《PANIC CORD ━━━ l.skywalker ¹》11
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The moment Clary opens the door to the recovery room she's still stumbling forward, attempting to slip on her shoes that she had managed to grab from her room. Dana is the first person she sees, standing near the door, and the older girl gives a small, wren-like smile. The expression on her face has become more relaxed and natural than before, and Clary manages to return a sheepish grin before the door slides shut behind her. She notices as Dana's gaze flickers from her face to her shoes before a familiar smirk stretches across her lips. Feeling her own face warm, Clary turns, eyes landing on her brother. He's leaning over a bed, which appears to be holding Luke, as he slaps him on the shoulder. Stepping back, Clary is able to get a glimpse of Luke's face, and she barely hears the words leaving Han's lips as she watches Luke, her heart racing.
He seems to notice her staring and his vivid, glittering eyes land on Clary. They're intoxicating and whenever he holds her gaze, she feels as if it's only the two of them in the room. He shifts slightly where he's lying, face straining from his weak state, but he manages a smile nonetheless. Clary's eyes search his face. Terrible wounds scratch and graze his cheeks like sharp edges on wood, but despite his injuries, he seems strong and lively.
Han follows Luke's gaze, a small smirk appearing on his face as he steps back, shooting Clary a pointed look. Upon his teasing, Clary would have blushed a furious red color, but her joy for Luke's safety is overwhelming as she steps forward, reaching with her arms and she hugs Luke tightly. He grunts slightly from her sudden pressure, but seems to succumb to it, as if it's almost comforting, and manages to reach up with his own arms to hold her with as much strength as he can muster.
"I'm so glad you're safe," Clary whispers after a few moments of silence. She feels as if she should say something. She can feel Han and Dana's eyes on her as Chewbacca roars something from behind; she ignores the Wookiee, though, and reluctantly pulls away from Luke's warm and tender grasp. She meets his gaze once more, feeling as if she could drown in the intensity of his blue eyes; they're glittering, familiar and kind. Luke's honest smile beams back at her as he nods to Han.
"Thanks to Han," he says. Clary glances back at her brother as he steps forward once again, a wide smirk spread across his face in a smug manner.
"That's two you owe me, junior." He claps Luke on the shoulder once again. Luke grunts once again, exchanging a look with Clary, as someone scoffs from the farther end of the room. Clary turns, meeting Dana's sharp gaze. The girl rocks on her heels, eyes flashing in Han's direction.
"Let's not forget who actually saved your freezing ass on this damned planet." A smirk plants its way across her lips when Han's eyes narrow at her tone. He opens his mouth to spit a stinging retort, but he's cut off as the doors slide open once more, revealing Leia. She steps forward, a look of relief setting on her pretty face at the sight of Luke, safe and sound, but before she can make it towards him, Han's devilish grin greets her.
"Well, Your Worship, looks like you've managed to keep me around for a little while longer."
Leia laughs haughtily. "I had nothing to do with it." She holds his gaze evenly as she adds; "General Rieekan thinks it's dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we've activated the energy shield."
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A silence settles under the growing tension between the princess and Clary's scoundrel of a brother. Rocking on her heels, Clary finds her eyes landing on Luke once more. He meets her gaze still smiling. Clary returns it, although she knows hers isn't as genuine as his: she feels grateful, in a sense, that she, Han and Chewbacca are staying a while longer with the Rebels, but at the same time, she feels her heart ache uneasily with unsettling anxiousness—Jabba the Hutt won't rest until Han gives him the money he desires, and until then, Han is in danger. Clary's mind won't stop racing until he's finally safe.
"That's a good story and all," Han finally drawls after the few moments of silence. Clary is pulled out of her thoughts as she glances back to the two. He steps towards the princess as he continues, "But I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight."
Immediately a rush of embarrassment warms Clary's cheeks at her brother's words. She shoots him a pointed look, but he doesn't even glance back at her. He looks only to Leia, waiting patiently for her reply.
"I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain," she says evenly.
Dana makes a noise that resonates between a cough and a laugh. Clary glances her way momentarily and Chewbacca gives a loud howl of amusement. Han shoots him a pointed look.
