“The greater the love, the greater the tragedy when it’s over.” – Nicholas Sparks

My calm demeanor faltered on that one name he said to me along with his taunting smile which told me he was not lying in the least about it and it broke my heart for a reason still unknown to me.

“Julian bit me because I kissed him.” Lucas implied in a blunt that had me gone enraged.

Just the mere thought of another touching my lover and let alone kiss him in the lips surely made me go livid with anger and fury that I never once felt before. I gritted my teeth painfully since no words can soothe my foul mood.

My grip tensed on his collar even more to the point that it was already trembling much to my discomfort – it had the need to punch something to ease my agitation.

“He is mine.” I murmured in ire but instead of feeling intimidated, he looked at me annoyed.

“Yours? Don’t make me laugh. Sure he was your lover but since when did you actually treat him as one? If he was so important to you then you would have been there for him the other night and he won’t suffer again but no you did not because you are a coward.”

He retorted and I felt offended again that my body moved on its own and before I realize it, I punched him in the face.

He staggered on his feet after I released him from my grip but I doubt that this will silence him though and neither will it silence me too – I was already in the worst of my mood then he dared to prompt my anger.

“I’m not a coward and don’t you ever call me one when you don’t know how it feels to be in my place. I admit that I never once treat him nice and I regretted all of it. If you thought that he is the only one suffering here then you’re wrong!” I explained it to him loud and clear.

“This guilt is killing me inside and out. My conscience is tormenting me every hour, every minute and every second. I am just barely enduring them all.” I added with animosity in my cold tone.

Lucas regained his firm posture as he stood up again in front of me with a bleeding lip since my punch must have reopened his wound.

“And who is to blame for your guilt? If you hadn’t been a coward in the first place then none of this will happen and he wouldn’t be in such pain. Don’t act like you had no option because you had the choice to go to him that dinner night but no you chose to be a coward you are.” he retaliated.

However, hearing him repeated that coward word to me twice made me snap.

“I did it for the best of us! I did it to protect him from the humiliation he’ll face when our relationship comes out. I did it for him.” I replied in resentment as I pointed a finger at him.

He glared at me with chestnut eyes full of hatred. “I could care less on your meaningless reasons because in one way or another, it doesn’t change anything.” he snorted in disgust before wiping out the blood from his chin.

“I don’t care if you’re guilty. You deserved it and it is nothing compared to the pain you gave to him. If you think that you had suffered enough then that’s your absolute mistake because you do not know even half of his agony.” he added with his furious eyes not leaving mine.

“There is something more painful than guilt and it is what tortures him all this time.” he claimed.

“Why do you care? In fact none of this matters to you because you are nothing but a servant who keeps on putting his nose on other people’s business.” I asked exasperated since I always dislike how he meddles on my personal affairs like he had the right to.

“Shame on you.” I imitated his bluntness that he always used on me.

Lucas grimaced on what I just said to him that he didn’t hesitate to grab me by the collar in the similar way I grabbed him a couple of minutes ago.

“It’s because I love him. I love Julian Hartwell.” he seethed at me and my narrowed eyes widened at his response.

He loves him? The thought of it made my jealousy pound in the depths of my heart. How come I didn’t realize it when it was so obvious all along?

“I love the man whom you are taking for granted. I love the man whom you are leading on with false hope and I love the man whom you are tormenting by breaking important promises. I love the man whose heart is the one you keep hurting.” he hissed at me with so much loathe.

It disturbed me to know that he harbors intimate feelings that I can’t bring myself to bear.

Even though it was what my wisdom said to me, my heart denied otherwise. It felt like I wasn’t bothered by the fact that he feels something for my lover but rather I felt upset because someone else will become a part of his life.

I don’t want to share him with another man.

“So? The one he loves is me and not you. Besides I’m no longer the man who will take him for granted, lead him on with a false hope and hurt him anymore. I chose him over the woman who I was supposed to marry and I will continue to choose him over anything else.” I scoffed.

However rather than looking dumbfounded at me, he looked annoyed instead much to my dismay.

“There is a huge difference between choosing him out of pity and choosing him out of guilt. Like I said, I don’t think you’ll hold onto him any longer because I can see it in you that you are confused – confused as to what you really feel about him.” he requited and likewise I felt insulted.

“Sooner or later you’ll be in denial because you are a coward.” Lucas included as he tightened his grip on my collar and it outraged me to hear that stupid word again.

I slapped his hand away thus freeing myself from his hold. “I am not choosing him out of guilt or out of pity either. I am choosing him because I...” I clenched my hands into fist as I was unable to complete it.

I still couldn’t put it into words. The tension between us was cut all of a sudden when a series of knock came from the other side of the library door.

“Sir, your parents have returned.” Emily informed me.

“I’ll be there in a minute.” I replied as calm as I can be despite the endless irritation I had deep in me.

As soon as I heard her footstep fading into the distance, I shifted to grab my coat from the chaise lounge before pacing towards the door to meet my parents on the living room. But just as I had my grasp on the metal doorknob, I gave one last fierce glance on my footman.

