“I love you more than there are stars in the sky and fish in the sea.” – Nicholas Sparks

Yes. I’ll be your lover.

Those pretty words of him continued to repeat itself inside my head like a magical chant, it was so magical that it entranced me with happiness I had never felt before. It made my heart melt and it brought me a tingling feeling like there was a thousand doves soaring inside me.

He made me feel complete.

I smiled as I watched him still sleeping in his bed. His peaceful facial features were the definition of perfection itself and not even the most fascinating goddess could ever be compared to him. He was the most beautiful person in my eyes.

I sat on the bedside near him with a single red rose in my hand.

He was still in deep slumber but that won’t last long though. I leaned closer to him with the rose still in my grasp. I decided to tease him briefly thus I brought the rose on his angelic face.

The smooth velvet petals came in contact with the tip of his nose but it didn’t made him wake up much to my disappointment however it was too early to give up.

Hence I traced the rose down to his adorable pink lips and giving it a gentle touch but the pleasant fragrance of the flower was only sending him further deep into his sleep. I sighed but likewise I was not giving up. As much as I wanted to kiss him, I need to wake him up first.

He squirmed a little which means that he was not liking the foreign touch therefore I wasted no chance in teasing him more. I laced the rose from his lips and into his naked chest with the petals touching his skin in a tender caress.

The red shade of rose was like an attracting hue in contrast to the cream porcelain tint of his complexion.

It was a good thing that the blanket was pushed down to his navel which made it easier for me to take advantage of him in sleep. I wonder if I was being a romantic person right now because waking up your lover with a rose was likely what only sweethearts do. Well was I one?

“Hm...” Julian mumbled when the smooth petals met his sensitive spot just under one of his breasts. He slowly blinked his eyelids open and his gorgeous silver eyes met with my chocolate ones.

“Good morning.” I greeted him before pressing my lips on his for a simple kiss.

“Good morning too.” he returned my greeting.

Last night he didn’t want to sleep right away after our passionate love making and I could tell that it was because he was scared of not seeing me in the morning. And I understood it and he had all the reason to doubt me since I already hurt him many times so it was natural for him to be insecure.

However I didn’t want him to doubt me anymore and with that in mind, I’ll make him see that I was no longer the same man who caused him so much heartache. I’ll be the man who was worthy of his love and the only one who will give him everything he deserves.

As a start for that, I decided to be in his side when he wakes up. I want to be the first man he will see in the beginning of the day.

“Are you going back?” he asked as he took note of appearance. I had prepared myself with the same clothing I had yesterday.

I nodded. “Yes. I want to talk to Amelia. She’ll be coming to my house before noon and I figured that this is a good opportunity to tell her of my decision. I only need you.” I said with a candid smile in me.

Although the word need may be less significant compare to the strong emotion I had for him, it was the only word I could I find closest to my feelings. Even though I still haven’t concluded what it was, I was pleased to know that I was getting closer in figuring it out.

“I’m happy to hear that.” Julian replied with a genuine smile.

“I’m glad. By the way, this is yours now.” I chuckled as I handed him the red rose I had earlier.

He blushed crimson upon receiving the single rose from me although it made me wonder why he had such reaction. Before I could comprehend it, he answered me right away like he knew what I was going to ask of him.

“It reminds me of the time you decided to paint me. I asked you why chose a red rose for me and then you said it’s because it suits me. Well do you still think it is?” he inquired me.

Indeed I remembered it but I think I no longer see it that way.

It was still alluring and tempting but there was something much more other than that or to be precise it signifies the things I felt about him. The red rose was like the embodiment of the strong emotions I couldn’t express in words.

The deep meaning of my feelings that only this rose could tell for me.

I shook my head in denial before embracing him in my arms. “No, it suits for the two of us.” I claimed and soon I felt him smile in my shoulder.

―

The placid silence was dwelling in the calm air around the library with the scent of papers and books blending in thoroughly. The soothing ambiance brought me deep into my thoughts that I was hardly devoting my attention to the book laid on top of my lap.

My sight kept on lingering on the dozen bookshelves surrounding me. Every bookshelf were made of dark special wood which makes it difficult to guess the age of the furniture.

Books were arranged well from histories to the various published works written by famous authors and novelists.

The ornamental pendant lamps on the ceiling bequeathed enough light to brighten the room. Not much of decorations were placed here other than wall paintings and a large French carpet.

This library my family own was not really huge and I bet it just almost quarter the size of a public library located in the town central. Well we were simply not the type to collect books.

“Here are the books you asked.” said a voice which brought me back to reality.

I looked up to see my footman holding five books in him before gesturing him to place it on top of a Pembroke table in front of me which he did without question ask. And my body slumped even more on the comfortable chaise lounge. This boredom was killing me.

“Thanks, can you get me a coffee too?” I said in a dull tone.

Lucas simply sighed and I could presume that he was as bored as me but that wasn’t what caught my jaded attention rather it was the busted lip he had – it was like someone had bit him there or it was probably my imagination.