"Laugh it up, fuzzball!" he exclaims, although his tone is light. He steps closer to Leia, going as far as to drape an arm over her shoulders as he adds smugly, "But you didn't see us in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me."
Clary hesitates; she's half-tempted to crush her brother's spirits, to say that she had definitely been present, and nothing of the sort occurred, but stops herself mid-thought. She can recall the tension that had sparked between the two when Han had been trying to force Leia's feelings out of her, and although she hadn't mentioned anything, Clary had seen the vulnerability flash in her eyes. It lasted only for a moment, but it was there. She remembers how she felt, looking at them in that moment, but now, seeing her brother now in his complacent, arrogant tone she can't think of anything worse he's done (and Han has embarrassed Clary on countless occasions, but nothing as far as this).
"My—?" Leia cuts herself off, staring at Han, her incredulity nearly baffling herself, as she nearly gawks at Han. She pulls away from him; perhaps she's as amazed as Clary that he has such the audacity to utter such things. Her face flushes brightly, though, and her gaze briefly lands on Dana, who's watching with an interested expression.
Han shrugs nonchalantly. He meets Clary's gaze, and his expression slightly falters at her pointed look. He looks back at the princess, though, and his smirk finds its way back onto his face as he starts forward to stand by his sister. Leia's gaze follows after him, still watching him with her blatant look of incredulity.
"Why you...stuck up, half-witted...scruffy-looking, nerf-herder!" she exclaims angrily. Her jaw clenches and Clary's eyes widen slightly at her tone. Han stops, turning to glance back at her, eyes narrowed.
"Who's scruffy-looking?" His gaze flashes in Clary's direction for a moment and Dana snorts loudly. He ignores her, however, and Clary's gaze remains fixated on the princess: the same look of vulnerability that she had seen her wear in the passage a day beforehand had returned on her face, but lasted for only a moment before it was replaced with startling anger. She glares in Han's direction as he stands beside Clary, leaning back casually, before he turns to face Luke.
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"I must have hit pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
Clary watches as Luke doesn't reply. He seems to sink lower in his seat, wearing a look Clary can't read. She feels her heart beat loudly, and a sense of nervousness overcomes her as she glances back at Leia. She feels something in that moment, and her fears are confirmed as Leia's gaze lands on Luke.
"Why, I guess you don't know everything about women, yet?" Her gaze flashes towards Han before she steps forward, grabbing Luke's face before leaning forward, pressing her lips against his.
Clary feels her breathing hitch at the sudden gesture and she's no longer standing; she's no longer breathing, as a matter of fact. Her heart seems to drop into her chest and her body warms from her overwhelmed state. The kiss barely lasted a moment, but to Clary, it felt as if it would never stop. Everything is shattering. Her heart hurts and her mind doesn't stop racing as Leia pulls away. She gives Han a pointed look, but after a moment, her eyes finally rest on Clary, who's taken a step back. She bumps into the wall, meeting the princess' gaze, watching as her expression falters. She opens her mouth to say something, but stops herself, lost for what to say.
"Clary—" Luke starts but Clary doesn't wait for him to finish as she finds herself racing to the door. Everything seems surreal to Clary now, and she barely pulls out of Han's grasp as she tumbles forward, her mind racing as fast as her feet as they pound against the icy floor as she runs down the empty passage. She has no destination as she continues to get away; her heart hurts and her head pounds and her eyes sting. Her mind is spinning into overdrive, completely overwhelmed with emotions darting furiously, and she finds herself collapsing in the south passage, the very spot that had triggered the events to occur. Her body is shaking.
She blinks as her vision blurs, and when she reaches up to touch her face, her cheeks are wet. She swallows but her mouth is dry and everything is still shattering before her. Clary leans against the icy wall as her heart continues to pound loudly—she stares ahead blankly and the sharp pain she had felt before stings wildly in her chest. Her thoughts continue to race and it doesn't stop as her eyes continue to water. She wants it all to stop; she doesn't want to feel a damn thing. But she's feeling everything and it ranges from liquid metal hatred to soft and trembling vulnerability.
