Everything was fuzzy. Nothing felt right.

The beatings only got worse. My dad knew I was lying.

I never felt so shitty for just being myself. But I knew I couldn't let him get into my head.

My mom was now visibly tense all the time, always like she wanted to say something, but never did.

Everything went on for what felt like an eternity.

It felt like nothing was being done, like my life was know on a loop. A really shitty loop.

Freddy was the only one there for me every night. Staying with me in my room, on the floor. Comforting me when I thought about Trevor and how much I missed him.

I went without Trevor's sweatshirt for about two weeks, and I felt empty without it. It was like to one thing I had left of him was ripped away. To make matters worse, I couldn't find the one thing I hid from my dad. A small blue panda keychain. It was the only stuffed animal that I kept hidden from him, and I couldn't find it anywhere.

I laid on my bed for what felt like weeks.

Freddy brought me dinner quite a lot since my dad basically trapped me in my room, So at least I was getting fed.

Today felt like every other day. Silent. Arguing downstairs. Crying. More silence.

*knock knock* "Jay..." I heard my mom outside my door. It was mid afternoon, so it was only me and her home.

"Come in..." I said quietly. I faced my wall, my back toward the door. I wore black pajama shorts, and a white tank top.

I pulled my grey covers to my shoulders and held them there. My eyes sore from crying. I felt numb.

I felt my mom sit on the bed next to me, staying quite as usual.

"I... I washed your sweatshirt..." My brows furrowed in confusion. I turned over with the covers over my shoulders. I looked at the blue fabric she was holding and stared in awe. She... She found his sweatshirt...

Dad took the sweatshirt like everything else I owned and stored it somewhere. I didn't know what he did with everything, but I didn't dare look for it.

"Mom..." I said meekly, sitting up and letting the covers fall from my shoulder.

"Don't say anything to your father, but I couldn't stand to see you this upset and hurt. I can't hold on anymore and I'm sick of his shit. So... This is my apology.... For not doing something sooner... I want you to be happy..." My mother's words jumbled together. Multiple thoughts just spewing from her lips. I didn't understand her full thought, but I knew where this was going, and it was looking brighter.

This was the most I ever heard her speak. Especially from her own mind.

The only things she ever said were on loop. "How was you're day dear?" "Dinner's ready"...

It was odd to hear HER. But it was nice...

"Mom..." I exited my covers and flung my arms around her, sniffling into her shoulder. "Thank you..."

She hugged back even tighter than I was.

"I'm going to get us out of here baby... Somehow..." She sniffled, choking on her words a bit.

"Mom, you don't have a job, how are you going to keep up on the rent?" I pulled back to look into her eyes.

"I... I don't know baby. I'll figure something out... I just can't let you get hurt. He could have hurt me all he wants, but no one... NO ONE... touches my babies." I smiled at my mom, hugging her again.

I was glad to hear her finally speak up. I loved my mom with all my heart, and I was happy she was no longer silent.

"I have an idea..." I said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I know how to get him out of the house." I said quietly with a smile on my face.

"Tell me." My mother pulled me in front of her, a smile on her face.

Work sucked. I felt dead. Nothing here to put a smile on my face.

My crew did everything to take my mind off of what they didn't know, but it didn't help like I had hoped.

I was on lunch with everyone surrounding me in the break room. Their banter was blurry. I didn't care about what they were talking about.

"Alright. So this hot sliver haired person started flirting with big guy over there and completely ignored me! Like, I'm a total catch!" Cole complained. I finally listened in.

"No dude. You flirt with everything that moves." Jack piped up, sipping on his coffee.

"Uh, rude." Cole rolled his eyes.

"But it's true and you know it." Kathy said with a smirk on her face as she ate her sandwich.

"I feel attacked. Help me T!" I rolled my eyes.

"There's no helping you kid." I said while I slowly drank my water.

"Ugh! Why do you guys hate me!?" Cole smacked his head down on the table and groaned.

Kathy shrugged and Jack ignored him. I went back to ignoring all of them. Lost in my thoughts once again.

It's gotten easier... With the help of my good old friend Jack Daniels. But everything was grey and dull. I felt like I was nothing. I knew it wasn't healthy to be that dependent on him, but I couldn't help it. I held onto the hope that he would come back. But I knew I wasn't ready to move on either. I was stuck on a spiral of hoping he would come back, and needing to move on.

I held the keychain tight, feeling the soft fabric between my fingers. It calmed me. An it still smelled like him. My last thing I had of him.

"Whatcha got there T?" I looked up at Cole who looked at me confused.

"None of your business." I snapped. I kept my voice low and cold, letting him know to drop it.

"Geez dude... I was just asking..." His brows furrowed and he sounded hurt. I felt bad, but I didn't want them asking questions. It's not like we were all friends outside of work. They didn't need to know about my personal life.

