《PANIC CORD ━━━ l.skywalker ¹》05
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Watching the computer readout the statements of the TIE fighter's presence, Clary glances over at Chewbacca as they flip numerous switches, attempting to manipulate the ship's controls.
"We've lost lateral controls," Clary reports into the microphone.
"Don't worry," Han replies, "she'll hold together."
Clary tries to refrain from commenting on Han's contradicting statement as an enemy laser bolt hits the starship's control panel, causing it to blow out in sparks. Clary jumps back in alarm, eyes wide as Chewbacca lets out a timid growl.
"You hear me, baby?" Clary can hear Han mutter from the headset. "Hold together!"
The moment Clary glances up she sees a TIE fighter ship fly over. Her heart races from the tension she can feel in the small cockpit but it's quickly dissipated as the fighter soars overhead the ship—after a loud explosion, a grin tugs on the ends of Clary's cheeks as she glances towards Chewbacca seated beside her. He makes a comment, acknowledging her glee before glancing out once more. Leia shifts from behind Clary, completely engrossed with the TIE fighters.
"There are still two more of them out there!" she exclaims, attempting to get heard into Clary's microphone. Following Leia's gaze through the ports, Clary spots a TIE fighter moving up towards the starship, firing lasers at accelerating speed. The Falcon gives a shudder but the fighters dive down, managing to avoid the blasts being aimed from Han and Luke. Watching the scene with glittering eyes, Clary attempts to keep her nerves down as Chewbacca continues to manipulate the controls from beside her.
The starship gives a sudden jump as one of the fighters is destroyed in a spectacular explosion; the last TIE fighter continues firing, causing the Falcon to bounce warily. Clary flicks a switch on the panel in front of her, steadying the old starship. She hears the echo of the fighter exploding before she sees the actual blast and the smile stretched across her face widens as Leia jumps up from behind her, leaning forward as she hugs both Clary and Chewbacca.
"We did it!" she exclaims in a voice that makes it harder for Clary to despise her. She smiles, nodding slowly as Leia lets go. Clary sinks back in her chair, staring blankly ahead. Something about the fight was too easy; Clary feels her nerves disappear slowly as she hears C-3P0 call from farther in the ship:
"Help! I think I'm melting!" Before Clary even has the chance to laugh at the bronze droid he adds angrily, "This is all your fault, R2!"
Clary hears R2 beep in response before she turns her head, a faint smile now completely fading as she flips one of the buttons, allowing the ship to continue forward without hesitation. It feels almost peaceful—a little too peaceful for Clary's likings, but she doesn't bother to think further about it. They were safe. And that is all that matters.
She finds herself lost in her mind that she barely recognizes Leia and Chewbacca in the room. She remembers back to the Death Star, the Stormtroopers, Ben's death, and most of all, her jump. Her head hurts just to think about it but Clary can't help but remember it. It isn't possible. She knows it isn't. But she did it. She managed to jump the bridge and barely make it to the other side—if Luke and Leia weren't waiting, she surely would have dropped. But she still made it. Worry pounds against Clary's head, causing it to ache as she blinks. She hasn't noticed Han had made it back into the cockpit until he removes his gloves, letting them fall near the controls. They make a loud thump! gaining Clary's attention. She glances over her shoulder to meet her brother's smiling eyes.
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"Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh?" he asks. Clary doesn't answer as she glances to her right. Chewbacca is nowhere to be seen in the cockpit (Clary realizes he must have moved into the aft section to check the damage). Han takes Chewie's empty seat as he nods to Clary, his gaze flickering towards Princess Leia standing near the door. "You know, sometimes I even amaze myself."
"It doesn't sound too hard," Leia says, meeting Han's gaze evenly. Clary refrains from scoffing—because, mind you, it is hard—as the princess continues: "Besides, they let us go. It's the only explanation for the ease of our escape."
"Easy...you call that easy?" he scoffs.
"They're tracking us!" Leia retorts.
Han rolls his eyes. "Not this ship, sister."
Clary, normally, will agree with her brother. However, in this moment, she finds herself thinking back to Leia's words and the sudden doubt she had felt when all the TIE fighters were finally defeated. They were far away from the Death Star by now, but they obviously wouldn't let them go that easily.
"At least the information in R2 is still intact," Leia says, gaining Clary's attention. She looks up to see the princess giving Han a frustrated look, leaning against the doorframe of the cockpit.
"What's so important?" Clary asks, glancing Leia's way. "What's he carrying?"
"The technical readouts of that battle station," Leia replies as if it's obvious. She gives Han a pointed look as she adds, "I only hope that when the data is analyzed, a weakness can be found. It's not over yet!"
"It is for me, Your Highness!" Han snaps. Before Leia has a chance to refute him for his rude tone he adds sharply, "Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money!"
Clary's jaw clenches as she gives her brother a warning look. Of course, she didn't want anything to do with the Rebellion against the Galactic Empire—she and Han had much worse things to deal with, such as the debt hanging over their heads that's threatening to crush them at any second—and being involved this much was the farthest Clary was willing to go. Although she does wish her brother would have gone about it a different way, it's too late to restate his words gently as Clary glances Leia's way. The princess' jaw is clenched tight as well as she looks at Han coldly.
"You needn't worry about your reward," she nearly spits, "If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive!"