It might be good to ask him later about it.

I sat up on the lounge as soon as he dismissed himself and I immediately surveyed the other books in hope to entertain myself while waiting for the arrival of my fiancée. It was already the appointed time and somehow I was unsettled about it.

Will she agree to cancel our marriage?

Well even if she doesn’t agree, I’ll still do something about it. I didn’t want to let this engagement go on especially when I was seeing another person.

As I continued to rummage through the pile of books, there was one that had caught my curiosity. It was a sonnet book by Philip Sidney. I scanned every page and then my interest found a certain poem. The title was My True Love Hath My Heart and I Have His.

The mere title itself made my heart leaped in joy and such sensation appealed me more to read the verse written below.

My true-love hath my heart and I have his,

By just exchange one for the other given:

I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss;

There never was a bargain better driven.

His heart in me keeps me and him in one;

My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides:

He loves my heart, for once it was his own;

The first half of the poem kindled all the strong emotions in me that I feel like something will burst out deep in my chest sooner or later. It also reminds me of the unconditional love he had for me and how he always made me feel special.

Julian gave me his entire heart without a price or anything in return.

He loves me for who I was and not for what I have. He cares for me more than anyone and more than himself. He treasures me more than gold and life itself. To him I was precious.

I felt sincere warmth spreading all over my body that I failed to notice the faint smile in my lips. Then I resumed reading the rest.

I cherish his because in me it bides.

His heart his wound received from my sight;

My heart was wounded with his wounded heart;

For as from me on him his hurt did light,

So still, I thought, in me his hurt did smart:

Both equal hurt, in this change sought our bliss,

My true love hath my heart and I have his.

The second half of the poem incited the terrible guilt buried inside my heart. The countless mistakes I had done to him was replaying in my mind like a never-ending cycle of bad dream. I wonder if the heaven will ever forgive me for doing that to him.

I broke it. The heart he gave to me – I broke his once pure heart.

It was so cruel of me for taking an angel like him for granted. Somehow it seemed a miracle that I still have him and that he still forgave me even though I hadn’t said my sorry yet.

I felt a throbbing pain building inside my chest that I feel like splitting my body open so I could take the pain away.

This guilt was so unbearable.

When I was about to close the book, a distinct word captured my eyes and I stared at it for almost an eternity. The time stopped and everything seemed to have disappeared from my awareness.

It was like seeing that specific word brought forth an unknown realization in me.

Love.

That single word was nothing new to me and I heard it from Julian for a multiple times so why do I perceive it like it was a long lost word that I had been searching for since forever?

As the little word was slowly sinking deep into me, a strange feeling came washing over me. I felt whole all of a sudden like a dream was already achieved in front of me and I felt fulfilled like I had found the missing piece of my puzzle.

I felt enlightenment out of the blue.

Was this love? I found myself asking no one but the feelings in me that was going bizarre underneath my own flesh.

Then before knowing it, my heart raced a million miles and my body felt freedom like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulder. There was so much sensation in me. But despite all those peculiar things, why do I feel like this was a confession I must tell my lover?

Was I in love with Julian? The question suddenly appeared in my mind. I felt my own breath being stolen away when my heart decided to answer the question for me.

I love...

“Dante?” a feminine voice alarmed me that I accidentally dropped the book out of horror and panic consumed me as soon as I recognized the figure standing before me. It was my fiancée.

―

She stared at me in bemused and I could tell that she didn’t expect to see me make such awful reaction towards her my future wife. It scared me because I thought I was speaking my earlier thoughts out loud.

I inhaled a long breath to compose my inner self back to its calm demeanor.

“I need to talk to you, Amelia.” I claimed in a monotone but with a serious face in me as to imply that this was about an important matter for me and she was needed to hear it in which she abode without a single complaint from her.

She sat next to me and there I noticed the long but fitted yellow Sundress gown she was wearing. It was so fitted that it was showing the define curve of her waist and the ample shape of her legs.

Was she, by any chance, seducing me?

I disregarded the useless imagination I had before mustering all the courage I could find in me. I hope this conversation will end good but since I know this woman too well – it’ll probably end with the opposite.

She smiled at me and I sighed in return as I let my eyes locked gazes with her.

“I no longer wish to marry you.” I confessed in humble however anxiety breached its way inside my soul that had me feared on the possible words I’ll hear from her.

Her smile faded from her face and her beautiful makeup somehow turned dismal grey much to my demise.

“Who is she? Is she the same woman you wanted to bring to dinner instead of me your fiancée?” her sharp tone tried to pierce through me but I was not letting her do the same thing she did before.

I will not submit to her solicit anymore.

“I do not have a woman, I simply do not see myself in the future with you as my wife. Forgive me.” I replied in an absolute chaste truth.

That was right. I didn’t see myself married to her or sharing the rest of my life with her either. It was not the future I desired to have. Instead I found myself spending my every day with a beautiful lifetime partner.

