Dedicated to @YannickYannick858

Three weeks later...

"Where the fuck is he?" I whine whilst looking around nervously.

"He'll be here, babe", Danny whispers into my ear, holding me in a tight hug.

Seeing my anxious expression, my mother walks up to me and grabs my small suitcase. "Sweetie, how about I help you check in your bag already?" She only officially met Lex two weeks ago but she instantly fell for his charming nature and I swear she's hearing wedding bells already... and she's probably just as shocked as I am that he hasn't showed up. I really love my parents and I feel super lucky that they so easily and naturally accepted my sexuality... and my relationship with Lex.

The queue by the check-in desk has almost disappeared now, so I might as well get this over with. My bike and most of my sports stuff is being directly shipped over to France, so I only really needed to pack some regular street clothes for my flight. Sports clothes, helmets and everything else will be provided by the team sponsor once I arrive in Paris and actually start training.

The checking in is quick and straightforward... and technically I'm ready to go through security now. I've already spent ages saying bye to mum and dad, as well as to a very emotional Danny. His boyfriends, Freddie and Eric, couldn't come to the airport because they are working today but they were both at my Farewell Party last weekend, where I was able to say bye to all my family, friends and team mates. Even Jeff was there... with a 'friend'. Oh yeah, needless to say that he and Jenny had their marriage annulled just four weeks after the wedding... Danny only told me a couple of days ago though. Lex has known for a while but never mentioned it because, well, we don't talk about Jeff... but yeah, seeing as he is still Lexy's best friend, he came to the party... oh, and his ex-wife Jenny? She didn't even have time to be upset or devastated about the whole marriage fiasco because a certain Kelly was very quick to pick up the broken pieces and stick them all back together... so crazy! I swear it's like in those books or movies where everybody within the same circle of friends kinda all turn out to be gay.

My dad suddenly pulls me out of my thoughts. "Son, you need to go through security now, otherwise you'll be late for boarding."

Lex, where the fuck are you?

Maybe he won't come at all... and it's all my fault.

God, I've been so awkward around him since we eventually got round to discussing my contract in Paris. He's obviously been super sweet and supportive. He's even helped me brush up on my French - how did I not know until this Paris thing came up that he was trilingual - and he's just generally been really encouraging about me pursuing my dream.

Every time I've tried to talk about us, however, he's remained super evasive, telling me 'not to worry about him' and that he's a 'big boy' and 'will be just fine'. I mean, it's not like he intends to break up with me or anything but at the same time, I don't know if he will want to wait around for me until I come back. It would be totally unfair of me to expect that of him anyhow... I can't demand of him to put his life on hold whilst I'm out there living my dream in Paris...

I take one last look around and say a final goodbye to my parents and my best friend before heading to the security counters and dropping my rucksack, wallet and phone in to the designated crates... that's when I suddenly hear his voice.

"Jimmybaby...", he barely whispers and I can see his bloodshot eyes are filled with tears that he's trying to hold back.

"Lex! You came!" I squeal as I abandon the security lane and run over to him before jumping into his open arms and wrapping my long legs around his waist. "I... I thought you weren't going to come... I thought... we...", my heavy sobs cut me off mid-sentence as I hide my face in the crook of his neck and cling to him even tighter. "God, I love you Lex and I'm going to miss you so fucking much!" I blurt out between more sobs.

He twists his head towards me and softly kisses my forehead. "You've got to go baby boy... you're going to miss your flight. Give it all you've got when you're over there in Paris, you hear me? It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I want you to enjoy and cherish each moment to the fullest. Make new experiences, meet new people, enjoy this unique time of your life and don't let anything or anyone hold you back or distract you, ok? Least of all me. This is too important for your future." Lex almost chokes on the last part, tears now running freely down his cheeks.

Is he saying what I think he's saying?

"Lex, what are you talking about...? Are... are you breaking up with me?"

He doesn't reply. He just lets out a ragged sigh and hugs me even tighter before drawing me into a deep kiss... a kiss full of passion... but also filled with sadness and desperation. This is him saying goodbye. This is a goodbye kiss. As the realisation hits me, the waterworks break loose and I'm just paralysed, unable to even fight or protest... I eventually break free from his strong arms and walk back to security. My body is on autopilot as my heart shatters into a millions pieces and everything inside me just crashes down.

I pass security without looking back even once, afraid that seeing his face will make me break down entirely.

However, just as I walk through the door to the terminal, I turn my head and catch his tear-filled gaze. He is biting his lip and looking like he is barely managing to keep it together. I want to tell him one last thing but I'm too far away now and can't really shout through the whole airport. Fuck this. I get my phone out and dial his number. Seemingly confused, he grabs his phone from his pocket...

"Baby boy? What are y-"

"No Daddy, you listen to me now! You don't get to fucking decide what's best for me or play the selfless hero. I love you... and my love for you is what's going to get me through all this and it's what's going to bring me home to you in eighteen months. I hope you'll find it within you to love me back and wait for me." I barely manage to whisper the final sentences between new tears before hanging up, not even waiting for a response. And with that, I walk towards the gate... well, Paris, I'm coming!

********

All I can do is stare at my phone, barely managing to fight back new tears. Jimmy...

A smile eventually starts to form on my lips though, as I put my phone back in my pocket and turn around to leave the airport.

I love you too, baby boy.

And I'm not going anywhere.

***** THE END *****