😤

XXX

It's been 4 months.

A pretty good 4 months.

I stopped drink after that night. Been 4 months clean.

I finally got my shit together. Sorta.

I've been working a lot. I've mostly been doing paper work, but every once in a while I'll go out on calls.

I've been stacking up massive overtime and I've been doing good for myself.

Instead of wasting my time drinking, I've been working out. Not at the gym because I'm lazy, but at home. Normally watching some random show while doing some sort of workout.

It passes the time.

I don't think I've really been happy, but I don't think I'm depressed either. I've been smiling a lot more.

It feels good.

I sat with Daniel on his couch while he drank a beer, laughing at the TV. Some comedian. He was a funny guy though.

Carly has been struggling. She's seven months pregnant and struggling to get around the house. She wasn't really strong to begin with before she got pregnant, but now it's just worse with her exhaustion.

Carly sat on Daniels lap, holding her stomach. She looked content at the moment. Not happy, but not anything else. Just calm.

She was happy to know she was having a little boy. We all knew he was going to be beautiful. And honestly I was excited for them.

"Daaaaadddyyyyyyy!" Carly whined.

"Yes princess?"

"I want pickles." She pulled her lip to a fake pout. Daniel just smiled.

"I can't get you pickles while you're on my lap." He smiled with a raised eyebrow.

I stood up quickly, holding out my hand for Carly. She smiled and grabbed my hand. Slowly swinging her legs off of Daniel.

She stood up slowly, holding her stomach.

She held onto me for dear life, steadying herself. Daniel got up quickly, walking to the fridge and pulling out a massive jar of pickles. It's been her go-to craving since she got pregnant.

Daniel quickly sat back down and patted his lap. She slowly sat back down on his lap, curling up to him while holding her pickles. I sat back down at the other side of the room.

"Thank you." She said with a smile, bitting into a whole pickle. Daniel chucked.

"No problem princess." He let out small chuckles as she ate through the first pickle in a few seconds.

I turned my attention to the TV. The comedian was going on about a story. I didn't understand what was going on because I decided to pay attention in the middle of the story. I didn't mind though. Some of the jokes were still funny.

"Danny?" I looked over at Carly.

"Yeah?"

"Can we go somewhere? I'm tired of being in the house." She pokes at a pickle with her finger, looking into the jar.

"We can go out if you want. You want to go anywhere specific at all? The mall, food court, Chinese?" He started throwing out places to go within an hour vicinity.

"No, not like that. Like. A small vacation. Like what we did for our anniversary!" Carly smiled getting excited.

"I don't know pumpkin. You can't walk all that well. You be stuck in a hotel most of the time." She sighed at his response.

"But I'd be with you." She smiled. Daniel smiled back. It made me miss the days with Jay. The way they look at each other. It made me miss it.

"Where would you want to go?"

"Let's go back to Illinois! I love it there. It's nice and peaceful!"

Daniel hummed as he thought about it. "I like the idea." He smiled.

"Ooooooo can we bring friends?! I wanna play games with them! You know like, everyone stay in a hotel room and play card games and things on the floor!" Her little side was evident through her sentences. She got really excited and smiled a whole lot.

"Sure. Who do you want to come with us?" Daniel held the side of the pickle jar because she was moving too much.

"Hmmm.... Trevor! He needs to visit his mama." She hummed again and I chuckled. I do need to see my mom. "OOOO and Jay! I miss him! And we can have play dates!" Most of my body tensed. I hadn't seen him sense I said goodbye....

"Baby... as much as I want that to happen, I don't think Jay and Trevor..." he stopped, looking at me. I took a breath.

"It's fine. I think we're okay. It would be nice to see him though." I said lightly. Was I ready?

"Pleaaaaasssseeee daddy?!" Carly whined.

"I guess so princess." He smiled. "You're too cute to say no to." Carly giggled.

"But we need to prepare. It's almost May, let's do it then. We can be prepared by then. I can work some extra hours and get some extra cash by the time we go." Carly smiled and nodded her head.

"Sounds like a plan." I smiled.

I wonder how he's doing...

I'm not going to say these past few month have been fantastic, because they haven't.

Nothings perfect.

Nothing is all cupcakes and rainbows as much as I wish it to be.

I went to court for my father. Trevor wasn't there. But he got sentenced for 3 years. As much as I wish it was more, it was enough time to get my mom in a better living situation.

I've been working double at the bar. Stacking up tips like crazy.

I took a break from wearing what I used to.

As much as I love it, it reminds me too much of Trevor.

Every so often I'll throw on one of my favorite outfits, but that's it.

I've been an average guy. Sorta.

I haven't really paid much mind to it though so it doesn't bother me like I think it should.

But I've been letting my hair grow. I can put it in a bun now!!!

I've always wanted the classic girl messy bun.

But as much as I've pushed away my girly style, I still get extensions. My hair was about to my shoulders naturally, but who doesn't like a good weave? My hair is hella long. Hitting my ass. Not like it takes much to reach it since I'm short and all my hight is in my legs.

