The next couple of days pass by painfully slow, my time at home mostly spent in the bedroom.

Angelo and i haven't seen each other since monday night and i am now starting to believe, he is no longer staying here, and don't dare to think about where he could be staying right now.

With Alana now gone, i am left to face my loneliness. The house feels strange, and even though i have lived here alone during one of Angelo's absence, this time it feels really different being here without him.

But i have to admit, now that a couple of days have passed by, most of the anger i felt is gone, what is left in it's place is sadness and the pain of adjusting and accepting my new circumstances.

Lately, i find myself following the news or newspapers or any lifestyle channel or anything that may cover the Meraki case in order to get an idea of what's going on.

I am completely in the dark and want to know something, and i wish that i had asked Angelo alot more questions about it or allowed him to explain more, because now, even if i try to pretend i don't care, i do care and want to know what's going on.

And deep down i know i would give anything for things to go back to the way they were between us.

The last few days i have had nothing to do but think. I have thought about Angelo, and what our relationship would have been like if this marriage thing had not come up.

I acknowledge the fact that he is a very busy person, and there was and will always be something coming up to take time away from us, things that maybe more important to him than our relationship, like his work and evidently his family, and i get the family part, my family is important too.

But thinking critically about things, i realise work will always come second to his family, and then whatever else he deems important, i don't know if i want to be the least important thing in his life.

I sigh and turn to look at the bedroom clock.

11:49pm

I close my laptop and get up out of bed, realising that i had strayed away from my earlier task, house hunting.

I have been looking for apartments or flats near my old neighbourhood and i have come to realise how hard it is to find a new place when you need one.

I thought i would find one right away, but then i have to consider the right location, the right asking price and to make sure the building has got good services that work right etc, it's going to take alot more time that i initially thought.

Feeling abit hungry, i head down to the kitchen for a snack before going to sleep.

I walk down the stairs and think about the time Angelo carried me up here that first night he invited me for dinner, we ended up abandoning that dinner until much much later in the night, I recall with a blush.

Honestly, i don't know how much more of this i can take. All the memories of every single time we have shared in this place are all coming back to me.

Every time i look at something, touch something or walk into a room, i think of something new that i miss about him, and it's making my heart go crazy with longing.

*

Today, i wake up a little later than usual, it being the friday when we are finally having the Inter school sports tornament which will start somewhere around mid morning, so i can take my time getting ready.

Dressed only in Angelo's tshirt, like i have done every day this week, i tie my hair up into a loose bun and brush my teeth infront of the mirror.

Then to my complete surprise, the slightly opened door, spreads completely open as Angelo walks in, barefoot, in black suit pants and white vest, hair tossled and comes to a halt when he sees me.

"Hi" he murmurs, clearing his throat and looking completely surprised to see me as our eyes finally meet in the mirror.

"Hey" I respond, after spiting the tooth paste out of my mouth and into the sink, but with my green toothbrush still lodged in my mouth.

"I am sorry, i thought you would have left for work already, i will come back later" he says, reversing out of the room.

I watch him close the door, a little taken aback by his sudden appearance, then i quickly snap out of it.

I open the door in time to see him grab the handle of the bedroom door, about to walk out, with his laptop in his hand.

"Wait!" I shout from my position at the door of the bathroom.

He stops and turns around.

He looks different.

Recently, i had noticed how he allowed his hair to grow beyond it's usual length but now it is even longer. When he turned around to face me, the action caused some of it to swing across his forehead and he had to push it behind his ear to keep it out of his eyes.

And he clearly needs a shave too.

"Did you want to use the bathroom?" I ask.

"Yeah but i can use the one down the hall" he murmurs, his hand still on the door.

"It's ok, i was just about done anyway, you can go ahead" I lie.

I was going to take a shower immediately after brushing my teeth, but it can wait, i am not in a hurry.

He nods and walks back into the bathroom, leaving his laptop on the bed.

I go to rinse my mouth as he grabs his own toothbrush and starts brushing his teeth right next to me.

I have so many questions i wanted to ask him, but no words form in my mouth, even worse, my brain won't form any coherent thought because it can't get passed the fact that he is here and i really really missed him.

I finish what i am doing, then walk out but as i close the door, i see him briefly glance at me.

I lean against the closed door.

What are we doing?

I walk out of the bedroom and go down the stairs. Seline is here already, for i can hear her humming and singing as i walk down the stairs.

I follow the sound of her voice to Angelo's office where i find the door wide open and so i walk in.

She looks up at me a little startled.

"Mary! Oh my.....I thought you had left for work already" she says, holding a hand over her heart.

"Sorry Seline, i didn't mean to startle you.. It's sports day today, so i am not in a hurry" I smile.

"Oh ok." She says, glancing at me briefly before walking towards the couch.

"Do you want me to make you some breakfast, for such a big day, you need a special breakfast?" She asks, bending over to pick up some things from couch.

"Yeah that sounds great" Maybe something for Angelo aswell.

