"
"I'm not."
"This won't change, Y/N. We are still going to be like strangers to each-"
"You never know." I cut him off before he could complete his sentence.
I watch him as he moists his lips nervously.
"It's pretty late, Jungkook. I think I should go home now."
"Hmm! I'll drop you!"
I walk behind him staring at his back. Is agreeing to this wedding a good decision?
I don't know. Is it a mistake?
I don't know.
What I know for now is that I just wanted to say yes and I just did.
Will I regret this later? I hope not. I hope I don't.
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