He's different. Acting strange.

He's changed.

Acting out of character, breaking more of the rules set in place. Different.

I didn't know what to do.

We haven't talked about the random 'I love you' that clearly wasn't meant the way it should have been. It should have been sweet, caring. Not out of reassurance.

It's been a few months.

We spent Halloween together like a cheesy couple. He wore a sexy little cat costume, and I just dressed as a cop. Cheesy.

I couldn't be any happier.

Christmas was approaching fast. It was nearing the end of November.

I was happy. Happier than I have been in a long time. But something felt different. Jay felt different.

We didn't see each other that often. Maybe once a week. Twice if I was lucky. He's spend the night, we'd fuck, he'd leave.

It wasn't the same and I didn't know why.

He was acting strange every time I picked him up or dropped him off at his house. I knew it had something to do with his parents, but he wasn't telling me and I wasn't pressing the issue.

I was lost. I didn't know what to do anymore. How to help or how to even bring up how strange he had been acting. He wasn't talking to me about anything too personal either, and I was starting to assume the worst.

"Hey, T. You okay?"

I looked up at Abby who tended to the counter of her bar. "Y-yeah. Just thinking." Abby sighed.

"T. You don't sound okay. What's on your mind?" She asked, picking up some of the patrons glasses, cleaning them.

"I don't know... I'm just worried about Jay. He's been acting strange around me."

Abby stopped cleaning and set her elbows on the counter, holding herself up as she bent over towards me.

"How so?"

"He's not himself. He's been distant, breaking some of the rules we have in place, and he's been acting out a lot more. I don't know what to do Abby." I put my head on the counter, hard. Trying to rattle my brain around.

"I don't really know how to help you there. Jay's really secretive about his personal life anyway. You know that. But as for the acting out? I would suggest he would be pregnant, but that's not physically possible." I rolled my eyes.

"At this point I would be considering it as a possibility." Abby chuckled at my comment.

"I'm sorry T. But you need to talk to him. Like. Pronto." She picked up her cleaning supplies and started wiping down the glasses again.

"But how do I even ask what's going on? He always says he's fine and that nothings wrong." I wiped my hand over my face, getting frustrated.

"I hate to break it to you T, but you need cold honest truth. Maybe he's not happy. Not everything in this world is all cupcakes and rainbows. Fuck, I wish it was. But that's not how the world works. This place is full of shit people and people that do shitty things. You have to accept that maybe your relationship might not work out. Or maybe it will? Who the hell knows. But in the end, you have to talk to him. No matter the outcome." Abby lectured. Her words slipped off her tongue simply. But her words were cold. But it was nothing but the truth. It may have been painful to hear, but it's what I needed.

"I guess. I just.... I don't want it to end. He makes me happy, and I don't know what I'd do if he left." I sadly leaning my hand on my face, holding up the weight of my head.

"Look, T. You can't depend on him. Hell, it's great that he makes you happy. But if you don't know how to function without him? Then there's a problem. You need to learn how to be happy on your own T." She said quickly, helping the other patrons with their orders without breaking eye contact.

"I know.... I guess I just don't want to. Yaknow?" She nodded her head.

"Me and Lily almost split up a while back because I didn't know how to be happy without her. But I learned how, and now we are stronger than ever. We needed a break from each other. It's unhealthy to not be able to live without someone." She said with her eyebrows furrowed with worry.

"I know...." I took my last drink of whiskey. The familiar sting down my throat.

Drinking. Yeah. That was another problem.

It was always alcohol. The thing I turned too when I couldn't handle a seemingly small stress.

"Look. Go home T. I don't want to see you drink anymore. Get your head straight. And talk to him." She said setting the other patrons orders in front of them.

"Okay." I said quietly before getting out of my seat and leaving the bar.

XXX

My apartment was quiet. Too quiet.

It was moments like these that my thoughts drifted back to Him. Wondering. Thinking about the past. How happy I was. Or at least what I thought was happy.

I looked down at my phone. Seeing the only notification being the 'do not disturb' button.

I sighed in frustration. Nothing felt right.

Everything felt grey and dull.

Back to square one.

I mulled over Abby's words carefully. You need to learn how to be happy on your own.