She angrily turns, starting out of the cockpit. She hesitates as Luke passes her, entering the cockpit. She nods towards Han, meeting Clary's gaze, before saying, "Your brother is quite a mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything...or anyone." She then storms out, anger nearly flaming off of her in waves. Clary watches her retreating figure with as much passionate rage. She is angered by the Princess' cold words. She's almost tempted to rush after her and talk some sense into the stubborn minded girl, but she glances Han's way as Luke approaches them. Both men are glancing out of the cockpit window, blankly staring into the vastness of space.
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"So, what do you think of her, Han?" Luke asks suddenly.
Han glances his way before scoffing. "I'm trying not to, kid."
"Good," Luke mutters under his breath, causing Clary's heart to weigh heavy in her chest. She rises to her feet, causing both Luke and Han to glance her way. She doesn't say anything as she makes her way out of the cockpit. She can hear Han continue with their conversation, but she tunes out their words, not wanting to hear Luke's reply. As she enters the main foyer of the ship, she spots Leia sitting at one of the chairs, staring blankly at the floor. She glances up when Clary enters but looks back down again, shifting awkwardly in her seat.
"You're wrong, you know," Clary says. She hears R2-D2 beep nearby as she approaches the pretty princess. "About Han. He does care."
Leia doesn't say anything. She meets Clary's gaze, though, and tilts her head slightly, as if intrigued to hear her explanation. Clary feels as if she doesn't need to explain—although Han may come off as bold and rash, he's selfless once you truly get to know him, and that's what Clary loves about her brother. She knows him like she knows her own mind. She doesn't feel the need to explain to Leia. She makes her way towards the princess anyway, sitting down beside her. She tries to think of reasons to defend her brother, but her mind is interrupted as Leia turns to face her.
"You're his sister," she says. Clary gives her a pointed look.
"Really? What gave it away? Our scruffy resemblance?"
Leia smiles—it's a small smile, but still real and genuine (Clary feels as if it's familiar, but pushes the thought away)—as her gaze flickers back to the cockpit. Han's laugh can be heard echoing throughout the ship before she says, "I'm sure you know him better than I—"
"Which is why I'm here to tell you why you're wrong," Clary interrupts. Leia meets her gaze evenly as she continues hesitantly, "I don't have a mother and mine and Han's father died when I was barely two so I hardly remember him, either. Han basically raised me—the earliest memory I have of him was when I was five and he was eighteen. We had been smuggling ever since I was three, I believe, and our father was dead so Han had to bring me along since I didn't have anyone else." Clary tears her gaze away from Leia as she continues, "I would have nightmares. I still have them but they're not as frequent as they were when I was younger. They were terrible...absolutely horrifying. Han would always wake me up and tell me to talk about them but I couldn't find any words to describe them. So he'd make me draw them." Clary laughs a little as she adds, glancing at Leia uncertainly, "I was trapped in blackness—everything was completely dark. I felt as if I were engulfed in it. There would always be a heavy feeling on my chest, making it harder to breathe, and there would be a whisper. The more I dreamed the louder it became until finally I realized the voice was trying to say something. It was eerie, though. Not pleasant in the least."
She looks to Leia to see the princess is still listening—in fact she seems engrossed by the story. She meets Clary's gaze and looks down, as if sympathizing with her.
"Han was always there to make me feel better. He would wipe away my tears when I would cry, he would make me laugh even when I didn't feel the need to, he would cheer me up even when I didn't need it and I know him like I know my own mind." Leia looks up, finally meeting Clary's gaze as the girl continues: "He's difficult and rude and brash but he's also a Solo. He's kind and passionate and selfless and he does care. We just..." Clary trails off, realizing where her speech is taking her. Leia nods.
"You just need the money," she finishes, causing Clary's face to flush.
"You wouldn't understand..."
"Don't I?" Leia questions. Clary meets her gaze evenly, feeling a fierce anger pinch deep within her.
"My brother needs this money, Princess, so if you'll excuse us for being selfish just this once," she snaps, "maybe you'll realize that we only agreed to give Ben and Luke a ride to Alderaan. We didn't agree to stumbling upon an Imperial space station. We didn't agree to any Rebellion. We agreed to the money. And we need this money," Clary adds when she notices the look on Leia's face. She rises to her feet, causing the princess' gaze to falter slightly. "Han is the only family I've got left. And I will do whatever it takes to make sure he is finally safe."
She walks towards the cockpit, not waiting for Leia's reply. Clary knows she accused the Princess of information she didn't even know of, but she feels the anger pulsing through her veins and throbbing against the temples of her skull that she couldn't help but lash out. She feels angry looking at Princess Leia. She doesn't understand why, but she does. Her mind races and she leans against the doorframe of the cockpit. Han and Luke don't glance back at her presence but she knows they know she's there.
A heavy silence follows and not even the beeping of R2 or the draining voice of C-3P0 can be heard as the Falcon soars over the dense jungle of planet Yavin. As she stares out the cockpit window, Clary spots an ancient temple lying shrouded in an eerie mist of the gargantuan trees. As the Falcon nears closer to the temple Luke glances back at Clary. She meets his gaze and he gives her a small smile. It's tender and naïve and Clary forces herself to turn away. Her heart is racing and her thoughts are scrambled and she feels sad looking at Luke.
She's always felt sad looking at him, but now, she finally realizes why. And it frightens her more than anything ever has.
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