Ashanti Renèe Robinson, NY 📍

I'ts been two days and I already talked to Jo'nae about the whole Laura situation and she didn't show no remorse or nothing. I don't blame her though. I would be on demon time too if a bitch set up my nigga.

But today is the "big" day. I meet up with my mom. Im really nervous on how it would go because last time I seen her she was buggin out. I don't plan on telling Jay because I know he would be mad at me again. So I just turned my location off.

I finished up my hair and grabbed my purse of the bed and walked down the stairs and out the house. 8 months pregnant ain't built for stairs.

——

We were planning to meet up at 3:00. It is now 3:20 and she's still not here. I was getting ready to get up and leave when she walked through the door.

"Ashanti." She said approaching the table. "Sorry Im late."

I looked at her and she looked fucked up in the face. She looked like she ain't have no sleep, no shower, no food, no nothing. Her hair was messed up but her clothes were just fine. She had on a black Givenchy sweater and jeans.

"Its fine." I said opening the menu.

"Wow, you're so big. How long are you?" She asked awkwardly.

"8 months."

She nodded and looked out the window. It was so awkward. I was nervous asl. My mom is very bipolar, manipulative, and controlling. I used to think I could change her as a kid but I lost myself trying to do so.

" Im happy you reached out to me. I think we need a new start. You are my daughter and I do love you. I always have."

I cringed. That word coming out her mouth just doesn't feel good."

"Then why did you treat me the way you did?"

She let out a deep breath and sat back. "That was the past Ashanti."

"That doesn't mean Im over it. That shit hurts."

"Language." She said looking at me. I looked back at her with a mug.

"Anyways. Like I was saying that shit hurts. Its like every time you had a chance to be a mom you didn't. But you didn't hesitate to treat Stephanie like she was your own."

"Can you stop Ashanti?"

"Why? Because you can't handle the truth finally being told to you?" I said with anger building up. My eyes started to water.

"You never asked me for attention."

"Are you serious? Im your kid I shouldn't have to ask you for attention." I yelled.

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me! I am still your mother no matter what! I put a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food in your stomach and you aren't satisfied?"

"Thats bare fucking minimum. Thats the needs of a child. That's what your supposed to do! When you decided to open your legs and have a kid you signed up for that. You signed up to feed, clothe, and shelter. You did the bare fuckin minimum. And expected me to take it or leave it."

"I was struggling! Your dad wasn't doing a damn thing. And all you ever did was remind me of him. Like you're doing now with all this pushing blame shit."

"There is no one to blame in this situation but you! You could've stepped up! But you didn't! No I lied. You did step up. But not for me. You stepped up for Stephanie!"

"I didn't step up for Stephanie. I treated both of you the same. Don't try to paint me to be the bad guy Ashanti. It's your fuckin fault. Not mine and I refuse to take the blame."

I couldn't take it anymore she was deadass sitting in my face and telling me it's my fault I grew up without a mother. My heart was racing and I felt like I was going to cry. My heart hurts so damn much. I don't ask for much and still get kicked around.

I got up from the table and threw down the menu. "Fuck you and all that other shit your talking about. I don't give a fuck about you anymore I tried and you can't lose my fucking number you're dead to me."

I picked up my purse and stormed out the restaurant and to my car. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I wasn't even sad. I was mad. Infuriated at the fact she really tried some shit.

I pulled out the parking lot and sped all the way back home. When I arrived I slammed the house door shut and walked up the stairs.

I heard Jay call out to me but I didn't answer. I walked in the room and threw my purse down. I sat at the vanity and put my head in my hands.

What the fuck bro. I never ask anyone for shit. And I always end up getting a slap in the fuckin face.

"Whats wit you? Slammin doors and shit mrs. hulk?" Jay said jokingly. He approached me.

"Bae what's wrong?"

"Please leave me alone. I'm not mad at you. I just need some time alone."

"Yea, uhh- no. What's wrong ma?"

"Jay please not right now."

"Talk to me."

"Jay what the fuck! I said not right no-"

"AHHHT Don't yell at me!! You're crying and you expect me to leave you alone? No."

I laughed a little on the inside.

"You were right. My mom is the same. She didn't change a bit. I just fucked around and hurt myself all over again."

He took a deep breathe and was quiet for a while. He didn't say I told you so. He didn't get mad. He didn't walk off.

"Come here." He said with his hand extended. I got up and walked towards him and he hugged me. I never knew how much I needed a hug right now.

I don't know why but when he hugged me everything felt fine. I've never cried so hard in my life. He rubbed my back.

"Let it out. You've been keeping it in. Let it out ma." He held me while I cried. After I was done he wiped my tears and kissed my cheek.

"Now stop crying before I kill ya mom." I laughed and sniffled.

"Hey there's someone at the door looking for Ashanti." Aaliyah said at the door of our room.

I looked at Jay and he looked at me.

"Stay here." He said getting up. "Both of ya." He pushed Aaliyah in the room too and closed the door.

Like 5 minutes went by and we heard yelling. One of the voices were so familiar and it brought back flashbacks. Indonesia. What the fuck is she doing here?

I got up and walked down the stairs with Aaliyah behind me.

"You need to get the fuck up out my house!" I said approaching her.

"Ashanti we need to talk."

"No the fuck we don't get out." Jay tried to stop me from walking up to her. But his ass can't guard me. Move.

"Go be a mother to Stephanie not me."

"I was never a mother to Stephanie."

"Here you go again with these lies. While I went to school in damn near the same clothes everyday. Where were you? At the mall with Stephanie. At the hair salon with Stephanie. At the nail salon with Stephanie! While I cried myself to sleep at night where were you? With Stephanie laughing and joking in her room."

"Ashan-" She tried to say but I cut her off.

"When I was home alone and needed someone where were you? Out with Stephanie having a "momma daughter day" AND SHES NOT EVEN YOUR REAL FUCKIN DAUGHTER!"

Aaliyah and Jay were quiet. My mom looked around with no remorse on her face.

"When I graduated from middle school AND high school. My dad made it. He figured out a way to get there for both occasions. Oh but where was Indonesia. Out of state. Living it up and spending her time and money on a kid that wasn't hers. So if you gon bring that "i was a mom" bullshit to me. Just leave and forget you had a kid cause I forget I had a mom for a while."

Aaliyah grabbed me and hugged me.

"Don't touch her she's not your kid." Indonesia said.

"Bitch please, i've been more of a mother to her in a matter of months than you ever been in her life. So get yo stank ass the fuck up out this house." She looked at Jay and he took my mom by the arm and walked her out. Closing the door and locking it.

We can hear her banging on the door and yelling while we walked back upstairs. I didn't care anymore. My heart was still racing. I don't think people know the pain of having a present parent that chooses not to parent.

—————