So! We've spoken about the most frustrating reviewers. Don't you think it's only fair that we turn the tables a bit, and talk about the most frustrating

I will preface by saying that, ever since I've opened up my private review store on my profile page, I've been really blessed. I haven't been at all frustrated by anyone who has requested from me -- in fact, a lot of them have amazed me with their patience and talent! So I'm very lucky.

However, back when I ran the community... And had about 5-10 people requesting in a day... Yikes. It was a wild journey.

So here are the some of the most frustrating requesters that we all see! This one is a shout-out to all reviewers out there who have probably faced a bunch of these. Y'all are the real ones.

I have decided not to give them names. Because, honestly, all of them have a single name:

So, instead, I compiled a bunch of Spotify songs. You'll see.

Also, a reminder, a KAREN does not have to be a woman. They can be anything they want to be. Even a stick up the tush.

Scratch that.

Especially a stick up the tush.

And as for anyone who has never had a stick up their tush before... just imagine it like this: it's a stick. Going up your tush. It's painful.

Oh my goodness.

This one is eager for their review. They not only have asked you multiple times when it will be done, but they will also ask why it can't be done sooner. What's that? You have eight books to review? Why can't you do mine tomorrow?

I have literally had someone message me and tell me that they will give me votes on my story if I push their story ahead of the schedule.

I have also had someone get upset at me for refusing to push their story up in line. They said they were planning on publishing it in two weeks -- two weeks -- and needed a review before then. And I was like... hello? Be more organised? Don't request two weeks before you need something, or, if you do, find someone with a smaller waiting list?

Please. Have some patience. Breathe.

And don't get me started on the ones who literally wait for the day that their review was due, only to find out it may be a few hours delayed. I have seen someone fight a reviewer, because the reviewer said there was a delay and it would be out in the next day. The requester was so "disappointed" in their lack of organisation, and I was genuinely baffled.

Reviewing is not our profession, sadly. We have lives to live. We do this as a hobby. If we are late, it's the same reason I am still single: life just sucks.

To be honest, this one probably makes me the most frustrated? I've only had to deal with a few of these, and I cannot wrap my head around their thought process.

This was the conversation we had:

Karen: Hey! I'd like a review. This is my form.

Me: Accepted! Please proceed to payment.

Karen: Oh, I don't believe in payment.

Me: Oh, no, not money. You just need to check out at least one chapter of my book of writing advice.

Karen: I know. I don't believe in it. I won't do it.

Me:

Karen:

Me:

Karen:

Me:

Karen: According to Wattpad Guidelines [side note: she even had the audacity to link me to the guidelines], you cannot force someone to read your story. It is unethical. It is strictly against the rules. If you continue to pressure me, I can report it.

Me:

Karen: You're reviewers, are you not? You're supposed to help other people? Isn't that what the Wattpad community is about? Helping people? You preach about helping people and yet you don't do it. Hypocritical.

Me:

Karen: So my review...

Me: Since Wattpad is about helping people, I expect you to understand that you, in turn, should be helping out reviewers by listening to their simple request to check out at least a single chapter of their book of writing tips that is designed specifically to help you.

Karen: It is against the Wattpad Guidelines to force someone to read your book.

Me: Exactly. Which is also why you can't force me to read and review your book. Thank you for your time. Find another store.

Like... I was so genuinely mind-blown. Like... you're telling me that it's unethical to force you to read my story, and on the same token, you're trying to force me to review your story?

Nuh uh.

And if someone ever pulls this on you, please tag me so I can go off on them. I will go off on them.

Okay, to be fair, we're all pretty bad at signs. Just today, I spent five minutes pushing and pulling a door, only to realise there was a 'SLIDE' right there on the glass.

Still!

I literally have [CLOSED FOR CATCH-UP] in the title of the book. In the summary. In the form chapter. In the 'ABOUT ME' chapter. In the welcome chapter. I may as well have [CLOSED FOR CATCH-UP] tattooed on my ass.

But I still get requests! All the time!

Our whole talent and hobby revolves around reading and writing and sometimes, people can't even do that right.

[No hate, though -- sometimes we just miss out, and that's okay. It happens to us all.]

Which is technically all of them.

But this one? Hoo boy.

When they get their review, they have their fighter on. They will refute every single point you make. They will fight you on everything you say. They will disagree with every opinion you make. They may even say that "My mum said my characters were good!!! You're wrong!!!!"

Sometimes, I think it's okay for a requester to refute their reviewer. In fact, I encourage discussion. If they disagree with something, it is totally okay and amazing to bring it up and have a peaceful discussion about it.

But when I have requesters getting fired up at me because I apparently "do not know how to punctuate dialogue" and tell me that "capitalising proper nouns" is a matter of choice and that "tenses don't have to be consistent in a single sentence because it's all stylistic choices" and that, I'm a bit like... no. I really don't know why you're trying to fight me, the oxford dictionary, Shakespare, and a bunch of other literary rule-makers.

Also, if a reviewer says something that you don't think is true, that doesn't necessarily mean the reviewer is wrong. It also doesn't mean the reviewer is correct. What it means is that you two share different perspectives and hold different, subjective views on that certain topic. Therefore, their honest opinion is still valuable, but you know to take it with a grain of salt.

