Okay I can do this, there is nothing to be afraid of, and why would I be afraid of my own friends in first place, I know they wouldn't bat an eyelash on my so called coming out as gay, wait am I even gay, I mean I used to like Monica but now I like kanan so maybe I am bisexual, oh my god labels are so hard, I don't even think it will even matter to my friends, I mean they have known me for forever so this little detail about me should not jeopardize our friendship.

I mean I told my parents and now the next step is telling my friends and then telling Kanan in future, very very distant future.

Oh god I am psyching myself out, when I had decided to tell my parents I just did it without any second thoughts but with my friends I don't know why there is a hesitation.

I mean Monica already knows my infatuation with kanan and I am pretty sure Aarti will also be cool with it, and that's it I am kinda blank about the others.

Even though I have known Sameer since my childhood, I am most wary of his reaction, I mean he is extremely easy going and goofy at times but I don't know about his thoughts on such matters. I have Known him almost all my life and if he turn his back to me because of this, I am not gonna lie I will be devastated.

Sameer,Monica and I were best of friends in school, then in college I met Aarti on the very first day and immediately clicked with her, and slowly our group extended with Anita,Zaheer and David.

As far as relationships go, in my friend circle Aarti is dating her school mate for past four years, whom none of us have ever met but have heard about him nonstop, he is studying abroad now, then there is David who is single and has no qualms about flaunting his single status all the time , Zaheer who just hates relationships in general don't know why but he does , Sameer is one of those who fall in love every other second and lastly there is Anita, well about her I don't even know for sure I mean she never talks about such things and have never shown interest in anyone.

So just fingers crossed because I NEED to do this.

I am not a very emotional person or someone who is upfront about their feelings but if I put my mind into something than I do it and in this case I have heart along with my mind.

So I decided to gather everyone at my house after college which I obviously skipped for the fourth day in row, and decided to tell everyone face to face and get their honest reaction.

Everyone agreed to be at my house around 4pm, Anita was the last one to arrive around 4:30pm so we had to wait for her, and lord knows during that half hour wait Aarti bugged me approximately ten thousand and one time to know what I was up to, Once Anita arrived I breathed in relief, she apologized hurriedly for being late, she looked kinda upset and looked like she might have been crying but when David asked her she just shrugged and said it was nothing and proceeded to sit down on the chair near my study table, on which david was sprawled on, yes on my STUDY TABLE.

I think Anita was the only decent one to properly sit on the chair rather than haphazardly throwing herself on bed like everybody else.

"So, I wanted to tell you all ..."but before I could tell them I realized something and took out my phone from my back pocket and started dialing, as I put the phone against my ear Sameer asked me "Hey What happened dude everything chill".

I just indicated with my finger to wait a minute, once Monica answered the call I put her on speaker directly.

"Heyy Ryan wassup"Monica chirped from the other side...... now I am slightly like tiny bit nervous.

"Ryannn" I heard Monica's voice call out.

"Oh yeah what" I asked her.

"Dude you called her"Sameer said.

"Oh hey Sam didn't know you were there too, Wassup"Monica immediately striked a conversation with him.

"Yo monica dude,I'm good, everybody is here, this dumbhead called us all for something but is not telling now"Sameer said to Monica as if I was not sitting in the same room.

"Yeah the thing is, well" I started saying just to be interrupted by Monica, "Ryan can you do it kinda fast I need to go to the library in fifteen minutes with my roommate"

"I am getting to it Monica"

"Okay geez no need to get defensive" Monica replied with a huff making Sameer laugh lightly.

"Okay so as I was saying before I got interrupted, I gathered you all to tell you that I..." deep breath, clear throat "I like Kanan"........ "romantically"

Whoof I said it.

Now everybody was looking wide eyed at me as if I grew multiple heads.

"Tell me something I don't know" Monica said making Aarti look at the phone in my hand and she asked her "What do you mean monica?"

Rather than letting Monica to respond for me I answered Aarti's question "I mean that I really really like Kanan,I have uhm feelings towards him.... and Monica was the first person to whom I admitted about it."

As soon as I said it, Sameer abruptly stood up from the bed and went inside the bathroom slamming the door with full force , after a second or so Anita got up and left the room.

Did my friends just walked out on me because I admitted my feelings towards another guy ?