I didn't realize I fell asleep with Carly in her small bed.

I held her to my chest as she curly in a ball.

I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I definitely had to be a different type of tired to fall asleep in pants and heels.

Carly stirred in her sleep. Rustling a bit in my arms.

I slowly slipped out of her embrace and covered her with the small white comforter.

She snuggled into the bed as I looked at her one last time.

She hasn't been getting much sleep.

I'm over here quite often to keep an eye on her.

Shes not healthy... tired, getting skinner.

The baby is draining everything out of her. The doctor has been keeping a real close eye on her as well.

She's weaker than she normally was and it worries me. But the doctor says she'll be fine as long as she eats double her normal intake.

And she's been following everything to the best of her ability with our help.

She stirred a bit and I quietly snuck out of her room so I didn't wake her.

The heels I was wearing clanked against the floor. I stopped and took them off, holding them both in my hands as I walked to the kitchen.

"Morning? What's up with the getup?" Daniel smiled a bit as he ate a small breakfast sandwich.

"I don't know. Fell asleep in it." I rubbed my eyes the set the shoes down by the door.

"Well you look great. You look more like yourself." Daniel smiled as he took another bite.

More like myself....

"Can you cut my hair?" Daniel's eyes widened.

"Why would you want to do that?!" He chewed through the last bite.

"I've hidden behind my hair for years Danny. And this weave ain't doin it. I need something new."

Daniel watched me carefully as I stuck my hands in the loose pant pockets.

He wiped his mouth off and sighed.

"What did you have in mind?" I smiled.

I was excited for next month.

I was happy to get out of bed in the mornings.

Everything was looking a little brighter with every new step.

I haven't been this happy in years. I felt like a kid again. Almost like Christmas morning. Waking up with a smile on your face, the anticipation of wanting to know what you'll get next. That. That's how I felt ever since I left Daniel's house.

Sure it's only been a day, but it's felt like years since. But Jay's smile was still clear as day when he checked me out in my uniform.

Next month couldn't come sooner.

"I can't do that. The most I could do is shave your head. And we both wouldn't want that." Daniel sighed.

"Come on. It's not that hard. You just go whoosh whoosh, snip snip, and chop chop." He looked at me like I was insane.

"I don't know how to do a whoosh whoosh, or a snip snip."

"What about a chop chop?" I smiled, he just shook his head.

"You need to see a barber for that."

"But what if I look ugly?! Oh my god what if Trevor doesn't like it?! I'll have to move out of the country, change my name, and become a hobbit and live underground!" I started to bite at my natural nails. This was why I wore fake ones. It prevented my nervous tics.

"Stop biting. And do you even know what a hobbit is?" He swatted my hand way for my mouth and I thought about his question.

"A little ugly dude that lives under a bridge?" I questioned.

"That's a... never mind. Go. See. A barber. I can't do this for you."

I sighed in defeat.

"Fine then. Drive me?" He sighed.

"You really need to get your license kid.... and not till Carly gets up. I don't want to wake her."

"Fine... but I'm going to change. I feel gross sleeping in pants." I rubbed my eyes before I stood up from the table.

I walked quietly to Carly's room where my stuff was.

She was still asleep.

I quietly went to my bag and knelt down.

I shuffled through some of the things I brought.

My old stuff...

It made me feel more comfortable when I held onto the old fabric of the girly clothes.

Feeling the lacey fabric between my fingers.

Fuck it.

I pulled out my light pick skirt and shirt, along with Nana's cardigan she gave to me a while back. It was almost the same as the sweater she bought me, and I loved it.

"Why are you up so early?" Carly grumbled.

"JESUS! Don't scare me like that!" I turned around in surprise to see Carly awake. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"Not really. I've been up on and off for hours. Finally decided to just get up." She shrugged, pulling the sheets over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry... but hey, while you're awake, Daniel and I are heading to the mall to get my hair done. You want to get yours done?" I asked standing up and holding my clothes to my chest.

"Sure. Sounds like fun. But I'm gonna turn around, get dressed weirdo." She rolled over onto her other side, facing the wall.

I chuckled slightly before peeling off my clothes.

I slipped on everything and I felt like myself again.

I grabbed out my white knee high socks and my light pink vans, slipping them on.

Definitely me.

Just one more step to go. My hair.

"Alright turn around missy. Lets go! I'm excited and I don't wanna chicken out!"

I walked up to her bed and pulled at her arm lightly.

"I'm up, I'm up." She rolled over and sat up.

I helped her stand up and she held onto my arm.

"Help me to be bathroom please?" She asked lightly, making every step, very, very slow.

"Of course." I smiled, helping her walk the short distance to the bathroom.

I stood outside the door and waited for her to call for me.

"She up?" Daniel walked by, sticking his cowboy hat on.

It was an off shade of white, having a thin, brown, braided strap surrounding the base of the hat. A little decoration to the nicely dressed hat.

He wore a black and blue flannel, three buttons undone, showing off a bit of his chest. Tucked into a plain, roughed up, light blue denim jeans. A pair of black cowboy boots under the fabric of his jeans.

Typical cowboy.

"Yeah. She said she was awake on and off for a few hours." I fiddled with my fingers, looking down at my shoes.

He hummed in response, and I could tell he was staring at me.

I looked up to see a smile on his face. "What?" I chuckled lightly.

"I'm glad you're back to yourself. You look good." He smiled before turning away and walking to his bedroom.

I smiled lightly. Feeling a slight heat to my face.

I forgot how go it felt to be myself. I missed it.

