I startle awake at around 4 am. For the first time in a long time I had a nightmare, I think it was about Adam but the longer I'm awake the less I remember. Trent's not there when I wake up, and I look around confused. His stuff is still here, so he hasn't left the house. I get up and groggily search the house for him. After checking every room upstairs I head down to the kitchen, where I find Trent curled up in a ball on my kitchen floor, a bottle of my dad's whisky in is hand. He's crying, and muttering to himself, so low I can't make out what he's saying.

"Trent, what the hell are you doing?"

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," he slurred, attempting to stand up but falling back down on the ground anyway. He wasn't drunk, not by any means, just tipsy and upset.

"Give me the bottle, what the hell were you thinking?" I take the bottle of Jack Daniels from his hands and set it on the counter. Trent looks down at his hands and sniffles, too ashamed to look at me. I feel bad, but I don't let up.

"That shit's fucked, Gray. It's real fucked."

"I know it is, but you can talk to me, we're in this together, okay?"

"It's just so hard to put how I feel into words, and it's so hard to sit here with these feelings."

"But you don't get to go backwards because of it. You're better than this, Trent."

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Stop cutting?" I was slightly taken aback by his question. We hadn't talked about my self-harm in a while.

"I want to almost every day. I'll think about Adam, or something else that happened, and I'll just be so overwhelmed with emotion. But I take a deep breath, I use the techniques Dr. Meyer taught me, and I find something to keep me occupied."

"And it works?"

"Usually, sometimes I have to snap a rubber band on my arm because none of the techniques work."

"Don't you want to just give up sometimes?"

"Yeah, a lot, but I don't. You know why?" I ask. He looks up at me, his emerald eyes seem deeper from the tears.

"Why?"

"Because I have you, and my parents, and Nat. People love me and want me to be here and be better. And the same goes for you babe."

"God I'm so sorry, Gray."

"It's okay, I know how hard this is for you. Your complicated relationship with your dad just got more complicated. You have to deal with shit way beyond your years right now."

"I just... I had wished he would drink himself to death, I wished he had died instead of Mom. And then when it nearly happened... I don't want that at all. I just want a dad." I sat down next to Trent and pulled him into my arms. He cried on my shoulder and I just rocked us from side to side, smoothing his hair and occasionally kissing his head. Eventually we fell asleep like that, and I woke up to the house phone ringing at around six in the morning. I jumped up to answer it only to be immediately screamed at by my mother.

"Grayson Alexander Daniels you better have a good explanation as to why you skipped school yesterday?"

"Trent's dad is in the hospital." I could just imagine her face falling, that look when you realize you fucked up and jumped to too many conclusions.

"Oh my god, is he okay?"

"Yeah, it was a heart attack. He'll be alright, I just couldn't make Trent deal with the hospital alone, you know?"

"Jesus, I'm sorry honey, are you both okay? Do you need us to come home?"

"No, we're both okay. Enjoy your trip, okay?"

"Okay honey, call if you need us, and send Trent our love."

"I will, thanks Mom. I love you."

"Love you too." I hung up and sighed, then turned to shake Trent awake.

"Fuck did we pass out down here?"

"Yeah. Come on we have to get ready for school. Also my mom just called, my parents send their love."

"That's really nice of them. I guess they know about my dad?"

"Yeah, it looks like that school emailed or called or something I don't know. They ratted me out for skipping."

"Was your mom mad?"

"Until I explained, yeah."

"Your parents are really great," Trent said with a smile. I shrugged and then we went to get ready.

"Trent?" I asked on the way to school. Trent had one hand on the wheel and the other clutching a cigarette.

"Yeah babe?"

"About last night... there can't ever be a repeat of that."

"I know."

"You can't just steal my parent's liquor because you're sad. You can't drink away your feelings. I love you, but I'm not going to stick around if you do."

"I know, you deserve better than that. I had a moment of weakness, and the guilt for even doing it in the first place made things worse."

"Adam used to drink, while he watched me. I don't know if I've talked about it much. But it's why I don't like alcohol. I'd never ask you not to drink, but you can't do shit like that."

"I understand. It won't happen again Grayson. I have been doing so good, I quit all my habits cold turkey." I glared at his cigarette. "Well, except one," he laughed nervously. "But this was a backslide in a particularly tough moment, and I handled it all wrong, and I see that now."

"I love you, so much."

"I love you too. I'm going to be better for you, I promise."

"I trust you."

School was a drag. I apparently missed a couple of pop quizzes and a timed writing assignment. My teachers were mostly understanding but the couple that really don't like Trent had no sympathy for me. I guess the whole staff heard how I stormed out of the building with Trent. It was such big news that Mrs. Gleason, my school counselor called me to her office.

"Grayson Daniels, what's going on?" She asked as I sat down.

"I don't know, you called me," was my reply.

"Right," she said awkwardly. "I know this year hasn't been the easiest for you."

"That's an understatement," I laughed.

"I just want to make sure you're doing okay."

"I'm fine."

"I see you've been hanging out with Trent Rodriguez," she said.

"We're dating, actually."

"Oh, I didn't want to assume. How did that start? You two don't really hang in the same circles."

"Just say that you're worried he's a bad influence on me and get it over with."

"Well, I was. But from where I'm sitting it doesn't seem like that at all. A year ago, you could barely stutter out two words to me. Here we are now having a full conversation. Albeit a sarcastic one, but a conversation."

"Everyone judges him, but he's really sweet. Just has a lot going on." Mrs. Gleason smiled.

"It seems you're bringing out the best in each other. He hasn't been in trouble really since that incident with Kyle."

"Everyone's all worried about me, they don't have any reason to be. It was a rough start, but I'm doing better than I ever have now."

"I'm glad to hear Grayson."

"Thanks. Can I go back to class now?"

"Of course. It was good talking with you."

"You too."

I have to admit it felt nice to have an adult at this school actually approve of my relationship. I mean, Mrs. Reynolds did, but she was the only one it seemed. I was glad Mrs. Gleason actually took the time to talk to me and listen. Most of the adults in my life made their judgements about Trent and decided they immediately knew what was best.

"How was your day?" Trent asked when he met me outside my last period class.

"Weird." I replied as he laced our fingers together.

"How so?"

"Mrs. Gleason called me to her office. She tried to interrogate me about you and then realized we were actually good for each other."

"Yeah we are," he smiled.

"How was your day?"

"Shitty. I keep worrying about my dad."

"Want to go see him?" I asked.

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"Of course! Hopefully he's more up to a conversation today."

"Yeah, I hope so," Trent sighed as we got into his truck. He left the school lot and started heading toward the hospital, one hand on the wheel, the other laced with mine. I smiled to myself, feeling for the first time in a long time like things were going to get better from here.