Alice sat down and placed her carry bag on the table. She fixed me with a steely glare. "Talk."

I raise my eyebrows at her. "How are you, Alice? I am busy with this assignment, but of course you don't care about that."

Alice rolls her eyes. "Stop deflecting. What the fuck happened between you and Everett to make you both act like you both are in an episode of the bachelorette? Fucking annoying drama."

"I find it disturbing that you watch Bachelorette."

"Deflecting." She points out.

I sigh. "We broke up?"

Just saying that makes me feel empty inside. God, I miss him. But it's like I expected this to happen. That I knew I was going to hurt him. There was always a part of me that thought this would happen sooner or later. Everett didn't deserve to have someone who would have one foot in and the other out.

Alice snorts. "Are you asking me?"

"No. We broke up."

"Bullshit," Alice spits out. "Everett's been completely out of it and so have you, for a whole week. I don't know who messed up what, but get your shit together and sort it out before I decide to lock you both up in a storage closet and make you both talk."

"There's nothing to sort out. He doesn't want me to talk to him and I think I need to respect that." I say. Who would have thought it would hurt this much?

"When have you both ever been this considerate about each other before? So why start now. If he doesn't want to talk, you make him." Alice says it like it's a world known fact.

But I hurt him. I made him look like he was broken.

I smile at her. "Shit happened. My fault, alright. Just can we not talk about it?"

If I start talking, I am afraid that I might start crying. That is the last thing I want to do. The only person I have cried in front of in years is Everett. My heart jumps at that thought, it feels like someone is setting fire to it inside my chest.

Alice's eyes soften, and she brings her hand to mine and squeezes. "Why Zach? Why is it your fault?"

I look at her, biting my lips. Talking about it feels like it'll make it real. But then again, this is Alice. She's always been there trying to get me to let her in. Always knowing that it was hard for me and not pushing.

"I don't know, Alice. The baggage I carry is too much. It's like I have one foot in and the other out. I let him see it all, all that bullshit that I carry around, and I felt like he would leave. Like it was a fixed thing that he would leave. Why would Everett have to deal with someone so half-assed?"

Alice slides her chair closer to me, but she doesn't do anything else. She doesn't look at me with pity or sadness. She looks like she is contemplating the logic of it all. It is as if she knows there's something meaningful in what I said.

She nods at me. "I get exactly what you said. But what you missed is that Everett knew this. As you said, you showed him your bullshit. He still stayed."

"But I left him. I didn't try at all. He shouldn't have to deal with this baggage. He shouldn't have to wait for me. I didn't even fight for him when he told me he doesn't want that. I just left." I whisper.

Alice narrows her eyes. "He wanted to, Zach. Just let him do his thing because that's what he wanted. He wanted you whole, and I understand that completely."

My blood rushes in my arteries. He wanted me and I know that, but what if I wasn't worth that want?

"What if I am not worth that want?" I ask her, feeling more vulnerable than I ever have.

Alice's voice goes thick. "Up to him to decide that. For what it's worth, I think you are more than just worth anything. I wouldn't be your best friend otherwise."

I snort. "Not best-"

"Shove it." Alice gets up, pulling me with her.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

Alice looks over her shoulder at me with a grin. "Getting you to hang out with your friends cuz no matter what happens between you and Everett you are still part of the team and because Finley won't stop talking about how he misses you."

I laugh because that did sound like Finley. Not hiding whatever he thought, always putting his feelings out there. Can't help admiring that dude.

I let her drag me out to the soccer field, but most of the team is sitting in the bleachers. I see Everett immediately. Like he is a highlighted line in a textbook. Can't miss it because it's important. Always searching to find him, because I know I will.

I find him even in the confines of my nothing.

Everett holds eye contact with me for a few seconds, which feels like centuries worth of feelings drowning me in. I can feel the way his arm feels around me, the way his kiss feels on my forehead before we sleep, the way his lips mold against mine, the way he feels when he surrounds me with his body, skin against skin when I call out his name. The way he grounds me and stirs me and messes me up. And the way I live it. The way I love him.

