I didn't sleep in our bed that night.

That went without saying, for the most part, but how could I have slept beside him knowing the things I did and feeling the way I felt?

I don't know if he stayed in that room or found one of the other dozens of rooms to pick from. I didn't care, either. The only thing that mattered to me was that I was in my room, sleeping in my bed, and I had my privacy. Draco could do fuck all for all I care.

I made sure to actively avoid him the next day too.

I skipped breakfast, too sick to eat anything. Even so, I would've skipped probably to avoid seeing his face. I scheduled my lunch around the hours at which I knew he liked to eat, and I only made a quick trip down to the library to avoid seeing him.

I wanted to keep myself busy with party planning, but I knew that the problem with that was I couldn't avoid my mother or Narcissa. They'd ask questions, pretend to feel bad for me then urge me, not so subtly, to forgive Draco since they knew as well as I did that I was screwed regardless.

I had never felt as utterly trapped as I did then.

It was like I was a goldfish, looking through the glass bowl. I felt like I had my freedom to swim around, I even got fed every now and then which I felt like was a treat. I was happy for a few seconds at a time and could forget whatever just happened to me, because the little bits of what I had were enough to keep me satisfied.

At the end of the day, I couldn't leave the glass bowl. There would always be someone or something that controlled every bit of what I did.

I tried my honest to God best to make the most of my situation, which made it feel all the more depressing.

I was forced into a marriage, causing me to leave the person I was actually in love with. I fought with myself for months after, convincing myself I was the crazy one for feeling anything for him. I forced myself into giving my husband a chance, because after all, he was just as trapped as I was... only to come to know that he was the reason I was in this mess.

How could I ever find any solace in anything ever again?

That might've been dramatic; it might've been even a bit morbid. But I didn't care. For the first time, it was like nothing I could ever do would ever matter again.

After all, who cares if Draco and I want each other? It's not like we'd ever get a divorce. That would mean I'd be socially outcast from my family. They have no other heirs apart from me and I would feel the pressure and guilt of being ostracized from my family and ending a bloodline.

And so, what do you do when you feel like it's all helpless?

You turn to your friends.

———

I don't know how long I cried into Daphne's arms that afternoon. It could've been minutes since everything seemed to blur together when I was upset like I was. On the other hand, it could've been hours and that was the more likely option.

I cried so much that I felt my bloodshot eyes burn when I blinked, the crusting tear stains on my face felt hard and dirty. My face must've been a red mess too, but Daphne knew better than to tease me at a time like this.

"This might've been a big misunderstanding, y/n," Daphne ran her fingers through my hair soothingly when my cries began to falter a bit. I was laid down on her lap on her bed. I hadn't been to her house in a while, but I missed it. Especially now, it was like a getaway for me.

"How could this be a misunderstanding?" I sniffled. "Everything about this has been a lie."

She sighed, choosing her words carefully. "I don't think Draco ever meant to hurt you."

"It doesn't matter if he 'meant' to do anything. The fact of the matter is that he did."

"Don't you think he cares about you?" she questioned softly. "I've seen the way that boy looks at you, how he acts around you. That's not a fake love."

"Forget love, Daphne. For all I know, for all I care, he could be so madly in love with me that he can't even think about other girls. The problem is, if you care about someone, you don't do something like that to them."

"It sounds like his hand was forced," she shyly stated. I felt bad for making her uncomfortable, but I was also glad she was conscious of my feelings. "You know the Malfoy's would have assigned him someone."

"I'm not saying that makes it okay," I wiped a dry tear from my duct, "I'm saying he had no authority in choosing me as his wife. I wasn't meant to have an arranged marriage."

She stayed silent a moment. She knew I was right; there was no refuting why a boy would pick you as his wife without your consent.

I'd feel bad for him if he was forced into a marriage, which he was, but he cannot right a wrong by doing another wrong thing. Being a victim of one thing does not give one the authority to victimize another person.

"He said it was fifth year, y/n. He was fifteen, really," she continued caressing my head, "I don't think the boy knew any better. He was scared... and selfish, yes. But I don't think he had any malicious intent."

"Malicious or not, it doesn't excuse the consequences of that action."

"I know, y/n, and you need time to heal. You deserve that more than anyone. I'm not saying to forgive Draco right away; you don't have to forgive him at all. But at least try to let yourself be happy in some capacity."

I shuffled off her lap and forced myself to sit up. My back hurt a little.

I was prompted by her mention at letting myself be happy. What was the point in that?

"I don't follow," I huffed. "What does happiness have to do with anything?"

"I love you more than words can explain, y/n, and you deserve to be happy. Not for Draco, not for your parents, but for yourself. I know that until you found this out, you were happy. Maybe a little unhappy with the circumstances, but you were at least becoming happy. I don't give a shit about anyone else in this situation but you, and you owe it to yourself to try to be happy, however that may be."

I opened my mouth to speak, but at that moment I heard the door swing in and I caught the sight of Theo doubled over, face red and trying to catch his breath like he'd just run a marathon. He clutched a tiny piece of parchment in one hand while the other was around his midsection.