Luke hadn't pushed Leia away. The thought stands out in her mind and the tears burn against Clary's eyes. He hadn't retaliated, and that thought makes her heart weigh even heavier. The icy wall behind her, which had been some sort of support in the barren passage, makes her feel cold and weak as she finds herself sliding down to the floor. She inhales sharply, her breathing ragged, and she nearly chokes on her dry throat. She can hear faint voices of fellow Rebels in the nearby passages and she tries to calm herself down but she can't stop thinking.
It's okay, she thinks. She shuts her eyes, squeezing out the last of her tears as she brings up her hands, wiping at her face. You will be okay. It will always be okay.
A sudden, sharp beep from beside her startles her and she almost jumps up in alarm. Removing her hands from her face, Clary turns to see the familiar unit of R2-D2. A silence follows as she stares at him, confused, and he beeps again, wheeling closer to her, bumping into her. He wheels back and forth, continuing to bump her until he finally stops, letting out a short whistle. Clary clears her throat, mouth dry, as she wipes fervently at her face. R2-D2 beeps again, but the sound of it changed, almost as if sympathizing with her. His head twirls around as he continues to whistle.
"I'm fine, R2," Clary chokes out. When the droid beeps again, she manages to force a smile; her chest doesn't stop aching as she glances over, reaching forward as she rubs the head of the R2 unit. Her action is almost an attempt of reassuring both R2-D2 and herself.
R2-D2 beeps again, this time sounding slightly distraught. Clary takes a deep breath.
"I am," she insists. "I always am."
Before she has the chance to say anything else, a muffled alarm echoes throughout the passage, interrupting her: Headquarters personnel, report to the command center. Headquarters personnel, report to the command center.
Clary swallows again, although she knows no matter how many times she attempts to do so, her throat will remain dry. She rises to her feet as R2-D2 whirls another flurry of beeps. She ignores him, however, as she barely drags her feet, forcing herself to the command center. She nearly regrets even arriving, as the first thing she sees is Leia. The princess stands next to Han as they hover over a console with General Rieekan. They don't notice Clary's presence until R2-D2 beeps loudly. Han glances over his shoulder, his gaze resting on her. He gives her a pointed, demanding look, but Clary ignores him as she stands beside him. She tries to focus her attention on the console before them, attempting to read what it says, but she feels Leia's eyes on her and the sharp pain is back again.
"We've picked up something outside the base in zone twelve," Rieekan reports. "It's moving fast."
"It's metal," says the senior controller, sitting before the console. Clary squints at the computer as she tries to make out what it's saying. The movement of a small signal flashes before her in a bright red color.
"Then it can't be one of those creatures that attacked Luke," Leia states. Clary feels her jaw clench, and almost finds herself growing angry with Leia daring to mention Luke's name at all. She suddenly regrets her vexed thoughts, knowing she has no right to think such things. She blinks, trying to focus once again on the screen, but her eyes feel strained. Han leans forward, distracting her, as he rests a hand on her shoulder; for a moment, it seems as if it's only for balance, but Clary knows it's deeper than that.
"It could be a speeder," he suggests. Clary glances back at the General, along with Han, as he adds, "One of ours?"
Rieekan frowns, considering the thought, as Clary turns to look back at the screen. A signal suddenly starts pulsing near the small pinpoint that represents the Rebel's Echo Base, subtle yet slowly growing stronger with every second that passes by.
"There's something weak coming through," Clary states. The senior controller glances at the control panel at her words, frowning. C-3P0 steps forward, the sound of his footsteps creaking, and Clary barely realizes that he's been present the entire time. He watches the screen for a moment, listening intently to the strange signal that's transmitting through to Echo Base, before he turns to Rieekan.
"Sir, I am fluent in six million forms of communication," he starts. "That signal is not used by the Alliance. It could be an Imperial code."
He turns to listen more, but the transmission is cut short by a loud static that echoes throughout the command center. Clary exchanges a look with her brother as he comments, "It isn't friendly, whatever it is." Stepping back, his grip still tight on Clary, he nods to Chewbacca. "Come on, Chewie, let's check it out."
He seems to yank Clary alongside him, and despite her protests, she finds herself out of the command system and heading down the passage. Han's grip has lowered from her shoulder to her wrist as he continues to drag her along, Chewbacca taking the lead. They finally reach the corridor leading to the main hangar deck, but Han stops suddenly, causing Chewbacca to turn around, confused.
