You know, you don't even have to be a reviewer to understand why this topic deserves an entire chapter. All you need to do is read a minimum of three books on Wattpad, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

The best friend. There's lots of them -- the ditzy ones, the boring ones, the ones that serve no purpose but to tour the protagonist around the school. In fact, there are sometimes groups of these best friends. Not that I could tell, since all best friends in said group tend to sound the exact same, making me forget that it's more than one person.

Honestly, sometimes, the 'best friend' can make you question if the characters even know each other. Like, my gosh, are you seriously telling me that this best friend will suddenly stop giving a damn about the other best friend now that a hot guy has walked in? Like, gosh, my best friend would keep me around just so we can talk about the length of his--

His shoelaces.

Yes.

That.

Also, his ding-dong.

Anyways.

I thought it would be a fun task to just break down the types of best friends that exist in the realm of Wattpad Fiction.

So, in other words, get ready to have some fun. If you see a trope that looks familiar, feel free to tag the guilty author.

Please note: I could not rank them. I need your help. Please comment what you think they should be ranked!

Okay. Begin!

Wait. I'm not even going to rant. I'm just going to...

Hi there! My name is Sunshine! Welcome to the Vegetable-Infested School of Dancing Noodles! Oh, what's this? We're in the same class for the first two sessions! Yay! I'll show you around! You can sit next to me, and I'll be super bubbly and chirpy and-- Oh, see that guy? That's the hot guy. Don't worry, you'll be dating him in a few minutes or so. Better yet, the reason I'm not in your third session is because he'll be in that session with you! Did I mention it's chemistry? Oh, yes, you'll have chemistry together.

Oh! I should also mention! I don't know your parents and they don't know me, but I'm coming over to your house tonight. Come on! Let's go, best friend who I met a minute ago!

Tired of me yet? Don't worry. Once you meet the bad boy and the plot actually starts, I'll probably go away. See ya!

Like, come on. What an absolute plot device. Either give this best friend purpose towards the plot, or make the protagonist find their way around school by themselves. Give them a map. Gosh.

Don't get me wrong. I love, love, love characters of colour, or queer characters. I love my trans characters and my characters that aren't neurotypical.

But please, authors, do it correctly.

Do the research you need if you don't have experience, because it really shows when you don't. And please, please, please don't just go with the stereotypes. One of my best friends is gay. He has never once in his life called me 'sister'.

Obviously, some stereotypes stem from truth -- that is correct. However, when you overdo the stereotypes? When we have a fellow Asian named 'Dim Sum' in a book? Or a bisexual character that falls in love with every passing person because they swing both ways? Nope. That's not... I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

The worst of it is when I see OCD treated like a joke -- like, this character keeps her desk clean, therefore she has OCD.

I love diversity. Please. I encourage it! But you have to make it authentic.

I could have just said childhood best friend, but nah. It's more intimate than that.

Because this character? They are glued to the hip to the protagonist. They basically can call the protagonist's parents (in the rare case they are alive) "Mum" and "Dad" instead of "Mrs Pot" And "Mr Plant". They know how the protagonist thinks and works. They have a thousand inside jokes. He is cute -- probably doe-eyed, in fact.

And he is hopelessly in love with the protagonist.

From there, the story branches out. If a hot guy is introduced, this best friend instantly loses. However, when the protagonist fights with the hot guy, you can bet there will be an accidental kiss again as they reminisce the days they used to pee together.

On the other hand, if there is no other love interest introduced, it's a safe bet to say this is the love interest. Congratulations, hun. You beat the bad boy just because he didn't exist.

This is an oddly specific one, I know. Basically, you have your best friend. You guys basically peed together in preschool, as well.

Then, his (probably rich) parents had to take him overseas to do (probably shady) work things. However, by some crazy chance that is teenage girl hormones, he is back.

And he is hot.

And he's probably a bad boy.

And the lollipop he loves to suck on is no longer strawberry flavoured, if you catch my drift.

That being said, he'll be inexplicably drawn towards his old best friend and it'll be all cute because his bad boy turns into a soft and protective sweetheart around her.

I'm not talking about the candy, because, based on the way authors usually describe this character, they are not a snack.

They probably wear glasses. They probably are topping the class. They probably spend most of their dialogue word-vomiting exposition. They're probably also quite dry and sarcastic when they talk.

Because, that's their purpose. To make the protagonist seem a little dumber. To make sure the reader knows everything about the story without having to weave it cleverly in the writing.

There is nothing wrong with smart characters. In fact, there are lots of smart people. You, reader who is reading this, are one of these smart people.

But there is a problem with giving a character no more personality than "this is the nerd".

Ah, yes. My absolute favourite. The Uber Driver.