"I came... as soon... as I heard..." he heaved out in shaky breaths. I'll admit, that was the first smile I cracked all day.

"It's about time, Nott!" Daphne motioned for him to come over. "I owl'd you half an hour ago!"

He looked like he was about to collapse, but he forced his lanky legs over to the bed and kneeled down on the floor beside me so that I was, sitting on the bed, some distance above him.

He held up the slip of parchment between his fingers as his breathing slowed.

"I got... your message... Daphne," he huffed before gasping for air a final time. "I was just with Draco."

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "You were with him?"

Theo wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. He looked back to normal other than the red of his flushed cheeks.

"He came to my house last night. Told me everything... well, what he wanted me to hear anyway. I didn't know you were here, y/n, I just heard now and rushed over. Literally, rushed. I don't think I've ever apparated so fast before, I almost scorched my eyebrows off."

It was sweet that he dropped Draco in a moment to come comfort me instead. I pushed away whatever upset feelings I had for the greater good.

"Thank you for coming," I spoke softly, looking at his blue eyes. He gave me a crooked smile.

"Always. Draco can suck it, for all I care."

I chuckled at that. There was a piece of me that was aching to know how he was doing, just to gauge his reaction. I couldn't imagine it was good if he left before sunset.

"How... is he?" I asked, causing Theo's eyebrows to bounce up. He likely wasn't expecting that question.

"You don't wanna know," he pushed a few loose strands of hair out of his forehead.

"I do, actually. Just... for peace of mind."

He eyed me skeptically, like he was deciding whether or not I really wanted to know. But maybe to humor me, he sighed then looked at me soulfully.

"He's not good, I'm not going to lie."

The ends of my lips tugged up in a ever so slight, tiny smile. I didn't like hearing he was upset, but I couldn't ignore my carnal instincts of wanting him to feel remorse for what he's put me through. I didn't want revenge, vengeance... he was still Draco at the end of the day. That doesn't mean I couldn't secretly want him to feel the weight of his actions, though.

"Okay, sadist," Theo chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "Didn't think you'd be so happy."

"I didn't say that I was happy."

"That cheeky grin gave it away, y/n. And honestly? You're entitled to feel that way. I'm not blaming you."

"I don't think any of us do," Daphne chimed in. "Of course you're still angry with him... under normal circumstances, you'd never want him to feel sad."

"Exactly," Theo nodded. "I can't imagine how he would react if the situation were reversed. Probably commit arson or something."

I chuckled again. Whoever said Theo wasn't the best guy friend a girl could have?

"Still, how is he?" I asked. "What's he saying?"

"A whole lot of shit," Theo admitted. "But it comes from a place of love, I can tell you that much."

"How so?" Daphne questioned.

"I was in my living room when he apparated in. He just looked like he was in a rage."

I looked at him quizzically and let him continue on.

"I brought him into my room and he went ballistic. By the time he left, I had to cast, like, seven counterspells to undo the silencing and privacy charms he'd placed on the room."

"He was screaming?"

"Crying," Theo corrected. "I've seen Draco at some pretty bad times, even dark ones. But this... I've never seen him so depressed. It was like... nothing I'd ever seen from him before. I didn't know he could even feel things as deeply as he apparently can."

I scoffed. "You'd have loved to see him cry on his knees for my forgiveness."

Theo's eyebrows tugged together. "Hey, I know you're hurting right now and it's justified, but cut the man some slack. He has lost the girl he loves in the past twenty-four hours, too."

"I didn't say he's lost me," I assured him.

He looked surprised. "Hasn't he? He said he was an emotional wreck and you would barely give him the time of day."

"It wasn't that bad... I was just angry, like you said which is justified."

"It is," he nodded. "But I'm still Draco's friend, too, and it hurts seeing your best mate too depressed to get up from his bed."

Daphne looked at him in agreeance before turning to me. "And that's how I feel about you, y/n, I don't want to see you live your entire life like you have today. You deserve better than that."

"Much better," Theo smiled weakly. "It's not fair on either of you, we can establish that. You're both screwed being forced in this... but that doesn't mean you have to let it be so miserable."

"Doesn't it?" I asked. "How can you be truly happy knowing that you're not really free to make your own choices?"

"You find independence in other ways," Theo remarked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Give yourself power in this marriage. You have the choice of whether or not to forgive him, to fall in love with him... to even look at him, ever again! I'm not saying this will be easy, or that you deserve to live like this, but you're so much more powerful and independent than you realize."

Daphne nodded. "You don't have to like this, none of us would. But we just want to see you happy. Please, for all of us but especially for yourself, make your own happiness."

For the hundredth time that afternoon, I cried.

But they weren't tears of sorrow.

They were healing tears.

---

A/N: My apologies that this was a bit of the filler chapter. It's just that there was so much plot the last two chapters that I needed to slow the pace down a bit again. Rest assured- the ending is coming! (which means heightened plot, of course). I think y'all will be satisfied with how it turns out!

Again, I wanna thank you guys for the love you've given this book recently. It means the world that from when I started writing this book 15 weeks ago it's gotten this much positive feedback. You're the best : )

Vote and comment! Xoxo.