[title is from the song prom queen]

Okay so I've had writer's block for a while AND I found this thing called the most dangerous writing app. If you stop typing for more than 5 seconds, it deletes everything you've written and there's no way to get it back. I always get overly picky about my wording and spend hours on just 1000 words, but with this I wrote 700 in 5 minutes. I really recommend it!!

So here's a little something I did with it just for the heck of it. This has little effort put into it so don't judge how odd it sounds 😭

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Marcy was tired.

Tired of always being the second choice, tired of never getting the same treatment as her other friends, tired of it all.

No matter what, she wasn't good enough for anyone. She wasn't pretty enough, or strong enough, or even funny enough. All she had was her intelligence. Which didn't matter anyway, as Sasha and Anne only used it to their benefit. All she was to them was someone to do their homework, a background character in their story. Sasha and Anne were the main characters, and always had been, from the moment they'd met. Sure, Marcy was Anne's friend first, but the second Sasha came along, all of that changed. Sasha became number one in Anne's life, the only one who seemed to matter at all.

Did Marcy even matter? What was she even worth? She couldn't even look in the mirror without feeling as though she would break down into tears. It hurt. It hurt terribly, seeing her friends having the traits she'd always wanted. Wanted so, so desperately. The jealousy inside her was an ugly thing, but she couldn't help it, really. It hurt so terribly, and it only continued to fester until it took over her entire personality.

Every time she saw Sasha and Anne together, she'd feel intense jealousy, followed by a pang of even more intense guilt. Guilt for who she'd become, for what she'd wished for. She wished she could take Sasha's place for once. She wished she could be pretty, and well-liked. She wished Anne loved her like she loved Sasha. They loved one another so dearly, so tenderly, and Marcy was forced to sit and watch from the sidelines. She hated it.

Sasha was so popular that she had the privilege to complain about being asked out. She'd complain, over and over and over. The same thing, day in and day out. Since when was being wanted a bad thing? Marcy would kill to have that chance.

Her whole life so far, she hadn't had a single person like her. Really like her. Not just for a prank or some laughs from people who seemed to think that liking her was a complete joke, something impossible. Nobody liked her. Marcy didn't think they ever would.

She liked Anne, but she could say with near confidence that Anne didn't feel the same. When Sasha was there, why would Anne want Marcy? Sasha was clearly the better option, she always had been, right from the start.

Sasha and Anne's little jokes hurt as well. They were hardly being mean, just harmless teasing. But it always ended up hurting, hurting so badly she'd go home and overthink for hours about their meaningless words and taunts.

Marcy took all of it, every single word, to heart.

She watched as Anne and Sasha would exchange little gifts with one another, smiling discreetly to one another with muffled giggles. Nothing major, just little things they had found. Pieces of candy, rocks, seashells, even little doodles. Marcy knew she shouldn't be upset about something so simple, but she couldn't help but feel sadness for the fact that she hadn't once received anything. Sasha and Anne would do it right in front of her, too. Little gifts, every day, being passed back and forth while she was sitting right there.

She was sitting right in front of them. They barely ever seemed to notice her, and if they did notice, they simply didn't care. It was obvious, she wasn't clueless. They must have thought she was clueless, oblivious to what was going on right under her nose.

Sure, they tolerated Marcy, and maybe they really did like her. But it would never be in the same way they loved one another.

Marcy would never be a part of what they had. She wished so desperately that she could.

And it hurt.

Marcy just wanted to know what it felt like, for one second, to be in their shoes. To feel equally returned love like theirs. To not feel so damn lonely all the time!

She was so alone.

And she had nobody to talk to about it. Absolutely nobody. Nobody she knew could relate, because nobody was as unwanted as she was. She hated it all. She wanted to disappear and never be seen again so that she'd never have to think about any of this ever again.

She hated all of it. She hated her jealousy, she hated Anne, she hated Sasha.

But more than anything, she hated herself.

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My school is having a homecoming dance for the first time since 2019, and it's bringing up negative emotions with feeling super unwanted and ugly and whatnot?? You get it lmaoooo. My friends also just make me sad sometimes yk

I wrote this in 5 minutes and have done absolutely zero proofreading so don't judge this too harshly!! It was more of a word/thought dump than anything, most of the paragraphs are barely even connected

It's been a little while since I've posted!! How as you guys doing??