Wednesday morning, I did not want to get out of bed. My parents repeatedly entered my room to try to wake me and each time I rolled over and went back to sleep. It wasn't until Trent arrived that I actually got up, by that point I had to rush to shower and grab a snack to eat on the way for breakfast. I held Trent's hand nervously as we drove to the courthouse, I asked if I could go with Trent to make myself feel better. As we walked up the steps, I noticed reporters all eagerly awaiting Adam's arrival. I was grateful that none of them knew that I was the victim, and hopefully it would be kept that way.

"It'll be okay," Trent said as he grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I forced a smile and we continued into the courthouse. We were greeted by two security guards who immediately asked us to remove everything from our pockets and step through the metal detector. An officer also had to pat us down, which sent me on a downward spiral toward a panic attack. My chest tightened and I became short of breath, my nerves definitely did not help the situation. Once I was finally cleared through security we were escorted to a room with my parents and lawyer. I sat in the back of the room, leg shaking uncontrollably, not speaking to anyone. I was too busy trying to work up the courage to testify. In my counseling sessions with Dr. Meyer we worked on ways to cope with today. I thought about getting justice, how it might feel. I told myself that I was strong, that I've been through a lot and I deserve to get justice.

We sat in that meeting room for what felt like hours but was probably only just one. Katrina tried to get me to practice my testimony, but I refused to speak to anyone. When we were finally called, I shakily stood up and immediately latched myself on to Trent. He held my hand tightly as we walked to the courtroom. Unfortunately, he couldn't sit with me in the courtroom, I had to sit up front with my lawyer, and he had to sit behind in the seats until he was called to testify himself. I reluctantly let go of his hand and made my way to my seat.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Mason," the bailiff announced as the judge entered the courtroom. I shakily stood up and held the table in front of me for balance as I watched the judge, a woman in her mid 40's maybe, enter the courtroom. She took her seat and we all followed. A few moments later we heard another "all rise," and everyone, the judge included, stood for the jury. I watched the jurors enter, there were more women than men, which made me relax a little bit. This was good according to Katrina, women tended to be more sympathetic to sexual assault victims than men. Unfortunately, the reason is because most of them have experienced an assault themselves. It's sad that I was hoping that these women understood my trauma.

"The representation for the defense has the floor, you may make your opening statements," Judge Mason said as Adam's lawyer, a middle aged woman with jet black hair, slicked back in a bun that was so tight it gave her a facelift, stood and made her way to the center of the room. For the first time since arriving in the courtroom I looked at Adam. He was really laying it on thick, he had bags under his eyes and a depressed look on his face. He was really trying to drum up sympathy. Hopefully it wouldn't work.

"Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client has been accused of a heinous crime that he simply did not commit," his lawyer started, and I nearly scoffed in response. She then went on to argue that I had come on to Adam, and had been obsessed with him for years, and that he was trying to push me off of him when I hit my head. As she spoke the anger in me rose and I began shaking, not from anxiety, but from rage. I wanted so badly to just stand up and object, but unfortunately this was not a courtroom drama on tv, and I was not in the position to do so. Once opening statements were made on both sides, the defense got to call their witnesses.

They called the officers who responded to the scene, the paramedics, and my parents. With each set of witnesses, they tried to sew doubt into the jury's minds, make them think that it's possible that I was the aggressor. All the paramedics could confirm was that I had a head injury, not exactly how I received it. The lawyer tried to use my parents' relationship with Adam to make him seem like a trustworthy guy, how could the man who was their best friend betray them like that? Pretty fucking easily lady let me tell you. Katrina, of course, cross examined all of these witnesses, and was able to, in my opinion, stamp out any doubt there may have been. She asked the paramedics and the officers to describe the scene they walked in to that night, she brought up statistics on sexual assaults usually being by close friends or family, she simply let the facts speak for themselves.

"Defense calls Trent Rodriguez to the stand," Adam's lawyer announced, and I held my breath as I watched Trent rise from his seat and approach the witness stand. He placed his left hand on the Bible and raised his right hand.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" The bailiff asked.