But I've been living.

I'm taking care of mom along with Freddy.

He's been teaching me to drive, but I still don't like it. I guess I only learned for emergencies.

I walked around the bar, going around and doing my routine.

Guys still cheeked me out, and it made me feel good. But it wasn't the same as when I got Trevor's signature smirk when I came out in a frilly skirt and crop top.

But I felt good.

I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't happy either. I'm content with my life.

My scars and bruises healed about a week or two after my father got taken in.

I felt like myself again.

My mom was eating a whole lot better and she started filling out. No longer skin and bones. She was healthy.

I think I finally got control of my eating disorder as well. I've been keeping track of everything I eat. Not like what you might be thinking though. Every food, health and unhealthy are put on a chart. Time and date. Knowing if the amount I ate last surpassed a certain time, I knew to eat again.

I have control now. Not much, but some. Some days are hard, making me wish I had Trevor there with me, but I was okay on my own.

I haven't seen anyone since, because being with someone wasn't what I needed. It may not be what I wanted, but it's what brought me to where I am.

"Alright Bee! I'm leaving." I called to Abby, taking off my apron and hanging it up.

"Wow... early for once? What's the occasion?" She chuckled from across the bar.

"I'm going to visit Carly! Sleepover!" I said with a smile. She smiled back.

"Send mine and Lily's hi's for us!" She waved me off as I walked out the door.

Freddy was already waiting in the lot for me.

"Hey Fred!"

"Dude. You seriously need to learn to drive. I'm tired of being a chauffeur." He pulled the truck in gear.

"No! You know I don't like driving. Plus, I'm a pleasure to drive. You're just jealous." I flipped my hair as I pulled it out of the bun.

"Bullshit little man." He chuckled. I just cranked the radio, blasting whatever bomb jam came on.

I just danced in the passenger seat, vibing with the music.

Freddy just chuckled as we made our way to Carly's.

XXX

We made it to their house and Daniel was outside the house vaping.

Carly sat in a lawn chair soaking up sun.

"Hey!" I called from their long driveway, grabbing my bags out of the back.

"Hey Jay!" Daniel called, blowing out the vape, creating a small cloud.

"When did you start vaping?" I slung the bag over my shoulder with Freddy trailing behind me.

"Like a long time ago. You're just never around when I do. And it's a once it a while thing. It helped me quit smoking a while back." He took another hit from the pen.

I nodded taking in the information.

"Well, it's nice seeing you Guys again. You take care Carly, you too Danny." Freddy shook Daniel's hand, waving Carly bye.

"See ya!" Daniel called as Freddy left.

"I'll put my stuff in the house." I ran inside, hearing Daniel chuckle.

I put my stuff in Carly's room as quickly as I could before running outside.

"Hey you wanna see the new bunnies Jay? Born last night." Daniel asked me. My hair bouncing against my back as I stopped jogging.

"OMG YES! Lemmesee!!!!!" Daniel chuckled as I clapped my hands.

"Baby, you wanna come?"

"I'm okay, thank you. I just wanna sit right now." Carly smiled again to the both of us before picking up a book off the ground and flipping to the marked page.

Daniel smiled before walking to the back of the house.

The wind was blowing slightly and my hair was blowing to the side. I felt like Pocahontas. Hehe... I'm a princess. Princess...

We walked to the back and stood in a pen where Daniel kept most of the bunnies. The others roamed around the property, but some stayed in the pen. Mostly because they were too young, nursing, or Daniel just liked them the most.

"Alright. We got 5 new little ones." Daniel reached down and picked up two of them in his hands.

He handed me one.

The small bunny was about half the size of my hand. A beautiful, not quite fuzzy coat of white fur. And eyes closed.

I pet it's floppy little ears and smiled. It was so cute. Reminds me of Peaches. (His stuffed bunny if you don't remember.)

Daniel set down the other one and watched me contently.

I heard his phone ring and I quickly looked up.

He looked at his phone real quick before answering. I looked back down paying no mind to him. Giving the fluffy little one my full attention.

"Mmm. Oh, yeah. I'm in the back. I'll be there in a sec." he hung up and I set down the bunny.

Daniel walked to the front and I followed.

I wonder if Carly has any pickles left.

"Hey, it should still be in the living room." Daniel called to the person out front.

I grabbed the rubber band off of my wrist and quickly started to pull my hair into a messy bun.

"Thanks Daniel." I only got a glimpse of the persons shoes before they went inside. I shrugged.

I finished putting my hair up and felt great. The wind was slight. Warm and cold. Prefect. Sunny day, few clouds.

Made me want to read out here.

"Sorry I left my phone here. Could have swore I put it in my pocket." They chuckled. "Hey who's that-"

I looked up, moving from behind Daniel that blocked my view.

"Jay?" I froze. My mouth parted as I stared at the man in front of me.

"T-Trevor?"

XXX