“When I step out of this room, I want you to leave and never come back. You are dismissed and don’t bother telling them my secrets because I can speak it to them myself.” I claimed as I proceeded to exit the library.

―

I shouldn’t let his words influence me and my decisions. Even if he can see right through my mind, that didn’t mean he can see right through my heart too. I know deep in me that I was not doing this out of guilt.

I was choosing my lover because I want to be with him.

I can choose to marry him if I wish to and I know a part of me desire for it but not now since I was taking things one step at a time. Guilt may have prompted me to stop being such a fool but it was not the one that had motivated me to start a real relationship with me.

It was not guilt but something more intense enough to choose him over everything else.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made me drift away from my trance and it took me a short moment to notice that I was already in the living room and standing in front of my parents who were occupying the large French white canapé.

I must have been too absorbed on my thoughts that I failed to realize that I made it to our living room. Both of them did not utter a single word at me as I took a seat on a similar canapé across them.

I inhaled a deep breathe to calm my inner self.

The silence was very loud that I could hear the pounding sound of a solid pendulum very clear from a nearby grandfather clock. The coffee table in front of me was made of special rosewood but seeing its color made me remember the pair of chestnut eyes I now despise the most.

I glanced at my parents and they were looking at me in inquisitive but they chose not to speak until I initiate a conversation. Will they handle it if they learn that I refused to marry the woman they adored?

I sighed in defeat. It was no use guessing without even trying.

“I do not want to marry Amelia anymore.” I confessed in direct and honest tone while looking at them straight in the eyes so that they would understand that I was not deceiving them. Both of them wore a surprised expression in their faces and I expected that in the least.

A long discouraging minute brought fear in me but instead of causing me a change of heart, it gave me more courage to do what I want from now on.

“It’s been a few years since you became engaged to her and you could have refused it before so why now when the marriage is a couple of months ahead. Is there a specific reason why you wanted to cancel it so suddenly?” my darling mother Helena inquired me with a baffle look.

I bit my lip in slight hesitation but nonetheless they needed to know the truth and besides I don’t lie. “There is someone I fancied.” I answered in a simple but true reason.

“Can you grant us the privilege to know the name of the woman who gave our son enough reason to want to end his engagement with his fiancée?” my dear father Arthur asked of me.

“I don’t think this is the right opportunity to tell you about it because this topic alone is so difficult to speak of. But don’t worry you’ll know soon enough, I just need some time.” I explained to them and they seemed to understand since they nodded at me in agreement.

“Is she born of nobility?” my mother questioned me again but this time I tensed since I know how significant this question was especially since we were a noble in hereditary.

“No. That person is of commonalty.” I replied and she gasped upon hearing it.

“Dante, my dear you do know that in our society’s custom, if a man is a noble then he is to take a noble too for a wife. It is a culture to maintain the nobility title in a family. If you were to have a commoner for a wife, you’ll be disrobed of your status.” she said to me out of concern.

Indeed she was worried because there was no such parents in their right mind would allow their child to be deprived of his/her good future but as absurd as it sound – my heart could care less about that.

“I don’t want to see my only child live in poverty just because of a woman.” Helena added and I only smiled at her worries.

“I am aware of that when I decided to choose that person over my fiancée and I am prepared of it. I don’t care what life I would live in the future because as long as I am with that person then that is all that matters.” I replied in sincerity and surprisingly both of them gave up debating me about it.

It was a good thing that they failed to notice that I kept on mentioning that person instead of her and let alone him. I just let them assumed it was a woman as of this moment of time.

“Did you already speak to Amelia about it or would you like us to tell her in your behalf?” Arthur suggested and I let out a disappointed sigh.

“Yes, I already told her of my decision but she didn’t take it well. She stormed out of the house in the end if I might add.” I claimed and my mother shook her head in disbelief.

“Of course, any woman wouldn’t take it well when they’re refused by a man. I could understand that part but I didn’t expect to hear that she stormed out of the house. I thought she is a woman of good tolerance but I guess it might have hurt her too much.” my father sympathized with a frown.

“You should talk to her again. Women can be frightening when they’re being inspired by desperation.” he included and I grimaced hearing that.

A desperate ex-fiancée was the last thing I wanted in this world.

Then it reminded me that it was somewhat strange for my parents to hear this discussion without arguing me and especially be infuriated of me for cancelling the marriage they wanted me to have.

“Is it alright for me to cancel the marriage? Well I am kind of expecting for you to be mad because of it.” I said and the two of them furrowed their eyebrows together.

“It is quite distressing to hear that you are no longer agreeing on the marriage since Amelia is such a nice girl and all but you are our son and your well-being come first more than anything.” my darling mother smiled at me so humbly.

“Besides it is a disgrace for a parent to force their child on a marriage they do not want.” my dear father expressed so lovingly.

“Indeed. I just want you to know that we will always support you no matter what.” Helena added as she took my father’s hand in her.

I stared at them speechless and astonished like I just heard something so unreal. It took a lot of strength in me to hold back myself from colliding my head to a hard concrete wall. I always doubt that it will be troublesome to go against their wish.