"I do," Trent responded and then took his seat on the witness stand.

"Mr. Rodriguez, what is your relationship to the alleged victim?" Adam's lawyer asked.

"I'm his boyfriend."

"How long have you and Mr. Daniels been an item?"

"A few months, I don't see what this has to do with what Adam di-"

"Just answer the questions," she spat. "Mr. Rodriguez is it true that you have a criminal record?"

"What does that have to-"

"Objection!" Katrina shouted. "Your honor I fail to see what relation the criminal history of a minor has to do with the crime Mr. Baker is being tried for."

"Your honor, there is relevance." Adam's lawyer argued. The judge turned to Katrina.

"Overruled, but there better be a point," she said the last part as she looked at Adam's lawyer.

"Answer the question please, Mr. Rodriguez."

"Yeah, I was arrested for possession a couple years ago. I must have missed the part where I'm on trial here," Trent muttered.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Trent Rodriguez, who fought with my client on the night of the alleged attack, has a history of drug use, and a criminal history."

"Your honor I object! The defense is attempting to slander Mr. Rodriguez by using his past to call his testimony into question."

"Sustained, Ms. Miller do you have any more questions for this witness that do not involve character assassination?" Adam's lawyer, who I not knew was named Ms. Miller, pursed her lips and looked at Trent.

"No further questions your honor." She stomped off to her seat and Katrina stood and approached the witness stand.

"Mr. Rodriguez, in your own words can you describe what happened that night?"

"I was helping my father with some things around the house, and I got a text from Grayson saying that Adam was trying to break into his room. He had locked the door because he was home alone with him and was afraid of him."

"Because Mr. Baker had assaulted Mr. Daniels before?"

"Yes. Grayson had told me before Adam arrived that he had been sexually assaulting him since he was 10. I didn't want to leave Grayson alone, but I couldn't get out of helping my dad. When he texted me though, I just dropped everything and ran. He said didn't know if he'd be able to break the door in, and then he said he walked away, but then he came back with stuff to pick the lock. So he locked himself in his bathroom just as Adam broke into his bedroom. That's when I called the police and drove over to his house."

"What did you see when you arrived at Mr. Daniels' home?" Trent looked at me with sympathetic eyes. I braced myself for the scene he was going to describe. I didn't ask what he saw when he found me, I didn't want to ever know.

"Grayson was unconscious and naked, Adam was naked from the waist down. He was about to... um, penetrate him." My breath caught in my throat as my chest tightened. Tears ran down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away. I tried hard to control my breathing.

"What did you do after that, Mr. Rodriguez?"

"I just lost it, I grabbed Adam and threw him off of Gray, I was honestly about to beat the crap out of him when the paramedics showed up."

"Thank you, Mr. Rodriguez, no further questions. Your honor, I'd like to submit the records of the text message conversation between my client and Mr. Rodriguez as evidence." Katrina handed the judge an envelope that contained our conversation from that night. Trent went back to his seat and I knew it was my turn. I heard my name called and my vision blurred, I shakily stood up and made my way to the witness stand. I honestly don't recall swearing on the bible, but I must have. The next thing I knew though, I was being question by Adam's lawyer.

"Mr. Daniels," Ms. Miller asked. "How long have you known my client?" Damn, Katrina was spot on with her practice questions.

"M-my whole life, ma'am." I said through shaky breaths. I looked around the courtroom at all of the eyes on me, I looked at the jury, trying to scan their faces for any kind of reaction. My anxiety rose when I couldn't find any.

"And how would you describe the relationship you had with him?"

"It was r-really good when I was l-little," I stuttered.

"Yet you are accusing my client of sexually assaulting you?"

"Wh-when I turned t-ten, he s-started r-raping me."

"Mr. Daniels, if my client did as you claim why didn't you tell anyone?" Anger started to rise in me at her questions. Breathing became harder and I had to focus really hard to not lose it on the lawyer. I did my best to just calmly answer her.

"B-because he said I d-deserved it for being a b-bad boy."

"But surely as you got older you would have realized and you would have told someone, had these attacks happened."

