Patrols darted by in wolf form, disappearing into the night. And I sat here, completely useless as my wolf refused to give me any semblance of control over either form. When I attempted to do my share in the workload and went on patrol, it tended to shift back mid run, leaving me to dive face first in the mud.

Other moments, I would be human and going about my daily routine until my wolf threw a fit, leaving me naked on the floor with several people of the pack looking on in slight shock as tattered clothes twirled down.

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the wall, waiting for the Alpha to return. After my spectacular nose dive, I had been placed under supervision until they found out what was wrong with me.

My wolf growled deeply, digging its claws in my mind and dragging them down to produce one hell of a throbbing headache.

" I want my mate!" He hissed venomously before leaving me in silence, shaking and gagging from the pain. I sagged against the wall and shivered, enjoying the cool breeze on my heated skin.

Kyle...

It wasn't the first time that I thought back to when I met my mate. My mind was a broken recorder, rewinding every little moment I shared with him. Kyle never had given me any idea that he was a true rogue, a lone wolf without semblance of humanity.

He had been kind and gentle, especially loving the moments he was tasked with guarding the pups for the day. Even with people casting their doubts over him and treating him with suspicion and distrust for his past, he had been nothing but understanding and polite.

So, why had I been so eager to draw conclusions? Why did I attack him without questioning his reasons? The truth was that there wasn't an answer to that question. When I saw my brother laying underneath Kyle, wounded and close to death, I hadn't stopped to think.

I merely remembered all the times my brother had spoken up his distaste for Kyle. Ever since we had met, Gavin had disliked Kyle and our quick acceptance of my mate. He had felt we moved too quickly, especially by accepting a rogue into our pack without any investigation towards his intentions.

All rogues we had encountered so far were known for their ruthlessness. They attacked on sight, like rabid mangey dogs as they lashed out without reason.

Instinctively, my wolf knew that Kyle wasn't like that. It knew Kyle to be pure, just a misunderstood loner who wanted nothing more than to find a place to belong.

"And I've taken that away from him... I made Kyle lower his defenses, only to punch him in the face when I reached him..."

"Max..."

I looked up, bowing my head in respect to the Alpha as he grabbed a chair to sit beside the bed, not even offering me a helping hand as I crawled on top of it. He simply twirled the seat around so he could rest his crossed arms over the back, legs spread as he sighed deeply.

"I've visited your brother and parents to hear their side of the story as well, along with the doctors and nurses who treated both Gavin and you. I even talked to my wife, whom already had her doubts about the whole situation." He glared at me as his wolf slipped out a tiny growl.

I flinched, knowing that I had caused quite a disturbance between the Alpha and his mate. She had instantly spoken up for Kyle, mentioning that he was the first one to come to her aid and bring the pups in. She had seen him get attacked by rogues and had pleaded his case but due to my attack on him, many had turned a deaf ear and ignored her.

And now it seemed our ignorance came back to bite us in the butt. I didn't dare look my disgruntled Alpha in the eye, knowing all to well his wolf was disgruntled because it unintentionally pissed off its mate.

The Alpha intertwined his fingers over the seat, expression thoughtful as he gazed down at me. "I need to understand why you attacked him. There must've been some reason, something that made you believe Kyle was responsible, excluding the fact that he stood there bloodied over your brother."

He leaned closer, catching my gaze in his angry gold one, wolf barely held in check. "I need to know why you told me specifically that it was Kyle who had done this. When you attacked him, I specifically asked you if you knew and you said, and I repeat "Without a doubt, it was him"... but now we learn I have my wife's life, the pups lives to thank to Kyle..."

I kept quiet, head hung low because there was no real answer. The deep warning growl made me lick my lips and sit up nervously.

"I...I was certain Kyle had done it. When we found my brother bloodied and close to death, Kyle standing above him..." I shook my head, remembering that day all too well. "I don't know, it was as if I heard every single one of Gavin's accusations, almost as if showing me how wrong I had been to trust Kyle in the first place."

The Alpha nodded again, grumbling low in his throat before shaking his head. He remained in silence and I hesitantly peeked up before licking my lips once more. "D...does anyone have a clue where Kyle might be?"

I stilled when the Alpha pinned me down with a sneer. "Your ex mate has been cast out of his pack by your actions, Max. The second you told me he was the one behind the attack, he was deemed rogue. You think the Enforcers escorted him gently to the border and invited him over for tea if he were to change his behavior?"

