《To Learn to Let Go | ✔》Chapter 4

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After tossing and turning all night, my alarm finally went off signaling that it was six a.m. and time to get ready for my day. I rolled out of bed, being sure not to land on my right foot, and headed to my closet. I opened the doors that were covered in posters of my favorite bands and movies and picked out my outfit for the day. I settled on black skinny jeans, a black tee, and a red flannel before heading to my bathroom to shower. I put on some music, deciding on a Disney medley for this morning, and sang along like I was putting on a one-man Broadway musical. I loved music and singing, I would never do it in front of someone, but it made me forget just how fucked up I was.

Once my impromptu performance was over, I spent longer than usual working on my appearance. My hair just did not seem to fall correctly, my skin looked broken out, I felt bloated and just generally like shit. This wasn't exactly a new feeling, I often felt ugly. I just never cared before honestly. I was more concerned with trying to not become a hate crime statistic every day. Is that too dark?

"Grayson, are you ready to go?" Mom shouted from downstairs. I sighed in frustration and left my bathroom, grabbing my backpack before limping down the stairs. "I'm going to drive you to school until your ankle heals, okay?"

"Uh, sure. Won't you be late to work?"

"I talked to my boss last night, she's okay with me coming in a little later." I nodded and went into the kitchen to grab a granola bar and some fruit to eat on the ride to school. I left the house and headed to my mom's car while she locked up the house behind her. I was about to get in when I heard heavy footsteps coming toward me. I looked up to see Trent walking toward me and a look of confusion instantly crossed my face.

"Wh-what are you doing h-here?" I asked as he got closer.

"I'm here to drive you to school. I didn't want you to have to walk with your ankle." He smiled nervously, scratching the back of his neck as he spoke. He appeared nervous, and I was reminded of yesterday when he stormed out.

"Um, my mo-"

"Honey, who's this?" Mom asked as she walked up to Trent and me.

"This is-"

"Trent Rodriguez, ma'am," he said and held out his hand for my mom to shake. Was anyone going to let me finish a sentence this morning?

"Nice to meet you, Trent. What are you doing here?" She asked politely.

"I'm here to drive Grayson to school, if that's alright. I know he walks and with his sprained ankle I didn't want him to hurt it further," he smiled sweetly at my mom. This was a very different version of Trent from what I was used to. He was charming and polite, he didn't smell of cigarettes, and other than his style of dress all remnants of his bad boy persona were gone.

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"You must be the friend who helped him home yesterday?"

"Yes, ma'am, I am."

"Thank you for getting him home safe. Gray is very clumsy, he's lucky you were there yesterday." He looked confused by what my mom said but decided to ignore it.

"Well, thank you. I'm just happy I was there and able to help. So, is it okay if I drive him today?"

"Well, I suppose that would be okay. I guess I could get to work on time," she shrugged.

"You sure, Mom?" I asked, secretly hoping she would insist on driving me. Another part of me was also secretly hoping she would insist I go with Trent.

"Yeah, of course. Spend time with your friend!" She smiled and then turned to get in her car. I think she was just happy that I had a "friend" who wasn't Nat. I turned to look at Trent and we just stood awkwardly while my mom backed out of the driveway.

"Um, I guess we should get going," I said. I was worried about getting to school on time. I had never been late in my life, Trent on the other hand was rarely ever in school, let alone on time.

"Can't mess up your perfect attendance?" Trent teased.

"I l-like to be on t-time," I grumbled as I headed for his truck.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you," he apologized as I stormed off. I think he could tell that my stuttering got worse because of his teasing. It made me smile that he cared enough to apologize. I would never let him see that though.

We were riding to school in silence, and there was a tension and awkwardness that you could literally cut with a knife. Sick of the silence, I put on the radio which was preset to our local alternative station. It was playing "Tear in My Heart" by Twenty One Pilots, one of my favorite songs. I couldn't help but sing along, very quietly at first, but I unconsciously sang louder as I forgot that it was Trent sitting in the driver's seat next to me. He let me sing the entire song before he commented.

"You have a really good voice," I jumped when he spoke, suddenly becoming hyper aware of his presence.

"Thanks," I half whispered, too self-conscious to confidently speak. Not that I could confidently speak anyway.

"No problem," he smiled, causing me to blush a deep shade of red. Trent's smile softened for a moment and but then I saw a moment of panic. His eyes widened and then his brows furrowed as he turned to look back at the road. It was as if he was fighting against some feeling or thought he was having. Trust me, I know a lot about fighting off feelings and thoughts.