Clary stumbles, finally managing to pull her arm out of Han's grasp as she shoots him a pointed look. Han's eyes search her for a moment, their intense stare familiar to Clary, before he finally says, "You've been crying."
"It doesn't matter," Clary mutters quickly. "I don't want to talk about it."
And she doesn't; she can't think of anything worse than talking about such sensitive matters with Han. He's always been awkward dealing with situations like that. He doesn't say anything, but his gaze remains, seemingly burning into her. Clary feels uncomfortable by it, knowing that eventually, Han will want to talk about this.
"Are we going to find out what those signals are or not?" She starts forward, about to enter the deck, but Han grabs her again, pulling her back.
"Clary—"
"I said I don't want to talk about it, Han," she snaps, pulling her arm out of his grasp yet again. Chewbacca roars his opinion and Clary shoots him a pointed look. "I said I don't want to, Chewie. Can we just forget about this, please?"
She hates the sound of her voice; her tone is urgent, and almost that of a plea. Han seems to notice this as well and his strong, protective gaze doesn't leave Clary for a second.
"No, we're not just going to forget about this," Han says. "You're going to tell me what's bothering you—"
"Well, I don't want to."
"—and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."
Clary holds his gaze evenly. She hesitates for a moment, realizing that his expression isn't going to falter; Clary really detests his stubborn mind.
"This doesn't matter right now. We have to find out what the signal—"
"We're not finding out what that signal is until you tell me what's going on," Han interrupts. Clary's jaw clenches.
"Han, if it's an Imperial transmission—"
"Well, you'd better hurry up and tell me, then." Clary meets his gaze once more, and watches as his expression falters slightly, softening at the sight of his sister's cold, wavering tone. "You come first, Clary. You always come first."
She's stunned, momentarily. Even Chewbacca can't find himself to roar at Han's words. He's never been good at expressing his feeling. She knows Han. She knows he's not the type to say something that could make him sound vulnerable. She blinks, holding his gaze. She says nothing. She doesn't have to. He understands.
The look on his face falters for a moment, and Clary assumes that it's disappointment, that he wanted her to say something. Agitated by Clary's silence, Han turns, about to snap a command at Chewbacca, but Clary stops him. She grabs him by the arm before he can walk away.
"It hurts," she manages to say. She can feel the tears threatening their way into her eyes, blurring her vision once again. She holds onto Han's arm even tighter. "It hurts so much and I don't know why..." Her voice breaks off as she inhales sharply; she feels the tears slip and she blinks, allowing them to stream down her cheeks once again.
Before she knows it, Han's holding her closely, like he always has whenever she would wake up crying. But this time it isn't just a bad dream; it's real feelings that hurt and Clary hates her vulnerability towards them. She hears Chewbacca roar sadly from beside them, but he doesn't step towards the Solo siblings. He doesn't need to. All Clary needs is Han's comfort. It'll always be enough.
"It's okay, Clary," Han mutters, holding her closely. Clary is comforted by his familiar strong, protective grip. "I'm here."
It's the same way he'd comfort her after her nightmares; but this time, it isn't a nightmare. It's a cold, icy stinging reality that makes Clary's chest ache so terribly she wishes she couldn't feel anything at all.
Eyeing a probe droid, Clary crouches behind a snow bank beside Chewbacca and Han. She fixes her goggles, her jacket heavy and warm as she watches the droid's every move with sharp eyes. She ducks down quickly before it has the chance to spot her, but Chewbacca is slower and the sound of the droid whirling echoes throughout the windy tundra. Both Clary and Han stand up, aiming their blaster in the direction of the droid, but it's Han's shot that causes it to explode before it has the chance to even aim towards the Wookiee warrior. Readjusting his blaster, Han retrieves a comlink as Clary glances at the remains of the Imperial probe. She squints at them in confusion as Chewbacca lets out a howl; how did it explode so easily?
"Afraid there's not much left," Han reports. He glances back at the small pieces of the Imperial probe before looking in another direction, over the vast, snowy tundra of planet Hoth.
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