After my classes are done, i try to look a little busy to allow people to leave the school so i don't have to interact with any teacher's at least for today.

And after sometime, the school grounds are alot more quiet, meaning most people have left, but i continue to sit in my class, oblivious to the time passing, just lost in my own mind, thinking, contemplating, deciding.

I am conflicted, between my heart and my mind.

I don't know what to do.

No, i do know what to do.....I should leave, move out of his place, that's the right thing to do....but i don't want too at the same time.

I can't believe everything has changed so quickly. It's so had to see how something that felt so perfect and right a few days ago has been completely shattered into tiny pieces that i don't know of they can ever be fixed again.

It's hurts alot, to think about being without him and starting to forget him, I don't think i can love anyone the way i love him.

But the thought of slowly losing him to someone during this marriage period or whatever it is, is almost crippling, i wouldn't bear it if he loved someone else.

That's why i am better off just walking away now before all that drama starts and i get even more hurt.

I really wish i didn't have to leave him, otherwise how will i ever face people when they start talking, my mother, my friends....it's like that incident in high school all over again where my dignity and reputation as a woman is going to be questioned.

After sharing with him my past and how i feel about such things, how can he put me in such a position again?

He didn't even confide in me to tell me he had been pushed into a corner and had to act fast, instead he acts on his own a decision that will affect me that i later find out from the media a week later and he expects me to support him.

"Hey....." Rachel utters walking through my door.

"Hai..." I smile at her, putting a lid on my jar of thoughts.

"That sexy driver of yours has been waiting outside for you for over forty minutes." She utters.

I smile even wider.

That would be Elijah.

Rachel has taken a liking to him and flirts with him each time it's his turn to come pick me up, the poor guy doesn't quite know how to react to her.

I start to gather my things.

"If you want to talk, or beat someone up, or slash the tires to someone's car or something, you know i am your girl right?" she grins, making me laugh.

"I will remember that, thanks."

We walk out together and she as usual, comes to say hi to Elijah before walking to her own car. He maintains his usual professionalism by being polite and ignoring her flirty advances.

He always looks uncomfortable in her presence, which is such a funny look considering Rachel's stature is smaller than his.

I always wonder if he would behave differently towards her if i wasn't around.

During the drive, i think about the logistics off my next move.

I spoke to mom at lunch time and she asked if i needed her to come over for a few days, but i declined.

I never told her i had moved in with Angelo and would rather be at my own place when she finally visits me again.

My old apartment has already been rented out, so i can't go back there. Luke offered me a place to stay in the meantime today, after he put aside the fact that i moved out without telling him, something he is sure to bring up later.

But i am really reluctant to take him up on his offer, i feel like staying with him will only just make things worse and i don't want to have to depend on someone else again, especially a man.

I will stay at a motel until i find a new place, but without a car, moving my things around will be a little cumbersome.

So i will rent a moving van, not that i even have alot of things to move anyway but i just don't want to ask anyone i know for anymore help.

That will do.

And, I think i have also worked up enough courage to drive now, so i will start looking into buying a car and start relying on myself again, i will have to look that up later tonight.

The lift up to Angelo's apartment is quiet as usual, except now i am finding the silence to be so loud, but maybe it's just my guilty conscience speaking and at some point during the ride, i catch Elijah glance at me briefly.

He gives me a small smile and looks away again.

I bet he feels sorry for me.

I feel sorry for me.

In the apartment, i am surprised to find that Angelo is back from work at this time of the day, and he is not alone.

There are a two people i don't know, plus Nick and Sam and Elijah who has also just joined them now.

Just as i am about to enter the living room to greet them, Ally and Alana, walk into the foyer from the Kitchen.

"Hey you" Ally murmurs warmly, holding he pregnant belly.

"Hai" I murmur going towards her then giving her an apologetic smile.

"I am so sorry, i didn't call you back, I have ju......"

"Don't worry about it, i am sure you have had quite a busy day" she murmurs sypathetically.

I turn to face Alana.

"Hai Alana, it's good to see you again" I say.

"Hi Mary, good to see you too" she says, hugging me warmly for a long time.

Angelo comes to stand at the door of the living room, watching us.

"Hey" he murmurs softly, his hands in his pockets.

"Hai" I respond.

He clears his throat.

"Come inside, we have been waiting for you" he motions for me to enter the room.

*

Alana and Ally walk in first, leaving Marianne and i alone briefly, before she starts walking towards me.

As she walks passed me by the door, i fight off the temptation to hold her hand or touch her in some way, any way.

Inside the room, i motion for Kyan and AJ to come nearer.

"This is Kyan Parker, he is our Private Investigator and IT guy." I say, motioning to him and then turn to AJ to finish off the introductions when she interrupts me.

"So are you the one that probed into my private and personal information without my consent at Angelo's request? My family and friends too, You do realise that that was illegal, right?" She utters, giving him a pointed look.

Kyan rubs the back of his neck and looks at me briefly, then back at her sheepishly when I don't interfere.

I am already knee deep in shit with her, there is no way i want to add this to my list.

The room goes completely quiet and I vaguely see Nick smiling at the situation.