"I w-was ashamed, and I didn't want to h-hurt my parents."

"Mr. Daniels, is it true that you're a homosexual?" I was caught off guard by her question.

"Yes?" I replied, coming out as more of a question than statement.

"Is it true that you were very attached to Mr. Baker as a child? Always hugging him and holding his hand?"

"Y-yes."

"Mr. Daniels is it possible that you had a crush on my client, that started to manifest itself when you were ten years old? Is it also possible you made inappropriate advances toward him that he rejected? And then, when you found out he was coming to visit, you came on to him again, only to be rejected yet again, so you fabricated this story of being assaulted to cover up for your inappropriate fantasy about Mr. Baker?"

"Objection!" Katrina slammed her fists on the table as she stood.

"Katrina, I w-want to answer," I said. The anger in me rose and I snapped. "Ms. Miller, I may have been close with Adam when I was a kid, and yes I was very physically attached. And maybe I had a crush on him as a child, who knows. But your client took advantage of my trust and my attachment to him to sexually abuse me for years. I was a child; I still am a child. Your client is a grown man who needs to own up to his actions." Again, Ms. Miller pursed her lips and retreated back to her table.

"No further questions your honor." The judge nodded to Katrina who stood up and approached the stand.

"Mr. Daniels, I'm not going to ask you to recount what happened, and relive that trauma, but I am going to give you an opportunity to make a statement to the judge, the jury, and the defendant." After telling off Adam's lawyer I had a newfound confidence. I turned to look at Adam for the first time all trial, and we made eye contact.

"You took everything from me. You took my childhood from me, you took my trust in people. You took my ability to have a normal relationship, to be intimate with my partner in a healthy way. The emotional scars you left are worse than any physical pain you caused. But I'm learning how to heal, I'm learning how to let go of the damage you've caused. You can't ruin my life anymore. My only hope is that you pay for your actions, and that you find your own healing. I know in order to have done what you did to me, you had to have been hurt too. I just hope that you never hurt anyone else again." I got up after that and went back to my seat. I'm not sure if I was supposed to but I didn't care. Now that I had spoken, I was losing my confidence and my stability was quicky crumbling. By the time I made it back to my seat I was a shaking mess, hyperventilating and crying while Katrina tried to rub my back. I pulled away from her touch, and instead turned to find Trent. My breathing started to steady when we locked eyes and I saw him smiling at me, wiping away tears of his own.

Katrina and Ms. Miller each made their closing statements. Miller was still trying to frame me as the aggressor, and Katrina again was just using the facts presented in the case. The judge made her own statements, and then the jury left the room to deliberate, and the court adjourned until one pm. The minute we were allowed to leave I ran to Trent and collapsed in his arms.

"You were great baby, I'm so proud of you, no matter what happens," he whispered in my ear as I cried on his shoulder. He walked us out of the court room to where my parents were waiting.

"Honey, we're so proud of you," Mom said and reached out to hug me. I held onto Trent tighter, refusing to hug either of my parents.

"Grayson, I'm really so sorry we didn't notice, and we didn't get you help sooner. I understand that you're upset with us and that you're going to need time to heal. But I'm really proud of you, son. No matter what happens today, you won." Dad said, putting a hand on my shoulder. I flinched slightly, but then relaxed and he gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. We went to the Chipotle near the courthouse for lunch and sat through a mostly silent lunch. On the walk back though, Dad spoke again. "You know, Trent, my wife and I really misjudged you. You're a good kid, and you clearly care a lot about our son. You're welcome in our home anytime, and we look forward to getting to know you better."

"Thank you, Mr. Daniels." I smiled to myself as Trent and I walked hand in hand with my parents back to the courthouse. I felt like I was on top of the world, and nothing could bring me down. That feeling soon ended when I stepped back into the courtroom and remembered why we were there. We all filed back into the room and the jury entered the room.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" Judge Mason asked. A juror rose and addressed the court. My legs shook uncontrollably, and I held my breath. I had tunnel vision and I was hearing as though I was underwater.

"We have your honor. We unanimously find the defendant, Adam Baker..."