I love this one.

Why?

Because I have been one of the seven wine mum friends.

Let me explain!

So, the requester gets their review. They are not happy. But, honestly, they do not have the time or energy to do the fighting themselves. Instead, they sound the alarm. Sirens start blaring. Batman signs start showing up in the skies. Dora the Explorer starts screaming, "Swiper, no swiping!"

And suddenly, we have the requester's two best friends' accounts, their step aunt's account, their second account, their first follower's account, a random-person-whose-username-is-the-first-one-that-pops-up-on-the-tag-list's account, and all their fans' accounts suddenly looking at the review. Writing angry comments. Fighting the reviewer's every word.

Shout-out to that real friend of the author who was like, "Actually, the reviewer kind of has a point." -- I remember seeing you. And I saluted you. You really chose the grammar code over the girl code and I don't know who raised you but they did it right.

Honestly, I love seeing this happen. I've been summoned by upset friends to defend their stories, or tell a reviewer they were being too harsh, or even tell a requester that they were being very silly.

I just find it so amusing. I can't explain why. There's something about it that's just so... Inspiring. A bunch of friends rallying to defend their friend's story, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do them apart.

I really nailed that image.

I thought it made sense to repeat the abducted thing from the last chapter. After all, it's basically the same gist.

You work hours on this review. Publish it. You tag the author. You message them to let them know that their review is ready.

And what do you get?

A goose egg.

A zilch.

A blank.

For those who are confused and are still wondering what goose eggs have to do with anything, what I mean is that they essentially ghost you. They may be active, posting something on their messageboard, or updating their story, but they don't acknowledge any of the messages you send them.

Which, honestly, is such a bummer! I love hearing what requesters have to say about their review. I love hearing their thoughts on my thoughts and then it just becomes this thoughtception sort of deal.

Come back, abducted requesters... Come back... I cannot live without thee...

I have very specific requirements when I ask for a form to be filled out. I want the title, the genre, any trigger warnings, and I want you to tell me how many chapters you want reviewed and what sort of things you want me to focus on.

So when I have people request, and then include their blurb, some freaking password, their social security number, their mother's wedding anniversary date, and also what language their story is in, I genuinely contemplate just denying their request.

Why?

Because it happens all the time. They go to one review store, write up a form, copy and paste that form in every review store they go to.

They clearly don't read your rules. They clearly don't give a damn about what you ask for in your form.

And it's both amusing for me but also leaves me wondering which review store would make their password "shindingaling".

The ones who plagiarise.

I have caught it before.

And it makes me very, very sad.

I review fiction books. I clearly state that I review fiction books.

And then I get requests for... graphic design books? Where people just have their graphic samples in a book and they want me to review them, even though I specifically said that I don't do that?

Or people who ask me to review their non-fiction summary of the whole 'The Selection' series, which, by the way, had been copied and pasted from Wikipedia? [I am not making this up. This happened.]

Guys.

Read what the reviewer has said they can/can't review.

If you pressure me to review your graphic design book, I will. But the review will look like this:

Title: SapphireDiamondRainbow's Graphic Design!

Author: RubyPearlBowrain

Summary:

Um. It was good, I guess?

Grammar:

Sure?

Characterisation:

Those were cute stock images?

Writing Style:

Nice font?

Plot:

Um... yeah, it was cool, I guess?

Also, from this point onwards, ignore the numbers beside the images!

I don't actually mind these too much, because I love it when people contact me weeks or months or even years after they received their review! I love seeing how people have grown, where their heads are at, how their lives are going.

Sometimes, though, they can be a bit too... demanding?

Like, I once had someone, seven months after I reviewed their story, ask me a very specific question about a conversation that happened between two side characters in chapter sixteen. And I was like... Could you give me time to reread? And they were like, "You don't remember? It was a very important scene."

Slow down. I read a lot of books in a year! I review a lot! And, honestly, some of the stories do blur together.

So, yes, in advance, I'd like to apologise to half the books I have reviewed in the past few years. Half your stories, in my head, have melded with other stories, so now your story has vampires that drink unicorn poison in them. If you tell me about your story, I will try to remember it as best as I can, but I will probably be waiting for the vampire-unicorn abominations. I'm sorry.

But yes! Please don't judge us for forgetting! It's not that we didn't review. It' just that... well, my brain is small. It's sizzled and fried and, well, exhausted. I can't remember what fruits are on my socks right now, and I literally just had a look a few minutes ago.

[Just checked: the answer is watermelons.]

The one that receives their review.

And proceeds to talk absolute trash about their reviewer on a public space -- their messageboard.

Come on, that's not the attitude to have. If you are upset, talk it out with the reviewer. Go to couples therapy. Go to one of those places where you throw plates at walls to calm yourself down. Listen to music. Step on a kitten. Chew on a Nokia phone. Go whale watching. Do whatever chills your nerves.

But don't publicly hate on someone. It's not mature, it's not professional, and it's not respectful.

And it makes the reviewer big sad.