We finished the ride to school in silence, I didn't sing along to anymore songs. We got to school, and I quickly thanked Trent before getting out of the truck and heading toward the entrance. "Grayson, wait!" He shouted after me. I sighed and stopped for a moment so he could catch up with me. "Let me walk you to class?"

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"K-Kyle already thinks you're my boyfriend," I said.

"Do you think I give a fuck what Kyle thinks of me?" I flinched a bit at how angry he got. "Sorry, I just, I want to make sure that he doesn't bother you." Why was it like he was so in tune with my emotions? It was like he saw every flinch, could read all the meaning behind my stutters, could feel my discomfort. I thought about it for a minute, Trent was stronger than Kyle. On some level, Kyle was afraid of him, so maybe I could use that to my advantage. At least I wouldn't get beat up on my walk to biology this morning?

"Fine, thanks," I said and forced a smile. I was still uneasy about the whole situation, I still couldn't figure out what Trent's endgame was here. But he was offering me protection, at least for the time being, and with a sprained ankle I would be dumb to turn that down.

We started walking through the halls, me looking all over as usual, Trent just looking down at me every once in a while. "You don't have to be so paranoid; you know? I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Forgive me if I don't believe you," I muttered.

"Okay, I get it, I seem like exactly the type of guy who would be picking on a kid like you, right?" He asked.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered, "I'm pretty sure I saw you shove someone in a locker last week." He opened his mouth to argue back but then closed it again, knowing I was right.

"I shouldn't have done that," he admitted, "sometimes I lose control of my temper. It's not an excuse but I'm working on it."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, completely taken aback by my sudden confidence.

"Sure, I'm almost an open book," he laughed.

"Why are you being s-so nice to me?"

"Being completely honest, I don't know. I saw you getting attacked the other day and just... had to stop it."

"So why are you still h-hanging out with m-me?" I asked.

"Um, next question?" He asks, clearly trying to avoid talking about something.

"Whatever," I mumble.

"Look, I don't... I can't explain how I'm feeling," he said, stopping to turn to me. I turned to face him and was about to press him for more information when a loud voice interrupts me.

"Hey ladies," Kyle shouted as he headed down the hall, followed by his friends. I shrunk against the lockers and Trent turned to face them.

"Fuck off, Kyle," he spat as he stepped to put himself in between Kyle and me.

"Protecting your boyfriend, Rodriguez?" Kyle taunted.

"What if he was my boyfriend?" Why the hell would he say that?

"Then you'd be just as much of a fag as he is, and I'd have to beat it out of both of you." Kyle spat as Trent's fist wound back and swung to hit him square in the jaw. Kyle swung back but Trent ducked, and he punched the locker instead.

"I told you, leave him alone," Trent spat as he turned away from Kyle, who was holding his bleeding knuckles tenderly. He turned to look at me, "you okay?" I nodded and he tilted his head, motioning for me to walk with him. He made sure I got safely into my biology class and lingered for a moment as I sat down and unpacked my things. When I cocked my head in confusion his eyes widened and he ran off, toward whatever class he would inevitably be late to. I smiled and laughed to myself as Ms. Reynolds started the lesson for the day.

"Hey," Trent said as he sat down across from me at lunch that afternoon. I turned to Nat; whose face wore the same shocked expression as mine. She shrugged and put another French fry in her mouth, over the shock of Trent sitting with us. It wasn't until his best friend; Brayden Turner took the seat across from Nat that half a French fry fell from her mouth as her draw dropped. For possibly the first time in her life Natalia Ramirez was speechless.

"Hey Bray, this is Grayson the kid I was telling you about. And this is... um I'm sorry I didn't catch your name yet," Trent said turning to Nat.

"Um, Natalia, but you can call me Nat," she smiled at Brayden, a twinkle in her eyes as she stared longingly at him.

"You're that cute girl that added me on Snapchat yesterday, right?" He smiled back at Nat as he flipped his shaggy blonde hair out of his face.

"Yeah, that was me," she winked at him, finding her confidence to flirt with him.

"So, there's this party on Friday night, would you maybe want to go together?"

"Hm, I'll have to think about it," Nat shrugged as she took a sip of her water.

"Oh, okay," Brayden said with disappointment dripping from his voice.

"I'm just kidding! Pick me up at eight, and don't be late." He breathed a sigh of relief and nodded happily.

I looked around the cafeteria, noticing the glances and whispers around us as people noticed that Trent Rodriguez and Brayden Turner were sitting with two sophomore losers. I shrank into myself, hunching over and putting my head down as I ate my food, avoiding taking any more glances around the cafeteria.

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