"Oh, I thought you had amnesia and forgot we existed. Glad to see you are okay." Pierce teases.

"It's called selective amnesia, the brain loses the worst memories I have. Just proves how much I can't deal with you all," I smirk at him. I can do this, I can be their friend even if it hurts to pretend to be fine. And I have a feeling that all of them know this, but they don't call me out on it.

Finley snorts. "At least you haven't lost your gigantic ego."

"You missed my gigantic ego." I tell him.

Finley mock gasps but is grinning when he says, "You found out my deepest darkest secret. What will I do now!?"

I shake my head at him and I see Everett smiling at me. Just a slight tilt to his lips that most won't notice. But damn if it didn't break my whole world into pieces.

I look away because I can't handle the warmth in his beautiful eyes. I talk with the others for a few minutes.

The coach called out to a few players. Everett isn't called, so he gives us a goodbye and rushes off as though he can't sit there. I felt a pang of pain. I can't sit here either. So I say my goodbye and leave.

Locking myself in my room wasn't what I planned to do today. But that's exactly what I did. From morning to evening I refused to meet anyone after practice got over because seeing Zachary and the way his gaze just seemed to fall on me, like he couldn't control it, made me combust. When he had left my room that day, I felt like I was crushed. I didn't want him to leave.

During practice, I couldn't focus and Dylan looked at me with a knowing expression. Pierce had told me to stop wasting my time there and go after what I really wanted. But what if Zachary didn't want me? What if he didn't love me?

My phone buzzes with a text. I look at it.

Vio: Dude, Why the fuck isn't Zachary picking up my calls and not saying anything when I text him abt u?

Me: We broke up.

I hate saying that. I hate it more than I can handle. I hate that it won't stop hurting.

Vio: WTF did he do!?

I laugh at that.

Me: Not him. Me. I was being a jerk.

More like an insecure prick. I was scared. Terrified that my feelings weren't enough for him. So I lashed out, told him to leave when all I wanted was to hold him.

The reply takes a while to come.

Vio: I thought everything was sorted out since Zachary told his dad to shove it and that he wasn't taking any shit from him anymore. I think he tried to blackmail him using you? Why the fuck are you guys being such idiots?

Wait what!? Zachary told his dad to shove it. He was using me as blackmail? Blackmail for what? Why hadn't Zachary told me any of this and just left? I can feel the hurt and anger building up in my chest. Leaving me is fine, not talking to me is fine and even pretending is fine but taking the blame without doing anything is not fine.

Damn him.

Fuck my insecurity. This isn't just about my feelings. The fact that he thought I would leave hurts but so does knowing that he finally stepped up and did what he has always wanted to while protecting me and not telling me hurts even worse. It hurts to know that he didn't think that was important to me, that he finally broke free of his chains. Maybe I am not the only one who is insecure. Maybe he needs to hear it from me too.

Me: I think I am going to have a long hard talk with your brother and if it ends up with him having a broken nose, don't blame me.

Vio: Sister approval granted. His nose isn't all that grt anyway.

She adds a thumbs up emoji and I can't help but grin. One more reason that breaking up with Zachary is a bad idea, I will miss Vio. I grab my jacket and dial Zachary.

He picks up. My heart flutters in my chest. He probably didn't check the caller ID before he picked up, just like usual.

"Hello?" His voice is smooth and deep as I remember it. My breath gets stuck in my throat and my head spins. Just his voice can make everything change for me.

"You fucking bastard, you better meet me at the theater in ten minutes or else I swear to fucking God I will make you regret you were ever born." I growl at him.

I don't give him a chance to reply as I grab my car keys, cut the call and make my way to my car. The hell I am letting him get away with not explaining himself. He means too much to me to just let him go like that.

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Hey guys!

Hope u enjoy and don't forget to share to ur friends!

I just want you all to know that I appreciate you all for being there for me and commenting stupid stuff and having conversations with bcs honestly that's been the best part of writing this book! Love ya all!