".... What's that?" I ask, watching her fold a small blanket and pillow. On the floor next to the couch are a bunch of documents and papers spread out carelessly.

That has Angelo written all over it.

"Oh, I think Mr Angelo has been sleeping here at night. I find this here every morning" she says softly, almost regrettably.

I feel my heart sink.

Then guilt and sadness.

I have had no idea where he has been staying, since we haven't seen each other since monday.... I didn't dare to even try to imagine where he could be incase I didn't like the outcome, but i am really surprised that he has been coming back here after all.

What i don't understand is why he would choose to spend the night here, on a couch, when the apartment has three bedrooms including ours, why sleep on a couch when he could be comfortable on a bed in any of the other rooms?

I look at Seline and feel a desperate need to talk to someone about my mixed feelings.

A few days ago, i was completely sure about what i wanted to do, but now, everything feels like a blur.

Later, as Seline and i are in the kithen, we hear voices in the foyer followed by silence which i assume is Angelo's departure, but then the Kitchen door opens suddenly and in he walks, and stands by the door.

Black suit and tie, hair making him look a little wild.

"I am leaving now."he says, his body half turned to leave already.

I nod and he dissapears, closing the door behind him.

I stare at the closed for for a second then look down at my food, my appetite gone.

This is what i wanted right? For him to leave me alone. That's why i am moving out, so that things will be over between us now.

But why does his indifference hurt so much, why do i feel like a thousand knifes are piecing through my chest at the thought of leaving him?

*

A couple of hours later, i make it to school in time for the games. After all the work that went into the preparations for this day, i am very excited that it's finally here, and get even more excited yet surprised to see Luke in the stands in obvious support of me.

The day goes on smoothly and i am happy that my track team has come in first place, although my Volleyball team came in third place out of five teams.

Towards the end of the day, as per tradition, we have a teacher's competition, where teacher's from different schools also compete against each other. It is usually the highlight of the event as it gets all the students and crowd very excited and hyped.

In this category, the games include, the sack, egg and three legged race as well as track, which i am participating in.

As usual, the teacher's games go really well and have the crowd cheering until there is only the short distance race left. We line up and the crowd get up on their feet, for the last game of the day.

Ready, set, go!

These games are supposed to be friendly, but that is never the case. The sound of the crowd cheering and each teacher knowing that their students are watching, is enough motivating for all the participants to give it their all, and so do i.

*

I was surprised to find Marianne in the bathroom this morning and immediately cursed myself.

I thought she has left for work already, which is why i went up there at that time, like i have done all week.

She has made her intentions to move out very clear and Alana told me she was looking up apartments and cars the other night.

I remember offering to move out myself, if she really wanted the space between us, and i will if it comes down to it....but i couldn't get myself to stay away these past few days, so i have been sleeping in my office, out of sight, so i would stay out of her way and she wouldn't feel the need to leave.

But now that she knows, i wonder what will happen next.

After a few hours at the office, i call it a day. I intend to drop by my parent's house later but i need to stop by Marianne's school incognito, and see how the games are going, i remember how much that meant to her.

As expected, the school is packed with people and i find it easy to blend in and don't have to worry about being seen as i keep to the back of the crowd.

At this time, I find most of the games are done already and i make it just in time to see the teacher's compete.

After a long time of looking, i finally spot Marianne, laughing and cheering on the other teachers as they compete in their games and i wonder if she is going to compete too.

Then lastly, the track race comes on and i see her line up. I see a group of kids stand up and cheer her name, who i presume to be students from her class, but among them, standing close to the field is also Luke and Rachel, along with other people i don't know.

If i doubted her athletism before, i definitely stand corrected today, as i watch her run ahead of the others, leaving a convincing distance between herself and the runner up.

The crowd goes into a louder cheer and i can't help the excitement too.

That's my girl.

I unconsciously move towards the front of the crowd, after i see her running back towards the starting line, during which people have started running into the field, until i see Luke move forward towards her and sweeping her into his arms as soon as she is within arms length.

That does not bother me, what bothers me is what he does next.

I stop moving, and watch as as Rachel turns in my direction, we share a brief look before i turn around and leave.

*

I am driving my own car today, Aj and his team, following behind me.

After i pull over at my parents house, i sit alone in the car for what feels like hours.

"Uncle Angelo!!" Bella and Ivan come running towards me and i take that as my cue to finally get into the house.

"Why is your hair so long" The kids ask.

Everyone keeps asking me that and honestly, initially i had been feeling to lazy to get it cut, but then i started to like the new look.

"Hello honey.... what happened to your hair?" She asks aswell and i frown, returning her greeting

"So how have you been?" She asks, as we sit out on the Terrance, watching the kids play outside.

"Uncle Angelo, are you coming already" Ivan shouts impatiently.

"Yeah, just let me talk to your grandma real quick, i will join you guys in a minute." I shout.

"Well?"Mom persists.

"I am good"I reply, keeping it simple.