Who would have thought it will be this easy?

I guess I would have to blame it, totally, on my insecurities and my mind that would always think of negative thoughts. Since when did I become so adverse?

Because you’re a coward.

His phrase replayed itself inside my consciousness and I shook my head to drive it away. I guess it’ll be nice to be optimistic like Julian, he who always views things in a positive perspective.

“Then is it alright too if I don’t come along on our trip? I promised that person that I will stay here during the rest of the winter season.” I asked in politeness. My parents looked at each other for a while before looking back at me with a pleasant smile in them.

“Sure it’s alright but only if you agree to introduce her to us when me and your father returned okay?” she insisted and I nodded in defeat.

While we were indulged in our family conversation, our faithful maid Emily came into our presence with an urgent issue with her.

“Sir Marcus demands to speak with Sir Dante. The carriage is outside waiting for you, Sir.” she informed me and it confused me because it was unlikely for Sir Marcus to fetch me since he used to come here whenever he needed to discuss something.

But I guess it would be different because this one was about his daughter’s marriage.

“Do you want me and your mother to talk to him?” my father offered however I shook my head in denial.

“No. It’ll be best for him to hear it from me because after all I am the one who is refusing his daughter’s hand for a marriage.” I claimed as I grabbed my coat before putting it on.

―

After an hour of road trip, the horse carriage stopped in front of the entrance door and a butler opened the door for me as I stepped outside the Coach.

A huge mansion immediately came into my line of vision. It was built in a British design with a mixture of English Baroque architecture. It was painted in pure white shade hence it gave the look of simplicity and the complete opposite compare to the inside.

“Is Sir Marcus here?” I asked the butler.

“Yes. He’ll be in lounge room soon. Would you like to wait for him there?” the man asked and I raised an eyebrow. It was quite odd for Sir Marcus to not see me first when he wanted to speak to me but nevertheless I shrugged my doubts.

“Sure.” I agreed and not too long, I entered through the main door.

Just like I said, it was absolutely different in the inside since it was built in a white and gold Rococo style. In the middle of the foyer, there was this beautiful sculpture of a male angel sharing a kiss with a woman. I think this statue was called Cupid’s Kiss.

It was indeed romantic and it was no wonder that Amelia believes in the existence of soul mates. This statue gave her that idea no doubt.

I paid no more attention on the decorations as I walked towards the lounge room. The butler left as soon as I took my seat in a comfortable and elegant couch.

While I was waiting for the appearance of the man I came to see, my mind lingered on the talk I had with my parents earlier. Truth to be told, I really didn’t anticipate that they will be so eager to accept my decision.

But I guess I should be glad because it was so comforting to feel that I carry a less burden now in my heart.

I just hope it will be the same when I told them about him and that I had an affair with him during the time I was still engaged to Amelia. I know that they will be mad about my unfaithfulness but deep inside – I know that they’ll understand.

“Would you like a wine, Sir? It’s your favorite.” the butler came back with a silver tray in him and a Champagne glass half-filled with red wine.

“Thanks.” I replied as I took the glass and the man left me again alone in the lounge room. I wonder what is taking Sir Marcus to be this late.

I brought the rim under my nose and the sweet aroma instantly clouded my smelling sense. Its fragrance was one of the reasons why I was fond of this wine. It smelled nice and it always brought serenity inside me.

I detached the rim from my nose before bringing it to my lips and drinking it in one go.

However just after I swallowed it, a bitter flavor invaded my taste right away. It was so bitter that I felt like vomiting and it also gave me burning sensation in both my throat and stomach. Was the wine perhaps already expired?

But wine certainly does not expire. The quality will only go bad when not stored properly and I know exactly what a bad wine taste does. It was surely not this worse.

I coughed for a couple of seconds and soon the burning feeling disappeared but only to be replaced by light-headedness.

Fatigue and exhaustion consumed my whole body in a heartbeat that I could barely sit straight without wobbling now and then. I tried to call for assistance but a lump in my throat hindered me from doing so. In a few minutes, I was already laid limp on top of the couch.

The sound of a pair of heels walking on the marble rang in my ears and a figure of a woman was what I last saw as my eyes closed on its own.

“Forgive me but you left me no choice.” a feminine voice said to me just before the obscure darkness shrouded the last of my consciousness.

―

I woke up drained from energy with the softness of cotton and fabric being recognized by my skin. I blinked my eyes open only to be greeted by a vague sight and I groaned in annoyance. What time was it? Emily was supposed to wake me up as usual.

I sat up from the bed as I combed my hair from my face to the back with my fingers. The haziness soon unveiled from my sight and that was when I learned that I was not in my room.

Where was I? I thought to myself but the reality decided to give me a cruel answer when my eyes shifted to the bedside on my right and that cruel answer brought horrible realization in me.

The one beside me was my ex-fiancée Amelia Ashworth.

Please tell me this isn’t real. I pleaded my mind to wake me up from this lucid illusion but seeing her sleeping face was more terrific than my worst nightmare. Don’t tell me.... a thought alarmed me that I did not waste a second to see it for myself thus I lifted the blanket.