Her words stuck. Hard. Attempting to pick them off my brain, but failed miserably. Every word stuck. Playing on repeat.

I was happy where I was. At least I think I was.

Our relationship wasn't the same since that night. It wasn't like it was Daniel's fault. Far from it. If anything it made me and Jay closer. Knowing we probably wouldn't do that again, but we still were happy with what happened.

At least I was.

But something was different after that night and frankly I was worried.

After we said the seemingly forced three words, everything was back to how it was.

Jay stayed in his little space without acting up. Carly got home happier than ever and Jay and her had a play date. Everything was perfect in my eyes.

But when I dropped him off at home? The next time I saw him, everything shifted. He wasn't himself.

I didn't know what to do. Hell, I still don't know what to do.

I couldn't stand seeing him like that. And I couldn't do anything to change how he felt. Because I didn't know what was going on myself.

I needed to talk to Jay. Now.

I looked at my phone. Reading 4:56pm, November 20th.

I sighed, unlocking my phone before opening my messages. Opening Jay's contact before pressing the call button. The last message I sent staring back at me. Goodnight beautiful. He didn't reply back, but I knew he looked at it.

"Hello?" Jay's voice rang through my ear, sounding exhausted.

"Hey... can I pick you up? I... I need to talk to you." The other end was silent. It sounded so vague, even I didn't know what to say.

"Uh... s-sure. Thkngdmydadinthmm..." he mumbled something incoherent. I wanted to say something but decided to leave it.

"Alright. Be ready. I'll be there in 15." He hummed in response before hanging up.

I sighed, getting up before changing my alcohol smelling clothes.

I knew I shouldn't be driving, but I sobered up enough to handle it. It had been two hours since I had one small glass anyway.

I quickly threw on a grey t-shirt, black jeans, boots, and a zip-up jacket.

I rushed out to the kitchen, grabbed my keys and was out the door.

XXX

The drive there was silent. Only my music from my phone filled the silence.

My brain rattling every few moment from the amount of noise. It was giving me a headache.

I quickly shut off the music, listening to nothing but my truck rattle against the street.

The drive was quick. I'm pretty sure I sped, but didn't acknowledge it.

I pulled up to the curb of Jay's house and got out of the truck.

I looked over and saw Nana sitting in her rocking chair on the porch. She saw me and waved, getting up from her seat.

"Hi dear, how are you?" She gave me a quick hug before stepping back to look up at me.

"I'm okay. Could be better though." I put on a smile, probably not convincing, but she smiled anyway.

"I'm sorry about that dear. Seeing Jay?" I nodded in response. "Good to hear. He hasn't been himself lately..." she mentioned looking at the door to his house.

Glad I'm not the only one that has noticed... "yeah, I've noticed. I'm going to try and talk to him."

"Good. I'll see you later dear. I need to feed my snake." Dear god this lady has a snake?!

"Y-you have a snake?"

"Oh no. Not living with me. It just stops by on my back porch every so often to get fed." She waved off closing her door behind her. Strange lady...

I looked to Jay's house seeing him quickly walk out of the house, rushing to the truck, quickly climbing in without a word. He held his head down.

I didn't say a word and got back in the truck.

I turned on the truck and glanced at Jay. He was wearing my police academy sweatshirt that was 3 or 4 sixes to big that I let him have on Halloween when he was cold and a pair of black skinny jeans. He didn't look like himself

I didn't say anything and left the conversation for when we got back.

XXX

The whole ride was silent. The car ride, the walk to my apartment. And in my apartment. Silent.

He held his head down while we both sat on the couch.

His hair was overgrown and covering most of his face. His hair was messy, unkept, and his skin no longer held that healthy glow.

"Hey." I started. I didn't know how to break the silence. I didn't want to.

More than anything in the world I wanted to hold Jay close to my chest and cry with him if I had to. I needed it. He looked like he needed it as well.

"Hi..." he squeezed out quietly. "Why am I here Trevor...?"

He never used my full name like that. It sounded so dull and cold.

"S-sorry... you just said you wanted to talk.... I'm sorry how rude that sounded." He held his head down.

"Yeah... I did. And you're forgiven." I started. Taking a deep breath.