"Alright. I'm done with your shit Bryant." I looked over at Kathy who set her food down and folded her arms across her chest. "What the hell is going on with you?! I don't want to push it, but you're making us all miserable. Either pipe up about your problems, or stop lashing out. We don't know what we did. But don't take it out on us." She said sternly, quite obviously pissed.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. You guys didn't do anything. I just need to sort out my own life. But please just stop asking questions. Frankly it's pissing me off." I said coldly. Everything still felt numb, but I knew lashing out on them wasn't what I wanted to do, nor needed to do.

"We'll stop. Just...." she sighed. "Just talk to one of us if you need to." I nodded my head, fiddling the soft fabric of the plush toy between my fingers.

"Good. We need to head out anyway." Kathy packed up her stuff and headed out to the main entrance. I noticed Jack staring at her as she walked away. He smiled before swiftly following. Dudes got it bad. I smiled slightly before before putting the keychain into my pocket and leaving, Cole slowly trailing behind me.

"Bryant! Jefferson! Come here!" Chief called from the doorway of his office. Me and Cole looked at each other and shrugged. We walked over to his office and stood in front of him.

"Yes sir?" Cole said sternly.

"There's a call. Head to this addresses." He handed me a slip of paper, reading an address I recognized. With a name that looked familiar.

"There was a call for domestic abuse. I need you both to scan the scene and make sure the victims are okay before the abuser gets home." Chief looked at me and Cole. We both nodded.

"Yes sir." I said stiffly.

"Go." He said quickly. Me and Cole rushed out of the building to our cruiser.

I got in the drivers seat and took off with Cole barely buckled in the passenger.

"Dude! Cool down a bit!" I flicked on the lights as he finished buckling. Cars pulled over as I drove down the left turn lane, avoiding the people that didn't move.

I kept silent we drove the whole way.

Flashing lights.

Two cars.

His house.

Another squad car sat across the street from Jay's house, the lights turned off, and the officers inside.

I parked the car next to the other one, quickly getting out of the car.

What am I going to say?! Oh my god I didn't think this through.... I ran my hand through my course hair and sighed. I can't go in...

"Hey man, you alright? You look pale...?" Cole put his hand on my shoulder. His eyebrows furrowed with concern.

"I'm fine.... you go in. I'll scope the place out from the outside and talk to the neighbors." Cole nodded and headed inside.

Deep breaths....

I saw another squad car pull up and two officers get out of the car. One stopped in the middle of the road, but I couldn't make out who it was.

The other made their way inside, and the one that stood in the middle of the road went around the house to Nana's door.

I was confused, but let it happen. It's not like I knew what their full plan was.

"Is everyone okay?" I saw a brown haired office stride in coming towards us.

"We're okay... for now at least." I said calmly, rubbing the back of my neck.

The officer looked at me carefully, eyeing me up and down. It made me uncomfortable.

"Aren't you the waiter at the bar?" He said with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh... yeah?" I questioned.

"I knew it was you!" He chuckled. Who is this dude...

He shook his head and I shrugged it off.

"Anyway. My partner is gathering information. He will be collecting evidence against..." he looked down at a piece of paper. "Raymond Baker."

I nodded my head.

I didn't understand how all of this was going to work, but it made me happy that my mom was taking this step towards making our family better again.

I zoned out. I kept thinking about Trevor. If he was the lone officer outside. What would I say to him? What would happen? I was lost. I broke it off to protect him from my father, but since that was getting taken care of... what was going to happen?

I pulled at the fabric sitting on the counter where I placed Trevor's sweatshirt. I grabbed it and pulled it over my head. It felt nice to be surrounded by something I held dear.

The three officers were talking to my mom and I just stood. Not listening to a thing they were saying.

I had everything planned out.

Once my dad gets home. He's going away. For a long time.

As for Trevor? The plan was still unclear. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, everything. But right now? All of it wasn't possible.

"Officer Jefferson, get over to ***** requesting your service." I overheard a mic come through the brown haired officers vest.

He tugged a bit on the black speaker and spoke "copy. I'll be there in a second." He nodded to me and went out the door.

I smiled slightly, rubbing my eyes. Rubbing away the stiffness from the fading black eye and the constant crying.

I looked out the window and finally the world seemed less grey. Less dull.

I finally saw the blue sky. The white puffy clouds that graced the sky lines. The bright sun that peaked through our tinted windows.

I looked down at my hands that were covered by the sleeves. Trevor...

It no longer smelled like him, but our cheep detergent that we used.

My smile faded. I looked up and my body moved on it's own.

I walked out the door and turned towards Nana's house. Seeing the brown haired officer, Jefferson, Nana talking to the tall Carmel skinned officer I had fallen in love with.

Without thinking, I ran around the bushes that divided our yards, running at full speed to the man I love.

XXX

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