Because, I swear to the Lord of Dancing Noodles, this characters does nothing -- nothing -- except drive the protagonist to school. Like, she'll be there, they will talk in the car, and we don't see her again until the protagonist needs a lift. Usually, the conversation in the car is so short that I'm like... she could have walked to school and it would have taken her ten minutes. Maybe less.

I swear, I never see a protagonist that drives. They're always being driven. Anyone else? Or am I just hazy?

In other words, this one has no personality. She's probably a little chirpy and bubbly. But that's not what we care about. We care about her license.

Also, sometimes, I swear, I'm seeing fourteen-year-olds drive in books. I swear.

Commonly knows as the party-freak, the makeover artist, the wild child. They love to let the hair down, wear expensive gowns (where are all these characters affording it, honestly?), and force the protagonist to show off some curves (cue the protagonist talking about how she probably doesn't have curves to the reader).

This friend is the one dragging our protagonist to all those 'fateful parties' where we meet the love interest. They are quirky, crazy, and are probably constantly being mothered by the protagonist because she's always doing stupid things.

Here's the thing: she usually has nothing in common with the protagonist. Not even a slight shared interest. Except maybe the love interest.

Honestly, how are they friends? How?

This is when the protagonist has a best friend. And, in a crazy and not-at-all-shocking turn of events, both the protagonist and her best friend have fallen for the love interst.

Cue the initial secrecy and jealousy.

Cue the rivalry and the petty arguements.

Cue the protagonist winning because she's the protagonist.

Cue the best friend falling in love with another random extra. Probably the nerd. If they're lucky, the love interest's hot-but-not-as-hot brother.

... Need I say more?

I don't actually see this one that much, which is sad because this is me.

Anyways, this is the reason to the protagonist's madness. This is the one holding the rest of them on a leash, reminding them that they have to look after themselves and not wear the same panty six nights in a row.

However, aside from that, there's nothing. They're just mothering the lot. They have no dreams, no aspirations, nothing. They're just perpetually babysitting the protagonist.

Then, when the protagonist needs the Mother Hen the most -- for example, protagonist has been kidnapped by vampires for weeks -- you can sure bet that the Mother Hen will forget she exists and not call the police while she's missing.

Like... literally. The protagonist is so incompetent at making friends with humans that she or he has turned to animals. Dogs. Cats. Tigers. Squirrels. Pelicans.

And honestly, I support them in their endeavours.

In other words, this is the best friend I want to see.

They don't have to be a specific way. They can be nerdy if they want to be. They can be a love interest if they want to be. They can be whatever the hell they want to be.

But, as a reader and a reviewer, this is what I want to see:

- A character that is actually a human being. They have dreams and goals and aspirations. They have moments of morally grey. Their lives don't revolve around the protagonist.

- A character that is involved in the plot. Not a plot device, but someone who makes active decisions and choices that contribute to the conflict, climax and resolution of the story.

- A character that develops as time goes by in the story.

Those are the three fundamentals.

Imagine Timon and Pumba from the Lion King. If you don't know the Lion King... What rock are you living under? Clearly not Pride Rock.

I'm kidding, it's okay if you haven't watched it. Sort of. I'll try explaining it so you can understand it.

Timon and Pumba. They become Simba's best friends. Simba, by the way, is the protagonist.

While they are but a meerkat and warthog, they do have depth to them. Timon ran away from home because he accidentally nearly killed his whole family since he was a daydreamer who couldn't do look-out properly. And, in his shame and disappointment, he ran away.

Pumba is a warthog who feels very misjudged by life. And yet, despite that, he perseveres. He tries to be kind, he looks out for others, though he is a bit of a coward. In fact, both Timon and Pumba are cowards.

But they develop. They get over their initial fear of predators by taking a baby lion in and raising him like parents. Then, when said lion gets taken away to fight his evil uncle lion, they decide to be brave, abandon everything they believe, and run into a pit of hyenas. In a hula skirt.

They learn bravery, and more importantly, they learn to stop accepting things for how it is and actively change what needs changing.

Whoa, that ended up being very long. I am... very passionate about this.

But yeah! Those are the best friends I like to see!

And that's it! The type of best friends! I'm pretty sure I missed a few, and if I have, let me know what I have missed!

While you're at it, please tell me about your favourite 'best friends' that you've seen in stories. Or, better yet, tell me about the best friends in your stories!

Also, I'm slowly catching up on requests. I want to write 101 chapters, and so far, it looks like there are only 49 topics that have been requested. I need... 52 more? So, if there's anything you want to talk about, I'm happy to answer it -- regardless of what it's about! (Please keep it to Wattpad/writing/community/reviewing stuff. Don't ask me about the taste of scorpion tails, though I have eaten it before.)