'Then, should i write goodbye letters or just leave them unalarmed? I think i should. But they will ask too many questions.'

I think to myself like that for 5 minutes until now. I really can't decide things on my own.

Hyesung is asking Jungkook to go back with her, which means, they will date again.

I really love him but, if Hyesung is the one who could make him smile, why not?

I can't force my love to him, neither he can't be forced to love me.

If leaving him is the best choice, then i don't have any reasons to stay with him.

I think i'll risk it all just to see him smiling happily, without a frown, or covering his true self, or faking his expressions.

Maybe i fell for him too hard until the point where i want to see him smile because of me, showering kisses on my face, starting and ending my day with seeing his face, massaging him when he's tired, taking care of him when he's sick, cuddling with him, watch movies with him.

Walking down the aisle seeing him in a black tuxedo, waiting for me with the bunny smile carved on his face.

But i know that wasn't meant for me and for him.

Even though the whole world support us, we can't.

There's no point in marrying the boy you've dreamed to be with for the rest of your life but he doesn't want the same thing to happen with you.

There's no point in pretending to be extremely happy but on the inside you feel empty.

There's no fairness in it.

I split my heart into two pieces, for me and for him.

But he split it again into thousands of pieces, for his side chicks and his special one.

Before all of that happens, we know that one of us has to stop it.

Before it's all too late.

So, i decided to step up and end all of this.

Before we end up hurting ourselves.

A knock from the door wake me up from my day dreaming.

"Baram? May i come in?" Hyesung asked from outside.

"Of course." i answered.

She opens the door while smiling happily and suddenly changes to a frown.

"Why are you crying?" she asked.

"Wha-" i touched my cheeks and i realized some of my tears fall.

"I also don't know." i said confusedly.

"Baram. If there's something bothering you, just tell me. I'm always here."

"I really don't know. I was just day dreaming thinking about whether to write some letters to my friends or not." i answer.

"Really? Nothing else?"

"I swear." There is something else.

"There's something suspicious going on here. I saw your weird smile. What's happening right now? Tell me." i changed the topic.

"Well, guess what?"

"What?"

"Jungkook and i are going back together again!" she cheered happily.

"Really?! Congrats gurl!" i smiled.

"May i come in?" i heard a familiar voice.

"H-huh? Who's there?" i asked.

"Euhh, it's Jungkook. Earlier when we talked, he said that he wants to apologize." Hyesung said.

I froze. I really can't see him right now. This wrecked side of me can't be seen by him.

"P-please tell him just to talk there outside. I heard him. Please i just don't want to see his-"

"Sshhhh. Okay, okay. I heard you. Just let me talk to him for a sec." Hyesung cut me off.

"T-thanks." i whispered.

My head started to hurt again but i shrugged it off, trying to heard what he want to say.

"Baram. I know that you liked me. I know that you're not a bad person. I'm just a very stubborn person because i don't listen to your explanation first and just jumping to conclusions without knowing the truth.

Then i start to hurt you without know how it really feels. I'm sorry that i've hurt you too many times. I'm sorry that can't give back your feelings. I'm really sorry that i don't feel the same to you. I'm sorry-"

I already sobbed like a crazy, mad person.

"P-please s-stop already. I-i can't take it a-anymore. J-just go home. IF YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW, JUST GO! DON'T THINK THAT I'M FRAGILE JUST BECAUSE I'M SICK RIGHT NOW! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT?! I'M HEALTHY RIGHT NOW! DON'T MAKE ME BECOME YOUR LAUGHING TOY!" I bursted out crying.

I can't believe that i just cut all of my ties with him. Am i ready to let him go? Am i ready to have other guy in the future hold my hand?

"B-baram." Hyesung's cracked voice make my attention's all on her.

"Why? Why do you shout at him? All he ever want is to apologize to you! Not your shouting! Not an argument!" she walked out and stopped at the door.

"Two more thing. If you think you messed up big time, you are. Work your temper. Don't be an emotional person. No one likes seeing your true self." she said and left.

"What?! Wait no!"

I cried and cried. How easy for them to left me just like that. How hard for me to open up to them and give my heart to them, just to be shattered into a million pieces.

Again.

"AAARRGHHHH! IS THIS EVEN FAIR?! THEN GO! GO AWAY FROM MY LIFE ALL OF YOU! F**K THIS INFUS! JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY!" I screamed on top of my lungs and pull the infus away from my hand.

"Aishh!" i hissed at the pain.

Then my head starting to pound again like crazy and i started to lose my vision.

Just in time, the nurses rushed in.

"F. U. C. K. O. F. F.!" I screamed and pushed them away so they won't be able to put the infus into my hand again.

I use all of my strength until my body started to hurt everywhere.

"Please. Don't. Save. Me." i managed to say these words before i blacked out.

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*UNEDITED