I paced around my apartment. Chewing on my thumb. I feel like a 15 year old boy nervous about talking to a cute girl. THIS SHITS RIDICULOUS!!!

I paced for a good 10 minutes before I pass out from getting dizzy.

I sat down at the breakfast nook and thought things over.

I'm just going to talk to him. Yeah! Just talk. WHY AM I NERVOUS?!?! I hated feeling like this. The anxiety at the pit of my stomach, the overthinking.

But it needed to be done. I couldn't do this to myself or to Jay. He's so sweet and doesn't deserve me. An Asshole.

I sighed before getting up.

Abby told me she gave him the day off, just to talk to me. We are meeting at Abby's apartment at 5. It's 4:43, and my anxiety kicked in.

I wasn't ready for this 'talk'. But it needed to be done.

I grabbed my keys and decided to head down early. I threw on my jacket and was out the door.

I wanted to look decent for tonight, even if it was just to clear the air. It was more for the fact that I didn't want to show up in sweats, and look like a hobo. Again.

So I decided on my black skinny jeans. It made my ass look FANtastic, my grey button up, and my black converse.

Half duchebag, half gay. Sounds legit.

I walked in the bar, the familiar smell of sweat and alcohol hitting me like a ton of bricks. Walking over to my usual spot, I sit in front of Abby.

"He's not here yet." She said flatly while wiping off a glass.

I nodded in response as I sat silently waiting.

"Don't fuck this up. Ight?" She raised her eyebrow at me.

I nodded, looking down at my hands.

It felt like hours of waiting, when it really was five minutes. I'm dramatic alright?!?! When I finally heard the bar door open, to reveal Jaylynn walking in.

He was wearing the cutest outfit I probably ever saw. Black fishnets (Damn.... fishnets), a baggy pink sweater, and a small white skirt, with matching buckled heels. I smiled, looking up at him. He didn't.

"Trevor." He looked at me neutrally, not giving any sort of expression. Damn I fucked up...

"Hey..." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Let's get this over with." He said flatly before walking to the back, heading to Abby's apartment.

I quickly followed suit. I never heard him sound so cold before. In the few times I've interacted with him, he was always so kind, and shy. Now? He sounds like he couldn't give two shits about what I have to say.

I sighed walking up the stairs to Abby's living room.

I walk in, Jay already sitting down, legs crossed, sitting on the couch. I walk to the arm chair and sat across from him.

"Hey..." I give a tight smile.

"Please just... get to the point." He sounded exhausted.

"Right..." I looked down at the floor. Leaning my elbow against my knees, slouching over.

I took a deep breath. Forgetting that breathing was a thing for a fat second.

"I'm sorry Jay..."

"What for." He sounded so cold.

"I'm sorry I treated you like a kid. You didn't deserve that." I hung my head.

"Damn right I didn't deserve that! I'm not a kid Trevor! I'm an adult. A young one, but I'm still an adult. I can make my own decisions. You didn't have to make them for me." He quickly spat at me. "I can be immature at times, but that's just me. But I know damn well what I'm worth. And I didn't deserve that shit." The guilt was eating me alive. I felt like absolute shit.

"Look Jay... I'm sorry... I hate how I did what I did... I was just thinking for myself. I didn't think about how you'd feel..."

"I can tell..." he whispered.

"I just- I didn't want to hurt you Jay. So I tried to push you away. I didn't want to be the one break you..."

"That's a sweet mindset. But I'm already broken. And you aren't the one that did it. The difference being, is that I like to be optimistic. I've had a previous relationship, they broke me. But I'm still here. I moved on." He took a deep breath. "I know you've got baggage. And so do I. Everyone does dammit! Did you what? Think I couldn't handle it?"

"I didn't know if you could. I didn't want to take that risk!" I retorted quickly.

"See?! There it is! You're trying to make decisions for me. I accept it in a BDSM relationship, but I sure as hell don't tolerate it out of one. I'm an adult Trevor. So please. Fucking treat me like one."

I stayed silent. I felt like shit. I've been seeing him as a kid, when he's an adult. A young adult. But still an adult. I didn't think how it would affect him.... I didn't think at all.

"I don't know what to say... I don't know what to do... tell me what I have to do to make it okay again. I know I haven't really known you for long, but I feel like shit Jay. The guilt is eating me alive... I just... I need to know what you want from me." I sighed, looking at the floor.

"Look at me." I looked up into his big brown eyes.

"I can make my own decisions Trevor. I'm a big boy. I think I can handle a bit of baggage." I smiled slightly.

"I can see that now..." his eyes soften.

"If you want to make it okay, then stop looking at me like I'm a kid. Just because there's an age gap, doesn't mean that I'm a kid. I'm not 15 crushing on my high school teacher in their 30's" I chuckled slightly.

"No... no you're not..." it went silent for a moment. Neither of us wanting to speak. Not wanting to break the silence.

I looked up from the floor to meet Jay's eyes. Those big brown eyes are going to be the death of me... I smiled slightly. His eyes just softened. He tilted his head slightly.

"What?" He chuckled.

"Nothin'" I smirked.

"Bullshit. Tell me." He leaned forward, his legs still crossed. His face closer to mine.

"Just thinking..."

"About?" Kissing you...

I looked into his eyes. Searching for something. Permission? I didn't know, any sort of hesitation? But I needed to know, without having to exchange the words.

Ever since I first saw him, I knew. Somewhere in the back of my mind, that he would be more important to me than I would care to admit. I felt like I wanted to protect him from the world. Because the world is a shit place. I wanted to be the one to protect him. Even if he did end up leaving me, I know that I will have tried. This is my redemption.

I leaned forward, our faces inches apart. I looked at his lips, then his eyes. He looked down at my lips, and I considered that my permission.

I pressed my lips lightly against his, feeling the electrifying feeling of being able to kiss someone. It's been so long since I've had this kind of moment.

Jay quickly kissed me back, harder. I felt the passion. Lust. The pent up anger he was still feeling. Everything.

I slipped my tongue across his lips, he quickly granted me access. I let my tongue explore his mouth. Our tongues dancing together.

Jay slowly stood up, still holding the kiss. I leaned back, following his lips.

Soon he was straddling me. I slowly put my hands on the small of his back. Sliding them down to reach his ass.

I gripped him tightly as he let out a small moan in between the kiss. I smiled slightly, feeling proud.

He broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against his.

"Trevor...." he let out breathlessly. "No strings attached, I want you to fuck me."

XXX