""You need a hair cut. You are starting to look like high school Angelo with that long hair i hated." She murmurs and i laugh at the memory.

"That was a good time" I chuckle.

"It was a wild annoying time, you were in all kinds of trouble every other week, thank God you outgrew the phase" She giggles.

I laugh too, remembering some moments.

"So, are you ready for tomorrow's fundraising annual ball?" She asks.

"Actually, that's what i came here to talk to you about, i won't be able to attend this time"

"What? But why? You are chairman of the board, what about the key note speech?"

"Can you do that on my behalf? I can write it down if you want"

"Angelo, but why aren't you going? You haven't missed one in five years" she asks bewildered.

"I just can't this year" Again, i keep it simple.

This particular organization that deals with humanitarian emergency responses caused by conflicts and natural disasters is one that is very close to my heart and one that usually draws alot of media attention, so i get why she is so surprised at my reluctance to go.

However, with this recent 'development' between Clare and myself making the rounds, i don't want to draw any attention to myself or put myself in a position where reporters may have a chance to ask about it. Any conversation about it will only fuel the fire and draw attention to it making it bigger that it is and complicating things.

I never ever want to acknowledge it to the media and want people to know as little about it as possible, which will make things easier when the time comes to cut our ties again.

"Will you do it or should i ask someone else?"

She sighs in resignation.

"You know i will do it. It's just that you like this kind of thing you know, working everybody in the room, getting them to donate their money, i just thought that.....never mind"

We both fall silent.

"Uncle Angelo, you are taking forever". Bella whines this time.

"One more minute Princess"

"But you said one minute ages ago and it has already been many minutes" she complains, her hand anchored on her hip in a cheeky kind of way.

"I mean it this time" I chuckle.

"I am counting" she shouts.

Mom laughs.

"You are so good with them... You will be an amazing father you know" she says and a warm feeling fills my heart at the thought.

"I can't wait to have your little ones running around this place. Bella and Ivan would be over the moon to finally have some cousins" she murmurs softly.

"So would I" i say truthfully.

"Really? I am glad to hear that. So maybe you can look into that so that your father and i can enjoy your kids before we are too old to play with them" she grumbles.

Honestly, i want kids too. I always have. I always loved the idea of Bella and Ivan not being too old when my own kids came around, so that they would have some common ground and grow up together, but that was a dream i realised was not going to become a reality as the future soon revealed.

The only serious relationship i had after a long time was with Claire, and she and i could never really agree on that. When we started dating, she was twenty three, myself twenty six, we got engaged two years later and lasted for another two after.

For her, having kids was out of the question and made it clear she would only consider it after turning thirty. I understood, she was young and wanted to concentrate on modeling.

But the other time with Marianne, when she freaked out about getting pregnant, the thought was planted in my head again, and i realised how much i still wanted it.

And after some thought i realised i would really love to have kids with Marianne, she would be the perfect mother. My temperature and her attitude would make for some pretty dope ass kids.

But then, even she is not too keen about it anytime soon and right now, even our future is a blur, so that dream is lost on me again.

"How are things with Marianne?" She finally asks.

I look away, staring out at the kids playing, but my mind is elsewhere...

Replaying the image of her, not too long ago today, running into Luke's waiting arms, and him coming to lift her up and kissing her like she was his, right there in the crowd.

I shrug. Not knowing how to respond to my mother.

"What does that mean" she asks about my gesture.

"Does it really matter, it's not like you really care about my relationship with her" I say nonchalantly.

"How can you say that, ofcourse i care, how can you even think that?" She murmurs, hurt swimming in her eyes.

I shrug and stand up.

"Angelo!" She murmurs when i start to walk towards the kids.

"I want you to be happy, you know that right? My happiness depends on my children's happiness"

I shake my head a little in disbelief and turn around again.

"Angelo..."

"Mom....stop! I don't need this ok. 'Family first' isn't that what you have always said? Well now everything is fine with the family again. I don't need you to pretend to care about anything outside that. So let us just drop it.

"You are angry with me aren't you, blaming me as much as your father because i asked you to do it right?" She asks, seemingly hurt.

"No, I take responsibility for my own actions. I made a choice and that is on me and me alone.

But what I don't need is for you or anybody in this family, to pretend to give a shit about the consequences of that choice just for face value, because you really don't." I say bitterly.

I am really tired, and this is not the conversation i came here for, i need to walk away.

"I am really sorry you feel that way. Now i wish you didn't do it......" she whispers softly.

"Believe me, i considered not doing it, and the consequences of that too, on dad, on you, on me, on our whole family. Then i thought about Marrianne, would you have accepted her if i refused to do it because of her?" I ask genuinely.

She responds with silence.

"Yeah, i thought so" I say and walk towards the kids and sit down on the grass when i reach them.

My family would have been hurt and angry, some more than others. And then Marrianne being the over thinker she is, would have blamed herself for any problems i would have had with them.

And so i took the other route, it made more sense to me at the time and i genuinely hoped Marrianne and i would work through it, but maybe i was wrong.