My future was only with Julian by my side, him and no one else.

“Lies! She just fooled you with her charm. I am the only one you love right? Please tell me you love me, Dante.” her tone in high soprano. Nonetheless I didn’t feel any despair for Amelia. After all she was part of the reason why I hurt an angel.

It was because of her that I betrayed him so many times.

“I’m sorry. I don’t love you and I don’t want to wed you knowing I don’t feel what you want me to feel.” I explained as considerate as I can be for her to not take this conversation in a wrong way.

That was the least I wanted to happen.

“No I don’t accept this. I don’t accept this at all!” she claimed in a shriek at the moment she stood up from her seat. She turned to me before holding my shoulders in a hard grip.

“Tell me you don’t mean it. Tell me that everything you said means nothing. I will never let you cancel our marriage even if that means I’ll speak to your family. They won’t allow it.” she said and that was my cue to destroy my calm facade.

“Then I dare you! In fact you’ll make it easier for me to tell them. I don’t care what they’ll do about it because I still won’t marry you.” I snapped at her for the first time.

I know that it was rare for me to lose my temper especially when I was good at hiding my emotions but she pushed me too far.

Nonetheless it didn’t stop her however what came to me in the blink of an eye was something I certainly didn’t see coming. She gave me no response instead she lunged at me with her body weight that made me fall back on the chaise lounge.

My back hit a solid book and I groaned in pain.

The short distraction of mine gave her a golden opportunity to straddle her legs around my waist and again before I realize it – she crashed her plump lips on mine.

And while she was at it, one of her hand crawled underneath my shirt before exploring every inch of my toned abdomen. She pressed her soft bust against my chest much to my great discomfort.

“Stop it.” I warned in irritation while holding back myself from hitting a woman.

But that little warning didn’t stop her from what she wanted to do then a disgusting sensation began to creep on my veins when I felt her other hand gave my clothed lower region a tight squeeze.

“Enough!” I screamed at her as I pushed her off me thus making her stumble on the marble floor.

“I am a daughter of a marquis and your first lover, Dante. We’ve been together since children and we’re meant to marry when the time comes. We’re soul mates and we’re supposed to love each other until death.” Amelia claimed as she stood up looking disappointed.

“Soul mates? Our relationship was arranged by our parents since the beginning and all the things I did for you are nothing but requests my dear mother asked of me to do for you.”

“And you called us soul mates? I hardly consider the two of us lovers in the first place.” I expressed as harsh as possible to make it easier for her to accept the reality.

“I won’t marry you and that is my final decision.” I added with a firm resolution in me.

She made a frown on her face upon hearing the same decision I had said for the fourth time in this day. The sour look on her ebony eyes was enough to tell me that she’ll do anything to stop me from doing what I wanted.

I sighed in frustration. Was there something I should do to make her give up?

“Whatever. I still don’t accept this and will never be. We’re destined to each other and I’ll make sure you will marry me no matter what happens.” she declared in arrogance before stomping her way out of the library.

This annoyance was draining the strength from me, I was so exhausted.

―

“That was nice opera.” someone spoke and I turned to see Lucas emerging from behind of one of the tall bookshelves in the room. I grimaced since I failed to notice his presence and moreover because he got to see the talk I had with Amelia.

“How long had you been there?” I inquired him before sitting again on the lounge.

“Long enough to make your once warm coffee cold.” the man answered as he drank the cold coffee in one go. So he meant that he had been here long enough to hear the entire conversation earlier?

I didn’t pry anymore on his reason for eavesdropping because I was too tired to argue with another. And that reminds me that I was going to talk with my parents soon.

I hope it’ll end well this time although I had a feeling it will. I no longer felt nervous much to my delight.

By the way, what was I thinking about earlier before I got distracted? I knew it was something about a poem but I can’t remember it. The argument I had was messing up my mind despite the effort to forget that one too.

“You have a bold decision there if I might describe but then I don’t think you’ll hold onto it any time longer.” Lucas said all of a sudden and I felt offended.

“And why do you think I’ll do that?” I seethed at him.

He raised his eyebrow at me. “I just know it. Besides you’re the type who doesn’t stand up for his decision when the situation calls for it and then you’ll only take action when the guilt is too much for you to take.” he explained and it enraged me.

In a heartbeat, I already had him pinned on a bookshelf with both my hands grabbing him by the collar. I don’t know if I got mad because of him or was it because what he said was true?

“It’s none of your business. If you say another word, I’ll punch your already wounded lip.” I hissed at him however I received a grin instead.

“Oh you think someone punched me?” he looked at me with amused eyes. “It’s a bite wound and would you like to know who bit me?” a smirk formed in his lips and somehow it made me boil with anger without a reason.

“Who?” curiosity got into me but my hands on his collar tightened like my instinct had already predicted who he was referring to.

Lucas made a taunting smile, “Julian,” he replied and my heart broke in his response.