"And this is AJ Stamos" I say, not adding any more details to avoid another possible awkward confrontation.

Aj is my head of security and moves with me.

"You know everybody else" I say, motioning to everyone-else.

She mumbles a soft 'Hello' and goes to sit on the sofa near the fire place, a little away from everyone.

Kyan starts talking, but i watch Marianne instead.

She is alot more quiet than usual, withdrawn. She sits with her knees pressed together and legs crossed at the ankles. Her face is looking down at her lap at her fingers as they go around the edges of her phone repeatedly.

She is the epitome of sadness and my chest fills with pain.

"Angelo? " I hear Kyan say.

"Huh?" I look up sheepishly to find everyone looking at me.

"What?" I clear my throat.

Even Marianne is looking at expectantly.

"The new security protocol, with the news of your marriage to..."

I watch Marianne literally flinch at the words as she looks down again.

Kyan, follows my line of sight and pauses, changing his words.

"With the aahhh, new developments, and the media taking an interest in your affairs, we need to decide on the new security routine, and decide on how to answer questions about the uhhmm....new developments" He explains.

"Yeah, like I told you earlier, we need to add a few more guys to the team and since we are going to maintain Sam and Eli with Ms Wright...the new guys will rotate on your detail, also........" AJ says before Marianne interrupts him.

"Excuse me, I am sorry, but that won't be necesary, i won't be living here anymore, so you don't need to waste your resources at my expense." Marianne utters looking around the room then settles her gaze on me.

AJ stops talking as everyone turns to look at her, then me.

"Marianne..."I start, not knowing exactly how to put this.

This is necessary, enough people have seen me with her in the past already. Her safety is not to be taken lightly.

"I don't think i even need to be here, so i will just leave you guys to get on with it....excuse me." She says softly before geting up and slowly walking out of the now quiet room.

I stand watching her leave.

I feel low, broken, like my heart is literally being ripped out of my chest as i watch.

After a second of complete silence in the room, i follow after her, leaving the room without saying a word.

I find her standing in the closet, staring at her clothes that are hanging perfectly inside, the same way she left them this morning.

"I asked her to put everything back" I explain, drawing her attention, as she turns to looks at me by the door.

She puts her phone down and without saying a word, starts pulling the clothes out and laying them on top of the island gently.

"Marianne?" I whisper.

She ignores me, and continues with what she is doing.

"Baby please...."

Still nothing from her.

I walk towards her and hold her shoulders from behind, she tries to pull away from me, but I wrap my arm around her torso, holding her back to my chest.

She stops moving and i gently turn her around.

She puts her hands on her face and starts to cry.

I hold her against my shoulder and rub her hair slowly.

"I am so so sorry baby....more than you will ever know"I whisper.

I continue to soothe her, whispering how sorry i am.

After a while, she finally stops crying and i hold her away from me a little so i can look at her.

But she turns towards her clothes again and i realise she wants to continue packing her things.

"Marianne, please talk to me... i can't bare your silence" I murmur.

"And say what? It's not like you will understand, or care how i feel anyway" she says finally.

"Of course i care, i care about you alot......"I whisper, grabbing her hand to slowly turn her towards me again.

"I love you, you know that" I murmur for the first time since i said it the first time, looking into her eyes.

"If this is what your love looks like, good to know....I would hate to imagine what it would be like if you hated me"she says softly, trying to turn.away again.

"Try to understand me, i didn't have alot of options" I say.

"And what about me? You don't try to understand me but just bulldoze your way through everything" she responds.

"Ok, tell me what to do, what will make this work? How can i prove myself to you now?"I ask softly.

She shakes her head "I don't know....I...It just wouldn't feel right to continue staying here now" she says looking at me, her fingers playing with the edge of her shirt.

I run my own fingers through my hair.

What was i supposed to do? I ask myself for the millionth time, either way, i was going to be fucked some how.

But i can't let her leave. My chances of winning her back if she leaves this place will go from slim to impossible under this current media scrutiny.

I need her to stay here. It's also the best way to take care of her and keep her safe.

She walks out into the bedroom and opens some drawers, taking out some personal items.

"Marianne.... don't give up on us so fast.......give it some time before you decide anything" I try again, and hold her against the dressing table, her hands coming up to my chest.

I welcome the physical contact, feeling the connection between us again. I taking a deep breath and watching her hands rise and fall with my chest.

I raise my eyes to hers again.

Our chemistry is just as strong as ever, how can she give this up to easily.

"Knock knock, Mary? are you i......oh, sorry, is this a bad time?" Ally mumbles, walking in and then out again to stand in the hall way.

I step away from Marianne, leaving her to do as she pleases.

She drops her hands, looking up at me with big smouldering eyes.

"Sorry, the door was open and i thought.....I just thought, well i wanted to see if i could have a minute with you" she adds from the hall way.

"It's fine...I am coming" Marianne utters, walking out of the door.

I remain alone, now staring at my reflection in the mirror in front of me.

Slowly, i walk to the bed and lie down, facing up, my feet touching the ground.

If i have ever felt the urge to cry in my life, that would be now.