Bile filled my throat as my wolf snarled while realization sank in. It had been a stupid question after all, a question I knew the answer to, as I had ignored Kyle's frantic pleas for help.

Enforcers dealt with rogues efficiently and brutally. Making sure that any survivors got the message loud and clear ; Do not trespass if you value your life.

"He's dead then?" I managed to squeeze past my throat, limbs trembling as I felt weak. My wolf stilled, whimpering pitifully at the thought.

The Alpha shrugged his shoulders and leaned back, standing up so he could twirl the seat properly and stretch his legs out. "Perhaps, perhaps not. There's no way I can track him down, if he lives..." He stood with an angered growl before stretching completely.

"Honestly Max, what are you expecting? Now that the truth has been revealed, you think Kyle is magically going to pop up, if he's still alive?" The Alpha snorted before heading for the door. "If you're so desperate to track down your ex, talk to the Enforcers. Perhaps they have some closure for you."

I flinched as the door slammed shut, vibrating the air with its force and causing the frames on the wall to tremble precariously. Silence pressed down heavily as I sat on the bed, staring at my palms.

Kyle...

Looking up, I sighed before pushing up slightly. I didn't want to ask the Enforcers what they've done to him, how they chased him out... perhaps I could find a different way to inform about Kyle's whereabouts?

"Too late..." My wolf hissed venomously before a knock sounded on the door. I blinked and looked up, feeling my wolf hiss and snarl while the lead Enforcers stood there with a confused look. "Your wolf called me over to inquire about Kyle?"

I paled, willing myself not to puke while my wolf pushed closer to the surface, growling lowly and urging the Enforcer to step inside and start talking.

"Is he alive?" I breathed, dreading the answer. The Enforcer sent me an odd look and I knew why; Mates felt one another through their bond, could feel their joy, love, happiness... pain... If anyone knew if Kyle was alive, it should've been me. But with the breaking of our bond, there was nothing there. The Mating Knot in the back of my mind that was reserved for the connection between mates, had been silent since that day.

The Enforcer's face smoothed out in a neutral expression, his eyes flitting over my body as if analyzing the situation. "I don't know." He spoke slowly, eyes hardening at my wolf's snarl. "Kyle was announced a hostile rogue so we dealt with him accordingly. We didn't land any killing blows simply because he managed to avoid most of the attacks until the twins got to him."

I flinched, knowing exactly whom he spoke of. Kayla and Evan were known to run rogues down when they were on our territory. Each time they managed to catch up with a rogue, they'd tag team it until its lifeless body was tossed over our bodies, a warning for others.

Their hatred for rogues had only increased after their little niece was mauled in the face in the same attack that led to Kyle's banishment. I gagged dryly, knowing there wasn't any food to regurgitate but my wolf insisted, dreading what happened to Kyle.

"All I can say is that I tossed him over the border still breathing. If his regen kicked in, he might be alive... if not, he died a slow death." The man spoke without emotion as I trembled and shook on the bed.

"Why are you telling me this?" I snarled in anger and pain as my wolf contorted my body, struggling to get out as I fought it back, knowing it would lash out at my family, my pack.

The Enforcer growled back angrily, stilling my form as he spat, "You think it was easy for me, Max? Kyle was a good friend and never showed bad intention but I am bound by our laws. Orders are orders, and I recall the Alpha asking you specifically if you were certain that day!"

The man took a few steps to the bed, fingers tangling in my shirt before he effortlessly heaved me off the bed to dangle from his hold. "You are his MATE! Some of us will never get so lucky to meet our one true love and you broke and defiled such a sacred bond! All because of what? Your hurt ego that you couldn't defend your brother? Or perhaps you always hated the fact that he wasn't born in a pack..."

He shook me off of him, like a wolf would shake out his fur to get rid of filth. "If you want to blame anyone for Kyle's disappearance, blame yourself Max. It was you who gave the answer that doomed him to live as a rogue for the rest of his life."

"You just said you didn't know if he survived though." I murmured, narrowing my eyes at his contradiction. He glared down at me, eyes flashing with his wolf. "I don't know if he survived but I can only hope. If I ever were to meet him again, I'll ask for forgiveness, knowing that I attacked a good friend and pack brother because I'm sworn to obey my Alpha's commands."

The man backed out of the room and slammed the door shut with such force, it rattled back open, groaning in protest as if ready to fall off of its hinges.

All I could do was sit on the bed and do nothing but wonder.

Why?

Why have I lashed out and betrayed Kyle?

Why?