"What's going on Jay... you're not yourself and you don't talk to me... please Jay. Talk to me. You don't have to tell me what's going on exactly, but I want you to confide in me. Please...." I rushed out. I didn't want to hesitate or I would have backed out.

"N-nothings going on... I-I'm fine. Just tired, alright?" It didn't sound convincing. More like he was trying to convince himself more than me.

"Jay, look at me... please." I said softly, trying to grab his small hand and hold it in mine. He pulled away.

"No... I can't..." he grabbed his own hand, keeping his head down.

"Jay, look at me." I said more stern but with a bit of concern.

"No." He snapped back, keeping his head towards his lap.

"Jay..." I tried to pull his face towards me and he snapped his face towards me, making me drop my hand.

I got a good look at his face. Filled with tears. His eyes were dull and sunken, and one had a dark black eye, swelled slightly.

"Jay... who did this." He wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffled.

"No one. Don't worry about it." He looked away from me, playing with his hands.

"Jay look at me." He slowly looked at me, tears still filling his eyes. "Who did this?" I said with a stern tone.

"Just stop worrying about it. Please."

"Jay. Tell me. I want to help." I said softly, but enough tone to let him know I wasn't taking no for an answer.

"MY DAD ALRIGHT?! YOU HAPPY NOW?!" He snapped at me crying.

I froze. Not knowing how to react. In the back of my mind I knew something was going on in that house, but pushed it to the back of my mind per Jay's request.

"Jay..."

"NO! I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU! BUT OH WELL, LOOKS LIKE I STOPPED CARING ABOUT THAT!" He ranted flailing his arms in defeat as he stood up and started pacing the floor.

"Jay, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked calmly, still sitting on the couch.

"I COULDN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A COP! I CANT SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE MY MOM STILL LOVES HIM AND WOULD BE CRUSHED IF HE LEFT! IM AFRAID IF I DID TELL SOMEONE AND HE DID GO TO JAIL THAT HE'D COME BACK FOR US AND HURT MY MOM MORE THAN HE ALREADY HAS! BUT I STOPPED CARING! IM THE ONE PROTECTING MY MOM NOW BECAUSE HE'S FOCUSING HIS ANGER ON ME! ALL BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT!" He ranted loudly, crying with anger.

"Found out what..." I didn't want to press the fact that his dad put his hands on him. I needed to know what was happening behind closed doors.

"FUCK YOU REALLY DON'T GET IT DO YOU?!?!" I was shocked as he started yelling at me, crying his eyes out. Tears rolling down his face as he spat his words laced with venom.

"HE FOUND OUT IM GAY ALRIGHT?!?! HE FOUND THE SKIRTS, THE GIRLY THINGS, THE STUFFED ANIMALS I HOLD DEAR TO MY HEART! HE FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU!!! FUCK I CAN'T TAKE IT!" He cried, falling to the floor, holding his knees to his chest.

I ran over immediately and wrapped my arms around him, holding him while he cried.

He cried for what felt like hours.

I held him in my arms while he left my shirt stained with his tears.

"I...I can't do this anymore T..." he choked out. Somehow I knew what he meant, but didn't want to believe it.

"W-what do you mean?" I tried to hold back my tears.

He stayed silent for what felt like forever.

"I can't be with you anymore Trevor...." his words rang in my ear. Feeling like that was to only thing I could hear. Everything else seemed to fade except him.

"Why.... Jay... I can help you... please... let me help you..." I pleaded quietly. I couldn't loose him.

"I can't keep it up Trevor... my dads out for blood, and you're standing in the way. He's looking for you because of me. I-I can't have you get hurt because of me.... I can't do it...." he grabbed a fist full of my shirt, pulling my closer to him while he cried in my arms. Tears slipped from my eyes, blurring my vision.

"I-I can take it... I won't get hurt... please just... don't do this Jay... please..." I pleaded, hoping he would change his mind.

"I-I can't do this Trevor. This has to end. I can't... I... I CANT WATCH THE PERSON I LOVE DIE BECAUSE OF ME!!!!" He screamed, crying into my shirt before pushing me away and running out the door, slamming it shut.

Leaving me crying on the floor. Alone once more.

XXX

👉🏻🥺👉🏻