I hold my arm over my eyes and feel the intensity of my emotions coming to a boil in my head and heat burning in my eyes and nose.

I suddenly feel exhausted, restless, from years of over working myself, pushing myself to new limits every time. I feel beat left, right and center and I just want to shut myself shut down and stop feeling, stoping thinking.

God knows, i never meant to hurt her, it's the last thing i wanted.

I had very little time to make a choice between a rock and a hard place. Both choices had consequences, and i thought this choice had the least bit of damage. We always made such a good team, i hoped we would figure it out.

But i guess i was wrong, and i am starting to rethink everything i have done since we met.

If i had walked away back then, she would be living her life today, oblivious of this heartache i am causing her.....and me, this would have been just another business decision that i would not have thought twice about making. Then i would have continued my life after it was done and i wouldn't be going through this heartache again either.

But who am i kidding, my life before her was so dull and predictable, something all my money or success couldn't change....nothing ever brought me true happiness or contentment, not until her. I know she is the best thing that has ever happened to my adult life.

I need her.

I love her.

*

I walk with Ally to the guest room down the hall and sit down.

"Are you ok?" She asks when we settle down..

"I don't know" I respond.

"I just feel so conflicted." I add, rubbing my face.

"It's understandable." She replies.

"It's just that, i think i know what to do, i know i should just leave, it's the best thing, the right thing to do right?" I ask rhetorically.

"But my at the same time, in my heart, I don't want to let us go..... I just, i see it in his eyes, how he looks me, I know he loves me, and i feel like i know him, i know his heart has the best intentions despite how he acts sometimes......" I talk animatedly with my hands.

"But i can't do this....i can't be what he wants me to be right now, that's not who i am,.I can't face people like that, I amnot like that and i just don't know what to do." I mumble.

She hugs me for what feel like forever.

Then we each lean back and laugh at our silliness.

"I understand, look, you don't have to figure it all out right now. Give yourself some time and see how things go..... this is a really awkward position to be in, i get it.

I remember the time when Nick and i had our biggest fight and my Dad said something i always try to remember everytime we differ now.

'To see things from his point of view'

Put yourself in his shoes and see if you would have made different choices...make up your mind after seeing things from all angles before and only let things if there is no way to fix things.

If Angelo cares about you as much as Nick says he does, i know he will figure things it..... Don't pressure yourself to make a decision right this very minute.... just take your time and see how things play out, otherwise, you might regret it later, but whatever you decide, count on my support....ok" She murmurs.

I nod, taking a deep breath.

I guess, I can wait until i find a new place before i can move out, which will also give me some time to sort out my feelings.

"I have never told you this, but maybe it's the best time for me to share with you how Nick and i met and fell in love, yeah?" she says.

I sit back against the sofa and listen, finally feeling a little relaxed for the first time since i woke up today.

*

When Ally and i finally come down the stairs, the guys have already finished their meeting and it's only Angelo, Alana and Nick in the living room now.

"Hey you" Ally murmurs, going to sit next to Nick.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks her, kissing her cheek lightly and placing his arm around her shoulders.

After the story she just told me, i can't help but see them both differently now. He fell in love with her before she got her sight, and she fell in love with the man she had never seen. That is quite an interesting story.

I always thought they had a normal courtship from how close they are now, but honestly, i respect them for sticking together through the many up and downs she told me about, and from the way they are right now, it was surely worth it.

"I want to spend the night here, Angelo said it's ok with him if it's ok with you" Alana utters.

"Yes of course, i am fine with that" I respond with a smile.

"Great, i will go put my things up stairs" she mumbles, before walking out.

"We shall take our leave too now" Nick murmurs, standing up and helping Ally up too.

Angelo nods and walks out ahead of them.

I follow behind them.

After some last good byes, they step into the elevator and dissapear, Angelo turns to me.

He clears his throat and i turn around, and start walking back.

"Marianne????" His voice is soft.

"I will go and check on Alana" I say over my shoulder.

I run up the stairs to the guest room to make sure everything is ok with her. Afterwards we go down to the kitchen to get something to eat.

I end up feeling extremely grateful for Alana's presence. Her company is a welcome distraction from my reality right now and she is being extremely sweet and kind and reading the mood very well.

So far she is doing most of the talking and keeping the conversation light and simple. After our meal, we leave something for Angelo to eat and go back upstairs.

*

I am happy Alana decided to spend the night. From here, i can hear her talking in the kitchen to Marianne whose voice is not as audible.

I go up the stairs and lie down, not really feeling like sleeping, but just not knowing what else to do, i don't feel like working tonight.

I could go to the gym, that usually helps, but i can't get myself to get up off the bed, so I just lie there, eyes closed but nowhere near asleep.

I replay random moments with Marianne in my head. Happy moments, when she was laughing, angry moment's when she would call me names.

That day we went on a date, her driving, the picnic, our love making at the end of that day, the other day in the shower, declaring our love for each other...

I open my eyes, unable to stand the images.

The sound of the door opening brings me out of my jar of thoughts.

She stops walking, clearly not expectimg to find me in here.