"Alright, you can come in." Carly called from the bathroom.

I heard the sink shut off and I walked into the bathroom.

She gave me her hand and I helped her back to her room.

"Need help getting dressed? If you do I can call Daniel." She chuckled as I set her down on her bed.

"Nah, can you help me? He'll just make it sexual, and then we'll be getting nowhere." I chuckled, knowing how true that is.

"Anything you want to where specifically?" I dug through her closet.

"Let's go with that white tank top, black leggings and my puffy white jacket. Oh, and grab my beige bra. That one!" I grabbed what she pointed to and helped her out.

"And no peeking!" She chuckled before peeling off her pajama shirt.

She wasn't wearing a bra, and I realized why I was gay in the first place. I just never saw the hype.

"YOU PEEKED!" She chuckled, hitting my arm before putting on the bra.

"Just realizing why I'm gay! Don't hit me!" I chuckled, handing her the tank top.

"Well, you're missing out! Boobs are great!" She smiled.

"Not really. I don't see the hype." She rolled her eyes.

I helped her stand up, holding her upright as she took off her baggy sweats. Yep. Definitely gay.

I smiled as she tried to figure out the foot holes.

She finally got her legs in and I helped her pull them up.

"Thanks Jay. You're a lifesaver." She turned around slowly and kissed my cheek.

"No problem." I smiled and helped her get on her jacket.

She sat down and I grabbed her socks and shoes.

I helped put them on. Ankle socks and white Nike running shoes.

"You should be a nurse Jay." I looked up to see Carly smiling.

"Whys that?" I smiled.

"You just took care of me for months and put up no complaints with my moody ass."

"LANGUAGE BABY GIRL!" I heard Daniel call from the living room. We both chuckled.

"Anyway, you never put up a fight or complained, and you're really patient and good with kids." I scratched my head once I finished tying her shoes.

"I don't know..."

"Just think about it. For future reference. All you have to do is get two years of college and pass a nursing course. That's the minimum." She smiled and I got up, helping her up.

Maybe... but I'd have to get a full ride... I can't pay for that...

I thought about it deeply as we got to the living room.

"Ready?" Daniel got up and put his phone in his pocket.

"Yep! Lets go! I got my savings, and I wanna get my hair done. OOOOOOO LETS GET PANDA EXPRESS!!!!!" Daniel and I just laughed as we went out to his old pickup truck.

"Baby girl, sit in the back please." Daniel threw something in the bed of the truck before helping Carly into the back of the cab.

"Why do I have to be in the back?!" Carly whined.

"Because, if the airbag goes off, I don't want it hurting you or our baby." She smiled at the cuteness that filled that sentence.

"Jay! Sit in the back with me!" She smiled. She seemed a little more like herself. A little more full of energy.

"Fine." I smiled, climbing in the back as she scooted to the other side.

Daniel walked around the front and hopped into the drivers seat. Me and Carly quickly buckled up.

She grabbed a stuffy from under the drivers seat and cuddled it.

"Ready?" Daniel asked, smiling at the both of us through the rear view mirror.

"Duh." I smiled.

He turned up the radio to a country station.

It's not as bad as you would think. They're pretty catchy.

XXX

We walked through the doors to the barber shop, Carly was holding onto Daniels hand tight, making herself stable.

"Hi, how may I help you?" We were greeted by a skinny blonde lady. She looked really perky and happy.

"Just a cut for me." I raised my hand and she turned her full attention to me.

"Alright! Have a seat, we will get you set up in a minute." She walked to the back and disappeared.

I sat down next to Daniel and Carly, waiting patiently.

It was a small business. Not many people or workers.

About 5 minutes passed before the blonde lady emerged from the back.

"Hi, my name is Ashley, and I'll be taking care of you today. Follow me." She smiled brightly as she tied an apron with tools on it around her waist.

I got up, Daniel and Carly both smiled at me, giving me a thumbs up.

Ashely sat me down in a small red chair and faced me towards a mirror.

"What would you like done today sweetheart?" I heard a small hint of her heavy southern accent and felt safe. It felt like a motherly tone.

"I want it all gone. Leave a bit on top. I jut need something fresh. But have some fun with it. I trust you know what you're doing." I chuckled a bit and she smiled.

"You're in good hands sweetheart." She played around with my hair for a bit, combing through it.

XXX

Removing the extensions took a while.

Too much hair.

All of it dropping to the floor.

I look like Dora with this hair.

XXX

She put my hair into ponies and started cutting away.

The sound of my hair being chopped off was freeing.

I'll be a new person.

XXX

She got out the clippers.

The buzzing sound made me nervous as she brought them closer to my choppy hair.

Right down the middle on the back of my head.

The extensions of the clippers raking through my hair was calming.

I closed my eyes and let my body take in the sensations around me.

XXX

Cleanup.

She brought out a straight edge razor and cleaned up my lines.

Oddly satisfying.

XXX

The hot towel.

Blow dryer.

Gel.

She ruffled through my hair.

I haven't looked at my hair the whole process, and I was nervous.

"Alright sweetheart. Ready to see?" She smiled at me as she ruffled through my hair.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I smiled nervously.

She turned me around in the chair and faced me to the mirror.

I opened my eyes and got a good look at myself.

"What do you think darlin'?" She stood behind me and held the chair under her hands.

"I don't think I've ever felt more like myself. I love it."

I smiled.

Thinking about every good thing that will come out of this.

Being myself.

And maybe, even getting Trevor back.

Because I'm finally happy.

Right?

XXX

😚