Ashanti Renèe Robinson, NJ📍

The ride back home was quiet. Except for Aaliyah singing a beyoncé song that was on the radio in the backseat. I was going to have her sit in the front next to Jay but she insisted I take the seat.

I felt guilty. It was her party and I bombarded it wit all these family issues. I turned the radio down and looked back at her.

"I'm sorry for trashing your party. I shouldn't have caused it to escalate like that." She shook her head.

"Girl no. It's fine. You did what you had to do. I'll rather have my party ruined than another broken heart anyway." I gave her a slight smile before turning back in my seat.

The only person that was on my mind right now was my mom. Odd but true. Jay did just kill her boyfriend or ex boyfriend. He was cheating too?! Down bad.

I laid my head on the door on the car and looked out the window at the rain falling against it.

"Rain, Rain, Go away come again another day.." 7 year old me sang. I was sitting at the diner room looking out the window with my basketball clothes on.

"What's wrong lil bit." My dad asked walking in. He still lived with us at the time but him and my mom didn't share a room and were fighting a lot.

"I want to go play basketball but it's raining." I said turning to him.

"There's other things you can do besides play basketball!" He said to me. "Make some loom bracelets with the new kit I bought you."

"I already did it gets boring."

"Okay. Paint your nails."

I held up my hand to show him the blue nails with white poka dots.

"Your Easy bake oven. You haven't played wit that in a while."

"For it to be called an Easy Bake Oven it sure as hell ain't Easy."

"Watch your mouth!" He said glaring at me.

"Sorry. I'll just go watch tv." I put the basketball down and walked back into my room. I felt bad. My dad only gets to spend time with me for a little bit before he has to break his back to please my mother. That or they argue and she kicks him out just to beg him to come back days later.

"How about we go and play in the puddles?!" He said following me in my room.

"That's baby stuff."

"Aye, you're only 7. Your still daddy's baby." I laughed and so did he.

"Okay I guess." I got up off my bed and put on my raincoat and rain boots. Once we made it outside it had already stopped raining.

"Hey!" I said looking up at my dad. He looked down at me.

"Hold on." He said. He rounded the house and returned with the water hose.

"What are you doing??" I asked.

"Bringing you a rainy day." He turned on the hose and water sprayed out the nozzle. It looked like a shower. He held it in the air and tilted it back to look like rain.

We spent the whole afternoon taking turns holding the hose and dancing in the rain.

"What's wrong wit you?" Jay asked. I snapped out of my daze and looked at him.

"Whatchu mean?" He pointed at my face.

I didn't realize I had been crying. I wiped my tears away with my hand and cleared my throat. "Nothing."

"You sure?" He asked. I nodded.

"Just hormones." He helped me and his mom out the car and into the house.

I took a shower and did my night routine and everything. I still have yet to get my mom off my mind. The more I thought of her the more I thought of my dad.

Speaking of which. He's never called me since the baby shower. He's still in jail. Jay got connects with someone to let him come I don't know how but he made it happen. I want him to see the baby. After shes born. I'll bring her up to the jail for a visit.

I sat on my bed with the picture frame I still had when I left the house. It was a picture of me and my dad. I took it out the frame and unfolded it and there was my mom. Our little family on a photo. I wiped tears again cause my bitch ass was crying.

"Bae my moms all settled in and she's fi- what's wrong?" He asked walking in. I looked up and him and back at the picture .

He noticed it and moved onto the bed. "What's the problem?"

"You think I should peace it up with my mom?" His face turned blank.

"No. But it's not about me. It's about you."

"Why do you say no?" He took a deep breathe.

"Because I know moms like her. Once they hurt you like that they're not going to change Ashanti."

"I just need the closure."

"That's understandable but I don't want you getting yourself hurt."

"She's not going to hurt me."

"She already has." I looked up at him.

"Who was the mother figure that was at your baby shower?" He said to me.

Aaliyah. I called my mom a week before the party. Even left her a voicemail about it. She never reached out. But she always texts Stephanies phone I noticed during the trip to Bahamas.

"Maybe I just need to give her a chance."

"How many chances are you going to give her?"

"What?"

"She abandoned you as a kid. Put your father in Jail and picked Stephanie over you. She didn't show up to one of the biggest days of your life. She can't even answer a goddamn phone. Let alone a voicemail. I don't think this would be a good idea ma."

"It's not about what you think!" I snapped at him.

"Then don't ask me if you don't want an honest opinion."

"Fine then I won't." I got off the bed and walked out the room with the picture still in my hand. I shut the bathroom door behind me and locked it.

I'm going to bring a baby into this world. My baby. My daughter. I don't want her to grow up not knowing who her grandma is. She'll know Aaliyah of course and my dad. But I want her to know Indonesia.

There was a war going on in my head between my thoughts and I don't know which side was going to win. I just hope it's for the better.

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Do you think she should give Indonesia another chance to play the mother role?