Before we actually proceed, we should probably introduce ourselves. As most people know, I () am a happy person who loves reading and writing almost as much as I love dogs. I've been reviewing for a few months, and I've been for Wattpad for a few years.

This story is co-written with - who is also a reviewer. I asked her to introduce herself a little, and this is what she had to say:

Call me Painite! I'm an exhausted reviewer with a slightly critical personality. But don't be afraid of me! Seriously! I'm not a fire-breathing dragon or anything. I like the darkness; it protects us from being seen by people who judge. I like the fridge, it's full of treasures, and I like books because aside from the fact that they don't damage the eyes, they pick up your old memories and store them inside their beautiful leafy pages. Hmm... I like burning people too. Nice to meet ya!

And now, onto the content of the chapter:

Now, in the reviewing world of Wattpad, there are many, many reviewers. Each reviewer is different, as to be expected - different people do write different reviews. However, most of them can be classified into certain 'types', and we thought it'd be fun to break down these types below.

For your convenience, we've sorted these into classes. Feel free to tag anyone who you think fits one of these categories perfectly, and feel free to comment any types of reviewers that you can think of!

And, now, without any further ado, the types of reviewers.

You can't help but wonder how this reviewer came to be a reviewer. You can't help but wonder why people are still requesting a review from this reviewer. Why?

In short: their reviews are a mess. Their review itself contains more grammatical errors than your entire story, they have more typos than correctly spelt words, their sentences are impossible to deconstruct, and you just read their review wondering whether they were even writing in English.

The best way to avoid this reviewer is to check out their stories and their previous reviews. If you can't read their stories, nor can you understand their reviews, they're probably part of this category.

There's nothing wrong with the sugar-coaters! I mean, yeah, they end up being totally unhelpful, but that's alright!! Yeah, they're a total waste of your time, but that's totally okay!!

No, but seriously. The sugar-coater, while great for your self-esteem, is not the most helpful reviewer in the long-term. If they do end up mentioning some flaws in your work, they'll probably gloss over it and reassure you that it's alright because all stories are flawed. However, a true reviewer should let you know that these flaws exist, and they should aim to give you tips and advice on how to improve. They're here to help you, not to give you rose-tinted glasses to wear.

One of the most frustrating reviewers to ever log into Wattpad. Why? Because they tell you your story is good. Or they tell you that it is bad. But they don't say why. They tell you that your grammar needs work, but they don't say what about your grammar needs work. They say that the story made them cry, but they don't say why it made them cry.

I can't speak for all reviewers, but I can say that they probably haven't even read much of the book. They're just bluffing their way through a review and, believe me, it's pretty freaking obvious.

This reviewer is desperate to prove that they can review. They are desperate to show that they know how to critique. But they can't find anything to critique. So, what do they say?

"Your character names are too hard to remember."

"You should try coming up with chapter titles instead of 'Chapter 1.'"

"Your cover should have a person on it because that'll make it more appealing."

All points that, while totally their opinion and should be respected, has little to do with actually improving the story.

Where art thou gone, dearest reviewer? Thou said that after nine months you shall be back. But what happened? 50 decades hath passed, and you're still not back!

To save yourself from this predicament, check the last time this reviewer was active. Then, see when their last review was posted. Has it been weeks? Months? Years? Centuries? If it's leaning towards the latter end of that list, then maybe you shouldn't even bother.

This one comes with a story, really. A story that most authors have probably experienced themselves.

You see a great review store, see a great reviewer, and check the list of genres they review. They review fantasy, and you write fantasy - fantastic! So, you go on ahead, fill in a form, and they accept! Woohoo! But then, two weeks later, you get the review, and you get this:

"Your story is good but I didn't really connect with it because I don't like fantasy stories. So I didn't end up reading past Chapter 2."

This is arguably one of the most frustrating feelings in the world. Why would they add 'fantasy' on their list if they don't like fantasy? It's a mystery. Truly.

This reviewer means well. They really do. They love your story so much that they can't help but detail every single character and every single plot point. Except, sometimes, this means that their reviews include spoilers - spoilers that you don't want other people reading!

If your reviewer does this and spoils a massive plot twist in their review, you should always try requesting that they take that particular section out of the review. You don't want to ruin the experience for the rest of the readers!

This reviewer also means well. They see flaws in your story, and they immediately think that the best thing to do is show you examples from their story and compare them together. Once in a while, this is fine. But, believe me, when a reviewer consistently does this... it can get a little exhausting. By the end of your review, they make it seem like their work is top-tier level while yours is a mere peasant.

Note to all reviewers: it's okay to use examples from your own work, but don't do it consistently.

Does this one even need an explanation?

This reviewer mainly focuses on the objectives rather than subjectives, but probably because most reviews are based via perceptive of a certain person. So this type focuses on grammar and the way you structure your paragraphs and the fundamentals, rather than the way your plot and characters clink and turn.

But, hey, we all have different tongues. The Grammar Nazi is incredibly important - especially to those whose first language is not English, and for those whose grammar needs a bit of polishing.

This type wants the feels! The plot, the description, the vulnerability of each precious, precious character and how they interact with one another. They mainly focus on the events that are happening around each person inside the story and how they react to each challenges.

Beware though, this type shows slightly pissed-off behaviours when faced with stories with plot-holes and two-dimensional characters. Especially when you're getting your villains wrong.

Some of you reviewers reading this are probably hybrids already. Reading tons of other reviewers' works made you realize that you need to improve here, maybe take out a few burn skills there, and you're probably telling yourself now to pay attention to the quirks you possess.

You're probably a Grammar Nazi with 25% Character-Driven instincts and 10% Soul Reaper abilities, or maybe you're half Sugar-Coater and half Self-Promoter.

Most experienced reviewers will probably be a hybrid (as strange as that may sound out-of-context).

This reviewer is a blessing upon the Earth and should be cherished and worshipped. Give this reviewer some love and cookies. Sing praises to them every Tuesday.

The Godsend is the reviewer who always watches over their own words and remains kind even though they are handling a certain story that would be more than enough to send other people smashing their heads against the nearest wall. They are very understanding and helpful, but this does not stop them from giving it to you honestly. They won't sugar-coat; they will tell you what is wrong, they will tell you how to improve it, but they will always remain polite and kind.

Before you submit a form to this reviewer, you should probably buy some armour. You're going to need it.

This reviewer is one insanely formidable opponent with a skill of consuming your entire passion for writing and crippling both your soul and your mind. They are harsh and blunt, with powerful blows intended to knock you down.

Yes, being honest can be really helpful, but it can also feel incredibly downgrading. That being said, this reviewer, deep inside, wants to see you get better. Secretly, they're cheering you on!

In other words, .

This reviewer isn't even slack. They keep pumping out review after review, sometimes even twice or three times a week! And, just as they think they can get some sleep and read for leisure again, their inbox pings. They open Wattpad, their heart in their throat, and feel the world around them come to a halt.

Someone else has requested a review.

Wait, no, not someone - 1923 other people have requested reviews.

This reviewer loves reviewing, and they are doing their very best! The only issue? They will never rest in peace.

And, finally, the last type:

These reviewers have just had so many requests and so many wild stories to read and review that... well, they wrote a book about it.

Any types we missed? Any types you love/hate? What is the longest waiting list that you've seen? Let us know in the comments!

Pick Your Poison - which reviewer should you request?